This poem / observation was jotted down in my note app as I was on my walk. I also took this picture to reinforce the idea.
One of the reasons I like to walk everyday is the mental aspect, the way my mind can drift and be inspired by the world around me. As I continued on my walk I thought about how much a home is like a tree.
On average, most people (6 out of 10) live within 100 miles of their home town. And most of them are only 30 miles away (2022 Census).
Even wind-dispersed seeds of trees travel just over a mile, but can reach 18 miles.
I thought about how my desire to create a stable home for my own family influenced aspects of my personal life, my goals. One of the biggest aspects has been coaching, specifically football. But also my writing goals. This town is not a poetic mecca by any means.
But the thing about trees is that they are beautiful in their strength and characteristics; leaf shape, color, and their bark patterns. Trees withstand the seasons by changing with the weather.
We have been in this particular house for 15 years. My three oldest children are out in the world, two are over 100 miles away while one is in town. I have three more children at home, one of them will be a senior and ready to make the decision of which college to attend.
I do not know where the wind will take my children, but they know where home is. It is a strong blue house… sitting pretty close to heaven.
I took my walk this morning, before the day got too hot, plus we have an electrician coming this afternoon.
The day was beautiful. Sun was out, the sky was clear blue, and I was on the last stretch toward home when I saw a tiger swallowtail butterfly. It was drinking from a small puddle in the street. Its black and yellow wings slowly moving. I stood right next to it. The butterfly didn’t seem to mind.
Now, I tend to take photos on my walks, usually of flowers or funny things I see on the street (even blogged about a Sonic mint I saw on a walk, “A Sonic Mint and Holden Caulfield”). So what I did next was more of a reflex. I thought it would be cool to get a close up picture of the butterfly.
The butterfly was cool with me until I bent down with my phone to try to get the close up picture. Then it took off, even seemed to buzz my head as if to say, “You ruin the moment.” As you can see I did get a shot of the butterfly before it finally went to the flowers of a nearby house.
There is so much I could address about this moment. But that would reinforce the main idea of ruining a moment.
Even in simple moments, there are a thousand ways we can ruin them, technology, over-thinking, being distracted by any number of things, wanting moments to get over so we can get to another moment… but we miss out on the depth of our lives, of emotions (whether it is positive or negative) and of understanding life and ourselves when we are not fully engaged in these unique moments.
I was enjoying watching a tiger swallowtail butterfly drink from a puddle on the street. I got distracted by wanting to take a picture and ruined it.
I carried my box back to the car, still full of books, but minus a few bookmarks.
Yesterday I attended an author event, one I have routinely been a part of for the last four summers. There was a big change this year. The event was part of the town’s summer concert series. We were indoors just across from the bandstand. The room was full of indie authors and artists selling their projects. The street was closed off. There were food trucks, games for kids to play. A classic summer time event.
I gave away a few bookmarks.
From what I could tell, there were only two books sold. No artwork left the building.
I drove home contemplating this writing thing.
Now, I did get to talk to people. One person shared her story of losing her mom after reading my poem “While Death Waits.”
But still, the question of what I was doing ran through my head, through my heart. Something I’m pretty sure all indie authors ask at different times.
And deep down I know I will continue to write. I actually have a new collection of poems ready to go, just need to finalize a few things. I’ll keep flinching every time I get a rejection email (read one last Thursday). I am a writer.
Maybe today someone picked up their new bookmark and thought about the poet they met last night… of course they are using it in a book I didn’t write…
So, one of the biggest issues I had in choosing the 5 albums I can’t live without is selecting an album that was never officially released. When I was considering the idea way back in December, I thought of this album right away. Then I thought about you, the reader / listener. Would it be fair to include an album you would not be able to listen to if you wanted. I decided it was not fair, but, this is my blog series, so I get to have a bonus entry and give the album its props!
Hell Isn’t Even That Funny was supposed to be Chris Glover’s debut release, but the record company shelved the record, even though they released the single, “Stand On Your Seat” in 2005. I was hooked the first time I heard the song, but couldn’t find the album until I went to eBay and found an advance CD for sale. At that time, I just assumed the album was coming out later that year. I almost passed on buying the CD. I didn’t know at that time the back story. I am so glad I didn’t.
Chris Glover is now known as Penguin Prison, and is making awesome music. But this album is genre shattering. It mixes electronic music with hints of rap and pop sensibility. Chris’s lyrics make you think, are bluntly honest, and uplifting.
If you ever get the chance to hear this album (I found two copies available by private sellers) check out the songs, “Never So Far Away”, “Nothing’s Ever Gonna Change”, and “Something You Already Knew.”
If I was on a desert island, I would grab this album… well at least one of the burned copies I made of it, because it is truly one of a kind.
P.S. Below is the interview I got to conduct with Chris Glover for The Creative Moment podcast.
I know some of you are wondering, no album from Prince? Well, the wait is over. There are two rules that made this choice so difficult. One album per artist. Prince released over 40 studio albums. Because of the rule I only get to choose one. ONE!
After hours of debating with myself I got it down to two albums. Again the rules I set for myself helped. Even as a fan, there are songs I will skip on an album. Especially if I am in a particular mood, so that rule helped a lot.
Then the last rule that allowed me to finally choose the album. No soundtracks with various artists. Now, that rule eliminated some great sound tracks. But I thought the rule was fair because there are soundtracks by single artists, like The Jazz Singer by Neil Diamond, that are powerful albums.
So, that brings me to my fifth album I can’t live without… no it is not Purple Rain. It is Parade.
Everyone knows the song “Kiss” but as a whole album Parade encompasses Prince’s personality the best at that time of his life. Meaning, artists grow as people and their art reflects that. As fans I think we forget that sometimes and want them to produce the same kind of art they did when we became fans. Anyway, back to the album.
The opening track, “Christopher Tracy’s Parade,” sets a wonderful, joyful tone, while touching on some of the themes to come in the other songs / movie.
“I Wonder U” switches things up with a slowed down musical trip. In its own way, it is a cool love song.
“Under the Cherry Moon” continues with the slower vibe. Prince ponders life and love through the lyrics. The song feels like a walk at night, under a full moon.
The sixth track never fails to make me move or lift my spirits. “Life Can Be So Nice” picks up the tempo and has lyrics that hit you with their clever examples that you can’t help but sing along with.
As Prince is known to do, the next track seems to come out of nowhere. It makes you stop and just feel. “Venus De Milo” is a wonderful instrumental piece. It is on a number of my playlists.
“Mountains” was released as a single. It reached number 23 on the charts. It is one of my favorite songs of all time by Prince. “Mountains” delves into the idea of the power of love and how it can be a force in life.
And maybe the saddest song ever, “Sometimes It Snows in April.” Of course it connects to the story line of the movie, but listeners can easily follow the plot line and get lost in the theme of the song. The song touches on our shared hurt and questioning of why bad things happen, especially when we lose someone we love.
So, here are my 5 albums I can’t live without… or is it????
One of the fun aspects of writing this series is the chance to listen to albums again. There are so many great albums. Honestly, this series has actually been in the works for over 6 months. I got to thinking about it after I read the answer from Mike Jones of the band Jesus Jones. A favorite band of mine who’s Doubt album was in the running for this series.
Kind of the last filter I used for selecting the albums was the desert island question. If I had five albums only, what would I want to listen to? So, there are albums that I love that are not part of this series, but the fourth album may be the one that most defines me. Ten by Pearl Jam.
For those readers who know me in real life, you know that my college years were a turbulent time. And if you are into music like I am, you understand how a song, an artist, an album can affect your life. Plus, I saw them perform at The Ranch Bowl in Omaha just as they were breaking through as a band!
“Once” may be the coolest intro song I know. There is a melodic fade in, then a driving guitar and Eddie Vedder extending the word “I” and off we go.
“Alive” and “Why Go” are two songs that connected with me. I don’t want to go into the personal stuff, but both songs are powerful stories about youth and dealing with big questions. Questions about family, truth, and life. “Alive” ends with the question about who answers the question about the narrator being alive.
“Why Go” was number 10 of my all time top 100 songs. It tells the story of a girl in a mental hospital. Part of the story line is about staying an individual while also questioning if it is worth going back home. The energy of the music and the depth of the theme combine for one of the most emotionally elevating songs I know.
“Jeremy” continues the sad exploration of the damage parents can have on a child. The song was inspired by a true event, that just emphasizes one of the harshest aspects of this life. Now, as a father, these stories break my heart.
I’m going to jump to the last track “Release”. The tracks in between do not shy away from questioning life, “I don’t question our existence / I just question our modern needs, “ from “Garden”.
I’ve heard it said that we connect to music (and even poetry) because the artist found a way to say what we feel better than we could. “Release” is that song for me. Eddie Vedder says this song is about learning the truth about his father and step-father. For my faithful readers you know through my writing about my issues with my own father, so I think you can connect the dots for the importance of this song.
Ten is an intense listening experience. In fact there is a few seconds of silence after “Release” before the listeners are taken back to the melodic music from the beginning. This time the music stays on that vibe while you hear mumbled vocals as the vibe continues to wash over you. Kind of like an emotional cleansing as it fades out… but I usually want to start the album over.
This morning I stopped at The Blue Moon for a coffee, a Pooh Bear latte (part of my yearly summer challenge to drink their specialty coffees). My youngest daughter got a breakfast sandwich. We sat on the couch, chatted a little about the rest of the day. But we were mostly quiet, partly because she was hungry (just got done with morning weights) and I was people watching.
The Blue Moon is a hot spot for the older generation to gather and chat while enjoying a coffee. Every morning you can find tables brought together and groups of people talking, laughing, just enjoying the fellowship of friends. The afternoons are more subdued, that is when I try to go and write.
This morning there were about 10 older ladies at a table beside us. Conversations flying. Across the sitting area was a young boy, probably about 10 or 11 years old. He was by himself, I figure he was a grandson and tagged along with his grandmother. He had an empty juice bottle and some crumbled up napkins on the table. But what struck me was how he was just sitting there with an iPad in front of him, the volume loud enough I could hear it, but could not catch everything that was on the screen. And he didn’t move, at all. His face was illuminated by the screen. I watched as different colors shifted on his face.
Now, I know that a young boy may not feel comfortable talking with a group of older women, I get that. Besides the idea of reading or coloring or doing something active, he was silent and did not move at all. His silence struck me, I see the way screens silence people, even in my classroom and even my home.
Let’s throw in AI just for the fun of it… Open AI just released GPT-Live which will listen and talk to you in real time. A quote from them, “We’re launching GPT‑Live, a new generation of voice models that make talking with AI feel much more like having a real conversation.”
I’m going to let this sit for a second…
I always wondered why the cool advancements in technology always seemed to correlate to making technology more human.
And now technology wants to silence you even more to other humans.
Yesterday we (my wife and three youngest daughters) went to Lincoln to get new tennis rackets, had lunch together, and visited the children’s zoo. Yes, we had phones, taking pictures and sharing some of them on our family group chat. We even rode the little train around the zoo. My two oldest boys added a few comments about the memories they had of the train and the zoo when they were little. We talked at lunch and had fun getting new tennis rackets for my two middle daughters (one chose some crazy colors for her strings).
As a dad it was a great day, it was filled with smiles, conversation, and laughter.
At the moment my house is pretty silent… and yes, we are all on screens. I am writing this blog post, I can’t see the screens of my daughters, but it is the classic position; phone in hand, face blank. My wife is working on her computer. The house is silent.
I am not against technology. I am concerned about its ability to silence us in lots of different ways, and what that will cost us as a society, as a person.
I would rather enjoy my coffee in the middle of the noise of people enjoying fellowship, then sipping on it in silence, screen illuminating my blank eyes.
The rule that I could only choose one album per artist makes for a unique challenge for me. Many of my favorite bands have a number of albums I love. But the idea, too, that I couldn’t live without it helps, especially with the artist for album 2; Tears For Fears and their album The Seeds of Love.
This selection is also an example of connecting to an album the more you listen to it. How an album can age well, like wine. I remember not being blown away by the album in 1989, but I was a senior in high school, getting ready for college, all that stuff. Honestly, I didn’t really get into the album until after college. And I think part of the reason is because of the depth of themes of the songs, as a teenager I didn’t really connect to them like I could after growing up some and experiencing life.
The album starts with what I feel is one of the saddest songs of all time, “Women in Chains.” Because this post is about the music, I’m going to let the song speak for itself.
The second song on the album is “Badman’s Song” and I love when it comes on my playlist while I’m walking. The backstory is that during the tour for The Hurting, Roland Orzabal overheard some of the band members talking bad about him. The third line seems to indicate the hotel room they were in, “Well here’s to the boys back in 628.”
But I love the musical trip the song takes me on, and the underlying idea of hope for the badman. The references of faith and life lift my heart.
Many of the songs on the album run over five minutes, yet the songs don’t drag. “Swords and Knives” runs just over 6 minutes and is heavy with instrumental movements that create the perfect accompaniment to the theme of the song about violence in the world. And it transitions into one of my favorite songs of all time, “Year of the Knife.”
The track is high energy, and for me, poetic. I love the lines, “They say his famous final words / Came from the heart of man.” Plus the symbolism of love as a knife, played against the “young gun” is cool.
I’ve written about the final track, “Famous Last Words” in the post “Thank You, Tears For Fears” during the COVID pandemic. The track is a perfect ending to a great album. I love the thread of love throughout the album and the depth of the songs. This is an example of how music can grow with us, if we keep listening.
Spin magazine does a cool “5 Albums I Can’t Live Without” series. And for my faithful readers you know I love writing music based blog posts. I will be honest, I have been thinking about my 5 albums for almost a month now. Trying to figure out if I should include soundtracks, greatest hit collections, and what makes a great album for me. Also, do I only choose one album per artist? (Yeah, I could pick a number of Prince albums.)
So, here are my guidelines for the 5 albums I can’t live without. One album per artist. No soundtracks with various artists. No greatest hits collections. And I have to like the whole album, meaning no song would ever be skipped. So here we go… and in no particular order.
Album number one is Blind to Reason by Grayson Hugh.
The song “Talk it Over” was on heavy rotation for VH1 in 1988. But his second release from the album, “Bring It All Back” hooked me and I traveled to Casper to buy the CD and I have been listening to his music ever since.
The first song on the album, “Romantic Heart” is easy to sing along too, but the lyrics hit with just the right mix of positivity and dreamer ideology. Perfect for my heart.
“Bring It All Back” is a great love song. Grayson’s song writing is fused with some great descriptions, many times with nature at the center. The second verse in this song is a perfect example of his skills,
When the falling leaves are filled with rain
Oh, you heart it calls to me
Say when will I see you again
And the wind will answer me
But not all his songs are centered on romantic relationships. “Finally Found a Friend” is a hidden gem on this album. Grayson hits a deep nerve of our loneliness that can only be tempered by friendship. And by the end of the song, your soul is singing and reeling in thoughts of people you love.
The final song, “Empty As the Wind,” is on my writing playlist. This song highlights Grayson’s depth of subject and use of nature to highlight the theme of the song. I turn to this song at times when I am feeling blue.
Grayson Hugh’s Blind to Reason is a wonderful journey musically and lyrically. Even when he is singing about the troubles of love or life, my soul is lifted by his songs.
I have 21 years left if I live to the national age of death.
That means I have 1,092 batches of blueberry muffins left.
Time can be measured in so many different ways. Our lives are filled with milestones, beginnings and endings. At times our lives seem so routine, while at other times it feels like chaos rules. We feel anger. We laugh. There is pain and discovery. There is life.
But time moves forward. In two years I will have only one child left living at home, and less than a thousand batches of blueberry muffins to make.
Honestly, as I consider these upcoming milestones, I am sad, reflective, and grateful that I have built a tradition that my life, my children’s life, could anchor to in good and troubled times. No matter what time has in store for me, for my family, we have at least 1,092 batches of blueberry muffins to enjoy.
It is all Connected 