Tag Archives: dadlife

January 22, 2026 · 10:01 am

Falling in Love with Vinyl

My stereo system, from 1991, finally just stopped working about a year ago. I had a dual deck cassette player, CD player, receiver, and six speaker set-up that was in my corner library. I did not have a record player. In fact, I have never owned a record player. Until this Christmas.

As a Christmas gift my wife gave me a Victrola 6-in-1 Bluetooth Record Player & Multimedia Center. I can listen to my CDs, tapes, and now, for the first time, listen to records. 

During Christmas break I visited our new used record store downtown to buy a LP. I was hoping for a Prince record, but they didn’t have anything at that time. I ended up buying Poco’s Legend album, which has one of my all-time favorite songs, “Heart of the Night”.

When I got home, I immediately put the record on (Side two though because that side started with “Heart of the Night”). I’ll be honest, I was excited. I dropped the needle down, heard that hollow crinkling sound and smiled. Then the first notes of “Heart of the Night” started to play… and I was hooked. 

My record collection is at five albums, and yes one is Prince’s “Around the World in a Day”. Many of the times I am just chilling on the bed when I listen to any of the albums. Those moments remind me of doing the same in my teenage years. Most of the time with my best friend at his house listening to cassettes. I remember the trips to Casper to buy music. 

The other day as I was flipping over an album to the other side, I thought about the change in our culture around music. 

Like many kids, my children listen to music as they do homework, headphones on, YouTube or Spotify playing their playlists. All my children have CD players in their room. Their music collection isn’t vast, but they ask for music as gifts. We definitely listen to music in the car, I mean we spend a lot of time traveling and we have some fun playlist we listen to.

But, what is missing in their life is the personal cost of time and care it took when I was a teenager, and now revealed in what it takes to listen to an album. 

Here is what I mean, to listen to an album I must take it out of the sleeve. Place it on the player, physically move the needle and when the side is done, I have to flip the record over. To listen to a record I know I have to invest time and care even to enjoy the music.

There is so much missing from the musical experience today. It was hard to find hard facts, but for streaming revenue a song only has to be played between 30 and 50 percent of the length. Another stat I came across was that listeners only complete 50% to 80% of a song when it is on a playlist. Completion rates were higher for album plays (GEARNEWS).

Music doesn’t mean the same to my children that it does for me. And part of the reason is that they have not invested anything in listening to music. Like anything in life, when we invest our time, our energy, our hearts, it means more to us. 

Every physical form of music, LP, CD, cassette, and even 8-track cartridge, has a physical, emotional, and time cost associated with it. Each form is unique in those costs; fastforward / rewind for tapes, dropping the needle down, switching tracks if we want to hear a certain song. 

But I think the most interesting factor is the commitment to listening. Every form can be background music, every form can be heard while just chilling in the room, but the physical forms will have a stopping cue, a moment that you have to physically change the format. Even CDs will end. But the deeper aspect is the anticipation of that favorite song coming on, even if we are using the music as a backdrop, we know that a particular song will be next, so we may choose to stop washing dishes to dance or sing along with the song.

The full experience of listening to music in physical form adds a depth to the moment that digital music usually misses or fails to create for us. And in that depth, we can remember other moments, feel a range of emotions, and share, like best friends chilling on the floor waiting for THAT song to play, a rich and wonderful time with someone.

I like digital music. Again, we have travel playlists we listen to in the car, but we don’t skip songs. We sing and, yes, dance to our favorite songs. But, my new Victrola has Bluetooth capabilities that I have not used. I would rather put a record on…

2 Comments

Filed under Family, Life, Technology

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

January 4, 2026 · 5:09 pm

There will come a time

I am going to just warn you now, this post will ramble but try to connect the dots at the end.

I just finished my walk about 20 minutes ago. And I thought about a lot of things, had a lot of dots on the paper of my mind. But let’s start in the middle of my walk.

There is a small cemetery, Sunset Memorial Gardens, that I walk past on one of my routes through my neighborhood. Sometimes, I stop to sit and reflect. Today was one of those days. As I sat down on a bench the “Love Theme from St. Elmo’s Fire” started to play in my earbuds. St. Elmo’s Fire is one of my favorite movies, so it got me thinking.

I took a couple of pictures to share on social media. I tend to take unique pictures on my walk just to share. While I was taking the photos I noticed that there were two fresh mounds of dirt. One of the grave sites did not have a date on the tombstone, but the second one did.

This is when the dots filled my head.

Here I was standing by her grave on January 4, 2026. Janice was just days away from the New Year when she passed away.

I, we all do to a degree, take time for granted. I have a specific pair of shoes I use for my walks. I am in the middle of logging the steps I take on my walks in these shoes for a blog post when I get new shoes.

I am assuming I will be here in 6 months. That I will be able to walk, to listen to music, to think, and write poetry.

For my faithful readers, you know that I’ve learned 6 months can change everything (A Tweet about a Death Goes Viral).

As I continued on my walk I was deep in thought about life. A poetic line came to mind, “There will come a time…” (I’ll share the poem later in the blog).

Thinking about the poem led me to something that has been heavy on my heart lately… about how much I have failed in accomplishing my big dreams. I let myself down all the time. I have books I want to write. I want to learn to play the piano (or at least write this song I have). I want to help people write better (this is an idea in the works).

But instead… I fail.

Like all of us, life tricks us into believing there is time. And the trick is that there is time… until there isn’t. And we don’t know when that time will end.

On the home stretch of my walk, I spotted an older couple walking their dogs on the golf course, at times holding hands waiting for their second dog to catch up.

It was a beautiful site and reminded me that no one knows how much time they will have. But we are all given a life. And we do get to decide on how we live it. Failing at dreams, walking on a 60 degree January day, or making it home to be a dad…when I got home my second daughter needed help getting her boomerang (she got for Christmas) down from the roof of the house.

Some dreams are so big they have to be accomplished everyday.

Ohhh, yeah, I wrote this poem while walking too. This is the draft from my notes. The final poem will be worked on later.

“There will come a time”

There will come a time

Because of a dead watch

When I will stop moving

My hands across my face 

To check how well I shaved

To start a new day

There will come a time

Because of the sunset

That I will be encased in darkness

Like Orion

Dreams stuck in position

Of a constellation of the past 

There will come a time

Because of the last page

That I will no longer

Be able to write

A single word of a poem

Or love letter for her to read

There will come a time

Because of the rules of LIFE

I will reach the end

Have no more turns to spin the wheel

Get an action card

Have a pet

Or fill my little green car

With people I love

One last thing, here is the song that played as I came home.

2 Comments

Filed under Family, Life, writing

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

December 31, 2025 · 8:19 pm

2026 Word

Next year starts 2026. As we have done since 2015,each member of the family chooses one word for the next year. We each share the reason behind the word, and then design our display. This year we are using small wooden clipboards. 

As you can see from the picture my word is MAGIC. 

There are a number of reasons behind my choice for the word. I want to create more magical moments, which I tried to do this Christmas, actually, when Santa visited our house for everyone. There were 8 filled stockings under the tree (my six children and my new daughter-in-law and my son’s longtime girlfriend). And yes, Santa visited my wife, even if she didn’t get a stocking, she had presents under the tree.

But to have magical moments I have to be active as a father, a husband, and even as a poet. Magic doesn’t happen staring at a screen. It happens when my children laugh, my wife smiles, someone replies to a poem I wrote. 

I have some really big goals this year. Accomplishing them will be magical. Jon Finch once said, “Magic is the poetry of impossibilities, each trick a stanza in the verse of wonder.” And I am a good poet.

Here is to a magical 2026.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life, writing

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

December 4, 2025 · 8:47 pm

I am Jealous of Chris Glover

I got to interview one of my favorite musical artists, Chris Glover, on an episode of The Creative Moment podcast (YouTube video below). He is now known as Penguin Prison, but I have been a fan of his from the beginning of his career. So, it was an honor to get to talk with him for the podcast.

But now… I am jealous of him.

At about the 27 minute mark in the video I ask Chris what is his main drive as an artist, what was his WHY for creating music. I totally understood his answer. Chris said “I basically can’t do anything else.” 

Chris didn’t mean he didn’t have the skills to do anything else, he expanded on the answer talking about how life would be easier with a normal job, but that wasn’t him. Chris is a musician, a creative person. This is what he does.

Chris is living out his life through his music. That’s why I am jealous. To live life by surrendering to my writing would be incredible.  But that is the central battle of many artists, especially ones like me that have built families and careers. I have written about this balancing act before (“It is hard to reach your goals“). And make no mistake I would not give up any aspect of my life as a husband and father to be a famous poet / writer.

Doesn’t mean I can’t be jealous of Chris though, and I believe his music reflects that surrender to his music. You can feel the joy and authentic energy in his songs. It is one of the reasons I am a fan. His music is not like any other musician’s. 

I am jealous, but I am also inspired by Chris Glover. Even more so after getting the opportunity to talk with him. I am inspired to write the poetry, the blog, the stories only I can write. 

In fact, the chorus of Chris’ first ever single “Stand on Your Seat” makes more sense to me now: 

if y’all don’t want it, y’all don’t need it

if y’all could stand it, y’all are seated

if y’all don’t want it, y’all don’t need it 

but it won’t let me go

Leave a comment

Filed under Life, writing

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

October 19, 2025 · 8:19 pm

Reflections on a Sunday without Blueberry Muffins

This morning we had day-old Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. We packed our suitcases and got checked out of the hotel in time for church at 9:30. We saved a seat for my son and his wife, my new daughter-in-law, of less than 24 hours. 

We spent the weekend rehearsing, celebrating, and witnessing one of love’s milestones. As the father of the groom, I didn’t have a ton of responsibilities. We catered the rehearsal dinner which was held at the church. My hair takes like 30 seconds to get ready… now, my wife and daughters? Well, that started at 9 in the morning Saturday for a 2 o’clock wedding. So for those who know me, yes, I had time to think, to reflect on the deeper aspects of this weekend. 

Social Media

For the most part, I put my phone away. I took some pictures, but my wife is better at that aspect of our life. I did interact a little on X and Instagram, but mostly I enjoyed the weekend. I did not post a single thing on social media about the weekend. I was letting other individuals do that. I was just present, and it was joyful. We talked, we went and got coffee, we sat by the firepit at the hotel. (My daughters and I did witness a guy riding a bicycle crash into the closed gate where we were sitting, but that is another story.)

At the reception we danced and enjoyed the dinner. 

But what I really noticed was the emotions we all expressed. The genuine feelings, the tears, the laughter, the expression of living without worrying about getting the right angle for a photo, or hurrying to post a reaction. I was in the moment, and it was a beautiful moment.

Family

There were two different moments that highlighted what it means to be family. If you’re new to my blog you will need to read some past blogs to understand my complex story. I am not going to spend time covering that.

The first moment happened after the rehearsal dinner. My future daughter-in-law was carrying a tote bag with “Mrs. Boelhower” printed on the side in script lettering. When I asked about it, her face lit up with a smile. She explained it was a gift and asked if we liked it (my wife and daughters were with me). One of my daughters piped up and said, “Wow, now there are two Mrs. Boelhowers!”

We all laughed but it got me thinking…

Hold on, let me connect another moment.

The reception hall was filled with family and friends. My daughter and I were taking a break from dancing. I sat next to my ‘adopted’ dad (again, if you’re new to my blog you’ll have to catch up on the backstory) and chatted about life. My wife’s side of the family was strong in numbers, and so was my daughter-in-law’s.  But there were only 9 Boelhowers. And one of those just joined our clan.

A weird mix of pride, sorrow, and resolve washed over me. I was the patriarch of this small family tree that was slowly growing strong roots. As my son danced with his new wife, I had to catch my breath because I saw, as they danced, that all the pain I endured, all the hardships I went through, the sometimes spirit-breaking decisions I made, was worth it. I had a family, I was providing, as best as I could, a life for my children that I never had.

Family is not just blood. It is choices, it is commitment, it is love given and received. My daughter-in-law will be loved just like my own children. And I will continue to nurture this little family tree to take root in a life filled with love.

It is all Connected

No, not this blog. But the idea behind the title of this blog. Sometimes it takes decades to see how two dots connect. During the church service the priest was talking about this idea, and he mentioned that he did not know every parishioners’ story that brought them to the church today, but he imagined they all had their own hardships and celebrations. But they were here now.

During the reception, I was aware of how important the moment was when my ‘adopted’ father said I could live with him and his family when I was sixteen. There was a direct line from that moment to the wedding. The story between the dots is fascinating, filled with heartache and joy, like any story. But without the opportunity he gave me, we would not be sitting together laughing and talking about life.

It is hard to have what I call The Long View. A term I use in the classroom to help my students see that their actions today will impact where they are in the future, what opportunities they will have. But when looking back (and I think we should, to appreciate the journey) we see the path, we see the benchmarks of how life brought us to today. 

And we can smile, breathe in the joy, and see how it is all connected… and this weekend proved that the best connections are built with love. 

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 10, 2025 · 6:58 pm

No Blueberry Muffins

Faithful readers know that on Sunday we make blueberry muffins for breakfast. That almost didn’t happen today.

First a little backstory. Yesterday (Saturday) my wife’s sister hosted a couple’s shower for my oldest son and his fiancee. It was a good day of fellowship with family and friends. And there was a fantastic brunch; two types of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, homemade cinnamon rolls, and a variety of fruit. One of the trays was decorated with pieces of pineapple and watermelon hearts on skewers. 

Of course there were leftovers. We came home with a small pan of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, and a dozen cinnamon rolls. (My wife’s family always makes enough that you take home some leftovers!)

Last night as my wife and I talked about the day and the plan for breakfast on Sunday, the idea of just using the leftovers was a tempting option. But in my head I thought, ‘but it is Sunday, we make muffins and scrambled eggs and sausage.’ Plus, all our children would be at breakfast. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

I said that we should make our traditional blueberry muffin breakfast. My wife agreed. So, we got up early to make the muffins, but we still warmed up the breakfast casserole. A few of the kids added a cinnamon roll to their plates. And the morning was filled with laughter and conversation. We were a full family at the table.

Now, I understand that offering just the leftovers would have been fine. But blueberry muffins are a tradition. And sometimes, you have to work at keeping traditions. It is one of the ironies of life, how easy it is to do the easy thing and break traditions, or good habits you have fostered.

Our daily life is filled with moments that challenge us to choose an easy option, or an option that takes a little more work or energy, but has a better payoff and builds stronger bonds. Or, in our case continue a tradition that is central to our family. Blueberry muffins on Sunday morning.

3 Comments

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

May 7, 2025 · 9:15 pm

The Heart Goes…

I have coached football for almost 30 years. When I teach how to tackle, I teach the player to focus their eyes on the opposing players hips. To keep their head up. They should never see the grass of the field. 

I was a running back. I was taught to read my offensive linemen’s numbers. To follow their lead.

I have coached basketball. When a player is dribbling, I instruct them to have their eyes up, never look at the ball.

I have coached every event in track and field. I was a jumper in high school and college. I never looked at the board when jumping. I coach my athletes not to look at the board because the body goes where the eyes go.

But in life, there is another part of ourselves that goes with where the eyes go… that is our heart.

This is important to consider, especially at this moment in our culture. Our eyes are practically glued to screens. As a dad I see parents just sit on a park bench as their child plays. I see it in the hallways of school. I battle everyday to get students to put their phones away. You can see people looking at their phones as they drive.

The heart goes where the eyes go. Just the fact of being locked onto the screen shows what matters to someone. Parents ignore their children, students don’t talk to anyone, people don’t even know when the light changes.

I believe that our actions show what we truly care about. At this moment, I see people care more about their phones than other people, the blue sky, a friend, because their eyes are on a screen. Their heart is for the screen.

I haven’t even discussed what is on the screen, just the action of staring for HOURS a day at a screen. Our heart goes where our eyes go.

We are missing out on relationships, beauty, and a depth to our own lives because we don’t look up. We don’t observe. We don’t think. These actions strengthen our hearts. Good and bad times strengthen our hearts, but only if we look up. Observe the complexity of loving someone. Of striving for a goal. Reacting to another’s tears.  We have to see these to feel them.

If you want to know what condition your heart is in, follow where your eyes go.

1 Comment

Filed under Life

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 25, 2025 · 10:43 am

The End of Magic

It has happened. My youngest daughter knows that mom and I are Santa, Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny.

But not by me. I officially have never ended the magic of childhood. Last night my youngest daughter (11 years-old) asked my wife about it. And mom confirmed what my daughter had figured out. Ironically because the Tooth Fairy has been inconsistent.

Ironically, two nights ago my youngest daughter asked me about the Easter Bunny. About how we knew who’s eggs were whose. I said I received a magical letter that had the instructions. She asked to see the letter. I said it dissolved into magical pieces once I read it. She thought that was cool.

But as we grow older, the magic of life seems to dissolve into dust and we can’t get it back. Last night, mom informed our daughter that I still believed. My daughter asked my wife not to tell me that she knew the truth.

The magic of believing… in joyful expressions. 

I still believe in Santa, in the Easter Bunny, in the magic of the idea that life should be joyful. For my consistent readers, you know I believe in expressing our love to others everyday. But there is a deeper joyful feeling in believing in the magic of this life. Of childhood, of receiving a gift, or hidden eggs, simply because you are you. 

So, even though all my children know that I am Santa, I still believe…

3 Comments

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

February 18, 2025 · 10:15 am

Snow Day Feeling

Watched a movie last night.

Slept in until 8.

Played a little Minecraft and am now writing this blog… all before 10 am even.

This is our second snow day in the last two weeks. February has been rough with the snow and the temperatures. Today we should get to 0 degrees.

The house is warm. The coffee good. Everyone is chilling in their own way. One daughter is playing Little Nightmares, another is writing (and texting friends I believe), and my youngest is jamming out to Taylor Swift in her room.

But a part of me wonders what other households are like at this moment. We had our first snow last week. Every day I start each class with a fun question. So naturally I asked how everyone’s snow day was. Guess what the number one response was.

Boring!

Yes, by a long shot. Boring.

Now, there were other answers, like productive, sleep, and snow. But it disheartened me to hear so many students say ‘boring’.

One of my goals as a dad and husband is to make home the best place for my family. For me HOME is more than a place, it is a feeling, it is warmth and safety. It is dinner together, blueberry muffins on Sunday, laughter and good times… especially on a snow day.

This house is now the place I have lived the longest. And it has only been 14 years. The next longest time I lived in one place was grad school – four years.

Growing up, home was an ever changing place. And the hardest part, an ever changing feeling. Too many times those feelings were not good.

Now, my children have said that they were bored. Of course I said they could read a book, write a letter, or draw a picture. But I am proud of the home we have. A snow day is an unexpected chance to laugh, snack too much, but most importantly, to just be family.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

January 27, 2025 · 11:26 am

Older Blog Post 4 (Communicate)

Dadlife… it is amazing to look back at these moments knowing how my children have grown. But also how the lessons from these moments still hold true… Original post is from April 2010.

“Communicate”

            It was 1:10 in the morning and my 4-month-old daughter is antsy. I get up and find the pacifier. No go. She spits it out. I try again. She settles down. I creep back to my bed. Pull the blanket over me and feel the quiet darkness of sleep fill my mind.

            “Augghrrr, Augghrrr, whaaaa,” she cries.

            With a sigh only a frustrate parent knows, I head back to the crib. I try the pacifier again, but she is not settling down. OK, diaper? I set her down and get a clean diaper on her.  Lay her down, repeat the bed, cover, darkness of sleep and she repeats her audible noise of discontent.

            My wife groggily suggests a 4-ounce bottle. So, I head upstairs. I am actually waking up by this time. My wife feeds her, I fall back asleep. 

            In a blur of slumber and frustration, my daughter wakes me up. It is now 1:36. I go for the pacifier, again. We fall into a pacifier, spit it out, pacifier; spit it out routine with a few of those frustrated sighs thrown in for fun.

            I pick her up. In the darkness, I can see her looking at me. Then her eyes close.  For the next five minutes, I rock her in my arms. Victory. I lay her down, check the pacifier and head to my pillow.

            1:52. My frustration level is now high. But I squash it. Let out a good 30-second sigh and head to the crib. Next trick is laying her on her belly. This time it works. With a last little sigh, from her, the night continues.

            As a fall asleep, I think about how much easier it would be if she could only tell me what she wants, or what is bugging her. My mind wanders about that idea, about how many of life’s hardships are based on this premise. The ability to communicate. To communicate truthfully. To simply express what is bugging us. To tell the people around us what we need. Many times, we are afraid of what will happen if we do. What will the other person think? Does this make me look weak? Do I have the words to actually express what I am feeling?

            I see the negative consequences of not communicating in the classroom and in life. I see people just continue to be “antsy” and live everyday in a constant agitated state, simply because they will not or cannot communicate what they need. 

            I hear my little girl sleeping soundly, I had figured out what she wanted. But, I cannot wait until she can tell me in her own words.

            4:50 a.m.  It is the alarm clock this time.  I restrain from telling the clock what I feel this morning….

1 Comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,