On Aug 17, 2025, I got a new pair of shoes for walking.
I had an idea to wear them only for walking and to record my steps after each walk. I was going to try to make it a year, but due to different circumstances, I made it to the end of this month, 8 months total.
I walked a total of 549051 steps… 245 miles.
We all know the idiom, “Walk a mile in their / my shoes” as a reference to understanding someone. I took notes sometimes after a walk. During these last 8 months, I had a colleague lose two of their grandchildren in a car accident. My oldest son got married. I walked on Halloween but didn’t get to walk with my youngest daughter on her last trick-or-treat trip, she was at a friend’s house.
I walked through hundreds of grasshoppers in August. I walked in the school on nights when my daughter had musical practice. I walked on a 65 degree day in February. I took notes for poems, some that are still notes. I walked on Christmas day, reflecting on family and how time was moving so fast.
The miles simply represent my life, as they would for you.
As I totaled the steps, I noticed something interesting. No matter what the day, or the route I took (I have a couple of routes I walk in the neighborhood), no day ever had the same number of steps. Ever.
So no matter how many times I took my ‘medium route’ in the neighborhood, the step count was different.
I understand there are a number of reasons for the differences, but that proves the point that even in the routine of our life, each day is different. Has a different step count because of the smallest changes to how we walked through the day. How we lived that day.
Maybe to understand ourselves better we should pay attention to how we walk in our own shoes.
And so my idea for this blog post comes to an end as I transfer the shoes to work shoes.
Let’s see if I can express myself well in this blog post. I know as I sit down to write this that I will be challenged in my ability to express this abstract experience with this page and the words I choose to express myself with.
Let’s start with the idea of connecting dots. Faithful readers know I use this idea a lot. But it helps make connections to ideas or moments, even when they seem random.
Dot One
Did you notice?
Did you notice I was not there on social media, especially X? It is OK if you didn’t. I’m not sure anyone really did. My screen time is averaging 2 hours and 50 minutes a day for the last couple of weeks (at the end of this week it should be about 2 hours and 40 minutes).
At the moment, X is my 8th used app. It is even behind my Clock app. I did not disappear, I reposted, shared some info, but I didn’t really engage with people or share original content. And X went on without me.
Dot Two
Why I reduced my interaction with my phone and social media.
This is one of the tricky parts I alluded to in the introduction. I was hurt because of poetry. Rejection emails, poetry battles, and the loss of community hit my spirit hard. Every creative person goes through rough spots, the last three weeks have been brutal for me, in so many different ways. Emotionally it was like standing in the middle of a downpour as a blizzard swept in while an earthquake happened.
Dot Three
What did I gain from the last two weeks?
New Poetry. Ironic isn’t it.
I also gained an appreciation for my voice, for my style. It sounds funny to say this at this stage of my writing career, but I am always reminded of something Ray Radbury said in an interview late in his career. He said it took him 10 years to finally write a short story that he felt reflected his authentic voice.
I may not be popular, but no one writes like I do.
And I will keep trying to share my work, knowing that my email folder will be filled with rejection responses because that’s what we do, we create and share with the world.
Dot Four
What I really gained from the last two weeks…
The depth and quality of our life is found in how engaged we are in our own lives.
I read the article “The Lonely Death of George Bell” from the New York Times in 2015. (It is behind a paywall now.) It haunts me to this day. The quick summary of the article is that George dies in his apartment alone, and it took weeks before anyone noticed enough to investigate. Even his drinking buddies, whom he saw only at the bar, did not do anything when he stopped showing up.
We all get 24 hours in a day. And we, for the most part, get to decide what we do with that time. I’ve talked about this idea in different blog posts for years and connected to different topics. The small shift in understanding from the last two weeks is that how we engage with that time matters.
I didn’t stop living just because I was not on X. Dadlife has been in full swing, daughters are in tennis, and my third daughter was also in the school musical. I took my walks. I wrote poetry.
Twenty-four hours can go by without us doing anything, even if we are on a screen or not. Being aware, but even more importantly, choosing what and who to engage with builds the textures of our life. Gives us the colors, the heartache, and the words to live a life we can call art.
Next year starts 2026. As we have done since 2015,each member of the family chooses one word for the next year. We each share the reason behind the word, and then design our display. This year we are using small wooden clipboards.
As you can see from the picture my word is MAGIC.
There are a number of reasons behind my choice for the word. I want to create more magical moments, which I tried to do this Christmas, actually, when Santa visited our house for everyone. There were 8 filled stockings under the tree (my six children and my new daughter-in-law and my son’s longtime girlfriend). And yes, Santa visited my wife, even if she didn’t get a stocking, she had presents under the tree.
But to have magical moments I have to be active as a father, a husband, and even as a poet. Magic doesn’t happen staring at a screen. It happens when my children laugh, my wife smiles, someone replies to a poem I wrote.
I have some really big goals this year. Accomplishing them will be magical. Jon Finch once said, “Magic is the poetry of impossibilities, each trick a stanza in the verse of wonder.” And I am a good poet.
I’m not sure what actually triggered the slight shift of my perspective. I can not pinpoint the week, the day, or the hour that I really started to consider how important it is to make sure my actions represent love.
For the last couple of months I have been conscious of what my actions are revealing about what this world is about. It is a daunting thought. My smile for a person in the grocery store will not create a viral trend. My dad joke in class only gets a few chuckles and quite a few groans. The question about Christmas gifts I ask for the barista is only for them. My insight on a poem shared on X is quick but could be so much deeper.
My actions will not change the world.
I could easily walk past the person in the cereal aisle. Get right to the lesson plan in class. Wait for my coffee silently. Just repost the poem.
The world would continue as is.
Except for the change in the moment and what the world could be like if all the moments were like the first examples. And let’s see if I can express this personal idea clearly.
In one way, Ben Rector said it well, “But now I just wanna look more like love.”
On the surface that is the idea, but the reason why is important. My actions express to everyone what the meaning of life is. But so does everyone’s actions. The person driving while busy on their phone says that the content on the screen is more important than driving safely. The fights in the stands of sporting events say that being a fan of a team is more important than being respectful of another person. There are so many examples of heartbreaking actions in this world that reveal people’s meaning of life is not love or the well being of others. Even my own parents taught me that drugs, alcohol, and other people were more important than me.
Our everyday actions reveal our meaning of life to the world. To the people around us, the people we love and the people we can’t stand. And it’s hard to not be swayed by things like money or success (which Ben Rector’s song deals with). It’s hard not to be judgmental, especially for people we don’t get along with.
But, the other day as my wife and I were having dinner at Red Lobster, a little boy across the aisle was looking at us. His mom and dad were trying to get him to eat some broccoli. His other brother was nicely eating corn and shrimp. I smiled at him. His face lit up and then he buried his head in his mom’s arm. Then he shot a look back at me. I smiled again. He smiled and then buried his face again.
I remembered when we would bring our children to Red Lobster. How my oldest daughter loved the broccoli, but my boys wanted applesauce. I smiled again at the little boy because I wanted him to know this world was filled with love.
Even though I know the little boy would learn that the world is also filled with things like hate and broken relationships, I wanted my actions to show him that this world can be a wonderful place, as I hope others would show my own children.
My actions will not change the world. But at any given moment, I can look more like love. I can show another person in that single moment that the meaning of life is love. If you put enough moments like that together, a life can be wonderful. It can be strong enough to withstand the negative waves that happen to us all.
As a birthday gift, I took my wife to the Collin Raye and Lonestar Christmas and Hits concert on Saturday. It was a fun night. Our first concert was Collin Raye at a state fair when we were dating. So, it was cool to see him again in concert after 29 years.
Collin Raye is 65 years old. His voice is the same, his personality, too. But we all grow old. Collin Raye had some fun with that truth. He shared a story about injuring his knee. He joked that he needed to catch his breath after singing “That’s My Story”.
But the energy and joy was tangible as he performed. His voice took us back in time, yet brought joy to the moment. As is my nature I thought of a few things about art, about creativity, and about life.
First was the powerful force art is. In this case music, but in my life poetry and stories and these blog posts. Overall the night was joyful and energetic, but also reflective when Collin Raye sang some of the more spiritual Christmas songs.
I hope my words have that effect on readers. To make them think, to be moved toward the emotions and reflections I try to express in my words.
Second was that AI can not match human creation and expression. Yes, I think it can help an artist reach their creative goal, but that’s the point. Art is human based. It is a reflection of our souls, or hearts, or views of this life. AI can not do that. I think we have a ways to go before we find the balance between technology and human creative importance, but I trust in the power and need for us to express the meaning of this world through our chosen art.
Lastly, this life is a moment. We get to choose the moments, the content, the meaning of it. The whole concert was a wonderful time, filled with funny moments: the keyboard player for Lonestar received a few drinks from a couple in the front row. It was a ‘had to be there’ moment. The Christmas songs reminded all of us of the upcoming holiday and what it should be about.
And seeing Collin Raye perform at age 65 without reservations was an inspiration for me.
Here is one of the songs Collin Raye performed at the first concert. This song has always stuck with me.
I got to interview one of my favorite musical artists, Chris Glover, on an episode of The Creative Moment podcast (YouTube video below). He is now known as Penguin Prison, but I have been a fan of his from the beginning of his career. So, it was an honor to get to talk with him for the podcast.
But now… I am jealous of him.
At about the 27 minute mark in the video I ask Chris what is his main drive as an artist, what was his WHY for creating music. I totally understood his answer. Chris said “I basically can’t do anything else.”
Chris didn’t mean he didn’t have the skills to do anything else, he expanded on the answer talking about how life would be easier with a normal job, but that wasn’t him. Chris is a musician, a creative person. This is what he does.
Chris is living out his life through his music. That’s why I am jealous. To live life by surrendering to my writing would be incredible. But that is the central battle of many artists, especially ones like me that have built families and careers. I have written about this balancing act before (“It is hard to reach your goals“). And make no mistake I would not give up any aspect of my life as a husband and father to be a famous poet / writer.
Doesn’t mean I can’t be jealous of Chris though, and I believe his music reflects that surrender to his music. You can feel the joy and authentic energy in his songs. It is one of the reasons I am a fan. His music is not like any other musician’s.
I am jealous, but I am also inspired by Chris Glover. Even more so after getting the opportunity to talk with him. I am inspired to write the poetry, the blog, the stories only I can write.
In fact, the chorus of Chris’ first ever single “Stand on Your Seat” makes more sense to me now:
This morning we had day-old Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. We packed our suitcases and got checked out of the hotel in time for church at 9:30. We saved a seat for my son and his wife, my new daughter-in-law, of less than 24 hours.
We spent the weekend rehearsing, celebrating, and witnessing one of love’s milestones. As the father of the groom, I didn’t have a ton of responsibilities. We catered the rehearsal dinner which was held at the church. My hair takes like 30 seconds to get ready… now, my wife and daughters? Well, that started at 9 in the morning Saturday for a 2 o’clock wedding. So for those who know me, yes, I had time to think, to reflect on the deeper aspects of this weekend.
Social Media
For the most part, I put my phone away. I took some pictures, but my wife is better at that aspect of our life. I did interact a little on X and Instagram, but mostly I enjoyed the weekend. I did not post a single thing on social media about the weekend. I was letting other individuals do that. I was just present, and it was joyful. We talked, we went and got coffee, we sat by the firepit at the hotel. (My daughters and I did witness a guy riding a bicycle crash into the closed gate where we were sitting, but that is another story.)
At the reception we danced and enjoyed the dinner.
But what I really noticed was the emotions we all expressed. The genuine feelings, the tears, the laughter, the expression of living without worrying about getting the right angle for a photo, or hurrying to post a reaction. I was in the moment, and it was a beautiful moment.
Family
There were two different moments that highlighted what it means to be family. If you’re new to my blog you will need to read some past blogs to understand my complex story. I am not going to spend time covering that.
The first moment happened after the rehearsal dinner. My future daughter-in-law was carrying a tote bag with “Mrs. Boelhower” printed on the side in script lettering. When I asked about it, her face lit up with a smile. She explained it was a gift and asked if we liked it (my wife and daughters were with me). One of my daughters piped up and said, “Wow, now there are two Mrs. Boelhowers!”
We all laughed but it got me thinking…
Hold on, let me connect another moment.
The reception hall was filled with family and friends. My daughter and I were taking a break from dancing. I sat next to my ‘adopted’ dad (again, if you’re new to my blog you’ll have to catch up on the backstory) and chatted about life. My wife’s side of the family was strong in numbers, and so was my daughter-in-law’s. But there were only 9 Boelhowers. And one of those just joined our clan.
A weird mix of pride, sorrow, and resolve washed over me. I was the patriarch of this small family tree that was slowly growing strong roots. As my son danced with his new wife, I had to catch my breath because I saw, as they danced, that all the pain I endured, all the hardships I went through, the sometimes spirit-breaking decisions I made, was worth it. I had a family, I was providing, as best as I could, a life for my children that I never had.
Family is not just blood. It is choices, it is commitment, it is love given and received. My daughter-in-law will be loved just like my own children. And I will continue to nurture this little family tree to take root in a life filled with love.
It is all Connected
No, not this blog. But the idea behind the title of this blog. Sometimes it takes decades to see how two dots connect. During the church service the priest was talking about this idea, and he mentioned that he did not know every parishioners’ story that brought them to the church today, but he imagined they all had their own hardships and celebrations. But they were here now.
During the reception, I was aware of how important the moment was when my ‘adopted’ father said I could live with him and his family when I was sixteen. There was a direct line from that moment to the wedding. The story between the dots is fascinating, filled with heartache and joy, like any story. But without the opportunity he gave me, we would not be sitting together laughing and talking about life.
It is hard to have what I call The Long View. A term I use in the classroom to help my students see that their actions today will impact where they are in the future, what opportunities they will have. But when looking back (and I think we should, to appreciate the journey) we see the path, we see the benchmarks of how life brought us to today.
And we can smile, breathe in the joy, and see how it is all connected… and this weekend proved that the best connections are built with love.
I would like to talk about Stephen Curry for a moment. One, because he is my daughter’s favorite player. Two, to make a deep thoughtful parallel to life.
The following video is of Stephen Curry’s pregame routine on January 22, 2023. During this routine he made 122 shots from 184 attempts. I did miss a few shots because of the camera angle at times.
Golden State lost the game that night to Brookyln, 120 – 116. Curry went 7-16 on field goals, 4-8 for three’s and 8-8 on the free throw line. Stephen Curry took 32 shots for the game.
Here is Stephen Curry’s season totals (FG, 3pt, and free throws) 559-1133, 273-639, and 257-281. For a total of 2,053 attempts. That’s a lot of shots.
But he attempted 14,760 shots during his pregame warm-ups for the season!
I am not even considering his practices for the season, or the work Stephen Curry put in during the off season.
I could have used Kevin Garnett (my favorite player), or Kobe Bryant, or any professional athlete in any sport to highlight how much work they put in for games, or events. Consider how much work Usain Bolt put in just to run 9.58 seconds.
What’s the connection to life?
Life gives us big moments. Sometimes they are tragic, a death or car accident. Sometimes they are joyful, graduations or fulfilling a goal. How we handle the big moments is dependent on the work we do in our everyday life.
That work is different from shooting a basketball, but just as important. The work involves building and maintaining relationships. Spending the time we are given each day in ways that bring us joy. The work can be in working in our soul to heal wounds. The work is living a life filled with love and purpose that reflects our hearts.
The big moments will come… how we handle them is centered on all the work we do during the ordinary days. And the ordinary days are how we measure the quality of our lives.
For the last couple of months, I have been untying my shoes when I take them off. Yes, that means I have to tie them when I put them on.
Yesterday I spent almost an hour trying to find the right word for a poem. A single word. I was working with meaning and syllable count for that word, but still, I spent time finding the right word.
My screen time is down almost 15%.
Over the last 11 weeks my steps have jumped up over 3,000 more steps a day.
I’ve heard the quote, “How you do one thing is how you do everything,” used in movies and TV shows lately.
Each day we have 24 hours. Everyone.
How we use it is the fundamental factor to the quality of our lives. Even when bad things happen, or unexpected challenges, it is our responsibility to decide how we deal with the time we are given.
I have decided to untie my shoes when I take them off.
On day two Robert challenged us to write a poem “from where I am sitting.” The idea was to pay attention to the world around us. My poem stays true to the heart of the prompt, but was written during a walk.
“After the Rain has Stopped”
I am walking
after the rain has stopped.
Mix of earth and evening
sits heavy in my lungs.
Grey clouds fading back to white
releasing the gloom
of the day.
The sun’s last rays
play with the mosaic blues
above me.
A painting even Michelangelo
would sign his name to.
The promise of spring
tickles my nose
and my heart moves to the
music of the birds
perched in the trees,
as if they are God’s choir.
This street morphing
into an aisle between
the pews of hope
and wonder.
–
I am walking
after the rain has stopped.
Finding myself
In the middle
of a sacred liturgy.
There are a number of reasons I wanted to discuss the creative process of this poem.
First, nature is a powerful source of inspiration. Robert Frost, William Wordsworth, and so many others have drawn inspiration from nature. Be it from walks (even Stephen King walks) or quiet moments in nature. Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” is an example of how deep a moment in nature can be.
If you feel like you have writer’s block, I suggest taking a walk in the park with the focus paying attention to the world around you, like the prompt for the poem. You will be inspired.
Second, I will be honest here… the idea of this poem was actually written the night before the prompt. My Notes app is filled with poetic lines, random thoughts, and even full first drafts of works. As life aligns sometimes, it was a perfect fit for the challenge. I reworked the draft from the app, even thought of using the viator poetic form for the final draft, but liked the free verse flow of the descriptions.
But here is the important point, being able to draw on ideas from notes or drafts. Besides my app, I keep notes, write single lines, and even draw drafts of ideas on any paper I can find when inspiration hits. At this moment, I have a single line in my Notes app that I can’t get out of my mind, but I haven’t been able to cross that inspirational bridge to create something yet. That is cool, and yes, frustrating. But I am excited for that moment when the line becomes more.
The third aspect is the use of imagery to bring forth the theme of the spiritual feeling I had during the walk. The use of literary elements is the art of poetry, of writing. Literary elements allow us to describe all the abstract feelings we have as humans and allow us to share those feelings with others in a way they can relate to. That is the bridge art builds for us. To connect us. To reveal the powerful aspect of this life. We are never alone in our emotions, both positive or negative.
I hope you enjoyed this small series of my creative process for a few of the poems I wrote for the Poetry a Day challenge. Share your process or thoughts in the comment section.
It is all Connected 