Looking back on these older posts have been a personal challenge. This post from Feb 4, 2008, is an interesting look back on my teaching career and the challenges of being a father.
“Happiness”
Lately in class, Happiness is a sub-theme of some of the literature I am teaching. Gretchen Rubin is doing a Happiness project that she will present in a book this year. Recently, I filled out a 25 Fact Note project on Facebook, one of my posts was that I was not as happy as people think. There is a long story that goes with that post, but this entry is not about my past. It is about Happiness and the destruction of it.
I experienced unadulterated happiness this morning. My littlest girl is about three months old. She smiles and coos regularly now. She loves to have her feet rubbed. It sends her into a rush of smiles and flaying arms and legs. When I get close to her and start to speak, she searches for me with her eyes. When she finds me, she unleashes a smile and tries to sit up to get closer to me. Happiness rushes through me as a father. I can see the outward expression on her face that she is happy.
My oldest child is now eight. He is smart as a whip. So much that I have to be careful of what I say because he can argue a point by using my words against me. Lately, he has not been happy. Most of the reason for that is me. My expectations I have for him. My wife says we are too alike. She is correct. I have been working on my side of the relationship. However, what hit home was a picture on my desk.
A couple of nights ago as I was paying bills, I looked up as I was doing math in my head and glanced up to a picture of me reading to my oldest son when he was about a year old. He is outright laughing, pure happiness. What happen?
What happen to my students? Many days I stand in front of the class and look out to a sea of faces that show no joy. Pure happiness is a rare occasion. Even when they are engaged in the lesson, I hear hollowness to the laughter, a slight downward tint to their smiles. What happen?
I know that the answer is only visible through each student’s life. But as a father and as a teacher I think I know my role in the destruction of their happiness. Pressure. All kinds of pressure.
With my youngest happiness is based on two things.
One: I see you.
Two: Interactions.
As I look at my relationship as a father with my oldest, I see two things.
One: I see you, usually in a critical way.
Two: Interaction, mostly, do what I say, or hurry up, or some other form of pressure based on my expectations of how I want my children to act.
You think I would learn. When I am at my best as a dad I interact with my oldest on the simple level of happiness.
One: I see you and love you.
Two: Interact by showing that.
Then we both experience happiness (not to mention we get weird looks at K-mart because of our laughter).
As a teacher it is more complicated. I have pressure from all kinds of sources. I know that I pass that on to the class. I don’t mean to, but it happens. Yet, if we look inside the classroom, why do students raise their hands? They want to be seen and interacted with. Why do they show us their work as we walk around the room? They want to been seen and interacted with. Can I bring real happiness to my classroom, I don’t know. But I will see and try. One student at a time.
It is all Connected 