Tag Archives: love

January 4, 2026 · 5:09 pm

There will come a time

I am going to just warn you now, this post will ramble but try to connect the dots at the end.

I just finished my walk about 20 minutes ago. And I thought about a lot of things, had a lot of dots on the paper of my mind. But let’s start in the middle of my walk.

There is a small cemetery, Sunset Memorial Gardens, that I walk past on one of my routes through my neighborhood. Sometimes, I stop to sit and reflect. Today was one of those days. As I sat down on a bench the “Love Theme from St. Elmo’s Fire” started to play in my earbuds. St. Elmo’s Fire is one of my favorite movies, so it got me thinking.

I took a couple of pictures to share on social media. I tend to take unique pictures on my walk just to share. While I was taking the photos I noticed that there were two fresh mounds of dirt. One of the grave sites did not have a date on the tombstone, but the second one did.

This is when the dots filled my head.

Here I was standing by her grave on January 4, 2026. Janice was just days away from the New Year when she passed away.

I, we all do to a degree, take time for granted. I have a specific pair of shoes I use for my walks. I am in the middle of logging the steps I take on my walks in these shoes for a blog post when I get new shoes.

I am assuming I will be here in 6 months. That I will be able to walk, to listen to music, to think, and write poetry.

For my faithful readers, you know that I’ve learned 6 months can change everything (A Tweet about a Death Goes Viral).

As I continued on my walk I was deep in thought about life. A poetic line came to mind, “There will come a time…” (I’ll share the poem later in the blog).

Thinking about the poem led me to something that has been heavy on my heart lately… about how much I have failed in accomplishing my big dreams. I let myself down all the time. I have books I want to write. I want to learn to play the piano (or at least write this song I have). I want to help people write better (this is an idea in the works).

But instead… I fail.

Like all of us, life tricks us into believing there is time. And the trick is that there is time… until there isn’t. And we don’t know when that time will end.

On the home stretch of my walk, I spotted an older couple walking their dogs on the golf course, at times holding hands waiting for their second dog to catch up.

It was a beautiful site and reminded me that no one knows how much time they will have. But we are all given a life. And we do get to decide on how we live it. Failing at dreams, walking on a 60 degree January day, or making it home to be a dad…when I got home my second daughter needed help getting her boomerang (she got for Christmas) down from the roof of the house.

Some dreams are so big they have to be accomplished everyday.

Ohhh, yeah, I wrote this poem while walking too. This is the draft from my notes. The final poem will be worked on later.

“There will come a time”

There will come a time

Because of a dead watch

When I will stop moving

My hands across my face 

To check how well I shaved

To start a new day

There will come a time

Because of the sunset

That I will be encased in darkness

Like Orion

Dreams stuck in position

Of a constellation of the past 

There will come a time

Because of the last page

That I will no longer

Be able to write

A single word of a poem

Or love letter for her to read

There will come a time

Because of the rules of LIFE

I will reach the end

Have no more turns to spin the wheel

Get an action card

Have a pet

Or fill my little green car

With people I love

One last thing, here is the song that played as I came home.

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December 28, 2025 · 11:35 am

More Like Love

I’m going to start with a song for my intro.

I’m not sure what actually triggered the slight shift of my perspective. I can not pinpoint the week, the day, or the hour that I really started to consider how important it is to make sure my actions represent love. 

For the last couple of months I have been conscious of what my actions are revealing about what this world is about. It is a daunting thought. My smile for a person in the grocery store will not create a viral trend. My dad joke in class only gets a few chuckles and quite a few groans. The question about Christmas gifts I ask for the barista is only for them. My insight on a poem shared on X is quick but could be so much deeper.

My actions will not change the world.

I could easily walk past the person in the cereal aisle. Get right to the lesson plan in class. Wait for my coffee silently. Just repost the poem.

The world would continue as is.

Except for the change in the moment and what the world could be like if all the moments were like the first examples. And let’s see if I can express this personal idea clearly.

In one way, Ben Rector said it well, “But now I just wanna look more like love.” 

On the surface that is the idea, but the reason why is important. My actions express to everyone what the meaning of life is. But so does everyone’s actions. The person driving while busy on their phone says that the content on the screen is more important than driving safely. The fights in the stands of sporting events say that being a fan of a team is more important than being respectful of another person. There are so many examples of heartbreaking actions in this world that reveal people’s meaning of life is not love or the well being of others. Even my own parents taught me that drugs, alcohol, and other people were more important than me.

Our everyday actions reveal our meaning of life to the world. To the people around us, the people we love and the people we can’t stand. And it’s hard to not be swayed by things like money or success (which Ben Rector’s song deals with). It’s hard not to be judgmental, especially for people we don’t get along with.

But, the other day as my wife and I were having dinner at Red Lobster, a little boy across the aisle was looking at us. His mom and dad were trying to get him to eat some broccoli. His other brother was nicely eating corn and shrimp. I smiled at him. His face lit up and then he buried his head in his mom’s arm. Then he shot a look back at me. I smiled again. He smiled and then buried his face again.

I remembered when we would bring our children to Red Lobster. How my oldest daughter loved the broccoli, but my boys wanted applesauce. I smiled again at the little boy because I wanted him to know this world was filled with love.

Even though I know the little boy would learn that the world is also filled with things like hate and broken relationships, I wanted my actions to show him that this world can be a wonderful place, as I hope others would show my own children.

My actions will not change the world. But at any given moment, I can look more like love. I can show another person in that single moment that the meaning of life is love. If you put enough moments like that together, a life can be wonderful. It can be strong enough to withstand the negative waves that happen to us all.

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December 22, 2025 · 9:00 pm

Christmas Letter 2025

Well, it was 60 degrees today. Only a few days away from Christmas, and I was walking in shorts this afternoon. My youngest daughter said it shouldn’t feel like spring right now.

But it does feel like Christmas for me… Everyone, plus significant others, will be home for Christmas morning. And mom and I have decided that Santa is coming for everyone this year. That means stockings and everything. I can’t wait!

But that is in a few days, there were a number of cool days in 2025.

One of the best days from this last year was seeing The Outsiders musical with my wife and three younger daughters. I wondered how they would make such an iconic book into a musical. I was impressed, and even teared up at different times during the performance. 

Speaking of music, my Spotify top 100 songs were a mix of classic and more modern music. My number one song was Dermot Kennedy’s “Moments Passed” and in conjunction with the blog post, “Song Number 25”, my 25th song was “Overrated” by Thriving Ivory. 

The coolest musical events though came from two interviews Dante and I conducted for our podcast, The Creative Moment. We had the honor of interviewing Rascal Martinez and Chris Glover, known as Penguin Prison. It was fun learning about how the muse works in the musical world.

But we didn’t just interview musicians, we talked to LMDesign8, a virtual and real world artist, and Konn Lavery, an author that writes horror novels and stories.

In a few months we will host our 100th episode! Stay tuned for that milestone.

On a personal note, I recently released a new collection of poetry, Life in Poetic Form. And released an audio poetry EP, Open Mic, which is available on all streaming services. Even though I had over 10 major rejections for my writing, not just poetry this year, I believe that my writing can make an impact for others. So, I write…

I am finishing up two books during break. I will then meet my goal of 60 books this year! One of my biggest surprises was the two volumes of the graphic novel, Starve. The series was written in 2016, but I came across the first collection in a book store. Then I ordered the second volume because I loved the story. This is the wonder of books, the timelessness of a story in physical form. The power of browsing a book store. The slight chance of finding a story that brings wonder and joy into your life.

This year also reinforced that magic of recommendations. Of the connection people build by suggesting a book they love to someone else. I read the book, Stoner, by John Williams, because it was recommended to me by a Twitter (I know its X…) friend. We talked about the book on X as I read it. I loved the book. Again, the power of books / stories to build connections in this world.

I’m not sure what 2026 will bring. How many rejections I will read. How many blog posts I will write. What new music I will hear, or new stories I will read. 

But I know I will continue to try to build connections, to share poetry, and to let love lead me through the next 365 days.

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October 19, 2025 · 8:19 pm

Reflections on a Sunday without Blueberry Muffins

This morning we had day-old Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. We packed our suitcases and got checked out of the hotel in time for church at 9:30. We saved a seat for my son and his wife, my new daughter-in-law, of less than 24 hours. 

We spent the weekend rehearsing, celebrating, and witnessing one of love’s milestones. As the father of the groom, I didn’t have a ton of responsibilities. We catered the rehearsal dinner which was held at the church. My hair takes like 30 seconds to get ready… now, my wife and daughters? Well, that started at 9 in the morning Saturday for a 2 o’clock wedding. So for those who know me, yes, I had time to think, to reflect on the deeper aspects of this weekend. 

Social Media

For the most part, I put my phone away. I took some pictures, but my wife is better at that aspect of our life. I did interact a little on X and Instagram, but mostly I enjoyed the weekend. I did not post a single thing on social media about the weekend. I was letting other individuals do that. I was just present, and it was joyful. We talked, we went and got coffee, we sat by the firepit at the hotel. (My daughters and I did witness a guy riding a bicycle crash into the closed gate where we were sitting, but that is another story.)

At the reception we danced and enjoyed the dinner. 

But what I really noticed was the emotions we all expressed. The genuine feelings, the tears, the laughter, the expression of living without worrying about getting the right angle for a photo, or hurrying to post a reaction. I was in the moment, and it was a beautiful moment.

Family

There were two different moments that highlighted what it means to be family. If you’re new to my blog you will need to read some past blogs to understand my complex story. I am not going to spend time covering that.

The first moment happened after the rehearsal dinner. My future daughter-in-law was carrying a tote bag with “Mrs. Boelhower” printed on the side in script lettering. When I asked about it, her face lit up with a smile. She explained it was a gift and asked if we liked it (my wife and daughters were with me). One of my daughters piped up and said, “Wow, now there are two Mrs. Boelhowers!”

We all laughed but it got me thinking…

Hold on, let me connect another moment.

The reception hall was filled with family and friends. My daughter and I were taking a break from dancing. I sat next to my ‘adopted’ dad (again, if you’re new to my blog you’ll have to catch up on the backstory) and chatted about life. My wife’s side of the family was strong in numbers, and so was my daughter-in-law’s.  But there were only 9 Boelhowers. And one of those just joined our clan.

A weird mix of pride, sorrow, and resolve washed over me. I was the patriarch of this small family tree that was slowly growing strong roots. As my son danced with his new wife, I had to catch my breath because I saw, as they danced, that all the pain I endured, all the hardships I went through, the sometimes spirit-breaking decisions I made, was worth it. I had a family, I was providing, as best as I could, a life for my children that I never had.

Family is not just blood. It is choices, it is commitment, it is love given and received. My daughter-in-law will be loved just like my own children. And I will continue to nurture this little family tree to take root in a life filled with love.

It is all Connected

No, not this blog. But the idea behind the title of this blog. Sometimes it takes decades to see how two dots connect. During the church service the priest was talking about this idea, and he mentioned that he did not know every parishioners’ story that brought them to the church today, but he imagined they all had their own hardships and celebrations. But they were here now.

During the reception, I was aware of how important the moment was when my ‘adopted’ father said I could live with him and his family when I was sixteen. There was a direct line from that moment to the wedding. The story between the dots is fascinating, filled with heartache and joy, like any story. But without the opportunity he gave me, we would not be sitting together laughing and talking about life.

It is hard to have what I call The Long View. A term I use in the classroom to help my students see that their actions today will impact where they are in the future, what opportunities they will have. But when looking back (and I think we should, to appreciate the journey) we see the path, we see the benchmarks of how life brought us to today. 

And we can smile, breathe in the joy, and see how it is all connected… and this weekend proved that the best connections are built with love. 

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June 2, 2025 · 8:56 pm

PAD 2025: Poem 4

One of the most creative poetic forms is the nonce. Which is a poetic form the poet designs for a specific poem. The poet decides the rules for a poem. On day 20 the prompt was rest. I had a line start in my head, “In the stillness of love.” 

And I wrote this poem. I am using the photo option because I couldn’t figure out how to get WordPress to keep the line breaks correct.

The idea of the rules came to me as I started the first draft. The first rule was that I would use a descriptive word followed by a simile. Through the edits, I had to work with both the descriptive word and a creative simile to match it. The third stanza went through a ton of revisions.

As I rewrote my ideas, I noticed that I had unintentionally used alliteration in the first stanza. So, I added that as a rule, and had to rework the second and third stanza again. I didn’t want the alliteration to be overbearing, but wanted it to be clear as the descriptive word was introduced in the second line.

I also went with the imagery of my hands in a type of prayer. Again, this idea came from the first stanza. Which happens sometimes, the base idea is easily transcribed on the page, then the poem is constructed from there. Honestly, the first stanza is almost as is. It is the example of the power of the muse. The other two stanzas took work.

I also like using line breaks and spaces in my more free form poems. It is something I did when I was a younger poet. I like how spaces and tabs can create flow, tells the reader to breathe. As I reworked the poem, the line breaks started to materialize as I scribbled on my yellow legal pad. But the final rules for the look was cemented when I transferred the poem to a Google doc. I could firmly set the rule for spaces and see how it moved on the page.

Because of the challenge of writing and posting a poem in a day, I went with the ending as I wrote it. I am unsure of the ending at the moment. I may revise it later, but the poem is presented here as it was written for that day. 

Have you ever designed your own rules for a poem? Share your experience in the comment section.

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April 25, 2025 · 10:43 am

The End of Magic

It has happened. My youngest daughter knows that mom and I are Santa, Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny.

But not by me. I officially have never ended the magic of childhood. Last night my youngest daughter (11 years-old) asked my wife about it. And mom confirmed what my daughter had figured out. Ironically because the Tooth Fairy has been inconsistent.

Ironically, two nights ago my youngest daughter asked me about the Easter Bunny. About how we knew who’s eggs were whose. I said I received a magical letter that had the instructions. She asked to see the letter. I said it dissolved into magical pieces once I read it. She thought that was cool.

But as we grow older, the magic of life seems to dissolve into dust and we can’t get it back. Last night, mom informed our daughter that I still believed. My daughter asked my wife not to tell me that she knew the truth.

The magic of believing… in joyful expressions. 

I still believe in Santa, in the Easter Bunny, in the magic of the idea that life should be joyful. For my consistent readers, you know I believe in expressing our love to others everyday. But there is a deeper joyful feeling in believing in the magic of this life. Of childhood, of receiving a gift, or hidden eggs, simply because you are you. 

So, even though all my children know that I am Santa, I still believe…

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February 18, 2025 · 10:15 am

Snow Day Feeling

Watched a movie last night.

Slept in until 8.

Played a little Minecraft and am now writing this blog… all before 10 am even.

This is our second snow day in the last two weeks. February has been rough with the snow and the temperatures. Today we should get to 0 degrees.

The house is warm. The coffee good. Everyone is chilling in their own way. One daughter is playing Little Nightmares, another is writing (and texting friends I believe), and my youngest is jamming out to Taylor Swift in her room.

But a part of me wonders what other households are like at this moment. We had our first snow last week. Every day I start each class with a fun question. So naturally I asked how everyone’s snow day was. Guess what the number one response was.

Boring!

Yes, by a long shot. Boring.

Now, there were other answers, like productive, sleep, and snow. But it disheartened me to hear so many students say ‘boring’.

One of my goals as a dad and husband is to make home the best place for my family. For me HOME is more than a place, it is a feeling, it is warmth and safety. It is dinner together, blueberry muffins on Sunday, laughter and good times… especially on a snow day.

This house is now the place I have lived the longest. And it has only been 14 years. The next longest time I lived in one place was grad school – four years.

Growing up, home was an ever changing place. And the hardest part, an ever changing feeling. Too many times those feelings were not good.

Now, my children have said that they were bored. Of course I said they could read a book, write a letter, or draw a picture. But I am proud of the home we have. A snow day is an unexpected chance to laugh, snack too much, but most importantly, to just be family.

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August 4, 2024 · 7:18 pm

Smashed Blueberries

It has been a busy summer. We have missed making blueberry muffins a number of times, but this morning we were in our normal routine. It was a quiet morning as all my daughters were still sleeping as my wife and I made breakfast.

As happens with me, my mind wandered through some random thoughts, but then dived deep as I smashed the blueberries into the batter. 

Backstory: about a year ago my third daughter asked if there was a way to have the blueberries throughout the muffin. Blueberries are one of her favorite foods. So the next time we made blueberry muffins I smashed some of the blueberries and continued to mix in the blueberries instead of folding them into the batter. The batter was almost purple when I spooned it into the paper cups. My daughter loved them and since then I smash the blueberries for our Sunday muffins.

This morning my mind made an interesting connection to life; smashing blueberries became a metaphor to a deep thought. School is about to start, so let’s look at this metaphor.

Blueberries are love.

Muffins are a day… or a year, or a lifetime, really they are a symbol for time.

The instructions on the box say to fold the blueberries into the batter. This allows the blueberries to stay whole, but are spread out through the muffins. So, technically you can bite into a muffin and not get a blueberry. Now, once you eat all of the muffin you will have enjoyed some blueberries. 

Flip to the other part of the metaphor. On any given day we give and receive moments of love. Some days there are a lot of blueberries – moments of love. But other days, there are not many moments of feeling love or giving love. The baker didn’t fold the blueberries well and the muffin is bare of blueberries. Sadly, I think too many people live through days like this.

For the last year or so, I have smashed the blueberries so that every bite has at least a taste of blueberryness. Now, we cannot ‘smash’ love, but what if we made sure we spread out moments of love throughout every day, especially with our family and friends? In a sense making sure that each day there is a taste of love. Can you imagine how good that muffin would taste?

When I make blueberry muffins, I smash the blueberries into the batter so that every bite has a taste of love. I want my days to taste just as good.

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July 12, 2024 · 7:51 pm

A Year

You don’t know where you’ll be in a year.

On our podcast, The Creative Moment, my son introduced this saying. I don’t remember where he learned it from, and I paraphrased the quote, but we use the idea as motivation, as an idea to get through tough times, and to highlight a simple aspect of this life. There is a lot of living that happens in 365 days.

June was the anniversary of the death of my mom (you can read about that here: Meeting Death). There are so many ways that I am reminded of her, but there is simply still the void created by her passing. No text messages, or sending her photos of her grandkids. No visits planned (my parents would always visit us each summer).

And even though these last 365 days did not bring her back, life continued. Continued through rough days, suddenly being flooded with emotions, happy memories from a photograph. 

I’ve written a few poems over the last year and published a collection of poetry, While Death Waits, that dealt with her passing. One of the most wonderful aspects of sharing the poems has been the connections and moments of honest human exchanges of stories. Every time I share some of the poetry based on the death of my mom, people have wanted to share their stories, their pain, the love they had for husbands, mothers, and siblings.

This past year has highlighted the most important aspect of each day; living is embracing the full range of emotions we may encounter at any moment. If you can keep your heart open and loving, even as heartbreaking moments happen, you will strengthen your spirit. You will know you have lived. Each day lived will add up to a year of life, and that adds up to a wonderful life lived…

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June 24, 2024 · 7:19 pm

Three Easy Payments

I’ve got a deal for you… with only three easy payments you can have… (fill in the blank).

I take cash, credit card, or PayPal.

If you order now, I will throw in, for free – you pay the extra shipping and handling – (fill in the blank).

If it was only that easy. If we could simply buy whatever we are looking for, for whatever fills our souls, makes us smile, or allows us to live without a care in the world, we all would buy it.

But nothing, not even sadness, is that easy to acquire in this life.

Even an ordinary day has a steep price to pay if you really think about it. It cost us time, relationships, goals, and the beat of our hearts. At the end of the day, we have spent our life living it. And there are no refunds, no do-overs, only a chance to spend your life living another day.

So, embrace the cost of loving someone (yes, even the heartbreak). Spend the time chasing small and grand dreams. Throw a few dollars for a coffee, or sit, for free, on your front step and enjoy the sunrise. Spend your life living the best you can.

This offer will only last for (however many days any of us have), so call that friend right now, their heart is waiting for your call. Lines are open.

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