Category Archives: Family

January 4, 2026 · 5:09 pm

There will come a time

I am going to just warn you now, this post will ramble but try to connect the dots at the end.

I just finished my walk about 20 minutes ago. And I thought about a lot of things, had a lot of dots on the paper of my mind. But let’s start in the middle of my walk.

There is a small cemetery, Sunset Memorial Gardens, that I walk past on one of my routes through my neighborhood. Sometimes, I stop to sit and reflect. Today was one of those days. As I sat down on a bench the “Love Theme from St. Elmo’s Fire” started to play in my earbuds. St. Elmo’s Fire is one of my favorite movies, so it got me thinking.

I took a couple of pictures to share on social media. I tend to take unique pictures on my walk just to share. While I was taking the photos I noticed that there were two fresh mounds of dirt. One of the grave sites did not have a date on the tombstone, but the second one did.

This is when the dots filled my head.

Here I was standing by her grave on January 4, 2026. Janice was just days away from the New Year when she passed away.

I, we all do to a degree, take time for granted. I have a specific pair of shoes I use for my walks. I am in the middle of logging the steps I take on my walks in these shoes for a blog post when I get new shoes.

I am assuming I will be here in 6 months. That I will be able to walk, to listen to music, to think, and write poetry.

For my faithful readers, you know that I’ve learned 6 months can change everything (A Tweet about a Death Goes Viral).

As I continued on my walk I was deep in thought about life. A poetic line came to mind, “There will come a time…” (I’ll share the poem later in the blog).

Thinking about the poem led me to something that has been heavy on my heart lately… about how much I have failed in accomplishing my big dreams. I let myself down all the time. I have books I want to write. I want to learn to play the piano (or at least write this song I have). I want to help people write better (this is an idea in the works).

But instead… I fail.

Like all of us, life tricks us into believing there is time. And the trick is that there is time… until there isn’t. And we don’t know when that time will end.

On the home stretch of my walk, I spotted an older couple walking their dogs on the golf course, at times holding hands waiting for their second dog to catch up.

It was a beautiful site and reminded me that no one knows how much time they will have. But we are all given a life. And we do get to decide on how we live it. Failing at dreams, walking on a 60 degree January day, or making it home to be a dad…when I got home my second daughter needed help getting her boomerang (she got for Christmas) down from the roof of the house.

Some dreams are so big they have to be accomplished everyday.

Ohhh, yeah, I wrote this poem while walking too. This is the draft from my notes. The final poem will be worked on later.

“There will come a time”

There will come a time

Because of a dead watch

When I will stop moving

My hands across my face 

To check how well I shaved

To start a new day

There will come a time

Because of the sunset

That I will be encased in darkness

Like Orion

Dreams stuck in position

Of a constellation of the past 

There will come a time

Because of the last page

That I will no longer

Be able to write

A single word of a poem

Or love letter for her to read

There will come a time

Because of the rules of LIFE

I will reach the end

Have no more turns to spin the wheel

Get an action card

Have a pet

Or fill my little green car

With people I love

One last thing, here is the song that played as I came home.

2 Comments

Filed under Family, Life, writing

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

December 31, 2025 · 8:19 pm

2026 Word

Next year starts 2026. As we have done since 2015,each member of the family chooses one word for the next year. We each share the reason behind the word, and then design our display. This year we are using small wooden clipboards. 

As you can see from the picture my word is MAGIC. 

There are a number of reasons behind my choice for the word. I want to create more magical moments, which I tried to do this Christmas, actually, when Santa visited our house for everyone. There were 8 filled stockings under the tree (my six children and my new daughter-in-law and my son’s longtime girlfriend). And yes, Santa visited my wife, even if she didn’t get a stocking, she had presents under the tree.

But to have magical moments I have to be active as a father, a husband, and even as a poet. Magic doesn’t happen staring at a screen. It happens when my children laugh, my wife smiles, someone replies to a poem I wrote. 

I have some really big goals this year. Accomplishing them will be magical. Jon Finch once said, “Magic is the poetry of impossibilities, each trick a stanza in the verse of wonder.” And I am a good poet.

Here is to a magical 2026.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life, writing

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

December 28, 2025 · 11:35 am

More Like Love

I’m going to start with a song for my intro.

I’m not sure what actually triggered the slight shift of my perspective. I can not pinpoint the week, the day, or the hour that I really started to consider how important it is to make sure my actions represent love. 

For the last couple of months I have been conscious of what my actions are revealing about what this world is about. It is a daunting thought. My smile for a person in the grocery store will not create a viral trend. My dad joke in class only gets a few chuckles and quite a few groans. The question about Christmas gifts I ask for the barista is only for them. My insight on a poem shared on X is quick but could be so much deeper.

My actions will not change the world.

I could easily walk past the person in the cereal aisle. Get right to the lesson plan in class. Wait for my coffee silently. Just repost the poem.

The world would continue as is.

Except for the change in the moment and what the world could be like if all the moments were like the first examples. And let’s see if I can express this personal idea clearly.

In one way, Ben Rector said it well, “But now I just wanna look more like love.” 

On the surface that is the idea, but the reason why is important. My actions express to everyone what the meaning of life is. But so does everyone’s actions. The person driving while busy on their phone says that the content on the screen is more important than driving safely. The fights in the stands of sporting events say that being a fan of a team is more important than being respectful of another person. There are so many examples of heartbreaking actions in this world that reveal people’s meaning of life is not love or the well being of others. Even my own parents taught me that drugs, alcohol, and other people were more important than me.

Our everyday actions reveal our meaning of life to the world. To the people around us, the people we love and the people we can’t stand. And it’s hard to not be swayed by things like money or success (which Ben Rector’s song deals with). It’s hard not to be judgmental, especially for people we don’t get along with.

But, the other day as my wife and I were having dinner at Red Lobster, a little boy across the aisle was looking at us. His mom and dad were trying to get him to eat some broccoli. His other brother was nicely eating corn and shrimp. I smiled at him. His face lit up and then he buried his head in his mom’s arm. Then he shot a look back at me. I smiled again. He smiled and then buried his face again.

I remembered when we would bring our children to Red Lobster. How my oldest daughter loved the broccoli, but my boys wanted applesauce. I smiled again at the little boy because I wanted him to know this world was filled with love.

Even though I know the little boy would learn that the world is also filled with things like hate and broken relationships, I wanted my actions to show him that this world can be a wonderful place, as I hope others would show my own children.

My actions will not change the world. But at any given moment, I can look more like love. I can show another person in that single moment that the meaning of life is love. If you put enough moments like that together, a life can be wonderful. It can be strong enough to withstand the negative waves that happen to us all.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

October 19, 2025 · 8:19 pm

Reflections on a Sunday without Blueberry Muffins

This morning we had day-old Krispy Kreme donuts for breakfast. We packed our suitcases and got checked out of the hotel in time for church at 9:30. We saved a seat for my son and his wife, my new daughter-in-law, of less than 24 hours. 

We spent the weekend rehearsing, celebrating, and witnessing one of love’s milestones. As the father of the groom, I didn’t have a ton of responsibilities. We catered the rehearsal dinner which was held at the church. My hair takes like 30 seconds to get ready… now, my wife and daughters? Well, that started at 9 in the morning Saturday for a 2 o’clock wedding. So for those who know me, yes, I had time to think, to reflect on the deeper aspects of this weekend. 

Social Media

For the most part, I put my phone away. I took some pictures, but my wife is better at that aspect of our life. I did interact a little on X and Instagram, but mostly I enjoyed the weekend. I did not post a single thing on social media about the weekend. I was letting other individuals do that. I was just present, and it was joyful. We talked, we went and got coffee, we sat by the firepit at the hotel. (My daughters and I did witness a guy riding a bicycle crash into the closed gate where we were sitting, but that is another story.)

At the reception we danced and enjoyed the dinner. 

But what I really noticed was the emotions we all expressed. The genuine feelings, the tears, the laughter, the expression of living without worrying about getting the right angle for a photo, or hurrying to post a reaction. I was in the moment, and it was a beautiful moment.

Family

There were two different moments that highlighted what it means to be family. If you’re new to my blog you will need to read some past blogs to understand my complex story. I am not going to spend time covering that.

The first moment happened after the rehearsal dinner. My future daughter-in-law was carrying a tote bag with “Mrs. Boelhower” printed on the side in script lettering. When I asked about it, her face lit up with a smile. She explained it was a gift and asked if we liked it (my wife and daughters were with me). One of my daughters piped up and said, “Wow, now there are two Mrs. Boelhowers!”

We all laughed but it got me thinking…

Hold on, let me connect another moment.

The reception hall was filled with family and friends. My daughter and I were taking a break from dancing. I sat next to my ‘adopted’ dad (again, if you’re new to my blog you’ll have to catch up on the backstory) and chatted about life. My wife’s side of the family was strong in numbers, and so was my daughter-in-law’s.  But there were only 9 Boelhowers. And one of those just joined our clan.

A weird mix of pride, sorrow, and resolve washed over me. I was the patriarch of this small family tree that was slowly growing strong roots. As my son danced with his new wife, I had to catch my breath because I saw, as they danced, that all the pain I endured, all the hardships I went through, the sometimes spirit-breaking decisions I made, was worth it. I had a family, I was providing, as best as I could, a life for my children that I never had.

Family is not just blood. It is choices, it is commitment, it is love given and received. My daughter-in-law will be loved just like my own children. And I will continue to nurture this little family tree to take root in a life filled with love.

It is all Connected

No, not this blog. But the idea behind the title of this blog. Sometimes it takes decades to see how two dots connect. During the church service the priest was talking about this idea, and he mentioned that he did not know every parishioners’ story that brought them to the church today, but he imagined they all had their own hardships and celebrations. But they were here now.

During the reception, I was aware of how important the moment was when my ‘adopted’ father said I could live with him and his family when I was sixteen. There was a direct line from that moment to the wedding. The story between the dots is fascinating, filled with heartache and joy, like any story. But without the opportunity he gave me, we would not be sitting together laughing and talking about life.

It is hard to have what I call The Long View. A term I use in the classroom to help my students see that their actions today will impact where they are in the future, what opportunities they will have. But when looking back (and I think we should, to appreciate the journey) we see the path, we see the benchmarks of how life brought us to today. 

And we can smile, breathe in the joy, and see how it is all connected… and this weekend proved that the best connections are built with love. 

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

August 10, 2025 · 6:58 pm

No Blueberry Muffins

Faithful readers know that on Sunday we make blueberry muffins for breakfast. That almost didn’t happen today.

First a little backstory. Yesterday (Saturday) my wife’s sister hosted a couple’s shower for my oldest son and his fiancee. It was a good day of fellowship with family and friends. And there was a fantastic brunch; two types of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, homemade cinnamon rolls, and a variety of fruit. One of the trays was decorated with pieces of pineapple and watermelon hearts on skewers. 

Of course there were leftovers. We came home with a small pan of breakfast casserole, biscuits and gravy, and a dozen cinnamon rolls. (My wife’s family always makes enough that you take home some leftovers!)

Last night as my wife and I talked about the day and the plan for breakfast on Sunday, the idea of just using the leftovers was a tempting option. But in my head I thought, ‘but it is Sunday, we make muffins and scrambled eggs and sausage.’ Plus, all our children would be at breakfast. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

I said that we should make our traditional blueberry muffin breakfast. My wife agreed. So, we got up early to make the muffins, but we still warmed up the breakfast casserole. A few of the kids added a cinnamon roll to their plates. And the morning was filled with laughter and conversation. We were a full family at the table.

Now, I understand that offering just the leftovers would have been fine. But blueberry muffins are a tradition. And sometimes, you have to work at keeping traditions. It is one of the ironies of life, how easy it is to do the easy thing and break traditions, or good habits you have fostered.

Our daily life is filled with moments that challenge us to choose an easy option, or an option that takes a little more work or energy, but has a better payoff and builds stronger bonds. Or, in our case continue a tradition that is central to our family. Blueberry muffins on Sunday morning.

3 Comments

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

April 25, 2025 · 10:43 am

The End of Magic

It has happened. My youngest daughter knows that mom and I are Santa, Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny.

But not by me. I officially have never ended the magic of childhood. Last night my youngest daughter (11 years-old) asked my wife about it. And mom confirmed what my daughter had figured out. Ironically because the Tooth Fairy has been inconsistent.

Ironically, two nights ago my youngest daughter asked me about the Easter Bunny. About how we knew who’s eggs were whose. I said I received a magical letter that had the instructions. She asked to see the letter. I said it dissolved into magical pieces once I read it. She thought that was cool.

But as we grow older, the magic of life seems to dissolve into dust and we can’t get it back. Last night, mom informed our daughter that I still believed. My daughter asked my wife not to tell me that she knew the truth.

The magic of believing… in joyful expressions. 

I still believe in Santa, in the Easter Bunny, in the magic of the idea that life should be joyful. For my consistent readers, you know I believe in expressing our love to others everyday. But there is a deeper joyful feeling in believing in the magic of this life. Of childhood, of receiving a gift, or hidden eggs, simply because you are you. 

So, even though all my children know that I am Santa, I still believe…

3 Comments

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

March 15, 2025 · 10:37 am

Mountain Range

Over the last two years I have made a number of trips home to Wyoming. Regular readers know why. As I traveled north on I-25 I always enjoyed seeing the mountains in the west. When the sky is just blue, Laramie Peak cuts a wonderful scene against the sky. 

Photo Credit: Marie Coleman via Flickr

Like many people, I think about how cool the view would be from the top of the mountain.

I am not much of a mountain climber, but there are lots of people who have that drive. According to a number of different sources, about 800 people reach the summit of Mount Everest each year, even though Mount Everest is the deadliest mountain to climb. It has a death zone that starts at the elevation of 8,000 meters. Twelve percent of the deaths over the years are from exhaustion.

On my walk I was thinking about trying to go home this summer, and then I started to think about the past trips and the mountain range (and actually of the handful of poems I’ve written from those trips). In one of those magical moments where ideas lead to ideas and then to connections, I thought about how we use climbing a mountain as a symbol of reaching our personal goals. 

And why the symbolism works.

Everyone loves the view of their goals as they travel the road of everyday living. We think about how great the view of life would be when we reach those goals. But that thought is not enough to motivate most of us to actually put on our gear and start climbing.

I’ll use Mount Everest as an example for reaching our goals.

First is time. On average it takes 6 – 10 weeks to reach the summit of Mount Everest. Part of the reason is to safely adjust to the altitude. 

There are milestones and adjustments when striving for a goal. Be it time, sacrifices, or even self development. Trying to fulfill a dream takes a commitment of time that we sometimes don’t want to give. It’s easier to continue on the highway and look at the goal on the horizon.

Second factor is the cost. Just the license to climb Mount Everest is $11,000 from the government of Nepal. Also, there is the cost of equipment and the Sherpas’ services to reach the top.

The cost of reaching a goal varies for sure. But I am in the red for the total amount I have paid for gas, bookmarks, and postage compared to how much I’ve made selling books, and it’s not even close. 

Then there is the cost of pain, physical and emotional. While climbing Mount Everest, climbers will experience altitude sickness, fatigue, and the weather conditions can change quickly. I can’t even imagine how many times they have to deal with the voice in their head telling them to give up. Sir Edmund Hillary, one of the first climbers to reach the summit, said,  “It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”

Isn’t this true for everyone who strives to reach their goals? It is one of the most important reasons to go after our goals. There is a reason why we have a dream. It is connected to our spirit, it is a reflection of who we can be. So, even if we never fully reach the summit of our goals, we become the person we can be by striving for that goal.

It’s easy to just drive past the mountain ranges as we travel this life. Gaze at their majestic beauty. Think about the view from the top, how wonderful it would be, but keep the cruise control on.

Or go after that dream that beckons you. There is an exit coming up that will take you to the base of the mountain. It has always been there, just like the mountain range.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

February 18, 2025 · 10:15 am

Snow Day Feeling

Watched a movie last night.

Slept in until 8.

Played a little Minecraft and am now writing this blog… all before 10 am even.

This is our second snow day in the last two weeks. February has been rough with the snow and the temperatures. Today we should get to 0 degrees.

The house is warm. The coffee good. Everyone is chilling in their own way. One daughter is playing Little Nightmares, another is writing (and texting friends I believe), and my youngest is jamming out to Taylor Swift in her room.

But a part of me wonders what other households are like at this moment. We had our first snow last week. Every day I start each class with a fun question. So naturally I asked how everyone’s snow day was. Guess what the number one response was.

Boring!

Yes, by a long shot. Boring.

Now, there were other answers, like productive, sleep, and snow. But it disheartened me to hear so many students say ‘boring’.

One of my goals as a dad and husband is to make home the best place for my family. For me HOME is more than a place, it is a feeling, it is warmth and safety. It is dinner together, blueberry muffins on Sunday, laughter and good times… especially on a snow day.

This house is now the place I have lived the longest. And it has only been 14 years. The next longest time I lived in one place was grad school – four years.

Growing up, home was an ever changing place. And the hardest part, an ever changing feeling. Too many times those feelings were not good.

Now, my children have said that they were bored. Of course I said they could read a book, write a letter, or draw a picture. But I am proud of the home we have. A snow day is an unexpected chance to laugh, snack too much, but most importantly, to just be family.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

January 29, 2025 · 10:52 am

Last Older Blog Post (Blueberry Muffins)

The first blog post using blueberry muffins was in 2008. The latest was in August 2024 (Smashed Blueberries). The original blog post that started this unplanned symbol can be read in my book, Blueberry Muffins and Other Thoughts. The following older post is the third time I used our Sunday morning routine of blueberry muffins to discuss life. This post was originally posted in 2009.

“Blueberry Muffins III”

            It was 6:07 a.m. Sunday morning. My little girl had another rough night; we had not had a good night’s rest in two weeks. My oldest son was already up. I could hear the TV upstairs. He never sleeps in.

            I quickly changed my little girl’s diaper, breathing in and out. I was frustrated, I was depressed, this was not starting out well. On Friday I learned that I was not chosen for a job I thought I had interviewed well for. It was just another low in a year that has been challenging to say the least. My confidence has been shaken this year. My spirit bruised. Climbing up the stairs, I tried to keep the lid on my emotions.

            As I asked my son to hold his sister so I could get the coffee going, I noticed that he was watching a family movie.  It was a DVD of the Christmas break when he was 3 and his brother was 1. It was our first Christmas in our present house.

            “Could you make the muffins, dad?  I want to watch this.”

            “Yea, I can, if you feed your sister.”

            “OK.”

            I made the bottle, got coffee brewing, and the muffins in the oven as the movie played in the background.

            “Dad, it’s the ‘Whoa’ game.”

            My second son had a crazy game when he was 1. He would simply drop on his butt and say “Whoa!”  He would do this forever.

            I sat down in a chair and watched. The whole movie was just about being home during break. Film of us singing, dancing, and just having fun. I was amazed to see how things had changed. We were watching the movie on a flat screen TV, but in the movie, you could see our little 12” combo VHS/TV we had on a little cabinet in the living room. We have a bigger dining table now, and the couches are different too. Plus, we have three girls in our family now. I marveled on how life has progressed in six years. 

            Then my mind wandered to my professional life. The frustrations, the almost moments, the confusion of not knowing why things have worked out they way they have. What to do next? However, as the DVD continued to play, I started to think about tomorrow, about what I see in the future. It was family. It was the start of our summer trip to Lincoln and Omaha. It is going to games, or school plays.  Teaching them how to drive. Sitting under the summer skies trying to get them to see the constellations.

            I love teaching, I love coaching. However, my family is my why. I do not know where my professional path will lead. I am still stinging from the disappointments of this year. But, I know that at the end of the day my family will always be my joy.

            END NOTE: As I was reading the Sunday paper I was holding my little girl on my shoulder and she let out a crazy like cough. Suddenly a slimy warm sensation ran down my arm. She had regurgitated her milk with the congestion that has been bothering her. A little grossed out, I smiled.

Leave a comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,

January 27, 2025 · 11:26 am

Older Blog Post 4 (Communicate)

Dadlife… it is amazing to look back at these moments knowing how my children have grown. But also how the lessons from these moments still hold true… Original post is from April 2010.

“Communicate”

            It was 1:10 in the morning and my 4-month-old daughter is antsy. I get up and find the pacifier. No go. She spits it out. I try again. She settles down. I creep back to my bed. Pull the blanket over me and feel the quiet darkness of sleep fill my mind.

            “Augghrrr, Augghrrr, whaaaa,” she cries.

            With a sigh only a frustrate parent knows, I head back to the crib. I try the pacifier again, but she is not settling down. OK, diaper? I set her down and get a clean diaper on her.  Lay her down, repeat the bed, cover, darkness of sleep and she repeats her audible noise of discontent.

            My wife groggily suggests a 4-ounce bottle. So, I head upstairs. I am actually waking up by this time. My wife feeds her, I fall back asleep. 

            In a blur of slumber and frustration, my daughter wakes me up. It is now 1:36. I go for the pacifier, again. We fall into a pacifier, spit it out, pacifier; spit it out routine with a few of those frustrated sighs thrown in for fun.

            I pick her up. In the darkness, I can see her looking at me. Then her eyes close.  For the next five minutes, I rock her in my arms. Victory. I lay her down, check the pacifier and head to my pillow.

            1:52. My frustration level is now high. But I squash it. Let out a good 30-second sigh and head to the crib. Next trick is laying her on her belly. This time it works. With a last little sigh, from her, the night continues.

            As a fall asleep, I think about how much easier it would be if she could only tell me what she wants, or what is bugging her. My mind wanders about that idea, about how many of life’s hardships are based on this premise. The ability to communicate. To communicate truthfully. To simply express what is bugging us. To tell the people around us what we need. Many times, we are afraid of what will happen if we do. What will the other person think? Does this make me look weak? Do I have the words to actually express what I am feeling?

            I see the negative consequences of not communicating in the classroom and in life. I see people just continue to be “antsy” and live everyday in a constant agitated state, simply because they will not or cannot communicate what they need. 

            I hear my little girl sleeping soundly, I had figured out what she wanted. But, I cannot wait until she can tell me in her own words.

            4:50 a.m.  It is the alarm clock this time.  I restrain from telling the clock what I feel this morning….

1 Comment

Filed under Family, Life

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,