It has happened. My youngest daughter knows that mom and I are Santa, Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny.
But not by me. I officially have never ended the magic of childhood. Last night my youngest daughter (11 years-old) asked my wife about it. And mom confirmed what my daughter had figured out. Ironically because the Tooth Fairy has been inconsistent.
Ironically, two nights ago my youngest daughter asked me about the Easter Bunny. About how we knew who’s eggs were whose. I said I received a magical letter that had the instructions. She asked to see the letter. I said it dissolved into magical pieces once I read it. She thought that was cool.
But as we grow older, the magic of life seems to dissolve into dust and we can’t get it back. Last night, mom informed our daughter that I still believed. My daughter asked my wife not to tell me that she knew the truth.
The magic of believing… in joyful expressions.
I still believe in Santa, in the Easter Bunny, in the magic of the idea that life should be joyful. For my consistent readers, you know I believe in expressing our love to others everyday. But there is a deeper joyful feeling in believing in the magic of this life. Of childhood, of receiving a gift, or hidden eggs, simply because you are you.
So, even though all my children know that I am Santa, I still believe…
Played a little Minecraft and am now writing this blog… all before 10 am even.
This is our second snow day in the last two weeks. February has been rough with the snow and the temperatures. Today we should get to 0 degrees.
The house is warm. The coffee good. Everyone is chilling in their own way. One daughter is playing Little Nightmares, another is writing (and texting friends I believe), and my youngest is jamming out to Taylor Swift in her room.
But a part of me wonders what other households are like at this moment. We had our first snow last week. Every day I start each class with a fun question. So naturally I asked how everyone’s snow day was. Guess what the number one response was.
Boring!
Yes, by a long shot. Boring.
Now, there were other answers, like productive, sleep, and snow. But it disheartened me to hear so many students say ‘boring’.
One of my goals as a dad and husband is to make home the best place for my family. For me HOME is more than a place, it is a feeling, it is warmth and safety. It is dinner together, blueberry muffins on Sunday, laughter and good times… especially on a snow day.
This house is now the place I have lived the longest. And it has only been 14 years. The next longest time I lived in one place was grad school – four years.
Growing up, home was an ever changing place. And the hardest part, an ever changing feeling. Too many times those feelings were not good.
Now, my children have said that they were bored. Of course I said they could read a book, write a letter, or draw a picture. But I am proud of the home we have. A snow day is an unexpected chance to laugh, snack too much, but most importantly, to just be family.
Believe Verb: to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something
“Believe” is my word for 2025.
There are so many reasons for choosing this word, most of them based on the different ways the world tried to break my faith in anything good. And has almost succeeded.
This is the eleventh year of choosing a word to focus on. Some years have been filled with great stories (Living by One Word), other words helped me stay focused on my goals, but this year I am trying to ignite an aspect of my life that feels tired, hopeless, and dark.
There is so much to believe in… and staying focused on seeing those elements in the everyday is important to keeping a clear view of what life is about. It is important for filling the heart, and helping maintain the energy to pursue goals, handle stressful moments, and build a joyful life.
For my regular readers you know that my best friend and I have been counting down our top 100 songs of all time. We finished last week. My best friend proposed our top 25 albums of all time, which we will start sharing in June.
Here are my top 5 songs.
Number 5:
“Welcome to the Boomtown” by David & David.
A group that only produced one album. The album is a look at the gritty truth about life. “Welcome to the Boomtown” is pretty clear about how drugs affect a town. There are two main story lines, both look at people that should be successful but drugs and money take them down. It was a song I loved as soon as I heard it, way back in high school… and it is still on lots of my playlists.
Number 4:
“I Don’t Wanna” by The Call.
There is so much here about this song. This was an important song for me as I was trying to change everything and understand what my choice would lead to. I connected and still connect with the loneliness of feeling love. The song is complex and certain parts connect with life as I’ve grown. But at the heart is just the desire to be loved in the moment. Yet, life takes it away and you have to live without it.
Number 3:
“Alive and Kicking” by Simple Minds.
There are some levels to this song, one level is about how love makes you feel. But there is a sad aspect with it, what if it goes away? The chorus asks those questions. The question that gets me is ‘who’s going to save you?’ I love the build up to that question (second time), the music and the lyrics. Alive and Kicking is a cool idiom to express the energy Love gives you, but also takes from you. This song lifts my spirit every time I hear it.
Number 2:
“Up Where We Belong” by Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes.
I wanted this to be the song my wife and I danced to at our wedding reception. My sappy side is on full display in this song. But honestly, I believe in it… in Love, real love. I don’t know how or why but that belief kept me holding on in so many different ways throughout my years. It is why I didn’t have relationships like I saw my parents have. Why I fought to make my life better. Love can change everything.
Number 1:
“I Would Die 4 U” by Prince.
First it is a groovy song. You want to dance to it as soon as it starts. When I was young I thought it was a great love song, a little weird with the lyrics but the feeling of being in love so much you would die for them is universal and that’s why many people still see it as a love song. But it is more spiritual than that. This is a first person perspective from Jesus. People don’t know that. If you read the lyrics as you listen you will understand the perspective. Even with that, there is a line that gets to me personally, third verse when Prince rapid fires the “I-I-I’ really need is to know that you believe”. I guess I have always been searching for that… to know someone believes in me.
So, they say you can learn a lot about a person by the music they listen to… this is part of who I am through by my top 5 songs.
So, I’m not doing what I set out to do. I am supposed to be writing a really cool short story idea I have. I am at my favorite writing spot at my local coffee shop, The Blue Moon. I have my Bizarre Orange Encounter drink. (My traditional drink for moments like this.) My writing playlist is hitting the right notes. But I am blogging.
Chasing your dreams is hard.
Today, this moment, is a perfect example why.
First, I had planned this moment a few days ago. Our trash needs to be out on the curb at 7 a.m. I was like, I could just go to the Blue Moon to write before the day started.
It opens at 7:30. We are on Easter break. Perfect way to start the day. Well, it was a struggle to just get here.
I got the garbage out in time, but had to fight… fight the urge to just crawl back into bed and sleep. The voice in my head tempted me with the thought that I could write another time. And it is true… but that is the first hurdle to achieving your goals. Actually working on it.
There will always be something to take you away from working on your goals, especially if you have to hold down a job to chase your dream or raise a family or any relationship. We only have so much time. We all have the same amount each day. We decide how to spend it. It’s important to spend it well. That means your relationships, your job, but also your goals.
Yes, you have to plan your time, and that is OK. Plan the time with friends and family, but also your goals, and stick to it.
The second hurdle was my youngest daughter. She loves having breakfast at the Blue Moon. I was tempted to see if she wanted to go. To sit and talk with her about Taylor Swift and horses. But if I did, I wouldn’t get any writing done. Achieving balance is part of life. Hence, the reason for planning your time. It helps you maintain that balance so you can strive for your goals and be a good friend, father, and husband (in my case).
I showered, grabbed my computer, kissed my wife and headed to the Blue Moon. Got my drink. Put in my headphones. And started this blog… which is also a hurdle.
I am supposed to be working on a new short story. Instead, I am blogging. I know what you might be thinking reader. How is this a bad thing? You blog all the time.
It is bad because I am not working toward my goal. I want to be known as a writer. I have novels that are not completed. Short story rough drafts in notebooks. I have so many ideas that are not completed. They don’t write themselves.
Yes, I am happy to blog. I hope this post helps you in your pursuit of your dreams. But I wonder, am I just afraid to reach for that big dream. Are you afraid, too?
We find ways to distract ourselves, to give ourselves excuses not to chase those big dreams.
Today has 24 hours. Plan it well. Love your family and friends, but your goals need your time and effort too.
Would I be able to say or write anything if I knew it was the end?
I think I would want to see the stars one last time, that’s for sure.
But I’m 99.9% sure this is not the end. That I will get up tomorrow morning, get ready for work, fill my daughters’ water bottles, maybe make lunch (at the time of writing this they are going to eat hot lunch tomorrow). On the way to work my wife will get her Mocha Sea Salt Caramelicious blender. I will teach, eat lunch, teach some more, then head home. Depending on the night we might head to an activity, make dinner, or take one of the kids to a practice. I might wash dishes, or sit down to write with a cup of coffee (which I have next to me as I write). To finish off the day, I will read (reading Fairy Tale by Stephen King right now), brush my teeth, take my blood pressure pill and head off to bed.
Then repeat…
…unless…
…unless, this is the end.
I would like you, reader, to know that it has been a blessing to share my writing with you. To share my joys and heartbreaks.
I would want my family and friends to know I love them and that this life is beautiful underneath all the hate, trouble, and selfishness it seems to wrap itself in.
I would like people to remember my writing and the depth I tried to live my life. This life is the closet thing to heaven I’ve ever found.
But it is not the end… but I’m going to do a little stargazing after posting this blog.
I’m also going to make sure to tell people I love them before I go to bed. You never know.
It was 26 degrees outside when I went on a walk this evening. There was no wind, so it was actually a nice evening. My face got cold, and I had to stop wearing my glasses because they fogged up pretty quickly.
I have not been at a 100 percent for some time now. I have good days, but some dark moments. Times where I want to dissolve into the air, to let my molecules fall apart hoping that will release the sadness from my soul. But somehow I hold it all together.
Here’s how I do it.
Walking. Like tonight, I took my short route because it was cold. I took the photo I used in the title banner on the walk. When I got home I had my daughter take the photo to the right. But the coolest thing happened on my walk. I saw the best shooting star I have ever seen in my life. The meteorite even flared out like a small firework. No, I didn’t take a photo. I stopped right in the middle of the street and watched it shoot across the sky. It was beautiful.
Taking time to walk, to think, to feel the emotions of the day allows us to remember we are here. That we are human. That we have our feet squarely on this earth, and that means a lot.
Writing. Even if it is just a note of something good that happened today. The act of writing builds a connection between our life and our emotions. Poetry is my way of making sense of the world. This blog is a bridge between you, reader, and me. Writing is creating a connection between the abstract of our spirit into a reality. So, is any art from. Writing is just my main art form.
Believing. I believe in Love. Without getting into any kind of spiritual debate or discussion, Love is proof that there is more to us than all the hate and other negative things we express in this world. Even though the world keeps trying to prove me wrong, Love changes the world. I believe this and try to live my life each day according to my belief.
I have wanted to simply fall apart almost everyday since last April. There have been some really tough days. But I’m keeping it together by living through the things that matter the most to me. I may still fall apart (we all do to a degree) but I know I’ll write about it because I believe one of the most powerful ways to show love is to be true to what makes us who we are.
You have heard songs about it, read other articles or blog posts about it, heck, you might have an inspirational poster about it. About not taking today for granted.
But sometimes life gives each of us dots to reinforce ideas. And life has been giving me a ton of dots to connect lately, even as I sit down to write this post, the first song to play on my “Writing” playlist was “Numbered Days” by Eels, not kidding. (The song will be at the end of this post for you to enjoy.)
Earlier this week my mom had a sudden medical emergency. She is doing well, back home. We are still waiting to understand the reason for the situation, but things are good now. but a moment like that sets your mind racing with so many “what if” questions. Some are based in the moment, while other questions center on the future. Every minute becomes a question mark.
Honestly, tomorrow is a question mark. Really, the next minute of my life is a question mark. Life can change in a second. Life can turn 90 degrees with a decision and be off in a new direction.
We all know this, we all have experienced these moments that for a while challenge us to be more grateful for our family and friends. To make that decision to go after a dream we put away for tomorrow. I do it, too. Then life falls into a routine.
This morning we had blueberry muffins for breakfast. There was scrambled eggs and sausage. We talked about the college basketball upsets. If you are a regular reader you know this is what we do on most Sundays. This is a routine, and I share this because there are great moments in the routine of our lives. These types of moments give us joy and love, even if my girls hate my energy in the morning; they know I love them when I call them “Sunshine Bears” when I see them in morning.
But there is a depth to our lives we let go of when we live as a routine. When we waste time just going through the motions, or sit and just watch other people live life on social media. Yes, today is a gift. I was getting into the car after track practice on Friday. The sky was a mess, a small rain storm was approaching from the north, but the south sky was blue and filled with little white fluffy clouds that were shifting their shapes with the wind. I was hit with a deep thought…
I have never seen the same cloud shape ever in my life, and I never will. Think about that for a moment.
Yes, I will see the same kind of skies, but each cloud is a unique aspect of the moment. The wind changes the edges of the clouds, like it does for us if we pay attention to how life is giving us this moment to breathe, to love, to feel the edges of ourselves, stark and sharp, against time.
Life may be hard right now for you. You may be experiencing the greatest moment ever right now. I don’t know because we all have our own time in this life. It is a gift, to be opened and to be lived. Tomorrow is a question mark, but right now should be an exclamation mark!
This weekend is girls state basketball. The girls team from my current school and the team from a past school are both playing in their class championship games today. Regular readers know that my second son played in the state championship game two years ago.
Today will be filled with joy and heartbreak. Only one team in each class ends their season with a win. One team will fall just short of a state title. But today will be remembered by all who were there. And that is what makes these moments important, for two reasons.
But before I dive into those reasons I want to share a snippet from the movie, The Replacements.
Athletics are the most common example of achieving greatness, but greatness is expressed in many different ways in life. From being a strong mother, to writing your first poem and sharing it at an open mic night. This is the first point to consider about the moments in our lives that allow us the chance to do something great, whether we win or lose (and yes, we don’t always end up on top). As Coach Jimmy McGinty says in the video clip:
No matter the outcome, these moments stay with us. They give us more than memories, they give us depth of emotion and meaning to our lives. The experiences teach us about how well we have worked for our goals. Even through heartbreak, great moments take us to a richer level of life that fills our hearts, shows us who we are and what we are capable of. These moments are a joyful contrast to the routine of life. Each time we get a chance at doing something great we add a string to the fabric of who we are.
The second aspect to great moments is the connection to others. Today, the stands are filled with family, friends, and fellow students. Coaches will walk the sideline, student managers will fill water bottles. No matter what team wins the state title, there will be hugs for both teams. All seniors will be awash with the knowledge that they just played their last high school game. There will be tears, win or lose.
Each person involved will have their own personal memory and emotions today. The same holds true for any great moment. Great moments are shared. They build a bond with everyone involved. Stories will be shared years from now, pictures brought out to reminisce with. Great moments build relationships, even community. Our lives are not lived alone, we share this life in the routine but we experience it, together, through the great moments.
That means we had blueberry muffins for breakfast today. We also had scrambled eggs and sausage patties. An addition we added years ago, but the tradition’s foundation hasn’t changed. And that is important as thousands of New Year’s resolutions are being made today, and thousands of them will be broken during the year.
On Tuesday, the next episode of The Creative Moment will be published. We talked about goals and resolutions. As we talked I had a thought that I shared during our conversation. That we are OK letting ourselves down. We will work harder at not letting others down than we do with our own personal goals. That is crazy to think about, yet thousands of resolutions will not last even the first month of this year.
Later tonight we will be setting our word for the year. This will be the ninth year of this tradition. This year we are using small canvases to create an artistic expression of the word. We also have a small easel to hold the artwork. My word this year is Moment. The idea is based on being fully in the moment this year. Not to be on my phone, not to be worried about things until I need to be, to feel the ups and downs of every day.
The base of the idea does come from one of my favorite books, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, and I have blogged about some of the ideas expressed in the book before (“I took out the trash today”). Maybe it is the fact that I feel time is running faster, but I want to be fully in the moments of my life, not to let myself down in 2023. That’s not a tradition I want to set…
It is all Connected 