2024 has been a hard year, for a number of reasons. Which I will not elaborate on because Christmas letters are not supposed to be sad and depressing. They are truthful, but should bring some happiness to the readers. So, I will just say 2024 has been a hard year, and leave it at that.
A Christmas letter has a number of purposes. The first is to highlight important events from the past year.
And I know everyone wants to know what my Spotify Wrapped entailed. Prince was my number one artist, again. But thanks to my youngest daughter, Taylor Swift landed in second place! Plus, she had three songs make my top 100 for the year.
My number one song of 2024 was actually a surprise. It is “Satellite” by Harry Styles.
I do like this song… just didn’t know I played it so much. The rest of my top 10 was not surprising.
I spent a lot of time on the road attending different author events (I blogged about some of those events, A Poet Travels 1550 Miles). Those events really kept my spirit filled.
So did producing The Creative Moment podcast with my son. We have recorded 8 seasons so far. And have no plans on stopping anytime soon.
One of the most bitter sweet aspects of life is family. As a dad it is amazing to see each of my children grow and build their lives, but it is also a reminder that time is moving forward. Change happens. New hardships appear, but so do new joys and experiences. Being a dad is enduring the most joyful heartbreak everyday.
I will not complete my reading challenge this year. I try to read 60 books each year. I am projected (got three books I’m reading right now) to finish at 47 books. But that’s OK, I have read some cool books this year. Here are five of my favorite (in no particular order):
1. Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw
2. What Happens in Nebraska by Cat Dixon
3. Impossible Knots by K.P. DeLaney (a guest on The Creative Moment)
4. Denison Avenue by Christina Wong
5. Dickens and Prince: A Particular Kind of Genius by Nick Hornby
And last a Christmas letter is meant to stay connected with family and friends, to share joy… and so I wish you a joyful holiday season!
And I’ll end this letter with my 100th song from my most played list:
In 2021 Kevin Garnett wrote a cool book, KG: A to Z: An Uncensored Encyclopedia of Life, Basketball, and Everything in Between. Instead of a traditional narrative structure, KG told his story by creating a personalized encyclopedia. The reader could look up a topic or word to read his insight or his story connected to that word like an encyclopedia. It was a cool book to read.
The past 10 months have been challenging. My perspective has been challenged on many different levels. Certain words or ideas have been the focus of some of those challenges. I thought it would be useful to use the same organization KG did for his book for this blog post. So, here is my Life Encyclopedia.
Art: The expression of the heart. See also, music, poetry, writing.
Blogging: See writing.
Death: The natural end of our time here. Everybody knows that death awaits for us all. Yet, we do not actually live like we know this truth. We waste time on petty issues, or involved with our screens in some mindless activity. We tend to live like tomorrow will always be there, so we feel like we can let today slide. I wonder what life would look like if we actually lived like we knew our time here ends.
Dreams: I debated on whether to use ‘dreams’ or ‘goals’ for this section. I decided on ‘dreams’ for two reasons. First, it sounds more poetic. Second, I feel that a dream can be accomplished, but even then a dream can still pull at your heart. And chasing our dreams should be part of our everyday existence. The pursuit of making our dreams a reality is what fills our spirit. Makes the hard days easier to endure. Our dreams are our purpose for being here. Some dreams change, some become reality, while we chase others our whole life. That is the beauty of having a dream.
Family: This is the most complex life topic I’ve been dealing with over the last year. Family has been a central issue all of my life. From living separately with both biological parents, to walking away from most of my bloodline, that allowed me to start my own family.
There is the crutch of the idea of family. As a dad I have a saying (OK, I have a handful of sayings), “Family gets your best behavior.” The heart of this is to remind everyone that the most important people should not be treated better than strangers. Yes, there are disagreements and challenges to work through, but they are handled with love. Our home is the safest place in this world for everyone.
I never felt safe or truly loved growing up. I knew that, at different times, that alcohol and other people mattered more than me. Even as I’ve learned more about who my biological father was after his passing, I still wonder why I didn’t matter. Why their son was not worth their time or love.
Blood doesn’t define family. I mattered to Wayne and Janine (for new readers, Janine is my mom that passed away last summer). I found a home that was filled with love that showed me what a family could be like. No, it wasn’t perfect. This household isn’t perfect, but the foundation is love and acceptance. That is how a family is built.
Friends: Yes, a friend can be seen as family, but I think real friendship is its own unique relationship that allows it to be a separate component of life. I don’t have a lot of real friends. Oh, I have many friends and acquaintances, but honestly, I have one best friend. We have been friends since junior high. Yes, we have had some rough spots, and yes, it was over a girl, but what makes our friendship strong is knowing that we have each other’s back. We share our dreams and hardships. Even though we are miles apart, we do fun things, like right now we are sharing our top 100 songs of all time, but doing it one day at a time. We have been there for the big moments; we both were each other’s best man for our weddings. A friend is part of your foundation that brings a different kind of joy and support.
Learn: The act of becoming who you are through different means; such as reading, living, questioning and other experiences.
Life: This moment right now, which is a mix of the past, dreams for the future, and the current emotion to create a unique experience for all of us.
Love: The center of life.
Music: One of the many artistic elements that build bridges between people. For me it is a sanctuary. I always had the radio to accompany me when I changed houses, changed parents, changed my life. There is nothing like sharing a song with someone, finding common ground in lyrics and music.
Poetry: The way I understand this life. The artist way I can make sense of my emotions while processing the questions I have about how life unfolds. By writing poetry I understand myself more. By studying the art form I become better at writing, but also thinking, which allows me to come to terms with both the joys and sorrows of this life. Poetry also allows me to build connections with other people, other artists, other poets. I do not trust many people, but I trust poetry.
Real: My word for this year. This might be the hardest word for me because I do not show the real me to too many people besides in my poetry and other writings. The reason for this blog post is me trying to live by my word. At the moment I am skeptical that I can live up to it in this world that is quick to destroy anyone that tries to be real.
Writing: Poetry is my first love, but I wrote my first short story in fifth grade. I have been blogging for decades now. Writing, in all forms, gives me a sense of being. In a way it allows me to be the real me. Writing is like praying for me, even at this moment I have my “Writing” playlist going, I am pondering questions of the past, considering a few future opportunities I have and feeling some strong emotions that encompass a broad range – I am living.
This will be the last post in the Favorite Series. I will get back to sharing just three things, and get back to connecting ideas on a deeper level because in this post I am going to share three favorite things about life…
I am going to share the deep abstract element first. One of my favorite things about life is a blue sky with clouds. Let me explain. A blue sky with clouds gives me a sense of living. Whether I am walking, playing outside with kids, or driving to get a coffee, when the sky is that dark edged blue and peppered with clouds, especially big puffy ones that almost seem 3D, I feel a sense of being here. The starkness of the sky reminds me that I am on this Earth and have this moment to be me. To live this life the best I can because, like the clouds, life is in constant motion. A day may be filled with joy or heartbreak, but it is my day to live.
Other skies, like a starry night, have different vibes for me and I enjoy being under their charm. But give me a blue sky with clouds because it fills my soul.
Learning is my favorite aspect of life. I know, this shouldn’t surprise anyone who has read a few of my blog posts. Life is always providing opportunities to learn, to connect ideas, or to give us a chance to become better than we were. We can learn from books (a definite favorite of mine), from people (maybe the most powerful) and from what happens in our daily life (if we pay attention).
But learning is a choice. Even though I find it hard to believe, not everyone cares to learn. Many people are happy with where they are and don’t seek out ways to learn… I can’t do that, because I believe that who we are as a person is the direct effect of what we learn. And who we are is how we live.
Connected to learning is creativity (which is also who we are). My third favorite aspect of life is creativity. I like to draw. I like to make videos. I like to dance. I like to come up with games to play with my children (we have a pool game called Shark. It’s kind of an underwater tag game). And if you follow my blog, even though I don’t have a regular schedule, you know I love to write.
During a deep discussion a few years ago with my seniors I said that life is simply who you are and what you do with your time.
I still believe this. I am a writer, who loves to learn, and get lost gazing at a blue sky with puffy clouds. What a life!
This is the first post in my Favorite Series, where I will share a few of my favorite things in different areas. Today I will share a few of my favorite books.
The Night Watch Series by Sergei Lukyanenko is an amazing story of what it means to be good or evil. There are “Others” among us, The Light Others and the Dark Others, who both have ‘Watches’ that keep a balance between the sides. Sounds simple, but the depth of philosophy around what makes an Other light or dark is challenging. Also, Lukyanenko’s writing style keeps you turning the page because each book has a twist to it, a mystery to solve. I cried at the end of the last book the first time I read it.
One of my favorite graphic novels is Tetris: The Games People Play. If you spent hours playing Tetris on your Game Boy the history of the game will fascinate you.
When I can, I get books from library book sales or giveaways. I found a gem of poetry a few years ago, De Mayor of Harlem: The Poetry of David Henderson. Now, David Henderson didn’t take the place of Langston Hughes as my favorite poet, but David’s poetry reads like jazz, too. Filled with poems that shine like a city at night. I know the book may be hard to find but it is worth it.
I’ll keep this post to three of my favorite books (actually 8 books). If you have read any of these, or do read them, let me know what you thought about them.
My in-laws recently moved into an assisted living community. For the last couple of weeks we have been getting their house ready to sell, cleaning and organizing things. Of course I was excited to go through the books. I found one box filled with a range of self-help books.
If you look closely at the book, How To Stop Worrying and Start Living, there is this information, “Revised for the 1980’s!” So, I had to check the copyright date… 1944!
According to a report from SkyQuest (a growth consulting firm) in 2021 the global personal development market made 41.7 billion dollars.
A Google search for self-help books produced 3,940,000,000 results.
I have read some of these books.
Some of my blog posts would fit under this umbrella term Self-Help.
What’s going on with us?
First, there is nothing wrong with gaining information from others to help you reach your goals, or to become a better version of who you are. Honestly, one of the reasons I blog is to help others. And I don’t make any money from my blog.
So, discovering insight from others or even just getting inspiration to help us in life is great. For any part of our lives. I attend conferences for writing, teaching, and coaching to gain ideas, to be inspired, to learn.
But it seems we are spending a lot of money searching for something.
The first self-help book was published in 1859 by Samuel Smiles, Self-Help; with Illustrations of Character and Conduct. (Yes, I see the unintended irony of his name for this topic.)
What is interesting is that Samuel Smiles’s book was based on the idea that a person should actively learn and help themselves, which is one of the ideas of the Age of Enlightenment.
I don’t think our modern self-help philosophy is based on this idea.
Now, you might be thinking this is where I go off on a rant about the change in our society… Nope… Because in 1859 Samuel Smiles wrote a book trying to help people become happier, to become better versions of themselves.
In 1807 William Wordsworth wrote the poem, “The World is Too Much with Us”. I teach this poem in class, and we discuss how the poem reflects our modern day.
So, we have always looked to the stars for something. Walked to the horizon, but never reached it. Love has broken our hearts. Yet, we get lost in the eyes of another. Hugs heal us. We take time for granted, over and over again.
We are human.
There is no easy answer to our lives.
What I do know for sure is that LOVE is real. That we need each other. That happiness is found in small moments, like a board game, or in big events like moving your son to his new town.
I’m not selling an answer to your quest for a better life, I’m just here with you, and that is a start.
At church a couple of weekends ago the priest started his sermon by showing us his glow in the dark rosary. He asked if anyone knew how it worked, what was the chemical process to have the beads glow in the dark. He hinted at the answer, but quickly said he simply liked to think that the beads simply reflected back the light they absorb.
The rest of the sermon was built on that idea correlated with a person’s spirituality. But even if you are not a religious person, I think we all are glow in the dark people. We reflect the light we absorb.
I mention this quote in my first post for this blog:
With the technology we have today though, there are more factors that influence what light we shine back. There are all the forms of social media, music, and just the influence of pop culture in general. Sadly, most of the light that comes from these sources are filtered and have a meanness tint to them.
What I find most disheartening is the attitude that we are not responsible for the light we choose to absorb, then reflect back to the world. I do believe that we choose what we let into our lives, into our hearts. Whether it is hours of TikTok videos, a good book, or the latest slogan we simply repeat because everyone else is repeating it, we decide what kind of light, what kind of people we are in this world. We glow in the dark, and the day time, with the light we allow into our lives. We are glow in the dark people.
The most important lesson I have learned in half a century is that there is joy in every day. I can have a horrible day at work but come home and have a dance party with my kids. This lesson took years to understand, and takes strength to accomplish. I have to leave the bad day at work to fully enjoy dancing with my kids.
I know that this list will not surprise anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis, I’ve touched on these in different ways through the years. But hopefully this post will remind you of the things that bring you joy.
Number 5
I love learning. School was my escape from all the craziness I was going through. Even when I was the new kid so many times growing up. Each school provided opportunities to grow. For the last couple of years I have participated in the challenge to read 60 books in a year. I don’t get to 60 every year, but I spend the year learning and I love that.
Number 4
When I thought about the role walking has had in my life, I thought back to all the times my best friend and I would walk by the river. How, especially in junior high, we walked all over town. And how I was the only senior that had to walk to school everyday… the consequence of me wrecking a car my junior year. Walking is good exercise, but the joy is in sharing with others. I take the girls on snack walks, we have nature walks, there is a certain joy to sharing the moment and world with others as I walk.
Number 3
One of the best parts of being a dad is watching my kids in activities: elementary concerts, basketball, soccer, and science fairs to name just a few of the activities I’ve spent enjoying, my wife at my side, and sometimes a coffee in my hand. It matters to me, in part because my father never saw me compete in anything. I swear I tear up every time one of my kids sees me in the crowd and they wave or nod their head at me.
Number 2
I park the minivan facing the lake. My wife and I people-watch as we enjoy a Blizzard. Cookie dough for my wife. I usually will try the special flavor of the month. These small moments intertwined joy into life. And if we pay attention, not getting lost in the routine of life, every day is filled with these small moments. Talking with my kids before bed. Letting them help make blueberry muffins. Holding hands with my wife as we watch Miami Vice. Yes, I believe joy is the thread that determines the way we live.
Number 1
This is no surprise for anyone. Writing brings a level of joy that ignites my soul. When the thoughts in my head and feelings stirring in my heart find their way to the page, I feel powerful. I feel complete. I feel vulnerable because the words I write are honest reflections of who I am.
Thanks for sharing your time with me as I start the next half century. Do something that brings you joy today… because if we are not here to feel joy, to love others, to sing badly to our favorite songs… then I don’t know the meaning of life.
This morning we made blueberry muffins. My second daughter asked how it felt to be half a century old. Children can view the world in a different way. Half a century. Fifty years.
As always, I thought about how many crazy turns I’ve taken on my path. I thought it would be fun to share some fun “Top Five” blog posts over the next five days in celebration of living fifty years.
To start, this post will be my top five things that I am proud of.
Number Five
Self publishing my poetry and fiction books. I have a few more projects in the works. It is exciting to create work that others enjoy.
Number Four
Creating traditions for my family, like blueberry muffins on Sunday mornings. I’ve read books before bed for over 20 years. Other traditions have faltered, some are new, like deciding on a word for the year. But I think traditions are building blocks for a strong family.
Number Three
Keeping an open heart even as the world and people let me down. Call me foolish, but I believe Love can save us.
Number Two
Staying creative. Writing blog posts, taking photos, writing poetry. I try to listen to the muse when it hits. I’m working on a new short story right now. I have three new poems that are in rough draft form. Being creative keeps my spirit fueled.
Number One
Finding the courage to change the narrative of my family history.
Tomorrow I’ll share another Top Five post about moments.
For those readers that have followed my blog or my writing career, you know I’ve been doing this writing thing on my own. My first collection of poetry, And I Never Told You, was printed at a local printing shop. I sold copies through the local coffee shop and by carrying copies with me in case someone wanted a copy.
Today there is social media. I use Amazon to publish my books. I use Goodreads’ giveaway option to give signed copies away. I’ve written letters to libraries and stores to publicize my books.
Being an indie author is hard. One thing all writers want is to know people have read and enjoyed their works. I have had the privilege of learning how my writing has inspired readers. (I share that story in the blog post: “Our Gift is for Others”.)
As I was organizing information for the winners of my latest giveaway, I wondered how many states have received one of my books (some states have more than one book).
As a writer it is cool to think one of my books is sitting on a bookshelf or night stand in Hawaii or Tennessee. Maybe there is a bookmark poking out of the top, or some of the corners are folded. Thinking that someone might lend the book to a friend because they think that person would like my poems makes me feel proud of the work I put into my writing.
I have a dadism I use sometimes when the kids are fighting or a situation is starting to get out of hand. “Family deserves the best from you.” For a number of reasons I feel this is the most important aspect of dealing with family relationships. We should treat our family the best.
The same is true for our friends. The way we love our friends and family dictates the joy and depth of our life. They shelter us during the storms. They give us directions when we have lost our way. They share in our joy of achieving our goals. They motivate us when we encounter hurdles. Our personal success is never achieved alone.
Our relationships are a manifestation of our choices regarding love. Relationships take work, just as much work as any life goal we have. But that is the reason for love, to build relationships that reveal the beauty of this life. It is hard because each person in our life is unique, which means each relationship has its own set of guidelines. Each relationship then brings a different element of life and love to us. As we build our relationships with family and friends, we expand our understanding of love, of life. That is how we build an incredible life; love our friends and family.
Below are a few media recommendations that correlate with this idea.
Books
The article, “The Lonely Life of George Bell”, has stayed with me since the day I read it in the fall of 2015. It is sad, but so worth reading.
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger has a deeper element about the importance of relationships woven through Holden’s observations of the uniqueness of people.
Movies
Over the Hedge is a great movie about the importance of family.
It is all Connected 