Category Archives: Family

October 19, 2025 · 8:19 pm

Reflections on a Sunday without Blueberry Muffins

This morning we had day-old Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. We packed our suitcases and got checked out of the hotel in time for church at 9:30. We saved a seat for my son and his wife, my new daughter-in-law, of less than 24 hours.

We spent the weekend rehearsing, celebrating, and witnessing one of love’s milestones. As the father of the groom, I didn’t have a ton of responsibilities. We catered the rehearsal dinner which was held at the church. My hair takes like 30 seconds to get ready… now, my wife and daughters? Well, that started at 9 in the morning Saturday for a 2 o’clock wedding. So for those who know me, yes, I had time to think, to reflect on the deeper aspects of this weekend.

Social Media

For the most part, I put my phone away. I took some pictures, but my wife is better at that aspect of our life. I did interact a little on X and Instagram, but mostly I enjoyed the weekend. I did not post a single thing on social media about the weekend. I was letting other individuals do that. I was just present, and it was joyful. We talked, we went and got coffee, we sat by the firepit at the hotel. (My daughters and I did witness a guy riding a bicycle crash into the closed gate where we were sitting, but that is another story.)

At the reception we danced and enjoyed the dinner.

But what I really noticed was the emotions we all expressed. The genuine feelings, the tears, the laughter, the expression of living without worrying about getting the right angle for a photo, or hurrying to post a reaction. I was in the moment, and it was a beautiful moment.

Family

There were two different moments that highlighted what it means to be family. If you’re new to my blog you will need to read some past blogs to understand my complex story. I am not going to spend time covering that.

The first moment happened after the rehearsal dinner. My future daughter-in-law was carrying a tote bag with “Mrs. Boelhower” printed on the side in script lettering. When I asked about it, her face lit up with a smile. She explained it was a gift and asked if we liked it (my wife and daughters were with me). One of my daughters piped up and said, “Wow, now there are two Mrs. Boelhowers!”

We all laughed but it got me thinking…

Hold on, let me connect another moment.

The reception hall was filled with family and friends. My daughter and I were taking a break from dancing. I sat next to my ‘adopted’ dad (again, if you’re new to my blog you’ll have to catch up on the backstory) and chatted about life. My wife’s side of the family was strong in numbers, and so was my daughter-in-law’s. But there were only 9 Boelhowers. And one of those just joined our clan.

A weird mix of pride, sorrow, and resolve washed over me. I was the patriarch of this small family tree that was slowly growing strong roots. As my son danced with his new wife, I had to catch my breath because I saw, as they danced, that all the pain I endured, all the hardships I went through, the sometimes spirit-breaking decisions I made, was worth it. I had a family, I was providing, as best as I could, a life for my children that I never had.

Family is not just blood. It is choices, it is commitment, it is love given and received. My daughter-in-law will be loved just like my own children. And I will continue to nurture this little family tree to take root in a life filled with love.

It is all Connected

No, not this blog. But the idea behind the title of this blog. Sometimes it takes decades to see how two dots connect. During the church service the priest was talking about this idea, and he mentioned that he did not know every parishioners’ story that brought them to the church today, but he imagined they all had their own hardships and celebrations. But they were here now.

During the reception, I was aware of how important the moment was when my ‘adopted’ father said I could live with him and his family when I was sixteen. There was a direct line from that moment to the wedding. The story between the dots is fascinating, filled with heartache and joy, like any story. But without the opportunity he gave me, we would not be sitting together laughing and talking about life.

It is hard to have what I call The Long View. A term I use in the classroom to help my students see that their actions today will impact where they are in the future, what opportunities they will have. But when looking back (and I think we should, to appreciate the journey) we see the path, we see the benchmarks of how life brought us to today.

And we can smile, breathe in the joy, and see how it is all connected… and this weekend proved that the best connections are built with love.

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Tagged as dadlife, daughter, dots, family, inspiration, life, love, son, wedding

August 10, 2025 · 6:58 pm

No Blueberry Muffins

Faithful readers know that on Sunday we make blueberry muffins for breakfast. That almost didn’t happen today.

First a little backstory. Yesterday (Saturday) my wife’s sister hosted a couple’s shower for my oldest son and his fiancee. It was a good day of fellowship with family and friends. And there was a fantastic brunch; two types of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, homemade cinnamon rolls, and a variety of fruit. One of the trays was decorated with pieces of pineapple and watermelon hearts on skewers.

Of course there were leftovers. We came home with a small pan of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, and a dozen cinnamon rolls. (My wife’s family always makes enough that you take home some leftovers!)

Last night as my wife and I talked about the day and the plan for breakfast on Sunday, the idea of just using the leftovers was a tempting option. But in my head I thought, ‘but it is Sunday, we make muffins and scrambled eggs and sausage.’ Plus, all our children would be at breakfast. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

I said that we should make our traditional blueberry muffin breakfast. My wife agreed. So, we got up early to make the muffins, but we still warmed up the breakfast casserole. A few of the kids added a cinnamon roll to their plates. And the morning was filled with laughter and conversation. We were a full family at the table.

Now, I understand that offering just the leftovers would have been fine. But blueberry muffins are a tradition. And sometimes, you have to work at keeping traditions. It is one of the ironies of life, how easy it is to do the easy thing and break traditions, or good habits you have fostered.

Our daily life is filled with moments that challenge us to choose an easy option, or an option that takes a little more work or energy, but has a better payoff and builds stronger bonds. Or, in our case continue a tradition that is central to our family. Blueberry muffins on Sunday morning.

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Tagged as blueberry muffins, dad, dadlife, family, food, leftovers, life, son, Sunday, traditions, wife

April 25, 2025 · 10:43 am

The End of Magic

It has happened. My youngest daughter knows that mom and I are Santa, Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny.

But not by me. I officially have never ended the magic of childhood. Last night my youngest daughter (11 years-old) asked my wife about it. And mom confirmed what my daughter had figured out. Ironically because the Tooth Fairy has been inconsistent.

Ironically, two nights ago my youngest daughter asked me about the Easter Bunny. About how we knew who’s eggs were whose. I said I received a magical letter that had the instructions. She asked to see the letter. I said it dissolved into magical pieces once I read it. She thought that was cool.

But as we grow older, the magic of life seems to dissolve into dust and we can’t get it back. Last night, mom informed our daughter that I still believed. My daughter asked my wife not to tell me that she knew the truth.

The magic of believing… in joyful expressions.

I still believe in Santa, in the Easter Bunny, in the magic of the idea that life should be joyful. For my consistent readers, you know I believe in expressing our love to others everyday. But there is a deeper joyful feeling in believing in the magic of this life. Of childhood, of receiving a gift, or hidden eggs, simply because you are you.

So, even though all my children know that I am Santa, I still believe…

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Tagged as believe, christmas, dadlife, daughte, easter bunny, family, inspiration, Josh Groban, love, santa

March 15, 2025 · 10:37 am

Mountain Range

Over the last two years I have made a number of trips home to Wyoming. Regular readers know why. As I traveled north on I-25 I always enjoyed seeing the mountains in the west. When the sky is just blue, Laramie Peak cuts a wonderful scene against the sky.

Like many people, I think about how cool the view would be from the top of the mountain.

I am not much of a mountain climber, but there are lots of people who have that drive. According to a number of different sources, about 800 people reach the summit of Mount Everest each year, even though Mount Everest is the deadliest mountain to climb. It has a death zone that starts at the elevation of 8,000 meters. Twelve percent of the deaths over the years are from exhaustion.

On my walk I was thinking about trying to go home this summer, and then I started to think about the past trips and the mountain range (and actually of the handful of poems I’ve written from those trips). In one of those magical moments where ideas lead to ideas and then to connections, I thought about how we use climbing a mountain as a symbol of reaching our personal goals.

And why the symbolism works.

Everyone loves the view of their goals as they travel the road of everyday living. We think about how great the view of life would be when we reach those goals. But that thought is not enough to motivate most of us to actually put on our gear and start climbing.

I’ll use Mount Everest as an example for reaching our goals.

First is time. On average it takes 6 – 10 weeks to reach the summit of Mount Everest. Part of the reason is to safely adjust to the altitude.

There are milestones and adjustments when striving for a goal. Be it time, sacrifices, or even self development. Trying to fulfill a dream takes a commitment of time that we sometimes don’t want to give. It’s easier to continue on the highway and look at the goal on the horizon.

Second factor is the cost. Just the license to climb Mount Everest is $11,000 from the government of Nepal. Also, there is the cost of equipment and the Sherpas’ services to reach the top.

The cost of reaching a goal varies for sure. But I am in the red for the total amount I have paid for gas, bookmarks, and postage compared to how much I’ve made selling books, and it’s not even close.

Then there is the cost of pain, physical and emotional. While climbing Mount Everest, climbers will experience altitude sickness, fatigue, and the weather conditions can change quickly. I can’t even imagine how many times they have to deal with the voice in their head telling them to give up. Sir Edmund Hillary, one of the first climbers to reach the summit, said, “It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”

Isn’t this true for everyone who strives to reach their goals? It is one of the most important reasons to go after our goals. There is a reason why we have a dream. It is connected to our spirit, it is a reflection of who we can be. So, even if we never fully reach the summit of our goals, we become the person we can be by striving for that goal.

It’s easy to just drive past the mountain ranges as we travel this life. Gaze at their majestic beauty. Think about the view from the top, how wonderful it would be, but keep the cruise control on.

Or go after that dream that beckons you. There is an exit coming up that will take you to the base of the mountain. It has always been there, just like the mountain range.

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Tagged as climb, cost, dreams, driving, goals, Mount Everest, mountain, summit, writing

February 18, 2025 · 10:15 am

Snow Day Feeling

Watched a movie last night.

Slept in until 8.

Played a little Minecraft and am now writing this blog… all before 10 am even.

This is our second snow day in the last two weeks. February has been rough with the snow and the temperatures. Today we should get to 0 degrees.

The house is warm. The coffee good. Everyone is chilling in their own way. One daughter is playing Little Nightmares, another is writing (and texting friends I believe), and my youngest is jamming out to Taylor Swift in her room.

But a part of me wonders what other households are like at this moment. We had our first snow last week. Every day I start each class with a fun question. So naturally I asked how everyone’s snow day was. Guess what the number one response was.

Boring!

Yes, by a long shot. Boring.

Now, there were other answers, like productive, sleep, and snow. But it disheartened me to hear so many students say ‘boring’.

One of my goals as a dad and husband is to make home the best place for my family. For me HOME is more than a place, it is a feeling, it is warmth and safety. It is dinner together, blueberry muffins on Sunday, laughter and good times… especially on a snow day.

This house is now the place I have lived the longest. And it has only been 14 years. The next longest time I lived in one place was grad school – four years.

Growing up, home was an ever changing place. And the hardest part, an ever changing feeling. Too many times those feelings were not good.

Now, my children have said that they were bored. Of course I said they could read a book, write a letter, or draw a picture. But I am proud of the home we have. A snow day is an unexpected chance to laugh, snack too much, but most importantly, to just be family.

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Tagged as blueberry muffins, coffee, dadlife, daughters, family, father, inspiration, love, minecraft, snack, snow day

January 29, 2025 · 10:52 am

Last Older Blog Post (Blueberry Muffins)

The first blog post using blueberry muffins was in 2008. The latest was in August 2024 (Smashed Blueberries). The original blog post that started this unplanned symbol can be read in my book, Blueberry Muffins and Other Thoughts. The following older post is the third time I used our Sunday morning routine of blueberry muffins to discuss life. This post was originally posted in 2009.

“Blueberry Muffins III”

It was 6:07 a.m. Sunday morning. My little girl had another rough night; we had not had a good night’s rest in two weeks. My oldest son was already up. I could hear the TV upstairs. He never sleeps in.

I quickly changed my little girl’s diaper, breathing in and out. I was frustrated, I was depressed, this was not starting out well. On Friday I learned that I was not chosen for a job I thought I had interviewed well for. It was just another low in a year that has been challenging to say the least. My confidence has been shaken this year. My spirit bruised. Climbing up the stairs, I tried to keep the lid on my emotions.

As I asked my son to hold his sister so I could get the coffee going, I noticed that he was watching a family movie. It was a DVD of the Christmas break when he was 3 and his brother was 1. It was our first Christmas in our present house.

“Could you make the muffins, dad? I want to watch this.”

“Yea, I can, if you feed your sister.”

“OK.”

I made the bottle, got coffee brewing, and the muffins in the oven as the movie played in the background.

“Dad, it’s the ‘Whoa’ game.”

My second son had a crazy game when he was 1. He would simply drop on his butt and say “Whoa!” He would do this forever.

I sat down in a chair and watched. The whole movie was just about being home during break. Film of us singing, dancing, and just having fun. I was amazed to see how things had changed. We were watching the movie on a flat screen TV, but in the movie, you could see our little 12” combo VHS/TV we had on a little cabinet in the living room. We have a bigger dining table now, and the couches are different too. Plus, we have three girls in our family now. I marveled on how life has progressed in six years.

Then my mind wandered to my professional life. The frustrations, the almost moments, the confusion of not knowing why things have worked out they way they have. What to do next? However, as the DVD continued to play, I started to think about tomorrow, about what I see in the future. It was family. It was the start of our summer trip to Lincoln and Omaha. It is going to games, or school plays. Teaching them how to drive. Sitting under the summer skies trying to get them to see the constellations.

I love teaching, I love coaching. However, my family is my why. I do not know where my professional path will lead. I am still stinging from the disappointments of this year. But, I know that at the end of the day my family will always be my joy.

END NOTE: As I was reading the Sunday paper I was holding my little girl on my shoulder and she let out a crazy like cough. Suddenly a slimy warm sensation ran down my arm. She had regurgitated her milk with the congestion that has been bothering her. A little grossed out, I smiled.

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Tagged as blog, blueberry muffins, book, coaching, daughter, family, joy, Parenting, sleep, sons, Sunday, why

January 27, 2025 · 11:26 am

Older Blog Post 4 (Communicate)

Dadlife… it is amazing to look back at these moments knowing how my children have grown. But also how the lessons from these moments still hold true… Original post is from April 2010.

“Communicate”

It was 1:10 in the morning and my 4-month-old daughter is antsy. I get up and find the pacifier. No go. She spits it out. I try again. She settles down. I creep back to my bed. Pull the blanket over me and feel the quiet darkness of sleep fill my mind.

“Augghrrr, Augghrrr, whaaaa,” she cries.

With a sigh only a frustrate parent knows, I head back to the crib. I try the pacifier again, but she is not settling down. OK, diaper? I set her down and get a clean diaper on her. Lay her down, repeat the bed, cover, darkness of sleep and she repeats her audible noise of discontent.

My wife groggily suggests a 4-ounce bottle. So, I head upstairs. I am actually waking up by this time. My wife feeds her, I fall back asleep.

In a blur of slumber and frustration, my daughter wakes me up. It is now 1:36. I go for the pacifier, again. We fall into a pacifier, spit it out, pacifier; spit it out routine with a few of those frustrated sighs thrown in for fun.

I pick her up. In the darkness, I can see her looking at me. Then her eyes close. For the next five minutes, I rock her in my arms. Victory. I lay her down, check the pacifier and head to my pillow.

1:52. My frustration level is now high. But I squash it. Let out a good 30-second sigh and head to the crib. Next trick is laying her on her belly. This time it works. With a last little sigh, from her, the night continues.

As a fall asleep, I think about how much easier it would be if she could only tell me what she wants, or what is bugging her. My mind wanders about that idea, about how many of life’s hardships are based on this premise. The ability to communicate. To communicate truthfully. To simply express what is bugging us. To tell the people around us what we need. Many times, we are afraid of what will happen if we do. What will the other person think? Does this make me look weak? Do I have the words to actually express what I am feeling?

I see the negative consequences of not communicating in the classroom and in life. I see people just continue to be “antsy” and live everyday in a constant agitated state, simply because they will not or cannot communicate what they need.

I hear my little girl sleeping soundly, I had figured out what she wanted. But, I cannot wait until she can tell me in her own words.

4:50 a.m. It is the alarm clock this time. I restrain from telling the clock what I feel this morning….

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Tagged as baby, communication, dad, dadlife, daughter, family, life, morning, Parenting

January 21, 2025 · 8:24 am

Older Blog Post 2 (Happiness)

Looking back on these older posts have been a personal challenge. This post from Feb 4, 2008, is an interesting look back on my teaching career and the challenges of being a father.

“Happiness”

Lately in class, Happiness is a sub-theme of some of the literature I am teaching. Gretchen Rubin is doing a Happiness project that she will present in a book this year. Recently, I filled out a 25 Fact Note project on Facebook, one of my posts was that I was not as happy as people think. There is a long story that goes with that post, but this entry is not about my past. It is about Happiness and the destruction of it.

I experienced unadulterated happiness this morning. My littlest girl is about three months old. She smiles and coos regularly now. She loves to have her feet rubbed. It sends her into a rush of smiles and flaying arms and legs. When I get close to her and start to speak, she searches for me with her eyes. When she finds me, she unleashes a smile and tries to sit up to get closer to me. Happiness rushes through me as a father. I can see the outward expression on her face that she is happy.

My oldest child is now eight. He is smart as a whip. So much that I have to be careful of what I say because he can argue a point by using my words against me. Lately, he has not been happy. Most of the reason for that is me. My expectations I have for him. My wife says we are too alike. She is correct. I have been working on my side of the relationship. However, what hit home was a picture on my desk.

A couple of nights ago as I was paying bills, I looked up as I was doing math in my head and glanced up to a picture of me reading to my oldest son when he was about a year old. He is outright laughing, pure happiness. What happen?

What happen to my students? Many days I stand in front of the class and look out to a sea of faces that show no joy. Pure happiness is a rare occasion. Even when they are engaged in the lesson, I hear hollowness to the laughter, a slight downward tint to their smiles. What happen?

I know that the answer is only visible through each student’s life. But as a father and as a teacher I think I know my role in the destruction of their happiness. Pressure. All kinds of pressure.

With my youngest happiness is based on two things.

One: I see you.

Two: Interactions.

As I look at my relationship as a father with my oldest, I see two things.

One: I see you, usually in a critical way.

Two: Interaction, mostly, do what I say, or hurry up, or some other form of pressure based on my expectations of how I want my children to act.

You think I would learn. When I am at my best as a dad I interact with my oldest on the simple level of happiness.

One: I see you and love you.

Two: Interact by showing that.

Then we both experience happiness (not to mention we get weird looks at K-mart because of our laughter).

As a teacher it is more complicated. I have pressure from all kinds of sources. I know that I pass that on to the class. I don’t mean to, but it happens. Yet, if we look inside the classroom, why do students raise their hands? They want to be seen and interacted with. Why do they show us their work as we walk around the room? They want to been seen and interacted with. Can I bring real happiness to my classroom, I don’t know. But I will see and try. One student at a time.

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Tagged as dad, father, life, school

January 18, 2025 · 6:45 pm

Older Blog Post 1 (Toaster Strudels)

The following picture started my idea of sharing some of my older blog posts.

I shared this image in our family group chat to show what our freezer looked like when the boys were growing up.

It is funny how time changes things… even Toaster Strudels. The mixed berry flavor used to have blue frosting. There were so many cool flavors.

Then there is a family joke that I have a poem or a blog post for everything… and the joke might be true! Here is the blog post about Toaster Strudels from 2009 as best as I can confirm.

“Small Things”

This morning I was preparing Toaster Strudels for my two boys. I decided to do some frosting art. I made a somewhat recognizable reindeer and a Christmas tree with blob ornaments. The boys loved it. The rest of the morning went smoothly and the house was filled with energy.

On my way to work, I watched people run yellow to red lights, got cut off, and saw the aftermath of a wreck.

What do these two moments have in common? The small things.

Life is the collection of small moments. Our level of fulfillment in life is in the way we handle all those small moments. Many big events are the result of us not handling the small things. Traffic is an example. That simple decision when we see the yellow light, speed up or prepare to stop? A small moment.

Just hand them their breakfast, or make them smile? A small moment.

Maybe we should sweat the small things…

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Tagged as 2009, blog, breakfast, change, dadlife, freezer, moment, poetry, small, sons, time, toaster strudels

December 30, 2024 · 5:44 pm

2025 Word

Believe Verb: to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something

“Believe” is my word for 2025.

There are so many reasons for choosing this word, most of them based on the different ways the world tried to break my faith in anything good. And has almost succeeded.

This is the eleventh year of choosing a word to focus on. Some years have been filled with great stories (Living by One Word), other words helped me stay focused on my goals, but this year I am trying to ignite an aspect of my life that feels tired, hopeless, and dark.

There is so much to believe in… and staying focused on seeing those elements in the everyday is important to keeping a clear view of what life is about. It is important for filling the heart, and helping maintain the energy to pursue goals, handle stressful moments, and build a joyful life.

Yes, I can hear the bell ring…