Category Archives: Life

July 5, 2014 · 9:20 pm

Selling out (100th Post)

Freshman Year

I thought it would fun to go back in time for my 100th post.

Yes, in high school I was a gymnast and then a diver in my junior and senior year. One thing I learned from the two sports was to “Sell Out.”

Senior Year

Senior Year

Whether it was doing a tumbling run that ended in a forward flip or working on my reverse one and half in a pike position, I had to sell out.

Selling out meant trusting your foundation and going for it.

Selling out was important when learning a new routine or dive. If I didn’t sell out to the dive I wouldn’t learn it, and most of the time I would hurt myself with a wicked belly flop. But think of a twisting rotating belly flop. And if you are wondering, yes you can belly flop on the floor mats when doing a tumble run for the floor exercise in gymnastics.

This blog isn’t about all the hard work that goes into the fundamentals, the small steps, but long hours one takes to build strength. It is about those moments before you are about to do a routine on the high bar or attempting, for the first time, a forward 2 and a half forward dive.

Selling out doesn’t eliminate fear, but the mind set allows you to attack the fear. Focusing on selling out pushes the fear to the back of your mind. A moment of honesty here, to calm my nerves I use to sing “You’ve Got It (The Right Stuff)” by New Kids on the Block. I even had a judge ask me what I was singing before I attempted my dives. We all have unique ways to get our mind focused.

Selling out doesn’t even guarantee success, however, it does allow us to recover from failure or a rough spot to be able to succeed. In the 1988 Olympics everyone remembers this dive from Greg Louganis…

But most people forgot he actually came back from that moment to win the gold and he won the 10-meter platform gold, too.

Selling out isn’t just for athletics, though. Life presents us with moments to sell out. To stand moments away from testing our foundations, to see if we can move to the next level. Maybe it is changing jobs. Maybe it is connecting with your family. Maybe it is just going after a goal you keep putting off. But too many people walk away from the diving board.

It is safe that way.

Selling out will not eliminate fear; it is no promise of success. So why sell out? Because, to be honest, it is the only way to find your greatest moments.

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June 23, 2014 · 2:59 pm

Trees…

Storm DamageIt was 2 o’clock Sunday morning and I was feeding my youngest a bottle. I could see lightening flash between the curtains. The wind picked up and I carried my daughter with her bottle to the front door so I could remove our flower decoration before it started to bang against the door. This summer has been active with major storms. As I sat feeding my daughter and listening to the storm, I started to think about the trees. We have a park about a mile away that had a number of trees that were damaged from the last couple of storms. Sunday’s storm didn’t sound too intense, but I wondered if there would be any more trees damaged.

And as thoughts at 2 in the morning can become deep, I started to think of us, people, as trees.

Let’s take a pause for a second to understand how I started to think about people as trees. At the moment I’m reading One Yard Short by Les Steckel. I’m at the point where the Patriots fired him in 1988 and he is talking about being broken from a few rough years of coaching.

I have had a tough transition to losing my head coaching position in May. But this post is not about how dreams change, that is for a later post.

This post is a reflection on why trees get damaged in storms.

Sunday's StormThe picture above is from Sunday. It is a tree in the park I mentioned above. The tree has withstood all the other severe storms through the summer. So why did the Sunday morning storm, which was calm compared to others we have experienced, take down the tree?

Why didn’t other trees have damage?

Why did the already damaged trees stand strong through Sunday’s storm?

I don’t have an answer.

Just as I don’t know which “storm” in life will bring a person down. We never know which storm we will be able to withstand, to be strong through, and which storm may break us. Even if it is a smaller storm.

In the park there are trees that seem to have not been affected by any of the storms. Why? All the trees experienced the same winds, the same rain, but each storm damaged different trees.

In our lives we are faced with all kinds of storms. And we prepare for them, we strengthen our character, consider the consequence of our actions, but we really don’t know which storm may totally uproot us.

What I do know is that storms will come, and that we may experience damage, but unlike trees we have family and friends to help pick up the leaves and branches. To help get our roots back into the ground and help us grow stronger before the next storm.

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May 7, 2014 · 3:03 pm

What we do…

There are moments.

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Made with PicLits.com

 

There are moments that are sudden.

There are moments that leave us wondering what to do next.

There are moments that challenge everything about you. And you know that the next step will change everything.  But that step is hard to take.

Do you step forward?

Do you step to the right or the left?

You can even turn around and step in a totally different direction.

But you can’t stand still.  No matter how crushing the moment is.  No matter how you want to scream at the top of your lunges, “What now?”

A step has to be made.  And that is how you build strength. How your character is forged.  Stay on your feet and take the next step.

 

 

 

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April 17, 2014 · 10:41 am

Foundation of Leadership

As life would have it, an idea has been reinforced through what I have been reading, watching, and trying to do in my life. The idea can be expressed best this way:

How you lead people is what you lead people to.

This idea is not about getting results. It is not about how to get people to buy in to an idea. It is about the foundation of leadership. In our life, our jobs, we find ourselves in leadership roles. As a teacher and coach, but also as a husband and father, this idea has gotten my mind thinking about how I am doing things. So, what does the idea mean?

HOW we lead is the foundation we build FOR the ones who are following us. The foundation for our family, our students, or teams.

If we use fear, or negativity to lead, the foundation we build for others will be passivity, resentment, and at times rebellion.

If we are unorganized or disengaged, people will feel lost and isolated. They will not connect to the vision you have, no matter how grand it is.

If we lead with love, clear guidelines, and respect… we lead people to that. They will feel connected, feel they matter, and will have the strength to handle the rough times.

Yes, a part of leadership is results. I know that. Having an 0-8 football season last year has created a challenge for me. And results are one of the ways we measure how well we are doing. But results will vary in life. Foundations are how we handle those variations.

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Made with PicLits.com.

 

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April 9, 2014 · 9:08 am

Crazy Socks Day

My routine this morning was normal. The alarm went off at 4:50. My wife gave us four more minutes by hitting the snooze button. I got my coffee and cereal, sat down to watch Sports Center. After 20 minutes it is my turn for the shower. My wife and I were ready for the day by 5:50. We moved into the next phase of our family routine, getting the kids ready. Today, that was a little different.

“Happy crazy socks day, Mom,” said my four-year-old.

Today at daycare it’s Crazy Socks and Hat day. So the girls got up with more excitement and energy. We picked out hats, a pink cowboy hat and a sea themed visor, made mismatching socks and we were ready to go a few minutes earlier.

Their energy to start the day and the excitement to wear a hat and crazy socks got me thinking about how an adult’s world can get so routine. How we can have a good day, but the routine brings us down. The girls’ routine would not change much at daycare, but a small thing like crazy socks  can make a huge difference in their perception of the day. The socks don’t cost anything. The hat won’t really interfere with the girls’ day. But their day started with a smile and a desire to get to daycare to share in their Crazy Socks and Hat day.

We can make a small change that will make a huge difference in the excitement we have for the day. So for anyone who reads this you can join me tomorrow, April 10th, for the unofficial Crazy Socks day. Share your photo of your socks tomorrow with #crazysocksday.

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March 20, 2014 · 12:49 pm

Mixed Cereal

“Can I have mixed cereal?” My daughter asks.IMG_3775

“Yep, what kind?” I reply.

“Reese’s Puffs…”

“And…” I try to drag out the second cereal for the mix.

“Reese’s Puffs and…”

“How about Apple Jacks?”

“Yeah, Apple jacks.” She jumps up from the couch and heads to the kitchen.

This conversation is from a few days ago with my four year-old.  Lately, my three older girls have started to eat mixed cereal.  Simply put, mixing different kinds of cereals in the morning or at snack time.

My oldest daughter first asked for this about a month ago one morning as I was getting her cereal ready.  When she asked, my first response was going to be, “No.”  But before I said it, I wondered to myself why I was going to say no.

Time? It would take all of 20 seconds to open another box and pour it into the bowl.  But life falls into routines, and a change in that routine makes us think about how it will affect our time.  Every morning I say something like, “We got to go.” Trying to get the kids to hurry so that we stay “on time.”  But time wasn’t a good enough reason.

It is odd. Who ever heard of mixing cereal… (let alone pop). I really caught myself on this idea.  Was I really going to tell her no because it was different?  But I started to wonder how many times did I do that.  How many times do our kids get a knee jerk “NO” from us simply because it is different?   I take certain sense of pride for thinking outside the box, but this moment challenged me.  Showed me how fast we can react to an idea that is outside the (cereal) box and shut it down before we even consider it.  How many ways to can we actually crush creativity?

Since I couldn’t think of a reason for her not to have mix cereal for breakfast, we started a trend in our home.  It is a simple act, but a tasteful one.

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February 26, 2014 · 9:53 am

14 Steps

There are about 14 steps from my little girls’ room to the living room.  Every weekday morning, around 6:00 a.m., I head to their room.  Taking turns, I wrap each girl in their blanket and carry them out to the living room.  They are heavy with sleep.  But in small ways they snuggle into my arms; an arm around my neck, moving their head onto my chest, or curling up into the fetal position to fit in my arms.

The girls are five and four years old.  I can shake them awake. They could walk to the living room.  They find their way to our room at two in the morning, that’s for sure.  But it is 14 steps.  It is 14 steps that I will, soon enough, not walk with them in my arms.  They will grow and be too heavy with age to carry. It is 14 steps that I can show them that dad loves them.

Some of our greatest moments are the smallest.  What can you do today in 14 steps?  Find that path and watch how the world looks better in just 14 steps.

steps

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February 7, 2014 · 10:54 am

Bad Day

So, I remembered I needed to pack two lunches as the family was heading out the door.

My wife couldn’t find her jacket.

I forgot my computer halfway to daycare.  Had to turn around and go back to the house.

It was the start of a bad day.

And you know what?  I think that it is good to have a bad day… or at least a bad section to the day.  Here’s why.

One: It jolts us from our comfort zone.  On most mornings our household is routine.  A little stressed at times, but in most cases our mornings are uneventful.  This morning was a jolt to our routine.  It reminded me that I needed to make sure I have my to-do list ready each morning.  I should have been ready for the extra time to make my children’s lunches, but I wasn’t.

Two: It allows us to practice mental toughness.  I know this is coach speech, but it is important in life, too.  In sports an athlete or coach has to let go of a bad play.  I instruct my football players that they have about five seconds to be mad (or even happy) after a play.  Walk back to the huddle mad but walk to the line focused on the next play.  It is the same for life. A day is filled with moments; letting one thing affect everything else is a guarantee to having a bad day.  And sometimes we let a bad day turn into a bad week, or even month. Or longer.

Three: A bad day can teach us that something needs to change, if we are willing to be honest with ourselves.  When things go wrong for a while, something isn’t working.  It might take sometime to figure it out, but it is worth it.

So, if you might be having a bad day… cool.  I hope you find the benefit from it to change today to a great day.

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January 28, 2014 · 12:07 pm

Top of the Stairs

Stairs“Boys!” I holler, standing at the top of the stairs.

No response. I know that they are probably in their rooms, which are opposite the stairs.

“Boys!” I holler again.

No response.

And then yes, I holler again, “Boys!”

The frustration of not being heard starts to rise…

We have all been in this situation at sometime and in some form.  Sometimes we are the ones hollering and other times we are the one being hollered at.  It might be from the stairs or two rooms away.  And in most cases the whole situation ends up in frustration.

“Why didn’t you answer?”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

“WHAT?!?”

Why do we do this?  We all want to be heard. And that just might be the problem. We want to be heard instead of communicating.  Many times when I holler down to the boys it is to tell them it is time for dinner, or it is time to leave for school.  Even with this simple of a moment, I am concerned with being heard.  That mindset causes me to repeat myself until I get frustrated.

When we communicate we have to consider the other person.  Who they are.  What they might think or feel.  Where they are.  When I keep a communicating mindset with my boys I might still holler from the top of the stairs but when they don’t answer I walk down the stairs to where they are. Situation is frustration free.  Plus, we are all sitting at the table in less time than if I just stood there yelling until I finally go downstairs to find them.

Sadly, I see us yelling from the stairs on Facebook, Twitter, and in the classroom.  We are more concerned with being heard than communicating.  We don’t even consider the other person’s existence much of the time.  We holler, wondering why nobody hears us.  We holler and wonder why we feel disconnected and alone.  If we would have a mindset to communicate, we automatically start connecting with people because we have to consider them in how we talk.  Be it our children, our friends, students, or followers on Twitter.

So, when you find yourself at the top of the stairs, frustrated, stop to consider walking down the stairs to talk with the person.  I know it will make the difference in your connection with that person and you will know you were heard.

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January 16, 2014 · 8:36 am

Never Faltered

I will be honest; I have wanted to write about this for a while.  There is a gentleman in our church who has impacted my life and my family through the simplest thing.  He loved his wife.

For years, by chance, we sat behind him and his wife.  His wife’s hearing was bad and he would spend the service helping her find the song in the hymnal or repeat what the Father had said, “He said there was going to be donuts after the service.” Not once did I hear an attitude of frustration leak into his voice.  During the winter he would help her with her coat.  They would hold hands during the service.

We attend a catholic church, and he would shake all of my children’s hands during the moment when the congregation would offer each other the sign of peace (shaking hands and repeating, “Peace be with you.”).  Through the years we would run into them at the supper market. He would always spend a moment and a smile with us.  They were married for 50 plus years.

He lost his wife a little over a year ago.  And he now attends Saturday night services. He still stops to talk and smile with us when we attend Saturday services, too.  I haven’t had the courage (but I plan on telling him the next time I see him) to share with him how his everyday love for his wife was a real example for me as a husband and person.  His love for his wife was visible and constant.  At different times I reflect on his example as a reminder that the strongest way to build my marriage and life is in how I love everyday.

Our lives are living examples for everyone around us.  Or everyday practices mean more in the long run than a single grand moment. Not that single moments don’t make an impact.  But his example was so true, so powerful because it never faltered.  This world can pull and push and drag us with different influences.  We can spend our days being pushed and pulled and dragged through this life.  Or we can stand strong in our lives.  Loving those that matter most to us every single day.

To gently whisper, “Page 87, dear.” Place our hand on her shoulder, pull her close, and sing as if we are the only two people in the church.

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