Tag Archives: life

May 7, 2025 · 9:15 pm

The Heart Goes…

I have coached football for almost 30 years. When I teach how to tackle, I teach the player to focus their eyes on the opposing players hips. To keep their head up. They should never see the grass of the field. 

I was a running back. I was taught to read my offensive linemen’s numbers. To follow their lead.

I have coached basketball. When a player is dribbling, I instruct them to have their eyes up, never look at the ball.

I have coached every event in track and field. I was a jumper in high school and college. I never looked at the board when jumping. I coach my athletes not to look at the board because the body goes where the eyes go.

But in life, there is another part of ourselves that goes with where the eyes go… that is our heart.

This is important to consider, especially at this moment in our culture. Our eyes are practically glued to screens. As a dad I see parents just sit on a park bench as their child plays. I see it in the hallways of school. I battle everyday to get students to put their phones away. You can see people looking at their phones as they drive.

The heart goes where the eyes go. Just the fact of being locked onto the screen shows what matters to someone. Parents ignore their children, students don’t talk to anyone, people don’t even know when the light changes.

I believe that our actions show what we truly care about. At this moment, I see people care more about their phones than other people, the blue sky, a friend, because their eyes are on a screen. Their heart is for the screen.

I haven’t even discussed what is on the screen, just the action of staring for HOURS a day at a screen. Our heart goes where our eyes go.

We are missing out on relationships, beauty, and a depth to our own lives because we don’t look up. We don’t observe. We don’t think. These actions strengthen our hearts. Good and bad times strengthen our hearts, but only if we look up. Observe the complexity of loving someone. Of striving for a goal. Reacting to another’s tears.  We have to see these to feel them.

If you want to know what condition your heart is in, follow where your eyes go.

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March 23, 2025 · 9:25 pm

Song Number 25

I was walking last weekend and decided to listen to my top songs from 2022 on Spotify. I have saved my top song playlist for each year. They are like musical historical documents. I enjoy writing my musical blog posts, and my first idea was to share the number ones, but that seemed to be too obvious of a choice. I had a few other ideas, but then it hit me that I would use the twenty fifth song… because 25 was my football number. And that felt right. So, here is a look back at my 25th favorite song from the last four years with a small comment for each song. Enjoy learning a little about me through music.

2021: “I can See it in Your Eyes” by Men at Work

Comment: The first cassette I ever bought was Men at Work’s Business as Usual. Which is the album that this song comes from. As I have grown older, this song has become a classic break-up song. And one I understand better. The mix of nostalgia and how a relationship can just change without a reason why.

2022: “Life in a Northern Town” by The Dream Academy

Comment: This song always painted a picture of hope amongst hard times. The song was inspired by the shipyard closures in northern England. But for me the music and lyrics mix in a way to inspire a sense of hope. When I was younger, I imagined it was me at the end of the song leaving. Even now this song comforts my spirit (as does the whole album).

2023: “Nice To Meet Ya” by Niall Horan

Comment: I do like modern music. And I enjoy songs that make me want to move, that indulge in a little romantic vibe. This song does both. I remember hearing for the first time on the commute to school. When I got to school I found it on Spotify and played it on repeat. Every time it came on the radio, I sang it to my wife. She just rolled her eyes (LOL), but with a smile. She knows my musical taste. (I have a playlist dedicated to these kinds of songs.)

2024: “Headed for a Heartbreak” by Winger

Comment: I was actually surprised that this song was this high when I first looked up the songs for each year. But after considering all the personal events and other challenges that the last couple of years brought, I could understand. And yes, it is kind of a sappy song, but that is another part of me (yes, I have a playlist dedicated to these kinds of songs, too). I was in high school when this song was released and going through some turbulent times trying to change the trajectory of my life. This song just fit for me at that time. And like the history lesson music is for all of us, it has stayed with me. It is number 12 on my top 100 of all time list. 

Honestly, I was a little surprised at the songs sitting at the twenty fifth spot for the last four years. I thought the songs would be more modern but three of the four are songs that best represent my history. Songs that remind me of where I came from, but still inspire me to move forward to become the person I wanted to be when the songs entered my life.

What are some of your foundational songs, songs that represent your history? Share them in the comment section.

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January 27, 2025 · 11:26 am

Older Blog Post 4 (Communicate)

Dadlife… it is amazing to look back at these moments knowing how my children have grown. But also how the lessons from these moments still hold true… Original post is from April 2010.

“Communicate”

            It was 1:10 in the morning and my 4-month-old daughter is antsy. I get up and find the pacifier. No go. She spits it out. I try again. She settles down. I creep back to my bed. Pull the blanket over me and feel the quiet darkness of sleep fill my mind.

            “Augghrrr, Augghrrr, whaaaa,” she cries.

            With a sigh only a frustrate parent knows, I head back to the crib. I try the pacifier again, but she is not settling down. OK, diaper? I set her down and get a clean diaper on her.  Lay her down, repeat the bed, cover, darkness of sleep and she repeats her audible noise of discontent.

            My wife groggily suggests a 4-ounce bottle. So, I head upstairs. I am actually waking up by this time. My wife feeds her, I fall back asleep. 

            In a blur of slumber and frustration, my daughter wakes me up. It is now 1:36. I go for the pacifier, again. We fall into a pacifier, spit it out, pacifier; spit it out routine with a few of those frustrated sighs thrown in for fun.

            I pick her up. In the darkness, I can see her looking at me. Then her eyes close.  For the next five minutes, I rock her in my arms. Victory. I lay her down, check the pacifier and head to my pillow.

            1:52. My frustration level is now high. But I squash it. Let out a good 30-second sigh and head to the crib. Next trick is laying her on her belly. This time it works. With a last little sigh, from her, the night continues.

            As a fall asleep, I think about how much easier it would be if she could only tell me what she wants, or what is bugging her. My mind wanders about that idea, about how many of life’s hardships are based on this premise. The ability to communicate. To communicate truthfully. To simply express what is bugging us. To tell the people around us what we need. Many times, we are afraid of what will happen if we do. What will the other person think? Does this make me look weak? Do I have the words to actually express what I am feeling?

            I see the negative consequences of not communicating in the classroom and in life. I see people just continue to be “antsy” and live everyday in a constant agitated state, simply because they will not or cannot communicate what they need. 

            I hear my little girl sleeping soundly, I had figured out what she wanted. But, I cannot wait until she can tell me in her own words.

            4:50 a.m.  It is the alarm clock this time.  I restrain from telling the clock what I feel this morning….

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January 23, 2025 · 11:19 am

Older Blog Post 3 (Open Letter)

It is hard not to fix some of the grammar or style of these older posts. But the voice of the writing still reflects me well. This is an open letter blog post to my high school football coach, posted March 2010.

“Open letter to Coach Yeaman, my football coach.”

Dear Coach Yeaman,

            I hope this letter finds you in good spirits and still coaching.  At the moment, I am at a crossroads in my life and find myself relying on a foundation you helped install in me to get me through this moment.  I do not know if you consciously thought of this foundation in your coaching philosophy, all I know is that it was a major factor in how our athlete – coach relationship was built.  And that foundation was Truth.  The truth of where I was athletically, of who I could become, and what it took to get things done.  I do not remember you ever talking about this foundation, but you coached it.  Even on my first day of organized football.

            I had just moved to Douglas, Wyoming, the summer of 1984.  I would have been a seventh grader and wanted the chance to play football.  I wanted to be a running back.  I had big dreams of breaking tackles and running for the end zone.  But, I was over-weight.  Coming from a lifestyle of sitting in front of the TV, playing video games (Atari at that time) and eating frozen pizza almost all the time.  I was at 200 plus pounds, but in my head, I was a running back.

            We had finished warming up, the weight of the helmet was stiffing up my neck, and I was sweating; yet feeling good.  You hollered to break up into offensive groups.  Running backs were in the west corner of the field (oh yes, I remember because me and the light post in that corner would be good friends soon).

            “Monkey rolls.  Eighth graders show them how it is done.”

            Three boys fell to the ground in a blur of motion, one body popping up every other second as the other two rolled.  The whistle blew, three more bodies.  My turn.  We did not make it ten seconds.  I did not know it then, but I was a DK (drill killer).  My group did not get through a cycle, but I was winded.  I walked back to the line to wait my second turn.  My head drooping.

            “Let’s do this right this time, men.”  I was determined to do it right.  My group actually got through a couple of rotations before I killed it again, but this time it was because I was going to be sick.  My body felt like lead, my head light, and I stumbled toward the light pole for support.  I could feel the group watching as the wave of nausea moved up and out.  I did not even have time to take off my helmet.  I do not know how long I was there, but it felt like forever.  Just when I thought I could stand, another wave would hit.  In the distance, I could hear practice continuing without me.

            At some point, I stood up and there you were.

            “Get a drink, rinse off your helmet, and why don’t you go practice with the line,” and then you patted my shoulder and walked away.  I was heartbroken, but headed to the other side of the field.  You did not make a big deal about it, but simply stated what was true at that moment.  I was not a running back, yet.

            I would spend the next month finding my athletic ability.  I practiced as a center; in fact, I would be a long snapper, at times, even in high school.  Many nights after practice I would get home and fall asleep from exhaustion.  However, toward the end of the season I was practicing as a halfback.  (Remember my first attempt at running our reverse play? How John and I just ran into each other at full speed.  I do not think I ever saw you laugh that hard ever again.)

            I was lucky enough to have you as my junior high and high school coach.  Over the next five seasons, there would be all kinds of moments where you would use the truth as a foundation of coaching.

            I got the chance to be a varsity kick returner as a freshman because I held onto a punt as I was leveled during a JV game.  As a senior, a junior wanted my position as kick returner.  He was faster then me.  I lost the “run-off”.  Yet, I did not lose my position, you said there was more to returning than speed.  You even apologized to me when you were wrong.  We were flagged for false start during a trick two-point play.  On the sideline, you yelled at me for it.  However, after watching film you apologized because it was the fullback.  There are a number of different memories I have that you let me learn the hard way.  But it always revealed the truth of the situation or my effort.

            I wish I could say we had won a state title, but my senior year we went 2-6.  We lost our last game in triple overtime.  I wish I could say my life was a typical teenager’s, but it was not.  I had to go through some very rough times.  But your greatest lesson to me, the one that helped me through high school, and throughout my entire life happened in eighth grade.

            It was halfway through the season; I had grown a few inches.  I had filled out some. Life in school was good.  I had made some good friends during my seventh grade year.  Home life had, at the moment, settled down.  I was feeling good.

            We were practicing offensive plays.  I was not actually dogging it, but I was not practicing hard.  I was being tackled by the first hits.  The whistle blew.  I dropped the ball down, headed to the huddle, only to be grabbed by the facemask, and turned 180 degrees to face you.

            Honestly, I cannot remember exactly what you said.  The main point was that I was too big, too talented to be playing like I was.  The message was delivered hard and fast.  The message was not negative, but I was crying.  You blew the whistle, called the play, and continued to tell me that I needed to hit that hole like I could.

            I could barely see the offensive line through my tears.  My mind had cleared with an intense “I’ll show you” focus.  Snap.  I shot forward.  I do not remember seeing the hole or the defense.  But I ran.

            The whistle blared, “Freeze, everyone.  Don’t move.”  I “opened” my eyes.  I stood alone looking at the tennis/basketball courts in the distance.

            You hollered for me to turn around.  There was a line of junior high players on the ground highlighting my path.

            “That is what you are capable of, Jamey.”  And practice continued.

            Again, it would be nice to express how life was perfect from that moment on, but that would not be the truth.  I did get a scholarship to play football at Hastings College.  But I quit after one season (my biggest regret).  I have had other low points, but have focused my efforts and ran through.  I am now a father of five and married to a lovely wife.  I am a teacher and a coach.  And one of the founding aspects of my coaching philosophy is truth.  To show my athletes what they can do, just as you did for me so many seasons ago.  Thank you, Coach Yeaman.

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January 21, 2025 · 8:24 am

Older Blog Post 2 (Happiness)

Looking back on these older posts have been a personal challenge. This post from Feb 4, 2008, is an interesting look back on my teaching career and the challenges of being a father.

“Happiness”

Lately in class, Happiness is a sub-theme of some of the literature I am teaching.  Gretchen Rubin is doing a Happiness project that she will present in a book this year.  Recently, I filled out a 25 Fact Note project on Facebook, one of my posts was that I was not as happy as people think. There is a long story that goes with that post, but this entry is not about my past. It is about Happiness and the destruction of it.

I experienced unadulterated happiness this morning. My littlest girl is about three months old.  She smiles and coos regularly now. She loves to have her feet rubbed. It sends her into a rush of smiles and flaying arms and legs. When I get close to her and start to speak, she searches for me with her eyes. When she finds me, she unleashes a smile and tries to sit up to get closer to me. Happiness rushes through me as a father. I can see the outward expression on her face that she is happy.

            My oldest child is now eight. He is smart as a whip. So much that I have to be careful of what I say because he can argue a point by using my words against me. Lately, he has not been happy. Most of the reason for that is me. My expectations I have for him.  My wife says we are too alike. She is correct. I have been working on my side of the relationship.  However, what hit home was a picture on my desk. 

            A couple of nights ago as I was paying bills, I looked up as I was doing math in my head and glanced up to a picture of me reading to my oldest son when he was about a year old. He is outright laughing, pure happiness. What happen?

What happen to my students? Many days I stand in front of the class and look out to a sea of faces that show no joy. Pure happiness is a rare occasion. Even when they are engaged in the lesson, I hear hollowness to the laughter, a slight downward tint to their smiles. What happen?

            I know that the answer is only visible through each student’s life. But as a father and as a teacher I think I know my role in the destruction of their happiness. Pressure. All kinds of pressure. 

            With my youngest happiness is based on two things. 

One: I see you. 

Two: Interactions.

As I look at my relationship as a father with my oldest, I see two things. 

One: I see you, usually in a critical way. 

Two: Interaction, mostly, do what I say, or hurry up, or some other form of pressure based on my expectations of how I want my children to act. 

You think I would learn. When I am at my best as a dad I interact with my oldest on the simple level of happiness. 

One: I see you and love you. 

Two: Interact by showing that. 

Then we both experience happiness  (not to mention we get weird looks at K-mart because of our laughter).

      As a teacher it is more complicated. I have pressure from all kinds of sources. I know that I pass that on to the class. I don’t mean to, but it happens. Yet, if we look inside the classroom, why do students raise their hands? They want to be seen and interacted with.  Why do they show us their work as we walk around the room? They want to been seen and interacted with. Can I bring real happiness to my classroom, I don’t know. But I will see and try. One student at a time.

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January 16, 2025 · 1:17 pm

Past Blog Post Series

I have been writing on this blog since 2011… I had an earlier blog that I lost when I changed jobs. I still have the rough drafts of that earlier blog and I thought it would be fun to share some of those posts as a series over the next couple of weeks.

At the moment I don’t know if I will present them as is or edit them in some way. I am leaning toward just adding some thoughts about the blog afterwards. Kind of then and now post.

So, for fun I decided to find the first video I watched on YouTube.

Like lots of tech tools I have used over the decades, this company is no longer operating.

I can’t count how many apps and tools I have used in my classroom that are now gone. Part of the change life brings.

The latest YouTube video was used in class last week.

This is a great TEDTalk. And it also reflects a change in what I do. I use TEDTalks for a number of lessons. They are great ways to show how content in the classroom is reflected in the real world or in a person’s story.

I’m not sure how many past blog post I will share, but this should be a fun series!

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December 30, 2024 · 5:44 pm

2025 Word

Believe Verb: to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something

“Believe” is my word for 2025.

There are so many reasons for choosing this word, most of them based on the different ways the world tried to break my faith in anything good. And has almost succeeded.

This is the eleventh year of choosing a word to focus on. Some years have been filled with great stories (Living by One Word), other words helped me stay focused on my goals, but this year I am trying to ignite an aspect of my life that feels tired, hopeless, and dark. 

There is so much to believe in… and staying focused on seeing those elements in the everyday is important to keeping a clear view of what life is about. It is important for filling the heart, and helping maintain the energy to pursue goals, handle stressful moments, and build a joyful life.

Yes, I can hear the bell ring…

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November 3, 2024 · 8:31 pm

Wasting Time

Friday afternoon my youngest daughter and I played “How Close to the Ceiling Can You Throw the Ball?” A childhood classic!

As we dealt with errant throws and bad attempts at catching the ball when it ricocheted off the ceiling, we made up a crazy theory game, “Theory has it…”

“Theory has it you already missed the catch.”

“Theory has it that you are an elephant on another planet.”

“Theory has it you met Taylor Swift in elementary school.” (She’s a Swifty.)

The theory game got super silly, there were a few good throws at the ceiling, but we spent a lot of time getting up from the floor to retrieve the purple Pizza Ranch ball. There were no phones or screens (we would play Minecraft later). We wasted a lot of time that afternoon. Wasted time on us. Wasted time feeling joy.

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August 4, 2024 · 7:18 pm

Smashed Blueberries

It has been a busy summer. We have missed making blueberry muffins a number of times, but this morning we were in our normal routine. It was a quiet morning as all my daughters were still sleeping as my wife and I made breakfast.

As happens with me, my mind wandered through some random thoughts, but then dived deep as I smashed the blueberries into the batter. 

Backstory: about a year ago my third daughter asked if there was a way to have the blueberries throughout the muffin. Blueberries are one of her favorite foods. So the next time we made blueberry muffins I smashed some of the blueberries and continued to mix in the blueberries instead of folding them into the batter. The batter was almost purple when I spooned it into the paper cups. My daughter loved them and since then I smash the blueberries for our Sunday muffins.

This morning my mind made an interesting connection to life; smashing blueberries became a metaphor to a deep thought. School is about to start, so let’s look at this metaphor.

Blueberries are love.

Muffins are a day… or a year, or a lifetime, really they are a symbol for time.

The instructions on the box say to fold the blueberries into the batter. This allows the blueberries to stay whole, but are spread out through the muffins. So, technically you can bite into a muffin and not get a blueberry. Now, once you eat all of the muffin you will have enjoyed some blueberries. 

Flip to the other part of the metaphor. On any given day we give and receive moments of love. Some days there are a lot of blueberries – moments of love. But other days, there are not many moments of feeling love or giving love. The baker didn’t fold the blueberries well and the muffin is bare of blueberries. Sadly, I think too many people live through days like this.

For the last year or so, I have smashed the blueberries so that every bite has at least a taste of blueberryness. Now, we cannot ‘smash’ love, but what if we made sure we spread out moments of love throughout every day, especially with our family and friends? In a sense making sure that each day there is a taste of love. Can you imagine how good that muffin would taste?

When I make blueberry muffins, I smash the blueberries into the batter so that every bite has a taste of love. I want my days to taste just as good.

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August 1, 2024 · 7:02 pm

Let’s be Real about 26 Years

Today (Aug 1) is our 26 year wedding anniversary. My word for this year is ‘real’. As I walked early this morning, I spent time reflecting on what these 26 years have taught me. What it has taught me about life and myself. So I’m going to be real about the last 26 years.

Choice

I know it is cliche, in fact I could provide you with thousands of powerful quotes about how our lives are affected by choice. But a cliche has a level of truth to it, and sometimes we shouldn’t ignore that truth of a cliche. 

Our lives are our choices.

I’ve written about this before. I have made some important choices in my life, but the last 26 years have taught me some interesting aspects of choice, especially as my family grew. My choices affected more than just me.

The most important aspect of choice I’ve learned is the power of my response to ANYTHING that happens. And this is hard because at any moment I can tear down or build up someone with my response. Most importantly my wife and kids. It is too easy to just be on auto pilot with the routine of life, and that is where I’ve messed up at times, be it an exasperated sigh or a harsh word spoken without me thinking. 

It is hard, but not impossible to be aware of our choice in how we respond to events and people.

Another aspect of choice is another cliche in a way, but choose to do what you love. This doesn’t mean you abandon all responsibilities, that will lead you away from happiness. Choosing to do what you love will affect all aspects of your life. Understand the power of that choice. It will influence your job or career. It will change the way you live each day. The way you interact with people. And if you can do what you love as a career, awesome for you! But if you can’t, still do what you love.  I don’t make a single cent on my blog, no ads, no subscriptions, but I love writing and sharing. The happiness I get from my writing filters into all the other parts of my life.

But, choosing to do what you love is important on a smaller scale. I’m talking about doing the everyday things you love. If you love watching horror movies, make sure you watch them. If you like ice cream, enjoy a bowl every once and awhile (yes, it’s important to be healthy but being happy affects your health, too). I love playing Minecraft with my daughters. We play at least a couple times a week. Live life by choosing to do what you love.

Life 

And then there is the other side of the coin… no choice at all.  At times life hits us with events that we are helpless to change. My mom dying of cancer was out of my control. I did and do have control over how I respond. But life will present us with situations that make us feel helpless and lost.

Then there is the connection of life where we have to deal with other people’s choices. The best principal I ever worked with left the school we were working at together. His decision affected more than just my professional life, but I did not have control of his career choices. All I could do was choose how I responded.

This is a factor present in my home everyday! Even now with two of my children building their own lives, the house is still filled with six people and the decisions, both big and small, that we all have to respond to. It could be the simple moment of not liking a favorite food. (Which happens all the time. I swear I need a daily memo of these changes… the fun of #dadlife.) My house is a microcosm of dealing with how intertwined our lives are and the effects of choices that ripple through a single day for each of us.

Life is a complex balance of choice and unexpected moments, both joyful and heartbreaking.

Questions

You would think I had all the answers after 26 years. I don’t. But I have learned to appreciate the questions and find joy in searching for the answers.

Yes, there are still big questions. This past year hit me hard regarding death and in turn the reason for this life. I don’t have a definite answer, but even through the heartache I have been able to connect with people. I have written powerful poetry, while spending time growing spiritually. That is the part of trying to answer the questions that bring depth to our life.

But even the small questions: Can I make an omelet? Leads to learning new skills and fun moments.

I still have big questions that I am working on. Life questions that I have blogged about before. And even though some of them are painful, there is joy in searching for the answers because I discover more about this life.

The last 26 years have shown me that most of my life is in my choices, from career changes to responding to a teenager waking up in a bad mood. And even when life hits with challenging moments that make us feel lost, we have the choice on how we respond. That choice is even present in the questions we seek to answer about ourselves and this life we are given.

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