Category Archives: Life

The Power of Together

I bet you have heard the word Synergy before.

Or maybe have read about how two horses can pull three times the weight of one horse. If you add in the factor that the horses were raised together, they can pull four times the weight. This is the example many people use to show the power of synergy.

But synergy is not just for horses, it is an important element to our lives. There are a few aspects to understand about the synergy concept to gain the most from it.

One, the idea of synergy is often renamed depending on the environment. In sports we call it team. In life it is family and friends. In business it has been labeled tribe and team. At the heart of the matter, it is the idea of everyone working together. Working together for a common goal. That is the second aspect.

Horses don’t just pull 30,000 pounds around the field for fun. It is work and there is a destination for the load. No matter the situation: a basketball season, a happy family, reaching a sales goal, there has to be a unifying destination for the work. A WHY. Simon Senik’s book, Start with Why, is a great resource for diving deeper into this part of synergy. At the surface, though, it means everyone working toward a common goal.

A hard truth here, synergy has always been used to highlight the positive. The truth is that synergy can also destroy. In real life you can have a group of people who build momentum in their negative attitude and destroy a team. Destroy the culture of a business. So called friends that bring you down from accomplishing your goals. Synergy is about how much a group can accomplish together. That means both positive and negative outcomes. This truth highlights the importance of the destination. It also explains the importance of the third factor, the right team.

The example of how much weight horses can pull has an interesting twist. As the story goes, a single Belgian draft horse can pull 8,000 pounds. Two Belgian draft horses that are “strangers” can pull over 20,000 pounds. But a pair of horses that are raised and trained together can pull over 30,000. Consider that idea for a moment.

A team that has been together over time, who have gone through the same training or life experiences, has the greatest outcome. I hate to bring it up again, but that means both positive and negative outcomes. It is important to remember as we deal with changing things for the better. Back to the idea of a team that has grown together and the work they can accomplish.

This is powerful. This is a factor in an outstanding life. At the moment of writing this blog it is state basketball time. Eight teams in each class have made it to the state tournament. Teams have grown together over the season to reach this goal. You will hear the word “team” in the interviews, from both the winning and losing coaches. It might be a cliche in a way, but it is true. It takes a team to get to this level. A group coming together for a common goal. Synergy in action.

The same happens in our personal lives. Our friends, our family, are part of our personal synergy. The difficult part is that there is not always an end goal with these relationships. Sometimes the reason, or the why, of our relationships is lost. Then we feel like we are drifting. Relationships feel shallow. Understanding and working for the WHY of our relationships is paramount. A strong marriage or friendship takes work. There are many ways to do that work. One example from my life is our tradition as a family for each person to choose a word of the year, then displaying that word in a unique way in our home (Living by One Word). Throughout the year we check-in on how we are doing with our words. We grow together.

Creating positive synergy is a powerful element for any team. No matter what type of team you are on; basketball, sales team, or family.

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Skip a Rope

I am a sucker for countdowns. Every weekend I listen to the top 40 countdown from the 80s on XM radio as I run errands. Over the last couple of days XM has been broadcasting their top 1000 country songs of all time. So of course I’ve switched over to that channel at times just to listen to the countdown for awhile. I’m not a huge country music fan, but I enjoy certain songs and artists. I flipped to channel 30 and Tim McGraw’s “My Next 30 Years” was playing, so I left the radio on the countdown. Next was Tracy Lawrence’s “Time Marches On”.  I was enjoying the countdown. As the next song started, I could tell it was a classic country song. Since I was into the countdown I decided to listen. I’m glad I did, it got me thinking about life.

The song was the only number one hit for Henson Cargill, “Skip A Rope”.

I had never heard the song before. It was released in 1968. Besides the music, sadly, this song could have been written today.

Can’t we do better?

Seriously, I could share so many links to news articles about kids being abused or neglected by parents. There is a never ending supply of examples of the hate we generate in our society.  Links to heartache. Examples of cheating.

Can’t we do better?

I know that I can not save the world. It’s hard not to get downtrodden with the never ending negative examples on the news.

What I can do…

Is read a book to my daughters tonight before bed.

Is say hello to a stranger with a smile.

Is return the shopping cart to the cart corral (even the ones sitting between cars around me).

Is smile when I see my wife at the end of the day.

What I know for sure is that I can try every day to live this life with love. To be a little more humble and kind (yes, this was on the countdown).

 

 

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Our Gift is for Others

The hardest part of our gifts – of our talents – is that they are not made for us; they are made for other people.

Let me explain…

Yes, there is a payoff for our gifts for us. Our talents enrich our lives, brings us joy. In some cases we even become rich and famous from our talents. There is a payoff for us. But we can live our whole life without expressing our talents. We can be happy. We can even be rich and famous without spending a day working on or sharing our talents.

I am a writer, a poet, a blogger. But I could spend my time not writing and be fine…

Here’s the catch.

My gift, your gifts, are meant for other people.

We have a responsibility to give our talents to the world. This is where I am going to dive deep; the why of it all.

I’ll continue to use my writing as an example, but you can swap in your gift for the rest of the blog. Ready?

A void. There is a void in our lives and in the world if we don’t share our gifts. Yes, the world will go on. Our lives, as mentioned before, will go on, but there is a void. We and others will miss moments of joy and inspiration that can change the world. I know, you think I am using a hyperbole here. I am not.

You may have seen the movie, Coach Carter, where the above clip originates from. Or have read the quote, “Our Deepest Fear” from Marianne Williamson. Part of our light is our talents. Our gifts are meant for others.

One of my favorite moments as a poet was the night I attended an open mic in Omaha where I was able to meet a young poet who was inspired by my first book of poetry that I self published in college (And I Never Told You: 20 Year Anniversary Edition). His mom bought him a copy of the book at a local coffee shop when he was in high school. He is now a regular performing artist in Omaha and Lincoln. It was only because of social media that I got to meet him and know the story.

My story highlights a hardship of our gifts… knowing what happens after we give our talent to the world. Even if we become rich and famous, we don’t know how our talent helped someone.

Stephen King is one of my favorite authors. He knows his talent is appreciated by people because of the money he earns, by his popularity. But he has no idea how his books gave me an escape during some tough times. Stephen King doesn’t know the joy I’ve experienced sharing his stories with my kids. Taking them to see the new movie version of It. He doesn’t know… and that is OK because his gift was meant for me.

As a writer I know it is hard dealing with not knowing how my words affect the world. I am sure it is the same for you. I write something I think is awesome and nothing. No thumbs up, no like or love icon activated. No retweet. I have to be OK with that because my words are meant for other people. Writing brings me a sense of joy. It is awesome when a poem finds it way out of my head and onto the page. Then I must give that poem to the world for others to use. The same applies to you and your talents. If we learn how our gifts helped someone, inspired them, that’s cool, but usually we will never know. That’s not the reason for giving.

Do you see the void now? If you do nothing with your talents you miss out on a deeper joy in your life, but the world suffers more. When you share your talents you gift the world opportunities. Opportunities of inspiration. Opportunities of joy. Opportunities to change. Your talent is a gift… give it.

Image by Myriam Zilles from Pixabay

 

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Reading is Cool!

I know what you are thinking… You are a writer, a teacher, of course you think reading is cool. 

But hold on, this post is not just about how reading helps in academics or in writing.

Even though it is true… this post is about how reading is cool.

The first reason reading is cool is because it generates unexpected thoughts. When reading a new book you will come across a line or section that makes you think about something you would not have thought about on your own. A simple line can set you off on deeper paths of thinking. A paragraph can elicit emotions or bring you to a new understanding of yourself or the world. I’ve experienced this lately.

While reading a book of poetry by A.E. Housman I came across the line above. The line challenged me emotionally, so much so I had to make a creative picture quote of it. Poetry hasn’t been the only text to challenge me. Stephen King’s book, The Outsider, has generated a sense of frustration. And that is a good thing. Without giving away the book, the story is a great example of Dramatic Irony, where the reader knows something the characters of the book don’t. By reading I get to understand myself a little better because of this emotion. I get the chance to work through why I am frustrated. Reading gives us opportunities to be challenged, to learn more about ourselves. That is cool, but it is cooler to share that experience.

The second reason reading is cool because it can be a shared experience. There is nothing like handing a person a book to read, then talking about it later. There is a different connection when people read something together because of the emotions and thoughts that they can share. One of the cool things I enjoy as a teacher is reading with students. Even though there are grades involved with studying literature, most times students enjoy the discussions that center around their thoughts and emotions.

The shared experience goes beyond the classroom, I shared in a past post (“The Why”) how a former student had a dad moment that spurred a memory from a book we read in class. The shared experience of reading is timeless. It is like a literary photograph. We can mention a book or poem and the memories flood the conversation.

Reading is important for a number of reasons. But reading is cool! Reading allows us to think of ideas we wouldn’t normally consider. Reading can make us feel emotions. Yet, the coolest part is reading can be a shared experience that connects us through those emotions and thoughts.

Below I share 5 works (in no particular order) you can read to connect with me, then share your thoughts in the comments. I can’t wait to read about what you thought.

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ACTION!

Life takes action.

Well, it takes action if you truly want a deep, fulfilling life. This post will be longer than normal and has some resources to follow to learn more.

There are two major aspects of action; the physical and the abstract. The abstract is our mental, emotional, and even spiritual aspect of our lives. Both parts work together to create our life, but I will look at each part separately before I bring it together.

Right now, especially with smartphones and computers, we are not as physically active as we could be. We think we are active because we respond to a notification on our phone. (Here is a quick and interesting article from TechCrunch, “The Psychology of Notifications”.) Technology is cool and can enhance our lives in many different ways. Yet, how do we spend our time on our phones or computers? Check your screen time. It will tell you.

Again, I am not against technology. Life is more than the screen though. The physical act of doing something brings us a more fulfilling moment because actions help create or strengthen our emotions. The article, “Action Creates Emotion,” from Psychology Today highlights this connection. Different theories and studies show that physical actions can change our emotional state for the better.

Yet, it is hard to get moving. There are a number of factors for each of us. Technology is a major one, but not the only one. Job demands. School. Hardships in life. All of these can keep us down, keep us stationary. That is why action in the abstract aspects of our life is important.

Again, the abstract is our emotional, mental, and spiritual states.

I have what you might call a “dad-ism” I use to help me keep perspective with people; “We are all works in progress.” I wish it was true for everyone, but it helps me keep a perspective of growth. I strive to grow in the abstract part of my life. To be a better man, a better husband, and father. Working in these areas take a different kind of action, but it is still action that creates a life filled with joy.

The phrase “growth mindset” is popular in education and the workplace. It means that a person understands that they can continue to learn and improve their skills in school or the job. But what about life? Well, we do now have life coaches, self-help books, and you can Google the keywords and get results from Psychology Today and LinkedIn. The advice is good, but it takes action.

How do you take action in this realm of life? I will share a few ideas (which you will also find in different resources), but honestly, each person has to find their own path…

1. Quiet time: This might look like prayer, meditation, or coffee on the porch. However you find it, find time and a place to be quiet, to reflect, to listen to your inner voice. This time allows us to consider our thoughts. Even challenge our own beliefs. The article, “7 Reasons Why You Need Quiet Time,” from Psych Central expands on this area.

2. Read (I know, English teacher coming through): OK, what I really mean is to learn. A book is a great way to learn, but we can learn from other people’s stories, pop culture, or just observing the world around you. Any type of learning expands our thinking and understanding. It can help us strengthen our skills in the area of physical action.

3. Challenge yourself: This component is personal because there are different ways to stretch ourselves. This is both a physical and abstract experience. You can remove sugar from your diet for 30 days. You can listen to a song from a different genre. The idea is to discover more about yourself. Test your strength. Remove bad habits. Challenge different parts of yourself.  A great TEDTalk to watch is “Try something new for 30 days” by Matt Cutts.

Life.

We discover the meaning from what we do.

We live deeply by becoming who we are.

That takes action. Physical action and abstract action.

What are you going to do today?

 

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What Happens When You Strive for Your Goals

Last Friday the country artist, Hailey Steele, visited our school to sing a few songs and to share an inspirational message about chasing dreams.

You may or may not recognize her name (I share a music video at the end). Hailey was part of the duet, The Line, on season two of The Voice.

Hailey shared part of her story with us in between singing some of her songs. She decided to drop out of college after her first semester to follow her dream of being a country music artist. She was only 19 when she moved to Nashville. You can learn more by reading her story at her home page linked above.

But that wasn’t the part that stuck with me. Hailey shared the advice we all hear, to follow your dreams. Which I agree with, but that is for another blog post. What stuck with me was when Hailey shared how pursuing her dream led her to opportunities she had never dreamed of. That by going after her dream she was able to do lots of cool things along the way.

Hailey Steele doesn’t have a number one song… yet. She is still working on her dream. But because she is working on her passion, her path is filled with moments that couldn’t be experienced if she had never went for her dreams.

Reaching our ultimate goal is never guaranteed. Not everyone wins. But reaching for our goals creates moments that enrich our lives. By working on our passion, by striving, moving forward, our paths take us to new opportunities we would never have had otherwise. Those moments should not be taken for granted… they are milestones for our hard work.

Thanks, Hailey Steele, for reminding me of that.

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Snow Day Reflection

Yesterday was a snow day.

Yesterday was a good day.

Yesterday was filled with games, reading, a nap, and snacks.

It was a day of family, movies playing in the background, and laughter.

Yesterday was HOME.

I wondered how other people’s day was? Who was yelled at? Who spent the whole day on their phone? Who was hungry?

One of the challenging aspects of teaching is knowing that some students don’t have a home. For my faithful readers you may remember the student poem, “I Wake Up,” that I shared on my educational blog last year. As a teacher I wish I could change the world for all my students. But I can’t. That is a hard truth that is difficult to live with.

As a husband and father, I am proud of the home I have built. It takes work. It takes work everyday. But yesterday was a reminder of why it matters. Yesterday was a snow day. It was filled with joy. It was good to be home.

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Landmarks

I used the essay, “Dearly Disconnected” by Tim Murphy in class as an example for an anecdote introduction. The heart of the essay deals with Tim’s interest in payphones and the change in our society because of cellphones. Without giving anything away, Tim takes his kids to a payphone that played an important role in his story. It was a landmark in the love story between him and his wife.

Teaching the essay got me thinking about the landmarks we have in our lives, both physical and emotional ones. Both are important in understanding where we are in life, and how we got there. Landmarks can also inspire us to move forward.

Physical landmarks are fun to revisit – to share the stories connected to that place.

Your childhood home

Your high school

The street you cruised

The place where you asked the question…

The photo above use to be a coffee shop. The coffee shop moved to a busier street, but this is where I proposed to my wife. We even had a few wedding pictures taken here. The place has changed. The story hasn’t. The importance of the moment hasn’t. Obviously that moment changed me… proposing to my wife was an emotional landmark. We are all works in progress. We have emotional landmarks that identify moments that impacted who we are today. Some good. Some hurt. Others almost destroyed us.

Many times the physical and emotional landmarks intertwine in our personal stories. The difference is that the physical setting had no real role in the moment. The emotional component is the focus. No matter if the landmark was positive or negative, emotional landmarks are worth visiting. The stories may be more intense, making them hard to share. But it is worth it.

We grow… we may even change to a degree. Our landmarks are there for us to remember, but even more importantly, to share with the people in our lives. To inspire. As a dad, I’ve come to understand the importance of sharing my landmarks with my children. My path is part of theirs. More importantly my landmarks can help them develop into who they become. 

Let’s connect; share a landmark in the comments.

 

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One Word 2020

New Year, new word…

But I will get to that in a moment. First, I do have some resolutions this year and I am going to share them in this post. My plan is to update my progress on my resolutions through a blog post each month. It is a way to be held accountable for my goals. SO, here are my resolutions.

  • Weigh 200 pounds by Dec 31, 2020. Current weight: 221.
  • Have an average screen time of just two hours a day. Current average is 4.5 hours a day.
  • Read sixty books in 2020.
  • Write the blog that takes me over 100,000 words posted on my main blog, It is all Connected. Current word count: 93332 (And I have a plan for the 100,000 word…).
  • Publish my poetry book, These Words Believe in Ghosts
  • Publish one of my fiction books that I have in drafts.

As the year progresses, I will keep you updated.

So, it is time for my one word for the year…

I really struggled finding the right word for my vision for this year. Even this word doesn’t “click” as a perfect fit, but it will work. The simple idea is to have experiences that leave me and others saying, “That was cool!” Simple enough.

Thank you for reading in 2019. I look forward to sharing more posts with you in 2020… and maybe even hearing from you in the comment section how cool the post was. Happy New Year!

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Review of 2019 Through Songs

In 2018 I wrote a blog about twenty years of marriage based on songs. I enjoyed writing that blog, so I thought it would be fun to revisit 2019 through music. So, grab your headphones and travel with me as I share 2019 through songs.

One of the biggest moments in 2019 was when I decided to audition for the musical, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone. And I did because I got the part of Vice Principal Douglas Panch. I had a blast. (Here is the blog post about that experience: What I am Learning.)

His name is Brett, and he is a service tech at the Honda dealership in Joliet, Illinois. Long story short; he got us home after our mini van broke down during a basketball tournament in Chicago this summer.  Brett is a good person.

Staying with the basketball theme, this is one of the songs my second son likes to listen to to get ready for basketball. After the Chicago trip, his team went undefeated for the rest of the summer. Through all the miles and hotel rooms, ponds, and fruit smiles, the show goes on… and as a dad, I couldn’t be prouder of his accomplishments.

My oldest son ended his high school acting career playing Tevye from the play, Fiddler on the Roof. I cried. As a father, there is nothing that breaks your heart more than the joy of seeing your children shine doing what they love. My oldest son has been acting since he was 9 years old. Watching his last performance was one of the best moments I’ve had as a dad.

I’ll end with this song from Macklemore… Even though it was released in 2017, this was a major song for me in 2019.

 

Share the song that best represents 2019 for you in the comments…

 

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