It has been 15 days since I turned 55. I have been trying to write a blog post about it but nothing seems to work when I sit down to write.
I feel uncertain, uninspired, even worried that the time I have left will be grey and filled with regret for everything I never accomplished in the 55 years I just lived. I’ve been thinking about these lines from John Mayer’s song “Born and Raised”:
Then all at once it gets hard to take
It gets hard to fake what I won’t be
When I was dating my wife (over 28 years ago), I shared with her that I was going to do great things, write great stories and poems, maybe become a national speaker, something great.
To be honest, I’ve been close, so close to breaking across that line that would have changed everything, but life turned and I had to make choices.
And isn’t that life? Isn’t that Robert Frost’s poem? Isn’t that how the darkness weighs us down, makes us question our own hearts?
I don’t know.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t know what choices I will make in the future. But later in the song John sings:
Still got time, still got faith
