For all the things I get wrong in this life as a dad, the one thing I think we do well is eat dinner together as a family. We don’t always have seven course meals, or always have the TV off, but we eat dinner together almost every single night.
The dinner table helps build our family. It is a place to reinforce manners, discuss the day’s events or goals of tomorrow and most importantly; it is where we build family memories. So many of our inside jokes have happen at the table. I could share a couple, but you just wouldn’t get them.
It was a small thing, but having the leaf in the table made last night’s dinner special. It was a milestone because expanding the table allowed us all to sit together, as a family.
I have been working too long with technology. As I consider deeper aspects of life, computer metaphors come to mind. I have been working with my own default settings.
What I really mean is our basic response to life. In coach talk it is like muscle memory for sports but for life it is those response we do without thinking. And honestly, most of the time those responses are negative. We get home from work and we want to relax but life challenges us with something and we become snippy. Or we see that person, a colleague or student, we just don’t get along with and we start thinking some negative thoughts about them. A default setting kicks in.
I am working on mine. To be honest, I am trying to make my default settings reflect love. Not the Care Bear, “let’s all hug” type, but the basic strong and understanding love that allows me to build strong bonds with people in this life.
As a parent I get to test this new setting out every night right now. My youngest daughter is getting out of her bed at least three times a night. She makes her way into our room, sometimes crying, sometimes silently until she asks for me. Any parent will agree this is one of the toughest parts of parenting. Being awaken when you are finally sleeping well. I have not always handled this well; especially on the third or fourth or firth time she finds her way to our room. My default setting has been negative.
But I am working on that. I breathe in, checking my attitude, and hold my little girl as she drinks some milk. I gently put her back into bed, cover her and check on her sister to see if she needs her blanket adjusted. In a few minutes I am back under the blankets, still hoping that that was the last trip of the night, but knowing that I didn’t snap at her, or infuse the situation with a negative vibe.
It is not easy resetting the default. Like a computer or iPad, you have to go into the settings and adjust things. But if you do spend that time making the adjustments, the computer or iPad ends up working so much better for you.
So it is in life. Spending time working on our default settings can make this day work so much better for us.
Last week I had a great opportunity to conduct a workshop with Central Community College professors.
My oldest son went to the driving range with me on Saturday and my second son was my caddy on my last round of golf.
My wife and I took our two little girls grocery shopping with us on Thursday and we took the three oldest kids back-to-school shopping on Friday.
Some days at work I spend the whole day on one project, and yes sometimes it feels like I am playing with a new toy.
What do all these examples have in common? Time.
The professors commented that they never got the time to actually work on things. Something I also hear from teachers at workshops.
As a dad and husband, nothing says “I love you” like spending time with family.
As I have mentioned before, my job gives me time to explore new tools to use in my classes or to show to other educators.
Time.
Time is used differently in school, especially high school. It is separated into chunks by the ringing of a bell. And every teacher has had that bell interrupt a great lesson.
Everyday life makes us feel frazzled at times. I can feel exhausted at the end of a day when I don’t actually get much done. The worst part is that my attitude can then affect the rest of the family in a negative way, and if I’m not careful it becomes a habit for the household.
Time.
Life takes time. Learning takes time. People need our time (especially those we care about the most). We all get 24 hours in a day. But do we use those hours for the best? Time for our students to think? Time to share a joke at the dinner table? Or to just sit with the person you love and watch the sky fade to night, happy with how you spent the time given to you?
I’ve been reading a few different books and one idea that has come through is that everyone is going through a struggle. It might be small or life changing but everyone we meet is dealing with something. And that struggle will change. So, I wanted to send a small message to you today. I’ll let the song speak for me.
On the fourth of July the three older kids had spent the previous night with their aunt and uncle. My wife and I had the two little ones and we met at a small community pool near the in-laws. It was a good afternoon. The pool allowed us to hold the little girls as we went down the curvy slide. Yep, I think we had to go down that slide at least a hundred times.
On the way out of town we stopped to get something to drink and a snack as we headed to the in-laws for the rest of the fourth of July. My wife and I still had the two little ones, so I ran in to get the stuff. My wife had asked for a Pepsi and something salty. I wandered around the trail mix and peanuts, and then saw on the bottom shelf of the chip sections, Funyuns. One bag left.
As I carried the stuff to her window she broke out in a huge smile. As we drove to the in-laws we all enjoyed the bag of Funyuns. The little girls would ask for “nother one Mom” as they chomped on the one in their hand. The airy onion-like rings were perfect.
Both my wife and I love Funyuns, but it is not a snack we buy often. It is such a different snack that we usually opt for something more traditional when we are shopping. Why? As I stood in the aisle looking at the bag I debated if I should grab them. Even though I knew my wife and I enjoy them, it was still a risk. But the risk was stepping out of the safety of a routine.
Funyuns themselves are just different. The taste is not quite onion. The texture is fun, and the shape is supposed to be round, but you never get too many perfect round ones. They are different. And that is good.
Life just gets into routines. We feel safe in that routine, and sometimes we sacrifice what we like for safety. Be it from ordering the same dish at a restaurant, to squelching that impulse to be spontaneous because we do not know the outcome. Ironically, we know we would enjoy a different dish. We feel that spontaneous desire for a reason. So, I challenge you today to go ahead and buy that bag of Funyuns. Because I bet you will be like my girls and you will want “nother one.”
Reading the book Too Big To Know, by David Weinberger, was one of those moments that helped me see something I already knew in a slightly different light and that sparked a whole new train of thought. I love these moments.
The book is a look at how the Internet is changing the view of knowledge. I highly recommend the book, but I want to discuss the most obvious point from the book. Abundance.
Courtesy of Cornell University Library from Flickr
As David Weinberger points out, we have had an abundance of information for a long time. Have you read every book in your local library? Have you read every book you have bought or downloaded? Neither have I. What the Internet does is make that abundance faster and in different forms: articles, videos, apps, music, and opinions.
School is out for the summer, so I’m going to approach this idea from a dad perspective. Through this example I hope to express how abundance can be a great thing for learning.
Question, what does “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” the 2012 Eastern Conference Finals, Yoda, and a Tom Brady rookie card have in common? Answer: My sons and how they come to find interest in things.
My two sons are 11 and 9 right now. And because of the abundance of the Internet and technology, I have been having a blast sharing my interest with them. One example is music. Right now my oldest son is into Harry Connick Jr. and 80’s music, while my other son is listening to the songs “Good Life” (One Republic) and “Believe” (Cher). They use Grooveshark to create playlists to dance to, or to have as background music as they play animal tag with their sisters.
My oldest son’s interest in 80’s music comes from the video game series, Just Dance. His interest in Harry Connick Jr. comes from the movie, Dolphin Tale, which Harry Connick Jr. has a role in. I have some of his CDs, but my son has been checking out other CDs from the library.
When my second son bought his iPod, I put some music on it he might like. The music on his iPod has grown from his own interest and suggestions from me. One of our favorite songs is “Closer To the Edge” by 30 Seconds to Mars.
We cheered on the Celtics (I am a Kevin Garnett fan) in the Eastern Conference Finals together because of trading cards and the NBA 2K11 video game. My second son’s favorite basketball player is Shawn Kemp, who he has only seen play on YouTube videos and the video game. He does have a few of Shawn Kemp’s trading cards.
We watched the Super Bowl because they have a Tom Brady rookie card. I’m a Minnesota Vikings Fan, last season was a tough one.
They don’t like everything I share with them, but what is incredible is the ability to share aspects of my life with them. And to share the original content, not just a story. My music collection is not unpacked yet, so I use Grooveshark to share a song they might like. Then if my second son wants the song we can buy it from iTunes. When my oldest son got the part of Winthrop in TheMusic Man last September he used YouTube to study the role.
The abundance we have can be a powerful aspect to our lives. Yes, there are some negatives, but that is for another blog post. My sons’ and I are building strong connections because we can share and experience life in a completely different way than before. History is important and powerful. Shawn Kemp is my son’s favorite player. He has never seen him “play.” But he knows a lot about him, plus he understands the history of the Oklahoma City Thunder (who he is cheering for in the finals because they use to be the Super Sonics) because of his interest.
When embraced, this abundance we have can allow us to naturally learn anything that interest us. It can build connections; between people, between today and yesterday, and even between who we were and who we can be, because it allows us to explore and investigate life in ways we couldn’t before. It gives me an opportunity to be a better dad, to be able to enrich my children’s life with more than just stories. I can share my history sometimes in its true form today.
I remember when “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” was a hit in 1984 and have shared stories from that time in my life with my boys. Today, the song is just as important because it makes us excited when it is one of the songs for the dance battle on Just Dance 2 (yes, I have won on that song a couple of times).
A Pic Collage of Interest
P.S. My second son made the collage this morning at home while I am at work. Connectedness, but that benefit of technology is another blog post.
Saturday morning I was working on cleaning the kitchen, getting recycling organized, cleaning counters, stuff like that. The house was in full child mode, the older three were downstairs doing something that made a thud every few minutes. The two youngest girls were in the recliners, movie on but their attention on the books in their laps. My wife was getting ready for the day.
I had started on the clean dishes in the dishwasher when my second son said, “Dad, I hit my nightlight and now all the lights downstairs don’t work.”
What?, I thought. And I felt the knee-jerk reaction of parental frustration start forming in my head with the words already on my lips. I don’t know why, but sometimes life gives us a moment to learn from, and I gave myself a few moments to think by saying, “OK, what happened?” in a calmer tone. Just under the frustration a thought had pushed through, if I wanted my son to continue to talk to me when things happened, when he might have made a mistake, then I had better pay attention to how I handled this situation.
By bumping his nightlight he threw the breaker for that part of the basement. Not a big issue, I switched the breaker back on and changed the light bulb in his nightlight. Problem solved. But I haven’t always handled simple situations with calm; too many times that knee-jerk frustration sets the tone for that moment. I realize I need to change that habit. If my son has a problem and he gets negative responses from me every time, even before I have figured out what is going on, then he will simply stop coming to me for help. I don’t want that to happen.
We teach people who we are by our habit of response. And they will act accordingly. As I thought about how we influence students I thought of one of the most patient and strong colleagues I have worked with, Mrs. Moss at Centura. Every morning she was helping students with math problems. Every morning! They knew she would be there for them, they could ask their questions and know she would help them. Mrs. Moss’ habit was to smile and say, “Let’s look at that problem.”
I hope to be as good of a teacher and parent as Mrs. Moss, to create a habit of response that lights the way to a positive reaction to the situation instead of a knee-jerk negative comment.
There has been a kind of running joke between my students and me about how I deconstruct Disney movies with my kids to reveal the “deeper” meaning of the film for them. Actually, I do that, but that’s not the purpose of this blog.
I love to hear, “My brain hurts.” I think I do a good job at creating lessons that reach a deeper level for the students. Many times my students do better on their Literacy Skills AR test than the Reading Practice test. But, at some point a student will ask, “Does everything have to be so deep?”
Yes, yes it does.
OK, maybe not so deep but I think we have to have a serious WHY to what we do. Teachers have to answer that question all the time, but maybe it is something to really consider. And not just for a lesson, but for our lives.
In school, sometimes we have to practice a skill, like math or welding. Sometimes we have to learn new vocabulary so that we can look at a subject on a deeper level. And sometimes a lesson is just fun or relaxed. Many times in school the WHY is based on test scores or grades. A look at those parameters and learning is for another blog. But schools have to have some measurement and we will leave it at that for now.
Let me give you a stat: “Thirty percent of college and university students drop out after their first year. Half never graduate, and college completion rates in the United States have been stalled for more than three decades,” from US News and World Report.
Is the WHY of school to prepare students for college? Or should it be to help them live up to their greatest expression of their talent and dreams? WHY are we doing what we are doing? I know that I am in a unique situation that lets me investigate education from a different aspect while also being in the “classroom” dealing with the real world of teaching. Being at this intersection is frustrating and motivating. I would love to change education, but in reality I am not much of an influence. But like you, I have a classroom, students, and a life to live.
This year I had one of those great teacher moments when a former student tagged me in a photograph on Facebook. The photo was of a slide that had graffiti scratched into it, the worst kind. This former student is a father now and was spending time with his son at the park when he came across the graffiti. Part of his post, “Made me think of the book The Catcher in the Rye. Kids and their innocence.”
What we do in the classroom matters. What we do in life matters. It might make your brain hurt, but I ask you to answer your own WHY questions this summer.
As stated in Barry Schwartz’s TED Talk, too many options can be paralyzing. We all feel empowered by choice. It gives us a sense of control of our lives, of our own happiness. But I agree with Barry Schwartz’s there is a negative side to choice. Whether it is too many choices, or an unexpected choice, we don’t feel empowered. We feel frozen and unsure.
Personally, I went through this last week. I was presented with an unexpected opportunity to return to the classroom. Understand; this was a choice that was totally unexpected. It challenged me to think about my future: where did I want to be in five years? Where did I want to be next year? Instead of feeling free and honored to be considered for the position, it froze me. I decided to stay with ESU 10 at the moment because I needed to finish what I had started. Where will I be in five years? I can’t say for sure, but that is for another blog.
But I’m starting to see this paralysis in education. Many schools are considering going to a 1:1 environment with iPads. I think that is awesome, but there is a hurdle that needs to be addressed: app choice.
7415 free apps in the area of productivity. How productive would I be sifting through all those choices? I know what you are thinking; use the search option. OK. I’ll use the keyword “Grammar” (Hey, I’m an English teacher).
Results: 720 apps, both free and paid.
As the landscape changes in the classroom with mobile technology, it is good to be aware of different hurdles that a school, a teacher, or student may face. In this case the option of choice regarding apps. A great benefit of mobile devices is the ability to personalize content and the learning experience a student has through the apps and tools provided for them. But which app to choose? There is not a “right or wrong” answer here, but Barry Schwartz’s does present a philosophy to consider.
We are in a transitional period, a reconstructing of our “fish bowls” you might say. It is not easy, but it is exciting to be in the mix of this change. What will education look like in 5 years? The choice is ours…
I have a question. Did you drive the same route to work today?
Because I was working from home today, I got to drop my two little girls off at daycare. There were hugs and kiss and some crying, but the girls were happy to have me drop them off (and pick them up later today). Then, I drove my wife and three older kids to school, but I took a different route than normal. Just to mix it up. At school I played Uno with my three oldest children before school started, and then I headed to get coffee before I headed home.
The morning was filled with more energy and laughter just because of the difference in the routine. Sometime we just need a little difference in our lives to get us out of that rut feeling. Driving a different route, getting a different coffee, or doing one thing different can add a shot of life into a normal day. Will you “Take the Long Way Home”?
For all the things I get wrong in this life as a dad, the one thing I think we do well is eat dinner together as a family. We don’t always have seven course meals, or always have the TV off, but we eat dinner together almost every single night.
It is all Connected 