Tag Archives: life

June 29, 2023 · 10:09 am

Self-Help Post

A little backstory.

My in-laws recently moved into an assisted living community. For the last couple of weeks we have been getting their house ready to sell, cleaning and organizing things. Of course I was excited to go through the books. I found one box filled with a range of self-help books.

Collection of self-help books.

If you look closely at the book, How To Stop Worrying and Start Living, there is this information, “Revised for the 1980’s!” So, I had to check the copyright date… 1944!

According to a report from SkyQuest (a growth consulting firm) in 2021 the global personal development market made 41.7 billion dollars. 

A Google search for self-help books produced 3,940,000,000 results.

I have read some of these books.

Some of my blog posts would fit under this umbrella term Self-Help.

What’s going on with us?

First, there is nothing wrong with gaining information from others to help you reach your goals, or to become a better version of who you are. Honestly, one of the reasons I blog is to help others. And I don’t make any money from my blog.

So, discovering insight from others or even just getting inspiration to help us in life is great. For any part of our lives. I attend conferences for writing, teaching, and coaching to gain ideas, to be inspired, to learn. 

But it seems we are spending a lot of money searching for something. 

The first self-help book was published in 1859 by Samuel Smiles, Self-Help; with Illustrations of Character and Conduct. (Yes, I see the unintended irony of his name for this topic.)

What is interesting is that Samuel Smiles’s book was based on the idea that a person should actively learn and help themselves, which is one of the ideas of the Age of Enlightenment. 

I don’t think our modern self-help philosophy is based on this idea. 

Now, you might be thinking this is where I go off on a rant about the change in our society… Nope… Because in 1859 Samuel Smiles wrote a book trying to help people become happier, to become better versions of themselves.

In 1807 William Wordsworth wrote the poem, “The World is Too Much with Us”.  I teach this poem in class, and we discuss how the poem reflects our modern day.

So, we have always looked to the stars for something. Walked to the horizon, but never reached it. Love has broken our hearts. Yet, we get lost in the eyes of another. Hugs heal us. We take time for granted, over and over again.

We are human. 

There is no easy answer to our lives.

What I do know for sure is that LOVE is real. That we need each other. That happiness is found in small moments, like a board game, or in big events like moving your son to his new town.

I’m not selling an answer to your quest for a better life, I’m just here with you, and that is a start.

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June 24, 2023 · 9:34 am

Troubled

How are you?

I’m good… troubled, but good.

Troubled by the loss of someone who didn’t have to take me in, to help me get through college, help buy my first home, be a grandma to my six children. Who demonstrated what family is. After confirmation of cancer is gone in less than six months. How do you deal with the empty space in life after their death?

Troubled with doubt, as are many creative people, I know. But each person has their own dreams. Each person has a definition of success that drives them. I seem so far away from mine. 

Troubled by the state of the world.

Troubled, in a good way, by books and movies and other media. Yesterday I finished a book that left me silent for a few minutes. Last night I watched a movie that hit on so many emotions that I cried (so did my wife). Isn’t that the beauty and the importance of creative expressions? To move our spirit. To give voice and connection to our own emotions. 

Troubled by the past and the future. Learning to handle the way both forces create hurdles in the present. Yes, I know about being present in the moment and not worrying about those things… doesn’t mean you automatically spend each day free from those factors. They have their own ways of creating trouble today.

Troubled by love.

Troubled by the muse. Who always seems to want more from me, wants my very soul on the page… and so I give it, but all it seems to do is make me feel troubled.

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May 29, 2023 · 7:28 pm

Maintenance Required

They say life is a highway… Well, they sing it anyway.

It is a strong metaphor and I agree with the theme of the song, that life has twists and turns, and you drive the best you can to the next day. But I was walking this morning and noticed how the road has a crazy pattern of tar filled cracks. Not every road in my neighborhood is like this, but the road I walked this morning is the most used, needs the most maintenance.

Road with tar

No, I wasn’t listening to the song “Life is a Highway” but I was thinking about it and how actually, our everyday life is a road we travel over and over and over again. Yes, we adventure out onto the interstate, go someplace new, but really we travel the same roads during our routine of living.

Now, I’m not saying that is bad, but stay with me and the metaphor, the roads we travel everyday need maintenance from us, or they will become hard to travel. The routine roads we travel are not just our actions; it includes the people we see everyday. From our loved ones to the cashier we see every Saturday when we buy groceries. 

If we don’t maintain that road, those relationships, even ourselves, our everyday life becomes filled with potholes, cracks, and at some point will become so rundown we can’t travel down it. In extreme instances, we abandon that road and find another road to travel. But that road will fall into despair too.  

We can repair a damaged road, but that takes more energy, more time, more work than if we would simply maintain our life on a regular basis. Fill in cracks when they appear, paint new lines, take care of the people we have in our everyday life.

Life may be a highway, but living is a road we travel everyday. And maintenance is required.

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May 26, 2023 · 7:27 pm

I Have Nothing to Say

According to Radoslav Chakarov, writer for Web Tribunal, as of 2022 there are 600 million blogs, with 6 million posts going live everyday.

There is nothing I can add to that monsoon of writing.

And let’s not forget, I could ask AI to write for me. It would be quicker and produce content at a more constant rate (which I’m not good at). I did write this post by the way.

 But what I mean, honestly, is there is no reason for me to write anything. No logical reason. I don’t make any money, Radoslav Chakarov shares that less than 10% of blogs make any money.

So why am I even doing this? 

For the few people still reading, why?

Yeah, I will go Dead Poets Society on you:

I write because that is who I am. I am a poet, storyteller, blogger… I am a dad, a husband, a person who can get lost in the stars. My spirit is at ease when I write, even if I have nothing to say.

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May 11, 2023 · 2:00 pm

May Music Update

Life has been busy, to say the least. There are some heavy moments going on, and sometimes you just need a soundtrack to get through the days. Honestly, I like writing these types of post. Music is an important element in my life, has been since I was about seven years old. I had a basement bedroom and I played the radio all the time to help with my fear of the dark.

Life

But now I have a fear of time. Of losing important people. The first song is from one of my mom’s favorite bands, Simply Red. The song is in honor of her as she deals with some serious health issues.

Memories

The second song has a little bit of a story. My wife and I did a quick visit home to see my mom a couple of weeks ago. We listened to some of the music we use to listen to when we were younger making road trips. One of the albums was Jo Dee Messina’s first album with the song, “Heads Carolina, Tails California”. On the way home I was channel surfing the radio and Cole Swindell’s song, “She Had Me At Heads Carolina” came on. We had never heard the song (or artist) before. But it made us smile:

Defeat

I have adventured out of my comfort zone with my poetry. I participated in a slam poetry contest where the winner would represent the state of Nebraska at Nationals this summer. I worked on my poems and my delivery for months. Felt like I had a real chance at winning. I didn’t make finals… I haven’t felt the pain of defeat like that in a long time. I know that I improved in different aspects of my poetry, for that I am grateful. But maybe it’s just everything combined, I feel like I won’t ever achieve my writing goals. “Born and Raised” by John Mayer reflects this emotion…

Makes me dance and sing

Now, life still has joy and wonderment to it. This next song has been my jam for awhile now, “Remind Me” by Tom Grennan just makes me dance… and my daughters hate it when it comes on my playlist when I am washing the dishes because I have to stop to sing and dance to the song (and maybe to tickle them or get them to dance with me). This is also the first song I used for my podcast For Love of Lyrics.

Last Words

Life, when fully lived, is an adventure filled with days that hurt the heart from joy and sadness. But there is only so much time we are given. We spend too much time on things and people that don’t really add value or depth to our hearts. Yes, I have regrets, but I also still have big dreams for the time I have left. I try to add something to everyone’s life that I get to be a part of… and I am trying to simply love more… so this last song, “Where the Heart Is” by Haevn is my little bit of inspiration for your day!

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May 1, 2023 · 12:15 pm

May Moments

Just a forewarning… this post will probably be all over the place, and that’s OK.

Today is May 1, 2023. I am starting a photography challenge for this month. In January I completed a drawing challenge. February I wrote a letter or email to someone each day. March I did yoga everyday (which I need to get back to). April was poetry month, so I wrote a poem each day. You can read this years (and past years) poems at my blog, Creative Corner.

I also have a reading challenge with my youngest. We are reading every Curious George book. We have read 25 books so far.

These challenges are part of my word for the year, Moment. The challenges gives me a focus for each month, but really remind me that life is more than a screen or the routines we have. Life is a crazy mix of heartache, joy, work and excitement to live.

Even with the hard emotions provide a depth to the moments in our lives. However fragile they are…

Last month I sat holding my mom’s hand. We quietly talked, but lost more in the precious minutes we were together, hand in hand. She is fighting a losing battle against cancer. And I am sharing our moment as a reminder that nothing stops time and that no notification on a phone will fill your heart. An icon is not the same as feeling the warmth of a loved one’s hand.

And that no matter the outcome, chase your dreams. I competed in a poetry slam last weekend. The winner would represent Nebraska at nationals this summer. I practiced every day. I got feedback from a number of people. I worked on my cadence, my pauses, and voice inflections. 

I didn’t make it to the final round.

I drove home hurt, mad, and disappointed. I saw this as a chance to do something really different with my poetry, but also to finally be seen as a poet. Didn’t happen. So now what?

First, I improved my skill set. A lot! From understanding pauses and inflections, to writing the ideas and words in a way that flow well together, to create natural breaks. I am thankful for that.

Second, it was a cool moment. I shared poetry with people who had never heard of me before. After my first poem, an audience member got up from their seat to tell me that they enjoyed the poem.

Third, I was an example for my children. I want them to go after their dreams. Plus, nothing is guaranteed, no matter how much you work. The hugs they gave me when I got home were better than winning.

So today is May 1st. I posted my picture for this month’s challenge. I texted my family. Called my internet provider about a problem. Handling the last little details for graduation. I’m living life, one moment at a time… the difference is that I am trying to feel the moment, be aware of the moment, and not just let time go by…

Just wanted to end on a musical note:

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March 19, 2023 · 12:56 pm

Blueberry Muffins and a Question Mark

This post is a cliche´.

You have heard songs about it, read other articles or blog posts about it, heck, you might have an inspirational poster about it. About not taking today for granted.

But sometimes life gives each of us dots to reinforce ideas. And life has been giving me a ton of dots to connect lately, even as I sit down to write this post, the first song to play on my “Writing” playlist was “Numbered Days” by Eels, not kidding. (The song will be at the end of this post for you to enjoy.)

Earlier this week my mom had a sudden medical emergency. She is doing well, back home. We are still waiting to understand the reason for the situation, but things are good now. but a moment like that sets your mind racing with so many “what if” questions. Some are based in the moment, while other questions center on the future. Every minute becomes a question mark.

Honestly, tomorrow is a question mark. Really, the next minute of my life is a question mark. Life can change in a second. Life can turn 90 degrees with a decision and be off in a new direction.

We all know this, we all have experienced these moments that for a while challenge us to be more grateful for our family and friends. To make that decision to go after a dream we put away for tomorrow. I do it, too. Then life falls into a routine.

This morning we had blueberry muffins for breakfast. There was scrambled eggs and sausage. We talked about the college basketball upsets. If you are a regular reader you know this is what we do on most Sundays. This is a routine, and I share this because there are great moments in the routine of our lives. These types of moments give us joy and love, even if my girls hate my energy in the morning; they know I love them when I call them “Sunshine Bears” when I see them in morning.

But there is a depth to our lives we let go of when we live as a routine. When we waste time just going through the motions, or sit and just watch other people live life on social media. Yes, today is a gift. I was getting into the car after track practice on Friday. The sky was a mess, a small rain storm was approaching from the north, but the south sky was blue and filled with little white fluffy clouds that were shifting their shapes with the wind. I was hit with a deep thought…

I have never seen the same cloud shape ever in my life, and I never will. Think about that for a moment.

Yes, I will see the same kind of skies, but each cloud is a unique aspect of the moment. The wind changes the edges of the clouds, like it does for us if we pay attention to how life is giving us this moment to breathe, to love, to feel the edges of ourselves, stark and sharp, against time.

Life may be hard right now for you. You may be experiencing the greatest moment ever right now. I don’t know because we all have our own time in this life. It is a gift, to be opened and to be lived. Tomorrow is a question mark, but right now should be an exclamation mark!

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March 4, 2023 · 12:56 pm

Great Moments

This weekend is girls state basketball. The girls team from my current school and the team from a past school are both playing in their class championship games today. Regular readers know that my second son played in the state championship game two years ago.

Today will be filled with joy and heartbreak. Only one team in each class ends their season with a win. One team will fall just short of a state title. But today will be remembered by all who were there. And that is what makes these moments important, for two reasons.

But before I dive into those reasons I want to share a snippet from the movie, The Replacements.

Athletics are the most common example of achieving greatness, but greatness is expressed in many different ways in life. From being a strong mother, to writing your first poem and sharing it at an open mic night. This is the first point to consider about the moments in our lives that allow us the chance to do something great, whether we win or lose (and yes, we don’t always end up on top). As Coach Jimmy McGinty says in the video clip:

No matter the outcome, these moments stay with us. They give us more than memories, they give us depth of emotion and meaning to our lives. The experiences teach us about how well we have worked for our goals. Even through heartbreak, great moments take us to a richer level of life that fills our hearts, shows us who we are and what we are capable of. These moments are a joyful contrast to the routine of life. Each time we get a chance at doing something great we add a string to the fabric of who we are.

The second aspect to great moments is the connection to others. Today, the stands are filled with family, friends, and fellow students. Coaches will walk the sideline, student managers will fill water bottles. No matter what team wins the state title, there will be hugs for both teams. All seniors will be awash with the knowledge that they just played their last high school game. There will be tears, win or lose.

Each person involved will have their own personal memory and emotions today. The same holds true for any great moment. Great moments are shared. They build a bond with everyone involved. Stories will be shared years from now, pictures brought out to reminisce with. Great moments build relationships, even community. Our lives are not lived alone, we share this life in the routine but we experience it, together, through the great moments.

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February 21, 2023 · 7:50 am

An Open Letter to My Daughter

A few days ago we were talking about karma, about why it seemed that people who do bad things always seem to win. To be popular. Last night you opened up about the friendship situation. I connected the dots.

Junior high is a minefield. It is hard to judge what the next step will bring. Add the state of our society, social media, and the challenge of just being a teenager, and it feels like the world is in chaos.

There is nothing I can do or say that will change the outside world. I hope that maybe this open letter can help you navigate the next couple of years and help you discover the beautiful soul that you are.

First, friendship is one of the foundations of who we are. But it is also fickle and can actually be destructive. Our friendships make or break us. Even after all these years, and our own rough spots, my best friend is an important part of my life. But many of the other friends I’ve had over the years are not a part of my everyday life. Right now, it feels like you should have a huge group of friends. I understand the need to feel “liked” by everyone. To be honest, even adults have that desire, but real friendship is a serious relationship. And it is hard sifting through the fake and real relationships in junior high, let alone the rest of your life.

Real friendship is earned. If you find yourself asking for friendship, that person is not a friend. Let them go. Know that honest friendship builds you up, supports you. You should never have to ask to be loved. This is a hard truth, but it’s true.

Second, guard your heart, but never close it. This is hard to write as a father because I want this world to be a beautiful place for you. But there is so much pain and hurt in this world caused by people who want to do bad things. Oh how I wish this wasn’t so because there is such beauty and joy to experience in this life. We have experienced it! But our hearts are the most important aspect of who we are. Our hearts are strong, yet can be damaged with a single word or action… and that damage is hard to heal. I know, even now I deal with the pain everyday from the wounds people inflicted on me.

Guard your heart, just don’t close it.

Third, mom and I are always here. Home is our sanctuary. If you simply need a hug, find me. I love you.

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February 5, 2023 · 3:59 pm

Dilly Bars and Snowball Fights

Today the snow was perfect for making snowballs. After my walk I took on two of my daughters in a snowball fight. We used the piles of snow on each side of the driveway as our defense. I lost. In my defense, I didn’t have gloves, so I had to take breaks to warm my hands.

Afterwards we ate Dilly Bars. We stood among the shattered pieces of snowballs on the driveway, soaking in the sun and just talking. 

In the midst of this crazy time we are living in, we enjoyed a Sunday afternoon.  For those who are regular readers of this blog, you know my word for this year is “Moment”.  This afternoon was a great moment. It was a moment of living, of fun, of family.

I don’t know if it is because of my word, or just me getting older, but I notice that what too many people call living is just enduring life, or simply being entertained by a screen. Even in the simplest moments, there is a depth of joy to be experienced that you can’t get from a screen.

The snow is perfect for a snowball fight today.  And Dilly Bars can be held with frozen fingers.

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