It has been 15 days since I turned 55. I have been trying to write a blog post about it but nothing seems to work when I sit down to write.
I feel uncertain, uninspired, even worried that the time I have left will be grey and filled with regret for everything I never accomplished in the 55 years I just lived. I’ve been thinking about these lines from John Mayer’s song “Born and Raised”:
Then all at once it gets hard to take
It gets hard to fake what I won’t be
When I was dating my wife (over 28 years ago), I shared with her that I was going to do great things, write great stories and poems, maybe become a national speaker, something great.
To be honest, I’ve been close, so close to breaking across that line that would have changed everything, but life turned and I had to make choices.
And isn’t that life? Isn’t that Robert Frost’s poem? Isn’t that how the darkness weighs us down, makes us question our own hearts?
I don’t know.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I don’t know what choices I will make in the future. But later in the song John sings:
Still got time, still got faith
55 is the age when you begin to reflect on the past. You’re half way through your life and you begin to have fears about not reaching goals or you feel you haven’t accomplished the dreams you once had. 55 is more of a beginning, I think. You are at the pinnacle of life. Instead of looking back, choose to look forward to new adventures, new goals, new dreams. God will provide.
Thank you for the encouragement. The doubts and fears and weight of time has been a slow burn. Had a wonderful birthday and then the reality of the milestone started in. There is a lot to look forward to, a lot of goals I want to accomplish. I appreciate your reminder!