The video was produced by my son. This is our first poetry video. We are working on a new video as I write.
My third daughter is teaching herself how to play songs on her keyboard. She learned the opening to “Purple Rain” for me.
I took my daughters to a crane viewing site by the river to learn how to draw landscapes.
I know life is challenging right now. I am teaching English online. My kids are attending college through kindergarten on line.
It is tough in so many different ways. But maybe this is also an opportunity. An opportunity for you, for your family, to do something you didn’t have time for… to do something outside your normal routine before the pandemic. Maybe, just maybe, now is the time to build your skills to go after your dreams.
I used to get up at 5:00 a.m. to get ready for the day. One cup of coffee, yogurt, and a banana. I would get back into bed (on my wife’s side) for a few minutes as my wife would finish getting ready for the day. I would shower while she ate breakfast.
But now, we get up at random times.
I used to teach in front of students. I could tell who was having a bad day. I could tell if my hyper class would have to be reined in because the lesson needed focus from them. My day was a roller coaster of grading, answering emails, and teaching.
But now, I answer emails and grade assignments as they are completed online.
I used to believe that I would live forever. That I had time to do everything I wanted with my life. Life was an open highway.
But now, well actually, I’ve realized that my days are numbered for some time now. This moment in time dealing with the COVID-19 situation has reinforced the reality that life is fleeting. As a society we are forced to deal with so many factors we take for granted in our everyday life. A handshake, eating out, graduations, and just the joy of an open highway.
I used to distrust people. OK, to be honest I still do, but that is a personal journey.
But now, I wonder what the effects of this pandemic will have on our culture. We were already dealing with anxiety, depression, and feelings of loneliness. Dealing with screen time and its connections to these emotions.
I used to go to church with my family, shake hands with others during The Liturgy of the Eucharist (Peace Be With You).
But now, we watch Mass on TV. Hearing the echoes of the few people in attendance during the filming of the service.
I used to make one box of blueberry muffins. When the boys were young, 12 muffins were enough for the family.
But now, we have added scrambled eggs and bacon or sausage, and we will have to start making 24 muffins as my oldest son has moved back home to finish his semester of college online.
I used to believe in love…
But now, I still do… There is no greater force in this life than Love. Oh, I know hate and other negative forces seem to gain more attention and seem to be more powerful. That the world is falling apart… but Love is what will rebuild the world.
Tomorrow our school will be continuing learning online.
Yesterday, at three different times, cars ran red lights. When I returned to my van after grocery shopping there were four, FOUR, shopping carts around my van.
We made chocolate chip muffins today.
The newspaper today had an article about what to do if a person’s home life is violent during this time.
Sports, concerts, and eating out have come to a halt. But home cooking, games of pitch and speed, and movie nights are popular in my household.
And just like other times, I wonder about the deeper meaning of it all.
Another article’s headline in today’s paper read “The New Normal”. But I disagree with that idea. This will pass. It will take time, but it will pass. Will anything change? Does it need to? Here is what I’ve learned so far…
First, everyday life can change for so many reasons. We have the popular idea to live life before you die, but honestly, our lives can “change” at any moment. This pandemic is forcing people to evaluate their lives in new ways, to actually see what their foundations are.
For some people they are forced to spend time with their family. You would think this would be a good thing. Sadly, it is not. As an educator, I know that some students are hungry right now, lonely, and even afraid. My heart has trouble with this knowledge for two reasons. One, because of my past. The second part is the question on how this is possible. I don’t know the answer. Family is one of my WHYs. I am not a perfect father or husband, but I take pride in building a home for my wife and children. I don’t understand why others don’t.
Activities are part of our culture and part of my family’s everyday life. Many people are talking about how the pandemic is revealing who is important in our country. The situation shows the disproportionate importance we give to athletes and celebrities. I agree, but that is not the factor I am talking about. This situation has taken away the opportunities many people have worked hard for. This is a negative outcome of our current state that hurts.
Nebraska was one of the few states to still play their boy’s state basketball tournament. As a dad, I was blessed to see my son play. However, all spring activities are on hold and will mostly likely be cancelled. I am the senior class sponsor for my school. That means I am responsible for graduation. We haven’t dealt with that situation yet. Our school’s musical is on hold. My second son is a high jumper. My oldest daughter doesn’t get to take her art field trip.
Sports, concerts, all activities are good for us as individuals and as a society. Honestly, even when you go out to eat at a local restaurant you are experiencing someone’s dream come true. Have we placed too much importance on these activities? Yes, but it is the wrong importance. Being a fan of a football team should not be a life or death situation. It should be a celebration of the opportunity to witness someone realizing their goals. To share in the joy of individuals doing something that sparks their spirit. This situation is disrupting people’s pursuit of their dreams. That is a heavy cost.
But maybe as a society we can celebrate these activities when we get to chase our dreams again.
I think that is enough rambling for now, thank you for reading.
I learned about the song, “comethru” from a senior for an assignment last semester. I like incorporating music into my lessons. It allows me to see a different aspect of my students. This song was shared during our study of the book, Night. In chapter 6, Juliek plays a last “concert” for the prisoners with his violin. The students had to share a song that lifts their spirits when life gets rough.
Life is rough right now.
This morning the students were allowed into the school to get their stuff and talk to teachers about how their classes would be handled online. They were allowed in by grade every hour. At one point I had about 20 seniors in my class. They were laughing, enjoying the chance to be together… maybe for the last time as seniors.
“Five More Minutes” by Scotty McCreery was a song submitted as a poetic song for our poetry unit.
A classroom, a school, is an intense snapshot of life. Everyday is filled with the full spectrum of emotions. Of victories and heartbreak. Personal growth and steps backwards. Each student has their own journey, yet it is shared with everyone in the classroom. Some of the fears are the same for every student as they walk the path to graduation. But right now, we are all sharing the same fear and anxiety of the present moment.
For a few moments, I felt OK this morning. After everyone left, a senior came back in, hand out toward me. “I need one more,” he said. And we did our handshake that we do everyday in class…
I’m not OK now… But again, I should listen to my students… Another song submitted for an assignment.
Earlier this morning the scene in our kitchen was the same as it is most Sundays. The family eating blueberry muffins, eggs, and sausage. Except we were eating at 8:10 a.m. We usually eat around 7 a.m. so that we can attend church at 9 a.m. Today, we are watching the service on TV.
Our oldest son was not at the table, he was heading back to college to get stuff from his dorm because his college was going online only in a week.
The mood in the kitchen was joyful and tired. We were less than 24 hours from watching our second son win the consolation game for state basketball. We were tired from all the emotions we experienced during the tournament. From winning the first round game, losing in the semifinals (a tied game with 6 minutes left), and winning the third place game. But only family was allowed to watch the games.
In a time when we are supposed to be practicing ‘social distancing’, I saw sons hugged by fathers and mothers after the semifinal loss. Hugged for minutes. Tears shared by all. And I saw the same after the team’s victory yesterday, just with a different emotion. Of course the senior parents held their sons the longest during the celebration.
This morning life felt normal while outside our doors things are crazy. Uncertainty fills the air as we wait to see what changes come next. What I do know is that next Sunday we will have blueberry muffins as a family, no matter the changes that occur in the world.
Or maybe have read about how two horses can pull three times the weight of one horse. If you add in the factor that the horses were raised together, they can pull four times the weight. This is the example many people use to show the power of synergy.
But synergy is not just for horses, it is an important element to our lives. There are a few aspects to understand about the synergy concept to gain the most from it.
One, the idea of synergy is often renamed depending on the environment. In sports we call it team. In life it is family and friends. In business it has been labeled tribe and team. At the heart of the matter, it is the idea of everyone working together. Working together for a common goal. That is the second aspect.
Horses don’t just pull 30,000 pounds around the field for fun. It is work and there is a destination for the load. No matter the situation: a basketball season, a happy family, reaching a sales goal, there has to be a unifying destination for the work. A WHY. Simon Senik’s book, Start with Why, is a great resource for diving deeper into this part of synergy. At the surface, though, it means everyone working toward a common goal.
A hard truth here, synergy has always been used to highlight the positive. The truth is that synergy can also destroy. In real life you can have a group of people who build momentum in their negative attitude and destroy a team. Destroy the culture of a business. So called friends that bring you down from accomplishing your goals. Synergy is about how much a group can accomplish together. That means both positive and negative outcomes. This truth highlights the importance of the destination. It also explains the importance of the third factor, the right team.
The example of how much weight horses can pull has an interesting twist. As the story goes, a single Belgian draft horse can pull 8,000 pounds. Two Belgian draft horses that are “strangers” can pull over 20,000 pounds. But a pair of horses that are raised and trained together can pull over 30,000. Consider that idea for a moment.
A team that has been together over time, who have gone through the same training or life experiences, has the greatest outcome. I hate to bring it up again, but that means both positive and negative outcomes. It is important to remember as we deal with changing things for the better. Back to the idea of a team that has grown together and the work they can accomplish.
This is powerful. This is a factor in an outstanding life. At the moment of writing this blog it is state basketball time. Eight teams in each class have made it to the state tournament. Teams have grown together over the season to reach this goal. You will hear the word “team” in the interviews, from both the winning and losing coaches. It might be a cliche in a way, but it is true. It takes a team to get to this level. A group coming together for a common goal. Synergy in action.
The same happens in our personal lives. Our friends, our family, are part of our personal synergy. The difficult part is that there is not always an end goal with these relationships. Sometimes the reason, or the why, of our relationships is lost. Then we feel like we are drifting. Relationships feel shallow. Understanding and working for the WHY of our relationships is paramount. A strong marriage or friendship takes work. There are many ways to do that work. One example from my life is our tradition as a family for each person to choose a word of the year, then displaying that word in a unique way in our home (Living by One Word). Throughout the year we check-in on how we are doing with our words. We grow together.
Creating positive synergy is a powerful element for any team. No matter what type of team you are on; basketball, sales team, or family.
I am a sucker for countdowns. Every weekend I listen to the top 40 countdown from the 80s on XM radio as I run errands. Over the last couple of days XM has been broadcasting their top 1000 country songs of all time. So of course I’ve switched over to that channel at times just to listen to the countdown for awhile. I’m not a huge country music fan, but I enjoy certain songs and artists. I flipped to channel 30 and Tim McGraw’s “My Next 30 Years” was playing, so I left the radio on the countdown. Next was Tracy Lawrence’s “Time Marches On”. I was enjoying the countdown. As the next song started, I could tell it was a classic country song. Since I was into the countdown I decided to listen. I’m glad I did, it got me thinking about life.
The song was the only number one hit for Henson Cargill, “Skip A Rope”.
I had never heard the song before. It was released in 1968. Besides the music, sadly, this song could have been written today.
Can’t we do better?
Seriously, I could share so many links to news articles about kids being abused or neglected by parents. There is a never ending supply of examples of the hate we generate in our society. Links to heartache. Examples of cheating.
Can’t we do better?
I know that I can not save the world. It’s hard not to get downtrodden with the never ending negative examples on the news.
What I can do…
Is read a book to my daughters tonight before bed.
Is say hello to a stranger with a smile.
Is return the shopping cart to the cart corral (even the ones sitting between cars around me).
Is smile when I see my wife at the end of the day.
What I know for sure is that I can try every day to live this life with love. To be a little more humble and kind (yes, this was on the countdown).
The hardest part of our gifts – of our talents – is that they are not made for us; they are made for other people.
Let me explain…
Yes, there is a payoff for our gifts for us. Our talents enrich our lives, brings us joy. In some cases we even become rich and famous from our talents. There is a payoff for us. But we can live our whole life without expressing our talents. We can be happy. We can even be rich and famous without spending a day working on or sharing our talents.
I am a writer, a poet, a blogger. But I could spend my time not writing and be fine…
Here’s the catch.
My gift, your gifts, are meant for other people.
We have a responsibility to give our talents to the world. This is where I am going to dive deep; the why of it all.
I’ll continue to use my writing as an example, but you can swap in your gift for the rest of the blog. Ready?
A void. There is a void in our lives and in the world if we don’t share our gifts. Yes, the world will go on. Our lives, as mentioned before, will go on, but there is a void. We and others will miss moments of joy and inspiration that can change the world. I know, you think I am using a hyperbole here. I am not.
You may have seen the movie, Coach Carter, where the above clip originates from. Or have read the quote, “Our Deepest Fear” from Marianne Williamson. Part of our light is our talents. Our gifts are meant for others.
One of my favorite moments as a poet was the night I attended an open mic in Omaha where I was able to meet a young poet who was inspired by my first book of poetry that I self published in college (And I Never Told You: 20 Year Anniversary Edition). His mom bought him a copy of the book at a local coffee shop when he was in high school. He is now a regular performing artist in Omaha and Lincoln. It was only because of social media that I got to meet him and know the story.
My story highlights a hardship of our gifts… knowing what happens after we give our talent to the world. Even if we become rich and famous, we don’t know how our talent helped someone.
Stephen King is one of my favorite authors. He knows his talent is appreciated by people because of the money he earns, by his popularity. But he has no idea how his books gave me an escape during some tough times. Stephen King doesn’t know the joy I’ve experienced sharing his stories with my kids. Taking them to see the new movie version of It. He doesn’t know… and that is OK because his gift was meant for me.
As a writer I know it is hard dealing with not knowing how my words affect the world. I am sure it is the same for you. I write something I think is awesome and nothing. No thumbs up, no like or love icon activated. No retweet. I have to be OK with that because my words are meant for other people. Writing brings me a sense of joy. It is awesome when a poem finds it way out of my head and onto the page. Then I must give that poem to the world for others to use. The same applies to you and your talents. If we learn how our gifts helped someone, inspired them, that’s cool, but usually we will never know. That’s not the reason for giving.
Do you see the void now? If you do nothing with your talents you miss out on a deeper joy in your life, but the world suffers more. When you share your talents you gift the world opportunities. Opportunities of inspiration. Opportunities of joy. Opportunities to change. Your talent is a gift… give it.
I know what you are thinking… You are a writer, a teacher, of course you think reading is cool.
But hold on, this post is not just about how reading helps in academics or in writing.
Even though it is true… this post is about how reading is cool.
The first reason reading is cool is because it generates unexpected thoughts. When reading a new book you will come across a line or section that makes you think about something you would not have thought about on your own. A simple line can set you off on deeper paths of thinking. A paragraph can elicit emotions or bring you to a new understanding of yourself or the world. I’ve experienced this lately.
While reading a book of poetry by A.E. Housman I came across the line above. The line challenged me emotionally, so much so I had to make a creative picture quote of it. Poetry hasn’t been the only text to challenge me. Stephen King’s book, The Outsider, has generated a sense of frustration. And that is a good thing. Without giving away the book, the story is a great example of Dramatic Irony, where the reader knows something the characters of the book don’t. By reading I get to understand myself a little better because of this emotion. I get the chance to work through why I am frustrated. Reading gives us opportunities to be challenged, to learn more about ourselves. That is cool, but it is cooler to share that experience.
The second reason reading is cool because it can be a shared experience. There is nothing like handing a person a book to read, then talking about it later. There is a different connection when people read something together because of the emotions and thoughts that they can share. One of the cool things I enjoy as a teacher is reading with students. Even though there are grades involved with studying literature, most times students enjoy the discussions that center around their thoughts and emotions.
The shared experience goes beyond the classroom, I shared in a past post (“The Why”) how a former student had a dad moment that spurred a memory from a book we read in class. The shared experience of reading is timeless. It is like a literary photograph. We can mention a book or poem and the memories flood the conversation.
Reading is important for a number of reasons. But reading is cool! Reading allows us to think of ideas we wouldn’t normally consider. Reading can make us feel emotions. Yet, the coolest part is reading can be a shared experience that connects us through those emotions and thoughts.
Below I share 5 works (in no particular order) you can read to connect with me, then share your thoughts in the comments. I can’t wait to read about what you thought.
Well, it takes action if you truly want a deep, fulfilling life. This post will be longer than normal and has some resources to follow to learn more.
There are two major aspects of action; the physical and the abstract. The abstract is our mental, emotional, and even spiritual aspect of our lives. Both parts work together to create our life, but I will look at each part separately before I bring it together.
Right now, especially with smartphones and computers, we are not as physically active as we could be. We think we are active because we respond to a notification on our phone. (Here is a quick and interesting article from TechCrunch, “The Psychology of Notifications”.) Technology is cool and can enhance our lives in many different ways. Yet, how do we spend our time on our phones or computers? Check your screen time. It will tell you.
Again, I am not against technology. Life is more than the screen though. The physical act of doing something brings us a more fulfilling moment because actions help create or strengthen our emotions. The article, “Action Creates Emotion,” from Psychology Today highlights this connection. Different theories and studies show that physical actions can change our emotional state for the better.
Yet, it is hard to get moving. There are a number of factors for each of us. Technology is a major one, but not the only one. Job demands. School. Hardships in life. All of these can keep us down, keep us stationary. That is why action in the abstract aspects of our life is important.
Again, the abstract is our emotional, mental, and spiritual states.
I have what you might call a “dad-ism” I use to help me keep perspective with people; “We are all works in progress.” I wish it was true for everyone, but it helps me keep a perspective of growth. I strive to grow in the abstract part of my life. To be a better man, a better husband, and father. Working in these areas take a different kind of action, but it is still action that creates a life filled with joy.
The phrase “growth mindset” is popular in education and the workplace. It means that a person understands that they can continue to learn and improve their skills in school or the job. But what about life? Well, we do now have life coaches, self-help books, and you can Google the keywords and get results from Psychology Today and LinkedIn. The advice is good, but it takes action.
How do you take action in this realm of life? I will share a few ideas (which you will also find in different resources), but honestly, each person has to find their own path…
1. Quiet time: This might look like prayer, meditation, or coffee on the porch. However you find it, find time and a place to be quiet, to reflect, to listen to your inner voice. This time allows us to consider our thoughts. Even challenge our own beliefs. The article, “7 Reasons Why You Need Quiet Time,” from Psych Central expands on this area.
2. Read (I know, English teacher coming through): OK, what I really mean is to learn. A book is a great way to learn, but we can learn from other people’s stories, pop culture, or just observing the world around you. Any type of learning expands our thinking and understanding. It can help us strengthen our skills in the area of physical action.
3. Challenge yourself: This component is personal because there are different ways to stretch ourselves. This is both a physical and abstract experience. You can remove sugar from your diet for 30 days. You can listen to a song from a different genre. The idea is to discover more about yourself. Test your strength. Remove bad habits. Challenge different parts of yourself. A great TEDTalk to watch is “Try something new for 30 days” by Matt Cutts.
Life.
We discover the meaning from what we do.
We live deeply by becoming who we are.
That takes action. Physical action and abstract action.
It is all Connected 