Tag Archives: life

November 12, 2019 · 4:57 pm

Life Lessons About Fatherhood

Life has hit me with some serious dots lately… dots that reveal the importance of fathers. Let me share the dots with you in an honest and vulnerable post…

Dot 1. We are reading the book Night by Elie Wiesel. One of the themes is about family that develops into the father-son relationship.

Dot 2. I am preparing for a local poetry slam. One of the poems I have decided to use is about an old photo of my father and me.

Then in a single night, life hit me with three dots. Two of the dots are surface level moments, but then the last dot shook me. I’ll get to that.

Dots 3 and 4. Saturday night I was traveling to Lincoln to pick up my second son from his first job as an intern for Striv. He was working on the highlight videos for state volleyball.  He had been in Lincoln since Friday morning, shooting footage of games and then editing video for the introductions before the championship games. Dot 3 was just being a dad. A proud dad. The time on the road allowed me to think about life, about being a father. Dot 4 is a song. I grabbed some CDs to listen to on the road. One of the CDs was Lupe Fiasco’s Food and Liquor. The song, “He Say, She Say,” deals with the effects of a son without his father.

Then the last dot… Dot 5. A moment that has been scrambling my spirit, even today. I tried writing a poem… I have written a version of this post, like five times, what you are reading is just me deciding to write as truthful as I can.

I had to stop to gas up the car on my way to Lincoln. I pulled up to the second row of pumps. There was a white truck at the first row of pumps next to the store. From my angle I could see the front end of the truck and the driver’s side door which was open. I couldn’t see the person filling the tank because of the gas pump. I was going through the routine of filling up the car when I was struck by a voice from the truck.

A little boy said, “Dad… I’m sorry Dad!  Dad? I’m sorry…”

My chest collapsed. Tears stung my eyes. I could hear the sorrow and fear of abandonment. I could see him, strapped into a car seat. Eyes wide. Head moving back and forth looking for his father. Feeling alone. Needing to see his father’s eyes, to hear his dad say that he was still loved.

Then he said it again, louder, with a tearful edge, “Dad, I’m sorry!  Dad? Dad, I’m sorry!” (Yes, I am tearing up as I write this.)

His dad doesn’t respond. I know as a father that I have had to calm myself down at times before I interact with my children. So, I don’t think much about the child’s dad not handling the moment right then. I finish filling up the tank and get back into the car trying to handle my emotions.

I think about all my students who have rough family lives. I think about my own children who have said that they are sorry… but I can’t figure out why my heart hurts so bad… I get onto the interstate still dealing with the waves of emotions crashing in my chest.

When it hit me… The little boy’s voice mirrored my own pain. Even at the age of 48 I fight that feeling of abandonment and fear the boy reflected in his apology to his dad. Without getting into my messy life story, I haven’t had a relationship with my father since I was 10 years old. I know that part of the destruction of that relationship is my decision. But that doesn’t change the feelings of being lost and unloved that I battle with almost everyday.

If you are a parent reading this… Love your children. Hug them. Read to them. Tell them they are forgiven. Give them a foundation that allows them to follow their dreams. I know what it is like to grow up without these things… it hurts, even decades later…

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September 27, 2019 · 2:46 pm

More Stars

Last night my oldest daughter had pep band for a volleyball game. I had gotten the three younger girls to bed, so I headed out to the school to wait for my daughter. It was a clear, cool night so I opened the moonroof in the minivan.

I parked in the faculty parking lot. There was not much light pollution there, so I could see the night sky filled with stars. I turned off the minivan, leaned the seat back a little and just enjoyed the view. Without getting deeply personal, stargazing is a spiritual activity for me. As I enjoyed the moment, a thought shot across my mind… then my heart. I was looking at more stars than I had days left to watch them.

In a crazy moment of thought and feelings, I sat up. I actually got out of the van to get a better view of the sky, with that thought running through me. I was seeing more stars than days I had left.

I could tell the game had ended because people were exiting the building, walking toward their cars. I knew my daughter would soon be coming. She sprinted out of the doors looking for me. As she got into the van she noticed the moonroof was open. “Awesome!” she said.

She spent the ride home gazing up at the stars. She told me how much she loved the night sky. I didn’t share my insight. My daughter was in a joyous mood. She had every right to be.

I wish I could say my epiphany made today great, but it didn’t. I am actually in a somber mood, but not for the reason you might think.

What would a day look like? A classroom? A home? If we truly lived with the understanding that we have only so many days? How would we react if our personal night sky lost a star everyday… as our days dwindled… as our sky turned dark? Would we then choose love?  Would we then choose to pursue or dreams?

I know the idea is not new… but last night I realized that there are more stars in the sky than days I have to view them… I’m not going to miss any opportunities.

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September 6, 2019 · 8:39 am

All The Ways We Die

Yesterday, the family attended a family funeral. My wife’s uncle passed away last week from a number of health issues. He was 81 years old. His first great grandchild was there. She is 4 months old. However,  his daughter was not at the funeral because she lost her battle with cancer earlier this year.

Now, stay with me here, this is going to get sad for a little while. I started to think about all the funerals I have attended. Thought about all the people I had lost in my life, and how each person’s death was different.

During her freshman year, a former student was killed by a drunk driver.

My friend and former principal suffered a fatal heart attack.

As I listened to the service, I pondered how fragile life is. We all know that death is part of our lives. We do not know how we will die. We do not know the day. But we know death is part of the deal.

I started to reflect on the state of our culture, on the state of our world, and I wondered how we ever let life get to this point. I couldn’t wrap my heart around what is happening in our world.

“Love is the only rational act.” Morrie Schwarts

Only the family attended the burial ceremony. I held my wife’s hand. My four daughters and second son stood around us. Family.

Life is fragile. Love is strong. The world may fall apart but love will stand and rebuild when needed.

I know I will die. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. Could be any number of ways. What I do know is that today I can love, and that makes sense to me.

 

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August 25, 2019 · 12:26 pm

No Answers Until

This was the last statement of the sermon last week at church. The priest had a handout with questions about the faith. But this blog is not about the sermon, it’s about the deep truth of the statement.

“There are no answers until you take the test.”

Ponder this idea for a minute… not in a school setting but in the overall view of life…

Let’s look at the powerful truth of this statement considering the impact it has on our life.

First, what answers?

All of them. 

For questions like: “Can I lose 10 pounds?” To deep questions like: “Am I a good father?” Any questions we have about our lives will only be answered by taking the test.

What test?

Our life.

An answer is not given simply by asking the question… the answer is discovered once we test our life for it. In one way, it sounds simple. It is. On the other hand though, it is easy to wonder about lots of things in our life, but never actually try to answer them. I know it is scary because we might not like the answers, but life is meant to be discovered. So, grab a pencil… it is time to answer those questions you keep asking…

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August 23, 2019 · 12:17 pm

What I am Learning

In July I decided to tryout for a musical. My oldest son has been in musicals and plays since fourth grade. My two middle girls have done junior shows the last two summers. I just got a crazy idea to audition for our local community theater. To do something outside my comfort zone this year. So I auditioned for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.

And I got a part… Vice-Principal Douglas Panch. Opening night is September 13. I am excited.  I have learned a few things by stepping out of my comfort zone that I would like to share.

Opportunities are there

Sometimes our lives feel so scripted. The routine sets our pace. The days fade together. But there are so many ways to step out of that. I decided to audition for a musical. You can take a class, volunteer, or join a club. There are so many different opportunities in our life to learn something new, develop our skills, ignite a passion for a new hobby. We just have to step out of our comfort zone to get involved.

Getting Feedback is Uncomfortable

As an educator and a coach I know this. I try to keep this idea in mind when I talk with an athlete or student. Instead of giving the feedback, I am receiving it… and it is tough at times. The director knows that I am a rookie, but he is holding me to the same standard as the other actors. I enjoy being held to a high standard, but it means I get a lot of feedback on how I can improve me lines, my dancing, and other aspects of developing my character. Feedback is an important aspect of growing as an actor, as it is for a student, or an athlete. And growth is uncomfortable. It has to be for us to realize our potential.

It is Fun

Even with the stress and struggle, being involved in this musical is fun. I am excited for opening night. I am excited for my family to see me on stage. Being involved is fun.

Confidence

Being involved in something, working on a skill or learning something new builds your confidence. As a coach, I try to define confidence for my athletes as “trusting the work they put into their practice and preparation.” That holds true for me as I practice my lines and memorize the blocking for different sections. I feel more confident as I am able to deliver my lines off book, as I complete the correct steps during a song. By learning to do something outside my comfort zone, I am learning that I am capable of more than I knew. That confidence filters into other parts of my life.

Deciding to audition for a musical was outside my comfort zone. It has been a great experience. I suggest you take the opportunity to find an opportunity to do the same… you won’t regret it.

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August 11, 2019 · 5:01 pm

Last Blueberry Muffin

I set the oven to 410 degrees and hit the start button.

Coffee is brewing.

I place the paper cups into the muffin pan.

My wife adds milk and eggs to the muffin mix as I drain the blueberries.

I mix the batter and fold in the blueberries.

As I am scooping the muffin batter into the cups, I am hit with a realization that this is the last blueberry muffins we will make for our oldest son… he moves into his college dorm room on Friday.

OK, I know that this is not really the last batch of muffins my son will eat on a Sunday morning with us. But this is the last Sunday we are together. My son’s life takes a drastic turn on Friday as he starts college. Everything changes. For everyone.

Now, major things won’t change. He will always be my son. I will always be here to read his poetry. He will always have a home to come back to; things like that. The foundation doesn’t change. But I can already start to feel the emptiness in our everyday life with this change.

His laughter at the dinner table. Raising his voice to make a point during a discussion. Playing Madden (I would always be the Vikings and he would be the Broncos). Texting about what to make for lunch. Watching an episode of the West Wing. The difficult aspect of change is the little things…

Next Sunday I will make blueberry muffins… I’m not sure how I will feel about the empty spot left as my son’s next chapter starts…

But I do know that I am proud of the man he has become.

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June 28, 2019 · 7:13 pm

I am not Special

There are over 9 million men in my age group in America.

I, and about 75 million other people, have high blood pressure.

There are about 33,812 members of the Poetry and Poetry Editors group on Linkedin that I belong to.

There are 72,000 views of  “Crockett’s Theme” on YouTube. I account for a few of those views.

More than 5 percent of the whole world has hazel eyes.

I am not special.

There are about 3,290,000 households in America as big as mine.

Sting and Mahatma Gandhi share my birthday.

I won’t even get into how many people wear Nike shoes. Or are fans of the Vikings. In fact, all of us are more connected than we realize.

But that is for another post, this is about how unspecial I am. And that is OK because I am unique. There is a difference.

My life, just like yours, is mine to live. This post is mine to write. My kids, my family, my friends are woven into my experience. They are part of my unique opportunity at this life. Even the smallest moment, like you reading this, is a unique thread in both of our lives.

If we change our perspective a little; move from thinking we are special to understanding that our life is unique to us, even if many of the components are seen in other people’s experiences, we can embrace the joy and power of living an incredible life.

 

This is your day.

No one can live it like you can.

So, the question is; what are you going to do today?

 

 

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June 24, 2019 · 1:01 pm

From point A to point B

We are always traveling from point A to point B.

We were born: point A.

We will die: point B.

This is the most important vector we travel. A vector is defined as a quantity that has magnitude and direction. Usually represented with an arrow. Our life is an arrow from point A to point B. It happens one day at a time. Many of us do not know where or when we will arrive at point B.  But I will come back around to this.

Our life is filled with other vectors, other paths from point A to point B. Some of them are defined clearly, like graduating high school or college. Other paths have a point B that is difficult to know. Every relationship we are involved in has an unknown point B. Many times our goals or dreams have an uncertain point B. These vectors are intertwined into our daily life. Time is a constant for us… in a sense, the direction.

But a vector also reveals the magnitude of the movement. The power or effort we use to travel toward point B. Or my favorite definition of magnitude from astronomy; the brightness of a celestial body seen by the naked eye.

Our life is a vector. We were born (point A) and we will die (point B). Time is constant for all of us along this path. True, many of us do not know when we will reach point B, but we are in control of the magnitude of our path.  We are in control of how much effort we put into a goal, into a relationship.

We are in control of how bright we live.

 

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June 21, 2019 · 9:33 am

Conclusion to LIFE Series.

It is 11:45 p.m. as I write this. This post will probably go live in a few days. I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking about writing a conclusion to this series.

This series was centered on an idea I had as I sat on the floor waiting for my daughters to finish Cinderella Jr practice. Their performance was last week. Life moves on.

My oldest son is about two months away from starting college. Life moves on.

Earlier this evening my wife and I watched the twelfth Star Trek movie (one more to go). Each summer we try to watch a series of movies or TV shows. Life moves on.

Life happens every day. We choose to walk our path with love or something else. We have family and friends that share time walking with us. That’s L.I.F.E. and no matter how much we don’t want it to, life moves on.

I hope this series got you to think about your life. To consider how important love is to all the aspects of this life. Maybe to reconnect with a friend. To live your best life today, every day. Because life moves on. And you don’t get any of these days back.

 

Till the next post…

 

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June 19, 2019 · 6:31 pm

E is for

The E in L.I.F.E is for every day.

Some stats:

You will laugh about 17 times today (“Daily occurrence of laughter”).

Your heart will pump about 7200 liters of blood today.

You will listen to 4 and a half hours of music today (“Time With Tunes”).

You will spend 10 hours consuming media (“Americans devote more than 10 hours a day to screen time, and growing”).

You will spend 1440 minutes today of your life.

What did you spend those minutes on? Your goals? Yelling at someone on the drive home? Letting someone know you loved them? Adding shows to your “My List” on Netflix?

Our lives have big moments, some of them positive, others are heartbreaking. But most of our life is how we spend the 1440 minutes we are given each day, and that is important to understand for a few reasons.

The first reason is because we all have a last day. No matter what you believe regarding the afterlife, we all get one life. One path to walk. Each day is an opportunity to show love. To work towards a goal. To strengthening relationships. Or not.

Maybe because I am a few years away from 50, but time has become more valuable to me. Each day is an opportunity to spend time doing wonderful things. Or we can do mundane or negative things. Yes, it is our choice on how we spend our time.

The second reason to understand how we live every day is the connection to the moments in our lives that are drastic. How we live everyday creates a foundation that helps us when the big moments happen in our lives. It doesn’t matter if it is a negative or positive moment, we will respond to those moments based on the way we live every day. We will respond with love or negativity. The foundation we have every day will not ease any pain we may feel, or make the joy from a moment last longer. Our everyday foundation helps us deal with the moment. It directs our next step.

Today is our life. How we live today builds our life. We will have our hearts broken. We will achieve goals. We will laugh. We will cry. Life is what we do now. What we do with the 1440 minutes. We don’t have a great life looking back on our last day… we have a great life today.

Below are a few media recommendations that correlate with this idea.

Books

The Big Sea by Langston Hughes is part of his story as a young poet. His story highlights how we live influences our goals and talents.

Every Day I Fight by Stuart Scott reveals why every day matters.

Movies

Dead Poet Society is a complex movie about the tension between traditions and personal freedom.

The Truman Show is a movie about the beauty of everyday life.

Songs

“Live Like We’re Dying” by Kris Allen is a good reminder to spend your time on the important stuff.

“Five More Minutes” by Scotty McCreery highlights how everyday moments make for a great life.

LIFE is for… (concluding post next).

 

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