Tag Archives: love

October 19, 2025 · 8:19 pm

Reflections on a Sunday without Blueberry Muffins

This morning we had day-old Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. We packed our suitcases and got checked out of the hotel in time for church at 9:30. We saved a seat for my son and his wife, my new daughter-in-law, of less than 24 hours. 

We spent the weekend rehearsing, celebrating, and witnessing one of love’s milestones. As the father of the groom, I didn’t have a ton of responsibilities. We catered the rehearsal dinner which was held at the church. My hair takes like 30 seconds to get ready… now, my wife and daughters? Well, that started at 9 in the morning Saturday for a 2 o’clock wedding. So for those who know me, yes, I had time to think, to reflect on the deeper aspects of this weekend. 

Social Media

For the most part, I put my phone away. I took some pictures, but my wife is better at that aspect of our life. I did interact a little on X and Instagram, but mostly I enjoyed the weekend. I did not post a single thing on social media about the weekend. I was letting other individuals do that. I was just present, and it was joyful. We talked, we went and got coffee, we sat by the firepit at the hotel. (My daughters and I did witness a guy riding a bicycle crash into the closed gate where we were sitting, but that is another story.)

At the reception we danced and enjoyed the dinner. 

But what I really noticed was the emotions we all expressed. The genuine feelings, the tears, the laughter, the expression of living without worrying about getting the right angle for a photo, or hurrying to post a reaction. I was in the moment, and it was a beautiful moment.

Family

There were two different moments that highlighted what it means to be family. If you’re new to my blog you will need to read some past blogs to understand my complex story. I am not going to spend time covering that.

The first moment happened after the rehearsal dinner. My future daughter-in-law was carrying a tote bag with “Mrs. Boelhower” printed on the side in script lettering. When I asked about it, her face lit up with a smile. She explained it was a gift and asked if we liked it (my wife and daughters were with me). One of my daughters piped up and said, “Wow, now there are two Mrs. Boelhowers!”

We all laughed but it got me thinking…

Hold on, let me connect another moment.

The reception hall was filled with family and friends. My daughter and I were taking a break from dancing. I sat next to my ‘adopted’ dad (again, if you’re new to my blog you’ll have to catch up on the backstory) and chatted about life. My wife’s side of the family was strong in numbers, and so was my daughter-in-law’s.  But there were only 9 Boelhowers. And one of those just joined our clan.

A weird mix of pride, sorrow, and resolve washed over me. I was the patriarch of this small family tree that was slowly growing strong roots. As my son danced with his new wife, I had to catch my breath because I saw, as they danced, that all the pain I endured, all the hardships I went through, the sometimes spirit-breaking decisions I made, was worth it. I had a family, I was providing, as best as I could, a life for my children that I never had.

Family is not just blood. It is choices, it is commitment, it is love given and received. My daughter-in-law will be loved just like my own children. And I will continue to nurture this little family tree to take root in a life filled with love.

It is all Connected

No, not this blog. But the idea behind the title of this blog. Sometimes it takes decades to see how two dots connect. During the church service the priest was talking about this idea, and he mentioned that he did not know every parishioners’ story that brought them to the church today, but he imagined they all had their own hardships and celebrations. But they were here now.

During the reception, I was aware of how important the moment was when my ‘adopted’ father said I could live with him and his family when I was sixteen. There was a direct line from that moment to the wedding. The story between the dots is fascinating, filled with heartache and joy, like any story. But without the opportunity he gave me, we would not be sitting together laughing and talking about life.

It is hard to have what I call The Long View. A term I use in the classroom to help my students see that their actions today will impact where they are in the future, what opportunities they will have. But when looking back (and I think we should, to appreciate the journey) we see the path, we see the benchmarks of how life brought us to today. 

And we can smile, breathe in the joy, and see how it is all connected… and this weekend proved that the best connections are built with love. 

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June 2, 2025 · 8:56 pm

PAD 2025: Poem 4

One of the most creative poetic forms is the nonce. Which is a poetic form the poet designs for a specific poem. The poet decides the rules for a poem. On day 20 the prompt was rest. I had a line start in my head, “In the stillness of love.” 

And I wrote this poem. I am using the photo option because I couldn’t figure out how to get WordPress to keep the line breaks correct.

The idea of the rules came to me as I started the first draft. The first rule was that I would use a descriptive word followed by a simile. Through the edits, I had to work with both the descriptive word and a creative simile to match it. The third stanza went through a ton of revisions.

As I rewrote my ideas, I noticed that I had unintentionally used alliteration in the first stanza. So, I added that as a rule, and had to rework the second and third stanza again. I didn’t want the alliteration to be overbearing, but wanted it to be clear as the descriptive word was introduced in the second line.

I also went with the imagery of my hands in a type of prayer. Again, this idea came from the first stanza. Which happens sometimes, the base idea is easily transcribed on the page, then the poem is constructed from there. Honestly, the first stanza is almost as is. It is the example of the power of the muse. The other two stanzas took work.

I also like using line breaks and spaces in my more free form poems. It is something I did when I was a younger poet. I like how spaces and tabs can create flow, tells the reader to breathe. As I reworked the poem, the line breaks started to materialize as I scribbled on my yellow legal pad. But the final rules for the look was cemented when I transferred the poem to a Google doc. I could firmly set the rule for spaces and see how it moved on the page.

Because of the challenge of writing and posting a poem in a day, I went with the ending as I wrote it. I am unsure of the ending at the moment. I may revise it later, but the poem is presented here as it was written for that day. 

Have you ever designed your own rules for a poem? Share your experience in the comment section.

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April 25, 2025 · 10:43 am

The End of Magic

It has happened. My youngest daughter knows that mom and I are Santa, Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny.

But not by me. I officially have never ended the magic of childhood. Last night my youngest daughter (11 years-old) asked my wife about it. And mom confirmed what my daughter had figured out. Ironically because the Tooth Fairy has been inconsistent.

Ironically, two nights ago my youngest daughter asked me about the Easter Bunny. About how we knew who’s eggs were whose. I said I received a magical letter that had the instructions. She asked to see the letter. I said it dissolved into magical pieces once I read it. She thought that was cool.

But as we grow older, the magic of life seems to dissolve into dust and we can’t get it back. Last night, mom informed our daughter that I still believed. My daughter asked my wife not to tell me that she knew the truth.

The magic of believing… in joyful expressions. 

I still believe in Santa, in the Easter Bunny, in the magic of the idea that life should be joyful. For my consistent readers, you know I believe in expressing our love to others everyday. But there is a deeper joyful feeling in believing in the magic of this life. Of childhood, of receiving a gift, or hidden eggs, simply because you are you. 

So, even though all my children know that I am Santa, I still believe…

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February 18, 2025 · 10:15 am

Snow Day Feeling

Watched a movie last night.

Slept in until 8.

Played a little Minecraft and am now writing this blog… all before 10 am even.

This is our second snow day in the last two weeks. February has been rough with the snow and the temperatures. Today we should get to 0 degrees.

The house is warm. The coffee good. Everyone is chilling in their own way. One daughter is playing Little Nightmares, another is writing (and texting friends I believe), and my youngest is jamming out to Taylor Swift in her room.

But a part of me wonders what other households are like at this moment. We had our first snow last week. Every day I start each class with a fun question. So naturally I asked how everyone’s snow day was. Guess what the number one response was.

Boring!

Yes, by a long shot. Boring.

Now, there were other answers, like productive, sleep, and snow. But it disheartened me to hear so many students say ‘boring’.

One of my goals as a dad and husband is to make home the best place for my family. For me HOME is more than a place, it is a feeling, it is warmth and safety. It is dinner together, blueberry muffins on Sunday, laughter and good times… especially on a snow day.

This house is now the place I have lived the longest. And it has only been 14 years. The next longest time I lived in one place was grad school – four years.

Growing up, home was an ever changing place. And the hardest part, an ever changing feeling. Too many times those feelings were not good.

Now, my children have said that they were bored. Of course I said they could read a book, write a letter, or draw a picture. But I am proud of the home we have. A snow day is an unexpected chance to laugh, snack too much, but most importantly, to just be family.

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August 4, 2024 · 7:18 pm

Smashed Blueberries

It has been a busy summer. We have missed making blueberry muffins a number of times, but this morning we were in our normal routine. It was a quiet morning as all my daughters were still sleeping as my wife and I made breakfast.

As happens with me, my mind wandered through some random thoughts, but then dived deep as I smashed the blueberries into the batter. 

Backstory: about a year ago my third daughter asked if there was a way to have the blueberries throughout the muffin. Blueberries are one of her favorite foods. So the next time we made blueberry muffins I smashed some of the blueberries and continued to mix in the blueberries instead of folding them into the batter. The batter was almost purple when I spooned it into the paper cups. My daughter loved them and since then I smash the blueberries for our Sunday muffins.

This morning my mind made an interesting connection to life; smashing blueberries became a metaphor to a deep thought. School is about to start, so let’s look at this metaphor.

Blueberries are love.

Muffins are a day… or a year, or a lifetime, really they are a symbol for time.

The instructions on the box say to fold the blueberries into the batter. This allows the blueberries to stay whole, but are spread out through the muffins. So, technically you can bite into a muffin and not get a blueberry. Now, once you eat all of the muffin you will have enjoyed some blueberries. 

Flip to the other part of the metaphor. On any given day we give and receive moments of love. Some days there are a lot of blueberries – moments of love. But other days, there are not many moments of feeling love or giving love. The baker didn’t fold the blueberries well and the muffin is bare of blueberries. Sadly, I think too many people live through days like this.

For the last year or so, I have smashed the blueberries so that every bite has at least a taste of blueberryness. Now, we cannot ‘smash’ love, but what if we made sure we spread out moments of love throughout every day, especially with our family and friends? In a sense making sure that each day there is a taste of love. Can you imagine how good that muffin would taste?

When I make blueberry muffins, I smash the blueberries into the batter so that every bite has a taste of love. I want my days to taste just as good.

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July 12, 2024 · 7:51 pm

A Year

You don’t know where you’ll be in a year.

On our podcast, The Creative Moment, my son introduced this saying. I don’t remember where he learned it from, and I paraphrased the quote, but we use the idea as motivation, as an idea to get through tough times, and to highlight a simple aspect of this life. There is a lot of living that happens in 365 days.

June was the anniversary of the death of my mom (you can read about that here: Meeting Death). There are so many ways that I am reminded of her, but there is simply still the void created by her passing. No text messages, or sending her photos of her grandkids. No visits planned (my parents would always visit us each summer).

And even though these last 365 days did not bring her back, life continued. Continued through rough days, suddenly being flooded with emotions, happy memories from a photograph. 

I’ve written a few poems over the last year and published a collection of poetry, While Death Waits, that dealt with her passing. One of the most wonderful aspects of sharing the poems has been the connections and moments of honest human exchanges of stories. Every time I share some of the poetry based on the death of my mom, people have wanted to share their stories, their pain, the love they had for husbands, mothers, and siblings.

This past year has highlighted the most important aspect of each day; living is embracing the full range of emotions we may encounter at any moment. If you can keep your heart open and loving, even as heartbreaking moments happen, you will strengthen your spirit. You will know you have lived. Each day lived will add up to a year of life, and that adds up to a wonderful life lived…

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June 24, 2024 · 7:19 pm

Three Easy Payments

I’ve got a deal for you… with only three easy payments you can have… (fill in the blank).

I take cash, credit card, or PayPal.

If you order now, I will throw in, for free – you pay the extra shipping and handling – (fill in the blank).

If it was only that easy. If we could simply buy whatever we are looking for, for whatever fills our souls, makes us smile, or allows us to live without a care in the world, we all would buy it.

But nothing, not even sadness, is that easy to acquire in this life.

Even an ordinary day has a steep price to pay if you really think about it. It cost us time, relationships, goals, and the beat of our hearts. At the end of the day, we have spent our life living it. And there are no refunds, no do-overs, only a chance to spend your life living another day.

So, embrace the cost of loving someone (yes, even the heartbreak). Spend the time chasing small and grand dreams. Throw a few dollars for a coffee, or sit, for free, on your front step and enjoy the sunrise. Spend your life living the best you can.

This offer will only last for (however many days any of us have), so call that friend right now, their heart is waiting for your call. Lines are open.

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April 14, 2024 · 8:29 pm

My Top 5 Songs

For my regular readers you know that my best friend and I have been counting down our top 100 songs of all time. We finished last week. My best friend proposed our top 25 albums of all time, which we will start sharing in June.

 Here are my top 5 songs.

Number 5: 

“Welcome to the Boomtown” by David & David. 

A group that only produced one album.  The album is a look at the gritty truth about life. “Welcome to the Boomtown” is pretty clear about how drugs affect a town. There are two main story lines, both look at people that should be successful but drugs and money take them down. It was a song I loved as soon as I heard it, way back in high school… and it is still on lots of my playlists.

Number 4:

“I Don’t Wanna” by The Call. 

There is so much here about this song. This was an important song for me as I was trying to change everything and understand what my choice would lead to. I connected and still connect with the loneliness of feeling love. The song is complex and certain parts connect with life as I’ve grown. But at the heart is just the desire to be loved in the moment. Yet, life takes it away and you have to live without it.

Number 3:

“Alive and Kicking” by Simple Minds. 

There are some levels to this song, one level is about how love makes you feel. But there is a sad aspect with it, what if it goes away? The chorus asks those questions. The question that gets me is ‘who’s going to save you?’  I love the build up to that question (second time), the music and the lyrics. Alive and Kicking is a cool idiom to express the energy Love gives you, but also takes from you. This song lifts my spirit every time I hear it. 

Number 2:

“Up Where We Belong” by Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes.

 I wanted this to be the song my wife and I danced to at our wedding reception. My sappy side is on full display in this song.  But honestly, I believe in it… in Love, real love. I don’t know how or why but that belief kept me holding on in so many different ways throughout my years. It is why I didn’t have relationships like I saw my parents have. Why I fought to make my life better. Love can change everything.

Number 1:

“I Would Die 4 U” by Prince. 

First it is a groovy song. You want to dance to it as soon as it starts. When I was young I thought it was a great love song, a little weird with the lyrics but the feeling of being in love so much you would die for them is universal and that’s why many people still see it as a love song.  But it is more spiritual than that. This is a first person perspective from Jesus. People don’t know that. If you read the lyrics as you listen you will understand the perspective.  Even with that, there is a line that gets to me personally, third verse when Prince rapid fires the “I-I-I’ really need is to know that you believe”. I guess I have always been searching for that… to know someone believes in me. 

So, they say you can learn a lot about a person by the music they listen to… this is part of who I am through by my top 5 songs.

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February 1, 2024 · 2:09 pm

19536

Last school year I poured a total of 19,536 ice cubes into water bottles every morning. It is part of our family routine. My wife and I get up about an hour before we wake the kids. I make lunches and fill water bottles with ice and water (if it is a reading camp day, then Gatorade or something like that). 

As a dad I have poured 214,896 ice cubes into water bottles for my kids. This is a very conservative number because it does not include any sporting events, and is based on last year when I filled only three water bottles. There were years when I had four, even five water bottles to fill in the morning. (If you’re wondering, yes I counted the ice cubes on Monday as I poured them into a water bottle… whatever it takes for a blog post.)

Why am I writing about this? 

Let me see if I can connect the dots. First, our lives are actually filled with small things that add up to some big numbers… I don’t think I can even calculate how many times I have heard a basketball hit a gym floor… Just this week we watched seven basketball games. And we have another game tonight. Add all the games my son’s played during their school days and the number is unbelievable. 

How many pieces of toast have I eaten in my lifetime?

How many M&M’s or pieces of popcorn have you eaten in your lifetime?

How many brush strokes have you used to clean your teeth?

Crazy to think about. There are so many parts of our daily life that seem insignificant, yet add up.

We live about 2.5 billion seconds (based on average life expectancy).

Crazy to think about.

Our lives have important moments: state basketball games, first day of school, a wedding. But what we spend most of our time doing is living with small elements in this world that add up to determine the quality of our life. 

Tomorrow morning I don’t have to pour about a hundred ice cubes into three water bottles. But I will, and I will do it again next week. Each week adds up to over 500 ice cubes.

Why? Because I want to spend a few seconds doing something that shows my children I love them. 

I probably will have some popcorn tonight while watching one of my daughters play basketball. My ears will be filled with the dribbling of basketballs but my heart will beat with the joy of being a dad.

I’ll brush my teeth tonight, then kiss my wife goodnight. In those last moments before sleep, I will be happy with the way I spent 86,400 seconds.

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January 23, 2024 · 7:51 pm

If this is the end…

What would I say? 

Who would I want to hear my last words? 

Would I write a poem? 

A blog post?

Would I be able to say or write anything if I knew it was the end?

I think I would want to see the stars one last time, that’s for sure.

But I’m 99.9% sure this is not the end. That I will get up tomorrow morning, get ready for work, fill my daughters’ water bottles, maybe make lunch (at the time of writing this they are going to eat hot lunch tomorrow). On the way to work my wife will get her Mocha Sea Salt Caramelicious blender. I will teach, eat lunch, teach some more, then head home. Depending on the night we might head to an activity, make dinner, or take one of the kids to a practice. I might wash dishes, or sit down to write with a cup of coffee (which I have next to me as I write). To finish off the day, I will read (reading Fairy Tale by Stephen King right now), brush my teeth, take my blood pressure pill and head off to bed.

Then repeat…

…unless…

…unless, this is the end.

I would like you, reader, to know that it has been a blessing to share my writing with you. To share my joys and heartbreaks.

I would want my family and friends to know I love them and that this life is beautiful underneath all the hate, trouble, and selfishness it seems to wrap itself in.

I would like people to remember my writing and the depth I tried to live my life. This life is the closet thing to heaven I’ve ever found.

But it is not the end… but I’m going to do a little stargazing after posting this blog. 

I’m also going to make sure to tell people I love them before I go to bed. You never know.

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