Tag Archives: doubt

PAD 2025: Poem 2

Robert Lee Brewer has some favorite prompts he uses for the PAD challenge. One of them is the BLANK prompt. Robert gives a word and the filler BLANK with it. As poets we are supposed to use it as the title of the poem. This poem was written for the prompt, New (Blank).

“New Hands”

I wish I had new hands.

These do not write great poetry

or handle precious things properly.

My hands are callous and scarred

from traveling too far 

from other hands

that only wanted

to know

I would never let them go.

These hands have broken 

bread with no intention

of keeping

the promises set

at a table

I was invited to

but no longer 

have a seat at.

I wish I had new hands.

These ache

with the weight

of carrying

the expectation

of caring 

for a family tree

I’ve never enjoyed 

the shade of.

I planted my own sapling

in soil I created

by breaking the stones

that held generational sins.

I wish I had new hands.

These are pale

from years spent in darkness,

fighting against the scales

Fate used in measuring

my worth.

No matter what I paid,

what dreams I placed 

on the plate,

it never balanced

my life’s fulcrum

because Fate

kept its thumb

on the plot

I thought I was writing.

I wish I had new hands.

These are failing

in doing the work

of living a life

worth holding on to.

Poetic Form: Spoken Word

I sat with the idea for this poem for a while because of doubt. I am not sure what triggered the idea of having new hands, might have been just noticing my hand as I drank my coffee, but I was unsure of the idea. The idea of replacing my hands simply seemed unrealistic.

The line, “I wish I had new hands” just kept running through my head. I considered some poetic forms that use a refrain for the idea. Poetic forms like the quatern, the dansa, and the kyrielle. But as I wrote down a few lines, the forms didn’t feel right.

I actually tried to come up with some new ideas for the prompt, like “A New Day”, “New Words”, and some other ideas written on a post-it note. But I couldn’t shake the idea of new hands. I couldn’t shake the doubt either.

In fact you can read the doubt in the first stanza. 

I’ve learned over the years to trust the muse more than doubt. It is hard, but once I take the first steps into the idea my creativity takes the wheel. Besides a few edits, this poem is as it was written on the yellow legal pad I used for writing during the PAD challenge. I wanted to write in longhand for each first draft during the challenge.

I also stayed with the more negative idea of why I needed new hands. But kept the idea of a refrain to start each section that dealt with the reason for why my hands were falling. I also focused on how the poem sounded as if I was at a poetry slam. That is why there is inconsistent rhyming, alliterations, and different line breaks.  I do hope to use this poem in a poetry slam this summer.

The writing of “New Hands” highlights the battle I face sometimes between doubt and the idea the muse gives to me. 

Please feel free to share how you deal with doubt in the comment section.

Leave a comment

Filed under Life, writing

And Now What?

My newest book of poetry is now available, While Death Waits.

It has been almost three years since I published my last collection of poetry (These Words Believe in Ghosts).

I wrote almost 300 poems in the time between the books. While Death Waits has only 62 of those poems. I have written about 100 blog posts in that time. Produced 7 seasons of my podcast For Love of Lyrics (season 8 in the works). And my son and I have done 40 episodes of The Creative Moment podcast. Been a guest on Dr. Michael Ingram’s Quintessential Listening: Poetry Online Radio podcast twice. I have also been on Josh Grant’s Diabolic Shrimp show, twice!

I also taught poetic lessons for Move Me Poetry for their Teach Me Tuesday event. I have competed in two slam contests. Attended a handful of open mics in town (they have suspended the open mic nights for now). 

And nothing has really changed.

Why am I sharing this info with you? Two reasons.

The first is I am honored to have done so many cool things. To meet people like Dr. Michael Ingram and Josh Grant. To build community with the poets at Move Me Poetry. 

I have strengthened my poetry by stepping out of my comfort zone by competing in poetry slams and designing lessons. 

I have been able to have deep conversations with my son and share my love of lyrics with people through podcasting.

I have written some cool poetry (yes, this is a plug for my book).

But I wouldn’t have done these things if I wasn’t chasing a dream. My life is richer because of my pursuit of being an author, being a poet people recognize.

But that is also the second reason I am writing this blog post. Nothing has really changed. I am still basically an unknown poet, unknown writer. Chasing dreams is hard. It challenges your convictions. Calls forth doubt like a sudden winter storm that draws out tears like slivers from your heart. The weight of fear and frustration wears me down, so I write about it…

which spurs me forward in chasing my dream of making a difference in this world with my words and leads to opportunities that I would never have if I didn’t chase this dream.

I’m excited to see what will be next… of course, I’ll write about it, so stay tuned.

3 Comments

Filed under Life, writing

Invisible Fences

Fences.png

I love when different ideas collide in life.

A while ago a photo based blog post appeared in my WordPress reader, “Ghost Fence,” by Elan Mudrow. The next day my daughters and I took a walk in our neighborhood. They love to see all the dogs in the yards or on the front steps. There is one house on our route that the dogs come pretty close to us, but my girls never get to pet them because the owner has an invisible fence installed on their property. They have a few little signs and you can see the transmitter on the dogs’ collars. My girls love see the dogs up close. They know that the dogs can’t cross the invisible fence, and they know not to try and make the dogs cross the fence, either.

As I do, these two events got me thinking about our fences. Our ghost fences that keep us on our lawns without us even knowing it.

The first fence I thought of was habits. Our life, even our thoughts, are often dictated by habit. I’ll cover thoughts in a few minutes with another fence, so for this fence I’ll address how the habit of getting up, going to work, coming home and going to bed, keep us from exploring the world. Even our weekends are habits. I have them. We get groceries every Saturday morning. Now, habits are not a bad thing in and of themselves, but they can keep us in place without us ever realizing it.  Days, weeks, and then years, even, go by as we find ourselves wondering when we will do anything exciting. When will we pursue that dream?

Life habits are easy to change. You recognize the habit and make the change. Even if it is something as simple as changing the route you drive to work, you will notice the change in energy for the day. For bigger things, like finally writing a book, you will have to make some other changes in habits, like writing for an hour every night. But still, making that change is relatively easy… it is the other fences that are harder to bring down.

As mentioned earlier, our thoughts are habits, too. But many thoughts are built from another fence that keeps us from leaving the comfort of our front porch… fear, pain, and doubt. We have all failed. We have all been shocked when we have tried to cross a line only wanting to see what the rest of the neighborhood was like. That pain got us thinking, created thoughts that reinforced our deepest fears, and we just kept repeating them until those thoughts became our daily dialog with ourselves. So we never try to cross that line. We don’t want to feel that pain. We tell ourselves that the goal isn’t really worth it.

Here’s the truth, we don’t have a collar on us. Oh yes, we have a transmitter, it is that negative voice in our head, but there is nothing really keeping us on the lawn. The world, your goals, are sitting there just beyond the pain. Beyond the doubt. Beyond the fear. I can’t guarantee you success, but I know that pursuing your goals will bring you more joy than you know. And that joy will short out that transmitter.

There is one more fence I thought of… and it might haunt us the most. The front porch is just too comfortable for us to get off of. As I walked with my girls, thinking about the idea of fences and even self evaluating my pursuit of the dreams I have, I admitted that some of my dreams are unfilled because life is comfortable. I’ve been held back by an invisible fence that makes my property look nice and tempts me to stay because life is good. Now, for those who really know me and my story, they know getting to this point in life has been a battle. That I have overcome some crazy odds. Many of you reading this have overcome obstacles. You deserve the good life you have. But if you are like me, there is a dream that keeps nagging at you, that keeps driving you to get off the lawn to conquer the distance it takes to achieve it. The fence of comfort is the hardest to cross because life stays good, even if you don’t achieve that dream.

As I walked with my girls, I was filled with happiness. The sun was shining. We were laughing as we watched some butterflies. That’s when my littlest one said, “Puppy! Look! A puppy!” (Every dog is a puppy to her).

Coming toward us was a golden retriever, trotting on the road. I told the girls to stand still and to hold out their hands to let the dog sniff it. They all held in their excitement as they held out their hands to the dog. It sniffed each of us and then stood between the girls while they petted him. I could see a collar on him with a dog tag. I pet his head and was going to check his dog tag when he looked at me, barked, then turned and trotted away. My girls wanted to run after him, but I said to let him go.

My youngest hollered, “Bye, puppy!”

The other girls joined in with her, all waving at him. I swear he turned back at us and smiled as he trotted away. Just a dog enjoying the world beyond his lawn. I went home to jot down my ideas for a blog post I wanted to share with people beyond my neighborhood.

4 Comments

Filed under Family, Life, Uncategorized

The Work it Takes

The college is replacing the light poles in their parking lot.

I have written about building a foundation before, in different ways, but as I walked past the hole the workers created, a different thought came to mind.

We can’t actually build a foundation until we have done the work to prepare to build it. For the workers, they had to remove the old foundation, remove dirt, and deal with the wires. Then they had to dig the correct sized hole to build the new foundation.  Let’s use this process as a metaphor for our own development.

What is the work we need to do to create the space for our new foundation?

What dirt do we have to dig into? The first step is dealing with emotions. Fear, doubt, and even anger have to be dug into. Addressing what emotions are involved is an important step. It doesn’t mean you will eliminate them. And you shouldn’t try to remove emotions, but you should address them. Talk about them with someone. Understand how those emotions are affecting your actions. By addressing them you can build your plan, which is the second step.

I believe a working plan is the best. Meaning that we have goals or milestones to reach but we need a plan that is flexible so that we can adjust as our lives change. Even as a father, I have a plan this year to make sure my oldest son is ready for college. There are milestones we want to cover with him so that he has a strong foundation for next year. Some of those include budgeting, servicing his car, and other aspects of being on his own. Having a plan is important because of the last step, dealing with expectations.

As I pondered about writing this post, a deeper insight emerged. Whatever foundation we want to build, we have to dig a bigger hole so that we can build that foundation. That means we have to deal with emotions, plans, and consider more of our lives than just that foundation. We have to dig the right size hole to fit our new foundation. If the hole is too small, we might be able to get a foundation built, but it will not be as strong as we need it to be. If you dig the hole too large, the foundation can be built as planned, but our life is affected. Sinkholes will appear. We will spend more time fixing those, instead of building our foundation.

There are a number of foundations in our lives. As time goes by we build new ones and have to replace old ones. Just remember the work you need to do before you construct a foundation: deal with your emotions, plan how to build, and dig out the correct space to build your foundation.

1 Comment

Filed under Family, Life

Driving in a Fog

At times we can be on the right road, but that doesn’t mean traveling through life is easy, sometimes we come across our own personal fog.

country road with fog

I stopped this morning to take the picture above. You can just see the fog covering the road. Sometimes the fog fades quickly as you drive, but other times you have to slow down because the fog is so thick and lasts for the whole commute.

Fog is a cloud made of tiny water droplets that is suspended in the atmosphere. In life our fog is made up fear, doubt, self-criticism and other negative emotions. And sometimes that fog just rolls in without any notice. That makes life hard, even when we are on the right road.

So, how do we get through our own fog?

First, understand that most of the time the fog dissipates. Emotions come and go. We can wake up in a bad mood, but by the end of the day we are having a better day. No particular reason why, just that time passed.

Other times, especially with doubt, fear, or being critical, the fog has to be driven through. You have to focus on your driving, in the case for life it can be your goals that you stay focused on. As a track coach I would talk with my athletes about the voice in their head telling them to stop, or slow down. That voice can be loud, but it can be defeated by focusing on their workout, understanding how the pain was building strength to achieve their goals.

Driving through fog is not easy, but it can be done. Give yourself time and focus on your life, your goals, and you will make it to your destination.

2 Comments

Filed under Life

Quicksand

We have all been there…

The biggest step in surviving quicksand is to stay calm, breathe, and slowly make your way out of the quicksand.  Most deaths associated with quicksand come from exhaustion, from fighting so hard against the quicksand a person has no energy left.

Surviving emotional quicksand is no different. Stay calm, breathe and understand that it is going to take time for the situation to change.  It is this aspect, time, that may be the hardest component for us to work with.  Because there is another aspect about emotional quicksand that the movie The Replacements and the character Falco, speaking in the clip, works through, confidence.

Because it takes time to work through emotional quicksand, doubts set in, and they set in fast.  Unlike sports, there is no post-game celebrations, wild-card game, or double elimination tournaments.  There is life. There is only this season, this record that we set now.  So doubt can raise its voice in our daily life, driving our need to change things quickly. Which then backfires on us and doubt gains influence and we can become exhausted.

Breathe, stay calm, and understand that it takes time.

The most important thing to remember though is, like sports, life gives us teammates…

Leave a comment

Filed under Life