Ok, I don’t actually have a focus… I am in the midst of the need to write but have too many ideas rolling around in my head. Most of the ideas are recorded on my notes app or in a real notebook. I have been on a writing spree of late, four new short stories, a number of poems, and blog posts.
But right now, I have three short story ideas, a number of poem fragments, podcast ideas, and a presentation I need to have done for an educational conference next week.
The urge to write is strong… but my focus is not. And that is one of the top issues for success for any goal.
I recently watched the TEDTalk “The importance of focus” by Richard St. John. He shares a number of different stories of how focus was a factor in the success of different projects. And I agree. We get more done and with better results when we narrow our work and thoughts on a single idea.
But right now, I’m giving in to the urge to write, but without any focus.
In 2021 Kevin Garnett wrote a cool book, KG: A to Z: An Uncensored Encyclopedia of Life, Basketball, and Everything in Between. Instead of a traditional narrative structure, KG told his story by creating a personalized encyclopedia. The reader could look up a topic or word to read his insight or his story connected to that word like an encyclopedia. It was a cool book to read.
The past 10 months have been challenging. My perspective has been challenged on many different levels. Certain words or ideas have been the focus of some of those challenges. I thought it would be useful to use the same organization KG did for his book for this blog post. So, here is my Life Encyclopedia.
Art: The expression of the heart. See also, music, poetry, writing.
Blogging: See writing.
Death: The natural end of our time here. Everybody knows that death awaits for us all. Yet, we do not actually live like we know this truth. We waste time on petty issues, or involved with our screens in some mindless activity. We tend to live like tomorrow will always be there, so we feel like we can let today slide. I wonder what life would look like if we actually lived like we knew our time here ends.
Dreams: I debated on whether to use ‘dreams’ or ‘goals’ for this section. I decided on ‘dreams’ for two reasons. First, it sounds more poetic. Second, I feel that a dream can be accomplished, but even then a dream can still pull at your heart. And chasing our dreams should be part of our everyday existence. The pursuit of making our dreams a reality is what fills our spirit. Makes the hard days easier to endure. Our dreams are our purpose for being here. Some dreams change, some become reality, while we chase others our whole life. That is the beauty of having a dream.
Family: This is the most complex life topic I’ve been dealing with over the last year. Family has been a central issue all of my life. From living separately with both biological parents, to walking away from most of my bloodline, that allowed me to start my own family.
There is the crutch of the idea of family. As a dad I have a saying (OK, I have a handful of sayings), “Family gets your best behavior.” The heart of this is to remind everyone that the most important people should not be treated better than strangers. Yes, there are disagreements and challenges to work through, but they are handled with love. Our home is the safest place in this world for everyone.
I never felt safe or truly loved growing up. I knew that, at different times, that alcohol and other people mattered more than me. Even as I’ve learned more about who my biological father was after his passing, I still wonder why I didn’t matter. Why their son was not worth their time or love.
Blood doesn’t define family. I mattered to Wayne and Janine (for new readers, Janine is my mom that passed away last summer). I found a home that was filled with love that showed me what a family could be like. No, it wasn’t perfect. This household isn’t perfect, but the foundation is love and acceptance. That is how a family is built.
Friends: Yes, a friend can be seen as family, but I think real friendship is its own unique relationship that allows it to be a separate component of life. I don’t have a lot of real friends. Oh, I have many friends and acquaintances, but honestly, I have one best friend. We have been friends since junior high. Yes, we have had some rough spots, and yes, it was over a girl, but what makes our friendship strong is knowing that we have each other’s back. We share our dreams and hardships. Even though we are miles apart, we do fun things, like right now we are sharing our top 100 songs of all time, but doing it one day at a time. We have been there for the big moments; we both were each other’s best man for our weddings. A friend is part of your foundation that brings a different kind of joy and support.
Learn: The act of becoming who you are through different means; such as reading, living, questioning and other experiences.
Life: This moment right now, which is a mix of the past, dreams for the future, and the current emotion to create a unique experience for all of us.
Love: The center of life.
Music: One of the many artistic elements that build bridges between people. For me it is a sanctuary. I always had the radio to accompany me when I changed houses, changed parents, changed my life. There is nothing like sharing a song with someone, finding common ground in lyrics and music.
Poetry: The way I understand this life. The artist way I can make sense of my emotions while processing the questions I have about how life unfolds. By writing poetry I understand myself more. By studying the art form I become better at writing, but also thinking, which allows me to come to terms with both the joys and sorrows of this life. Poetry also allows me to build connections with other people, other artists, other poets. I do not trust many people, but I trust poetry.
Real: My word for this year. This might be the hardest word for me because I do not show the real me to too many people besides in my poetry and other writings. The reason for this blog post is me trying to live by my word. At the moment I am skeptical that I can live up to it in this world that is quick to destroy anyone that tries to be real.
Writing: Poetry is my first love, but I wrote my first short story in fifth grade. I have been blogging for decades now. Writing, in all forms, gives me a sense of being. In a way it allows me to be the real me. Writing is like praying for me, even at this moment I have my “Writing” playlist going, I am pondering questions of the past, considering a few future opportunities I have and feeling some strong emotions that encompass a broad range – I am living.
It was 26 degrees outside when I went on a walk this evening. There was no wind, so it was actually a nice evening. My face got cold, and I had to stop wearing my glasses because they fogged up pretty quickly.
I have not been at a 100 percent for some time now. I have good days, but some dark moments. Times where I want to dissolve into the air, to let my molecules fall apart hoping that will release the sadness from my soul. But somehow I hold it all together.
Here’s how I do it.
Walking. Like tonight, I took my short route because it was cold. I took the photo I used in the title banner on the walk. When I got home I had my daughter take the photo to the right. But the coolest thing happened on my walk. I saw the best shooting star I have ever seen in my life. The meteorite even flared out like a small firework. No, I didn’t take a photo. I stopped right in the middle of the street and watched it shoot across the sky. It was beautiful.
Taking time to walk, to think, to feel the emotions of the day allows us to remember we are here. That we are human. That we have our feet squarely on this earth, and that means a lot.
Writing. Even if it is just a note of something good that happened today. The act of writing builds a connection between our life and our emotions. Poetry is my way of making sense of the world. This blog is a bridge between you, reader, and me. Writing is creating a connection between the abstract of our spirit into a reality. So, is any art from. Writing is just my main art form.
Believing. I believe in Love. Without getting into any kind of spiritual debate or discussion, Love is proof that there is more to us than all the hate and other negative things we express in this world. Even though the world keeps trying to prove me wrong, Love changes the world. I believe this and try to live my life each day according to my belief.
I have wanted to simply fall apart almost everyday since last April. There have been some really tough days. But I’m keeping it together by living through the things that matter the most to me. I may still fall apart (we all do to a degree) but I know I’ll write about it because I believe one of the most powerful ways to show love is to be true to what makes us who we are.
This morning I spent a few minutes cleaning out my wallet. Below is a concert ticket from 1997.
It was the only time I saw Prince in concert. Of course he was The Artist at that time. You can’t see that on the ticket… I can’t see that any more. I have been carrying that ticket in my wallet for almost 30 years.
I have pictures of my kids in my wallet, plus almost 10 fortunes I’ve liked so I’ve kept them. I have 6 dollars. A number of punch cards and a few credit cards.
But what got me was a goal I wrote down, folded up, and placed in between some pictures. I wanted to be a keynote speaker by 2017.
At that time in my life I was presenting at educational conferences. Working with schools on different projects, like becoming a 1-to-1 computer or iPad school. I was trained to be a Quality Matters Peer Reviewer to help build robust online learning classes.
I wanted to be a positive force in education. I made some great connections at the conferences. At each conference there was a keynote speaker. I wanted to do that, to be a motivational voice for fellow educators.
I didn’t accomplish that.
Through life and career choices, the keynote dream faded away. Until I found it written on a folded up piece of paper in my wallet.
Sadly, there are so many big dreams I had that now are no longer a real possibility. I will never be a head football coach. I may never even be a head track coach again. I’m not going to be a keynote speaker. And it seems that I’m not going to be a best selling author. I have not accomplished any of my big goals…
I’ve written about this topic before, about how chasing a dream leads to new opportunities. And that is true.
But today, finding a tattered folded dream in my wallet just reminded me of all the goals I have not accomplished.
There were only a few days that I didn’t have a clear idea to write about, but I got rolling once my playlist started and my pen or fingers started writing.
These monthly challenges have forced me to pay attention to my everyday routine. Sometimes my routine was thrown for a loop at the beginning of the month as I figured out when to complete that month’s challenge. But by doing that, I had to take inventory of how I spend my time. On a deeper level, was I spending time doing things that correlated to what I say is important to me?
For example, you may notice most of my posts are done in the evening. After dinner, after spending the day with family. Yes, I have my coffee next to me as I write. What you don’t know is that I took my walk earlier. Today we spent the afternoon buying school supplies. I had a doctor appointment this morning. Recorded the next episode of The Creative Moment with my son.
I spent my day as a dad and husband. That’s important to me.
As life often does, this idea of living life as close to one’s central beliefs has been a part of different conversations with different people over the last couple of days. My best friend’s new job allows him to travel but mostly work from home. My dad is dealing with the tough decision of what to do next in life. My daughter can’t wait for college to start, to finally start focusing her time chasing her dream of being a film director.
I don’t know if I will keep my streak alive of blogging everyday, but if you check the Archive menu, you will see I have been blogging for a long time. So, that won’t stop anytime soon. But I have some other aspects of life I have been wrestling with. How can I live out in my daily routine the things that are important to me? That’s a topic for another blog post.
What I do know, from doing these challenges, is that living is an active endeavor. You have to have an open heart, be cognitive of your actions, and step into your day – even if it is a routine part of the day. We all are given a life, we are responsible for how we live it.
I finally had to use one of the WordPress prompts for today’s blog. The prompt was “What are you curious about?”.
As I normally do, I brewed a cup of coffee to sip on as I sit here writing this. This is a routine for me. Whether it is poetry, stories, or blog posts, I usually have a cup of coffee next to me. I love when I get the chance to go to the Blue Moon to write for a while. I usually get a Bizarre Orange Encounter latte when I write.
But I will also have coffee when I am reading. When I know that I will have 30 minutes or more minutes to just read, a coffee cup sits next to me.
I remember reading (from somewhere) that coffee houses were important places during the American Revolution. I have attended open mics and slam poetry events at coffee shops.
When my parents would visit us, my mom and I always had an evening coffee. I have had long conversations with friends over coffee, some of those moments were at the Blue Moon. I got engaged at the Blue Moon (even had wedding pictures taken there).
During our high school days, when I slept over at my best friend’s house, we had scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. Yes, we thought we were cool drinking coffee in high school. This was the 80s before everyone was drinking some form of coffee. It was still seen as an adult thing to do.
It is interesting how coffee is an aspect of my creative and personal life. I enjoy trying new blends. When visiting new places I try to visit local coffee shops.
And I will always remember how my mom would hold her cup with both hands as we talked about life. Life is good when you have a good cup of coffee, especially if you are sharing it with someone.
This will be the last post in the Favorite Series. I will get back to sharing just three things, and get back to connecting ideas on a deeper level because in this post I am going to share three favorite things about life…
I am going to share the deep abstract element first. One of my favorite things about life is a blue sky with clouds. Let me explain. A blue sky with clouds gives me a sense of living. Whether I am walking, playing outside with kids, or driving to get a coffee, when the sky is that dark edged blue and peppered with clouds, especially big puffy ones that almost seem 3D, I feel a sense of being here. The starkness of the sky reminds me that I am on this Earth and have this moment to be me. To live this life the best I can because, like the clouds, life is in constant motion. A day may be filled with joy or heartbreak, but it is my day to live.
Other skies, like a starry night, have different vibes for me and I enjoy being under their charm. But give me a blue sky with clouds because it fills my soul.
Learning is my favorite aspect of life. I know, this shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read a few of my blog posts. Life is always providing opportunities to learn, to connect ideas, or to give us a chance to become better than we were. We can learn from books (a definite favorite of mine), from people (maybe the most powerful) and from what happens in our daily life (if we pay attention).
But learning is a choice. Even though I find it hard to believe, not everyone cares to learn. Many people are happy with where they are and don’t seek out ways to learn… I can’t do that, because I believe that who we are as a person is the direct effect of what we learn. And who we are is how we live.
Connected to learning is creativity (which is also who we are). My third favorite aspect of life is creativity. I like to draw. I like to make videos. I like to dance. I like to come up with games to play with my children (we have a pool game called Shark. It’s kind of an underwater tag game). And if you follow my blog, even though I don’t have a regular schedule, you know I love to write.
During a deep discussion a few years ago with my seniors I said that life is simply who you are and what you do with your time.
I still believe this. I am a writer, who loves to learn, and get lost gazing at a blue sky with puffy clouds. What a life!
Writing a poem every day in April was somewhat easy because there was a prompt each day. I checked the prompt in the morning, then spent the day thinking about ideas, and investigating poetic forms I thought would work.
This blogging challenge isn’t as easy. WordPress does have a few prompts, but they haven’t changed in a few days. And I don’t really feel inspired by them. Add that today was one of those days that had me running around. So, I haven’t had time to just sit and write. It is almost 8 o’clock and I am finally sitting down to blog.
So, why do this? It would be easy to just let a day slide.
It is always easier to just let something slide for a day, then two, maybe a week. Much of what brings us real joy in life can be put off for some other time. Another time when we feel more energized, not drained from work, or the desire to just scroll on our phones keeps our attention.
We can take a walk tomorrow with our kids.
We can get back to the book later.
We can go fishing when it is not so hot.
We can always call / text someone later.
We all let moments go, thinking that we will get to them later. Too many of those moments would bring us joy, happiness, or a sense of accomplishment if we completed them. That’s why they cross our minds, something is telling us we are missing this from our life. But we will let go… for another time.
One of the toughest hurdles is that nothing bad happens if we let the moment go. No one really cares if I write this post or not. Nothing will happen to me. Well, kind of…
First, I will let myself down. I promised myself to do this challenge, as I have done for each month. It is important to hold up your promises to yourself. That is the basis of confidence and sense of living a life you are proud of.
Second, this challenge, as have been the others, are activities I think are important to my life. I love writing. I love this moment, headphones on, notebook or computer open, and the rush of articulating the ideas in my head and heart onto paper. Add the rush of hope that someone will read it… that my words might make a difference for someone, and I am happy.
This is a year of challenges. Some from the chaotic power of life, the twist and turns we all go through. The choices we make with what to do with our time, who we spend it with, and just the simple act of living. But also of challenges I have given myself. Challenges that tap into what brings me joy, allows me to spend my time doing more fulfilling things and feel like I have lived.
But isn’t that the challenge we all have? To live life to the fullest measure of who we are…
Troubled by the loss of someone who didn’t have to take me in, to help me get through college, help buy my first home, be a grandma to my six children. Who demonstrated what family is. After confirmation of cancer is gone in less than six months. How do you deal with the empty space in life after their death?
Troubled with doubt, as are many creative people, I know. But each person has their own dreams. Each person has a definition of success that drives them. I seem so far away from mine.
Troubled by the state of the world.
Troubled, in a good way, by books and movies and other media. Yesterday I finished a book that left me silent for a few minutes. Last night I watched a movie that hit on so many emotions that I cried (so did my wife). Isn’t that the beauty and the importance of creative expressions? To move our spirit. To give voice and connection to our own emotions.
Troubled by the past and the future. Learning to handle the way both forces create hurdles in the present. Yes, I know about being present in the moment and not worrying about those things… doesn’t mean you automatically spend each day free from those factors. They have their own ways of creating trouble today.
Troubled by love.
Troubled by the muse. Who always seems to want more from me, wants my very soul on the page… and so I give it, but all it seems to do is make me feel troubled.
According to Radoslav Chakarov, writer for Web Tribunal, as of 2022 there are 600 million blogs, with 6 million posts going live everyday.
There is nothing I can add to that monsoon of writing.
And let’s not forget, I could ask AI to write for me. It would be quicker and produce content at a more constant rate (which I’m not good at). I did write this post by the way.
But what I mean, honestly, is there is no reason for me to write anything. No logical reason. I don’t make any money, Radoslav Chakarov shares that less than 10% of blogs make any money.
So why am I even doing this?
For the few people still reading, why?
Yeah, I will go Dead Poets Society on you:
I write because that is who I am. I am a poet, storyteller, blogger… I am a dad, a husband, a person who can get lost in the stars. My spirit is at ease when I write, even if I have nothing to say.
It is all Connected 