December 28, 2025 · 11:35 am

More Like Love

I’m going to start with a song for my intro.

I’m not sure what actually triggered the slight shift of my perspective. I can not pinpoint the week, the day, or the hour that I really started to consider how important it is to make sure my actions represent love. 

For the last couple of months I have been conscious of what my actions are revealing about what this world is about. It is a daunting thought. My smile for a person in the grocery store will not create a viral trend. My dad joke in class only gets a few chuckles and quite a few groans. The question about Christmas gifts I ask for the barista is only for them. My insight on a poem shared on X is quick but could be so much deeper.

My actions will not change the world.

I could easily walk past the person in the cereal aisle. Get right to the lesson plan in class. Wait for my coffee silently. Just repost the poem.

The world would continue as is.

Except for the change in the moment and what the world could be like if all the moments were like the first examples. And let’s see if I can express this personal idea clearly.

In one way, Ben Rector said it well, “But now I just wanna look more like love.” 

On the surface that is the idea, but the reason why is important. My actions express to everyone what the meaning of life is. But so does everyone’s actions. The person driving while busy on their phone says that the content on the screen is more important than driving safely. The fights in the stands of sporting events say that being a fan of a team is more important than being respectful of another person. There are so many examples of heartbreaking actions in this world that reveal people’s meaning of life is not love or the well being of others. Even my own parents taught me that drugs, alcohol, and other people were more important than me.

Our everyday actions reveal our meaning of life to the world. To the people around us, the people we love and the people we can’t stand. And it’s hard to not be swayed by things like money or success (which Ben Rector’s song deals with). It’s hard not to be judgmental, especially for people we don’t get along with.

But, the other day as my wife and I were having dinner at Red Lobster, a little boy across the aisle was looking at us. His mom and dad were trying to get him to eat some broccoli. His other brother was nicely eating corn and shrimp. I smiled at him. His face lit up and then he buried his head in his mom’s arm. Then he shot a look back at me. I smiled again. He smiled and then buried his face again.

I remembered when we would bring our children to Red Lobster. How my oldest daughter loved the broccoli, but my boys wanted applesauce. I smiled again at the little boy because I wanted him to know this world was filled with love.

Even though I know the little boy would learn that the world is also filled with things like hate and broken relationships, I wanted my actions to show him that this world can be a wonderful place, as I hope others would show my own children.

My actions will not change the world. But at any given moment, I can look more like love. I can show another person in that single moment that the meaning of life is love. If you put enough moments like that together, a life can be wonderful. It can be strong enough to withstand the negative waves that happen to us all.

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December 23, 2025 · 2:26 pm

A Christmas Short Story

“Hot Chocolate and Marshmallows”

Emily loved this store, especially at Christmas. The Book and Gift store was a mishmash of books (new and used), toys, a Hallmark store, and even a growing used music section. The store seemed more like an antique mall instead of a regular shop. Book and Gift sat in an old J.C. Penny’s building downtown. But all the owners did was take down all the walls. There were columns everywhere and the carpet pathways were blocked with shelving or boxes of books. Each section of merchandise had its core, but bled over at the edges. The checkout was the old customer service desk in the back. There were old park benches throughout the store for people to sit.

It was a magical place on its own, but during the holidays it was a wonderland. The ceiling was lit by strings and strings of lights that wrapped around the columns. Random holiday characters could be found next to the benches or sitting on a shelf. Doug, the owner, always dressed in some 70’s band t-shirt, provided a free hot chocolate station, with little marshmallows, for the last few days before Christmas. Emily held a cup of hot chocolate, with a good helping of marshmallows, as she walked the store looking for a few last minute gifts.

As she stood in front of the Just Arrived book section she noticed a young man pacing in the music section. His blue hoodie was up over his head. Every few seconds, he would pull up his tattered jeans, act like he was looking at a LP, then pace some more. He projected an anxious energy. 

Emily returned to the books, thinking about what Jill, the secretary at the office, would like. The young man in the blue hoodie was walking toward her, she wished her husband was here, but he was down the block at the sporting goods store. The young man walked past and Emily swore she could feel his energy prickle her skin.

“Give him a cup of hot chocolate.” She heard a voice say as a styrofoam cup of hot chocolate, with marshmallows appeared in her other hand. It took all of her control not to yell or squeeze the cup in her hand.

Emily looked around for the voice. “Hello?” she quietly asked.

“Trust me, all you need to do is give him the cup of hot chocolate.”

“Who are you, where are you?” Emily’s heart was racing. Nervously she looked into her own cup of hot chocolate for an answer.

“I’m not in your hot chocolate.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Emily said and laughed a little. “But who are you, what’s going on here?”

“Look up.”

Emily slowly raised her head. On top of the bookshelf sat an elf. But not decked out in red with a plastic smile. A real elf, just like the Christmas shows. A small blue triangle shaped hat. A matching blue shirt, with white and blue striped pants. His shoes were white with blue fuzz around the top. He even had pointed ears.

“I’m Dell, a Christmas elf.”

Emily almost crushed both cups as she stepped back.

“Whoa, it’s alright. Look around, I’m not the only one.”

Emily’s eyes grew wide as she saw at least eight other elves, all in different colors, some were female, long black hair flowing from their hats. Each of them seemed to be following a shopper. Emily turned to Dell with her mouth open.

“I don’t have time to explain, but let’s just say we are where people still believe in the spirit of Christmas.”

Emily could only nod her head.

“I really do need you to give Sam that hot chocolate, please.” And he was gone. Emily looked around the store, all the elves were gone. She turned her head back around to her left and the young man, Sam, was fidgeting with some Christmas ornaments. Emily froze. She thought she saw the handle of a gun when Sam pulled his pants back up.

“Give him the hot chocolate and go sit down. That’s all you need to do.”

Dell’s voice got her feet moving.

“Excuse me, young man, I thought you might like a cup of hot chocolate,” Emily looked down to see the marshmallows floating on top, “with marshmallows.” She held her hand out for him.

Sam had turned slowly around as Emily was speaking, tense, ready to run. He looked at her, then at the cup of hot chocolate, back to Emily, then took the cup without saying anything.

Emily awkwardly nodded at Sam then went to a bench in the book section with Rudolph standing next to it. As she sat down she felt her whole body tremble. She took a few long breaths and sipped her drink. She kept her head down for a few minutes, slowly sipping her hot chocolate.

Sam’s voice made her look up.

“Why did you give me this?”

Emily almost said because an elf told me to, but instead she said, “I thought you would like it. My favorite part is when the marshmallows melt a little, and you get the chocolate and the marshmallow in the same sip.”

Sam thought for a moment, then sat down next to her.

Emily honestly wanted to run. She looked around to see if Dell was there, or any of the elves. She only saw a few shoppers look their way, then back to whatever they had in their hands.

“My dad used to make us hot chocolate. On the stove. He had this old pot, you know, not the shiny kind we have now, but like cast iron?” Sam looked over at her. 

Emily said, “Yeah, like my grandma had.”

“Yeah, he said it used to be his grandmother’s. He would heat up milk, then use these chunks of chocolate, add salt even, and a splash of vanilla, I think.” Sam sat quiet for a second.

“Did you have little marshmallows?” Emily felt the need to keep Sam talking.

Sam laughed a quiet pain filled chuckle. “No, he would drop one big one in our cups. It took forever to even melt a little.” He turned toward Emily, a small smile on his face. She noticed he had soft hazel eyes.

“I bet,” Emily smiled back. She almost asked about his dad, but it seemed too big of a question.

“Anyway, I didn’t say thank you, so thank you.” Sam stood up.

Emily stood up, too. She held back the urge to hug him, instead she held out her hand. Sam took it. “Merry Christmas, Sam,” Emily said.

Sam stood there holding her hand, squeezing it a little at the sound of his name. His eyes wide with the question of how she knew his name, instead he said, “Merry Christmas to you.” 

Emily saw his eyes swell. She squeezed his hand to let him know she saw him. They slowly let go, and Sam lifted his cup to her and turned away taking a sip. Emily noticed his walk was steady.

“Thank you,” she heard Dell say. She looked down into her cup but then smiled and looked up as Dell was fading away with a small wave.

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December 22, 2025 · 9:00 pm

Christmas Letter 2025

Well, it was 60 degrees today. Only a few days away from Christmas, and I was walking in shorts this afternoon. My youngest daughter said it shouldn’t feel like spring right now.

But it does feel like Christmas for me… Everyone, plus significant others, will be home for Christmas morning. And mom and I have decided that Santa is coming for everyone this year. That means stockings and everything. I can’t wait!

But that is in a few days, there were a number of cool days in 2025.

One of the best days from this last year was seeing The Outsiders musical with my wife and three younger daughters. I wondered how they would make such an iconic book into a musical. I was impressed, and even teared up at different times during the performance. 

Speaking of music, my Spotify top 100 songs were a mix of classic and more modern music. My number one song was Dermot Kennedy’s “Moments Passed” and in conjunction with the blog post, “Song Number 25”, my 25th song was “Overrated” by Thriving Ivory. 

The coolest musical events though came from two interviews Dante and I conducted for our podcast, The Creative Moment. We had the honor of interviewing Rascal Martinez and Chris Glover, known as Penguin Prison. It was fun learning about how the muse works in the musical world.

But we didn’t just interview musicians, we talked to LMDesign8, a virtual and real world artist, and Konn Lavery, an author that writes horror novels and stories.

In a few months we will host our 100th episode! Stay tuned for that milestone.

On a personal note, I recently released a new collection of poetry, Life in Poetic Form. And released an audio poetry EP, Open Mic, which is available on all streaming services. Even though I had over 10 major rejections for my writing, not just poetry this year, I believe that my writing can make an impact for others. So, I write…

I am finishing up two books during break. I will then meet my goal of 60 books this year! One of my biggest surprises was the two volumes of the graphic novel, Starve. The series was written in 2016, but I came across the first collection in a book store. Then I ordered the second volume because I loved the story. This is the wonder of books, the timelessness of a story in physical form. The power of browsing a book store. The slight chance of finding a story that brings wonder and joy into your life.

This year also reinforced that magic of recommendations. Of the connection people build by suggesting a book they love to someone else. I read the book, Stoner, by John Williams, because it was recommended to me by a Twitter (I know its X…) friend. We talked about the book on X as I read it. I loved the book. Again, the power of books / stories to build connections in this world.

I’m not sure what 2026 will bring. How many rejections I will read. How many blog posts I will write. What new music I will hear, or new stories I will read. 

But I know I will continue to try to build connections, to share poetry, and to let love lead me through the next 365 days.

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December 14, 2025 · 11:24 am

Collin Raye Inspires Me

Collin Raye inspires me.

As a birthday gift, I took my wife to the Collin Raye and Lonestar Christmas and Hits concert on Saturday. It was a fun night. Our first concert was Collin Raye at a state fair when we were dating. So, it was cool to see him again in concert after 29 years.

Collin Raye is 65 years old. His voice is the same, his personality, too. But we all grow old. Collin Raye had some fun with that truth. He shared a story about injuring his knee. He joked that he needed to catch his breath after singing “That’s My Story”.

But the energy and joy was tangible as he performed. His voice took us back in time, yet brought joy to the moment. As is my nature I thought of a few things about art, about creativity, and about life.

First was the powerful force art is. In this case music, but in my life poetry and stories and these blog posts. Overall the night was joyful and energetic, but also reflective when Collin Raye sang some of the more spiritual Christmas songs.

I hope my words have that effect on readers. To make them think, to be moved toward the emotions and reflections I try to express in my words.

Second was that AI can not match human creation and expression.  Yes, I think it can help an artist reach their creative goal, but that’s the point. Art is human based. It is a reflection of our souls, or hearts, or views of this life. AI can not do that.  I think we have a ways to go before we find the balance between technology and human creative importance, but I trust in the power and need for us to express the meaning of this world through our chosen art.

Lastly, this life is a moment. We get to choose the moments, the content, the meaning of it. The whole concert was a wonderful time, filled with funny moments: the keyboard player for Lonestar received a few drinks from a couple in the front row. It was a ‘had to be there’ moment. The Christmas songs reminded all of us of the upcoming holiday and what it should be about.

And seeing Collin Raye perform at age 65 without reservations was an inspiration for me.

Here is one of the songs Collin Raye performed at the first concert. This song has always stuck with me.

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December 4, 2025 · 8:47 pm

I am Jealous of Chris Glover

I got to interview one of my favorite musical artists, Chris Glover, on an episode of The Creative Moment podcast (YouTube video below). He is now known as Penguin Prison, but I have been a fan of his from the beginning of his career. So, it was an honor to get to talk with him for the podcast.

But now… I am jealous of him.

At about the 27 minute mark in the video I ask Chris what is his main drive as an artist, what was his WHY for creating music. I totally understood his answer. Chris said “I basically can’t do anything else.” 

Chris didn’t mean he didn’t have the skills to do anything else, he expanded on the answer talking about how life would be easier with a normal job, but that wasn’t him. Chris is a musician, a creative person. This is what he does.

Chris is living out his life through his music. That’s why I am jealous. To live life by surrendering to my writing would be incredible.  But that is the central battle of many artists, especially ones like me that have built families and careers. I have written about this balancing act before (“It is hard to reach your goals“). And make no mistake I would not give up any aspect of my life as a husband and father to be a famous poet / writer.

Doesn’t mean I can’t be jealous of Chris though, and I believe his music reflects that surrender to his music. You can feel the joy and authentic energy in his songs. It is one of the reasons I am a fan. His music is not like any other musician’s. 

I am jealous, but I am also inspired by Chris Glover. Even more so after getting the opportunity to talk with him. I am inspired to write the poetry, the blog, the stories only I can write. 

In fact, the chorus of Chris’ first ever single “Stand on Your Seat” makes more sense to me now: 

if y’all don’t want it, y’all don’t need it

if y’all could stand it, y’all are seated

if y’all don’t want it, y’all don’t need it 

but it won’t let me go

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November 19, 2025 · 4:55 pm

Remembering

I have a routine on the weekend when I spend time in my classroom grading. I grab some CDs to listen to as I grade. I pick an album or two, usually an artist I haven’t listened to in awhile. But I always pick two of my mixed CDs. Some of them are titled, like “The 107 Mix”. (Don’t ask how I come up with titles.) But others are not labeled, they sit in their paper sleeve like a musical gift for me to listen to.

Last Sunday I listened to the soundtrack for Reality Bites and the album Vertigo by Billie Myers. I had two mixed CDs. One of them was purple, part of the cool colors line of CDs from Memorex. The other was a plain silver CD with no title. I had a lot of grading to do last weekend. (I actually didn’t get home until 11:30 that night.)

I don’t actually remember when I decided to open the musical gift of the purple mixed CD, but when the first song started, I teared up.

When I worked at Centura I had a group of colleagues that loved sharing music with each other. We even made our “Top 10 Songs of All Time” mixed CDs that we shared with each other. Even now, I will snap a picture of the car radio when one of their songs is playing and text it to them.

The purple CD was not a top ten CD (those were in the slim plastic case and had an insert with the song title and artist listed). This CD was a mix of blues music Mr. Monter had made just for me. This was also part of the friendship in the group. Making CD mixes we thought someone would like.

The opening notes of B.B. King’s “All Over Again” hit me with a wave of joy and sadness. Mr. Monter was my principal at Centura. He passed away over 10 years ago. Yes, I have blogged about Mr. Monter before. I miss him.

But I have a purple CD with a range of blues music that he made for me. OK, I have a number of mixed CDs, but I listened to this one as I graded essays last Sunday. I thought about our golf outings. I thought about my other friends. I thought about how life gives us incredible moments. I thought about how important it was to have a physical artifact of our friendship. (Yes, I got grading done.)

Maybe I am just getting old, but lately I’ve found myself stepping away from the digital aspects of my life. Some people may have noticed on X, I don’t know. But there is magic in the physical world that I can not experience in the digital world. Yes, a song on Spotify can bring back memories, but to be surprised and hold a physical representation of a friendship brings a depth of joy I can feel in my hands and my heart.  There is nothing artificial in that moment. Nothing temporary or forgotten after scrolling.

By the way, I wrote a title for the purple CD on the sleeve, “Remembering a Friend”.

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October 29, 2025 · 10:54 am

87 Cars

We leave the house at around 6:25 a.m. during the week. We arrive at school around 6:50 a.m. Today I counted the cars that passed me going the other way. Heading in a different direction. There were 87 cars. 

At least 87 people drove past me on my left, heading to work, maybe home, maybe starting their vacation. I don’t know. I don’t even know if there were more people because it is dark at 6:30 in the morning.

What I know for sure is that there are 87 people living out their stories right now. Are those happy stories? Is someone feeling broken-hearted? Did someone start a new job today?

It is easy to get caught up in our lives, the small plot line we create. I can’t tell you how many times I have driven this route to school (OK I can because I blogged about it: From Home to School). But I never really considered all the stories happening around me, until today.

Until I counted the cars passing me going the other way.  There are 87 stories that I have not heard, but I hope they are doing well today.

I wonder how many of those 87 cars I’ll pass again tomorrow morning…

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October 19, 2025 · 8:19 pm

Reflections on a Sunday without Blueberry Muffins

This morning we had day-old Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. We packed our suitcases and got checked out of the hotel in time for church at 9:30. We saved a seat for my son and his wife, my new daughter-in-law, of less than 24 hours. 

We spent the weekend rehearsing, celebrating, and witnessing one of love’s milestones. As the father of the groom, I didn’t have a ton of responsibilities. We catered the rehearsal dinner which was held at the church. My hair takes like 30 seconds to get ready… now, my wife and daughters? Well, that started at 9 in the morning Saturday for a 2 o’clock wedding. So for those who know me, yes, I had time to think, to reflect on the deeper aspects of this weekend. 

Social Media

For the most part, I put my phone away. I took some pictures, but my wife is better at that aspect of our life. I did interact a little on X and Instagram, but mostly I enjoyed the weekend. I did not post a single thing on social media about the weekend. I was letting other individuals do that. I was just present, and it was joyful. We talked, we went and got coffee, we sat by the firepit at the hotel. (My daughters and I did witness a guy riding a bicycle crash into the closed gate where we were sitting, but that is another story.)

At the reception we danced and enjoyed the dinner. 

But what I really noticed was the emotions we all expressed. The genuine feelings, the tears, the laughter, the expression of living without worrying about getting the right angle for a photo, or hurrying to post a reaction. I was in the moment, and it was a beautiful moment.

Family

There were two different moments that highlighted what it means to be family. If you’re new to my blog you will need to read some past blogs to understand my complex story. I am not going to spend time covering that.

The first moment happened after the rehearsal dinner. My future daughter-in-law was carrying a tote bag with “Mrs. Boelhower” printed on the side in script lettering. When I asked about it, her face lit up with a smile. She explained it was a gift and asked if we liked it (my wife and daughters were with me). One of my daughters piped up and said, “Wow, now there are two Mrs. Boelhowers!”

We all laughed but it got me thinking…

Hold on, let me connect another moment.

The reception hall was filled with family and friends. My daughter and I were taking a break from dancing. I sat next to my ‘adopted’ dad (again, if you’re new to my blog you’ll have to catch up on the backstory) and chatted about life. My wife’s side of the family was strong in numbers, and so was my daughter-in-law’s.  But there were only 9 Boelhowers. And one of those just joined our clan.

A weird mix of pride, sorrow, and resolve washed over me. I was the patriarch of this small family tree that was slowly growing strong roots. As my son danced with his new wife, I had to catch my breath because I saw, as they danced, that all the pain I endured, all the hardships I went through, the sometimes spirit-breaking decisions I made, was worth it. I had a family, I was providing, as best as I could, a life for my children that I never had.

Family is not just blood. It is choices, it is commitment, it is love given and received. My daughter-in-law will be loved just like my own children. And I will continue to nurture this little family tree to take root in a life filled with love.

It is all Connected

No, not this blog. But the idea behind the title of this blog. Sometimes it takes decades to see how two dots connect. During the church service the priest was talking about this idea, and he mentioned that he did not know every parishioners’ story that brought them to the church today, but he imagined they all had their own hardships and celebrations. But they were here now.

During the reception, I was aware of how important the moment was when my ‘adopted’ father said I could live with him and his family when I was sixteen. There was a direct line from that moment to the wedding. The story between the dots is fascinating, filled with heartache and joy, like any story. But without the opportunity he gave me, we would not be sitting together laughing and talking about life.

It is hard to have what I call The Long View. A term I use in the classroom to help my students see that their actions today will impact where they are in the future, what opportunities they will have. But when looking back (and I think we should, to appreciate the journey) we see the path, we see the benchmarks of how life brought us to today. 

And we can smile, breathe in the joy, and see how it is all connected… and this weekend proved that the best connections are built with love. 

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August 10, 2025 · 6:58 pm

No Blueberry Muffins

Faithful readers know that on Sunday we make blueberry muffins for breakfast. That almost didn’t happen today.

First a little backstory. Yesterday (Saturday) my wife’s sister hosted a couple’s shower for my oldest son and his fiancee. It was a good day of fellowship with family and friends. And there was a fantastic brunch; two types of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, homemade cinnamon rolls, and a variety of fruit. One of the trays was decorated with pieces of pineapple and watermelon hearts on skewers. 

Of course there were leftovers. We came home with a small pan of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, and a dozen cinnamon rolls. (My wife’s family always makes enough that you take home some leftovers!)

Last night as my wife and I talked about the day and the plan for breakfast on Sunday, the idea of just using the leftovers was a tempting option. But in my head I thought, ‘but it is Sunday, we make muffins and scrambled eggs and sausage.’ Plus, all our children would be at breakfast. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

I said that we should make our traditional blueberry muffin breakfast. My wife agreed. So, we got up early to make the muffins, but we still warmed up the breakfast casserole. A few of the kids added a cinnamon roll to their plates. And the morning was filled with laughter and conversation. We were a full family at the table.

Now, I understand that offering just the leftovers would have been fine. But blueberry muffins are a tradition. And sometimes, you have to work at keeping traditions. It is one of the ironies of life, how easy it is to do the easy thing and break traditions, or good habits you have fostered.

Our daily life is filled with moments that challenge us to choose an easy option, or an option that takes a little more work or energy, but has a better payoff and builds stronger bonds. Or, in our case continue a tradition that is central to our family. Blueberry muffins on Sunday morning.

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July 11, 2025 · 5:34 pm

All That Work

I would like to talk about Stephen Curry for a moment. One, because he is my daughter’s favorite player. Two, to make a deep thoughtful parallel to life.

The following video is of Stephen Curry’s pregame routine on January 22, 2023. During this routine he made 122 shots from 184 attempts. I did miss a few shots because of the camera angle at times. 

Golden State lost the game that night to Brookyln, 120 – 116. Curry went 7-16 on field goals, 4-8 for three’s and 8-8 on the free throw line. Stephen Curry took 32 shots for the game.

Here is Stephen Curry’s season totals (FG, 3pt, and free throws) 559-1133, 273-639, and 257-281. For a total of 2,053 attempts. That’s a lot of shots.

But he attempted 14,760 shots during his pregame warm-ups for the season!

I am not even considering his practices for the season, or the work Stephen Curry put in during the off season. 

I could have used Kevin Garnett (my favorite player), or Kobe Bryant, or any professional athlete in any sport to highlight how much work they put in for games, or events. Consider how much work Usain Bolt put in just to run 9.58 seconds.

What’s the connection to life?

Life gives us big moments. Sometimes they are tragic, a death or car accident. Sometimes they are joyful, graduations or fulfilling a goal. How we handle the big moments is dependent on the work we do in our everyday life.

That work is different from shooting a basketball, but just as important. The work involves building and maintaining relationships. Spending the time we are given each day in ways that bring us joy. The work can be in working in our soul to heal wounds. The work is living a life filled with love and purpose that reflects our hearts.

The big moments will come… how we handle them is centered on all the work we do during the ordinary days. And the ordinary days are how we measure the quality of our lives. 

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