Category Archives: Life

January 2, 2016 · 7:53 pm

2015 Reflection

Another year has started and it always give us a chance to reflect. To consider what we have learned and how we can do things better.

What I learned from 2015

I’m not sure I can articulate the lesson I learned from 2015 in a way that clearly shows the depth of the concept, but I will try.

No one really cares if I succeed. Or fail, for that matter. That doesn’t mean it is a bad thing, but understanding the concept helps set my perspective and expectations. I have discovered that the number of people truly concerned with your success is few. There are a number of reasons for this. First, people are striving for their goals, living their own lives, fighting their own battles.  In most cases they just don’t have the time or energy to spend helping you achieve your goals.  The second aspect is that finding someone or being in a situation that someone else will help you achieve your goals is rare. There will be people who care for you and support you, but to have a relationship with someone who is working with you to achieve your dreams is rare. Being in a situation or job where everyone is working for the same goal is also just as rare. Again, it  doesn’t mean there are not good jobs or situations, but when everyone is aligned with a meaningful vision it is life changing.

It hurts, and it sounds jaded, but I know that most people don’t care if I succeed (or fail). Understanding this lesson has had an impact on how I will strive to achieve my personal goals. It has changed my expectations of others. I will not expect them to spend time or energy on my goals. It doesn’t mean I won’t ask for help or seek their support. But I won’t be delusional that others are going to sacrifice for my goals. The other change is that I will appreciate those rare people and situations that help me reach greatness. One way to do that is to help others, when I can, to reach their goals.

Happy New Year. I hope you achieve greatness in 2016.

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December 17, 2015 · 10:53 am

Base Level

NoSpeedLimit

Theme from a past year for the Centura track team.

As a track coach I had my athletes set goals before every meet. There were three levels. Great, Good, and OK. Their goals could be a time, distance, or even a specific aspect like not hitting any hurdles. When considering their goals, the athletes had to think about how the week of practice went, how they had performed in past meets, how their health was at the moment, and other life issues that could affect their performance.

Next step was to set their expectations and write out their goals at the three levels mentioned above.

Great

This goal was to be set at a realistic level, but also knowing that it would take a high level of performance to achieve. Everything would have to go right for them to achieve it.

Good

This was the performance they should expect. A little background knowledge needed here. My athletes knew the training schedule for the whole season.  They also knew that the goal of the training schedule was to have them performing at their best at the district meet to give them a shot at qualifying for the state meet. So, some weeks of practice were difficult and the athletes should expect a different time or distance during those weeks.

OK

Even though this level seems OK, this level was the most important level for them to set. This was the base level they would accept for themselves.  They would not allow themselves to perform any lower than this goal. The reason for this level was to help them handle the rough spots in athletics and life. They might have had their boyfriend break up with them. They might have gotten grounded. They might have been fighting a cold.  Instead of letting the rough spot ruin the track meet, I asked my athletes to set a base level.  Anything worse is just not an option. A rough spot can take away a whole track meet for an athlete if they don’t have a level of expectation for themselves.

But so many times in life we let a rough spot steal away a moment from our lives. We have bad days, but letting that negative moment take away everything else is worse. I don’t expect you or even myself to set goals every day, but creating a habit of considering how life has been going, being realistic, and fostering a level of expectation from yourself that you will not fall below, will allow you to be ready to experience something great.

At the end of the track meet my athletes had to share how their day went with me or their event coach. (I had a place on the goal sheet for coaches to initial.) In all they years I coached, there were a few times an athlete performed below their OK goal. But I never had an athlete perform below their OK level twice. What I miss the most this year is seeing the joy the athletes experience when they performed at their Great level. So many times they shared how they had a rough week but were not going to let the circumstance get to them and that mindset lead to a Great performance.

What is your base level?

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December 1, 2015 · 11:39 am

Poem

I get lost sometimes, really I do

The noise and commotion of life

Drowns out the simplest direction

 

To love each other

 

I find myself walking in circles

Even if it is just in my head

Wondering why it gets so dark

 

To see the path

 

I would ask a friend

But everyone seems like a stranger

Busy going nowhere

 

To help me find my way

 

So I stand here or there

Trying to hear, trying to see

But others just knock me down

 

To  the ground

 

I get lost sometimes, really I do

But through the noise and commotion

I try to follow the simplest direction

 

To love…

 

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November 19, 2015 · 10:21 am

Time to Give Up

I am going to go against the grain today. I am going to ask a hard question. And I ask you to not jump on the inspirational bandwagon.

When do you know it is time to

I can predict your answers… at least the first ones that flood your mind. Don’t give up. Follow your heart or dreams. Stay the course. We can’t forget the Thomas Edison quote, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

But I ask you to think about this question for a minute.  To consider some ideas before answering the question about giving up.

The first concept to consider is Passion.

Jon Acuff in his book Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters brings up an interesting question regarding this idea. Does your dream get you up early? Here is his blog post on the idea.

If you don’t have the passion to actually go after something, then it is time to let the dream go. There is no use in working on a dream with minimal effort. It is a waste of your time.  Spend that time on something else.

Another concept to consider is the Cost.

Achieving anything has a cost to it. In the example above the cost is time (and sleep). But don’t take time lightly. We can not do everything. If we spend time on something, that means something or someone is not getting that time. And Time is not the only cost. There is also the cost of money, energy, and relationships to highlight a few.  If you are not willing to pay the cost of achieving a dream, then it is time to give up.

The hardest concept is Failure.

If you are not making progress on your goal, it might be time to give up. This is a tricky concept because we all do hit a wall, which I discuss at Stop Doing Nothing blog. Failure alone is not a sign you need to give up on a goal. And I can’t give you a time table to follow so that after six years you should quit. I do believe failure tells us that something is wrong. It could be timing, our approach, or a simply a bad day. But it can also be the wrong dream. If nothing is working. Failure is all you are experiencing. It might be time to let the dream goal.

When do you know it is time to give up?

If your goal doesn’t drive you.  If you are not willing to pay the cost of achieving your goal. If you are experiencing nothing but failure. If all three of these concepts ring true. Then it is OK to give up on a dream because you can go accomplish another goal that has been waiting for you to achieve.

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October 1, 2015 · 9:12 am

I am Tired

I am tired.

I turn 44 tomorrow. I have six kids. I spent the last two days with my youngest daughter as she started on her medicine for an ear infection. My oldest son is active in school, plus he is taking his driver’s license test tomorrow. My second son is enjoying junior high. He is always on the go. My oldest daughter has actually started on her first serious “story.” I am still on a learning curve at work. Life is busy (and the house is a mess).

I am tired.

I know that my life is not as stressful as others. In fact I know it is not as stressful as some of my closest friends that are battling cancer and other health issues. Their life struggles are more serious than mine. I know that they are tired, too.

I am tired.

Many of you that have stopped by to read this are tired.

But that is OK. In fact it is a good thing to be tired. It means you are in the middle of living. That you are spending your time and energy on the little things that build our life. I understand that being overly tired or stressed has negative effects on us. I also know that we need a break from stress to recharge.  But that’s not what I’m talking about.  When we actually live our lives than we are going to be tired. And that’s a good thing.

I’m going to use football for a second (you are free to use any activity you were involved in during school). Remember practice?  Remember being tired? Remember coach yelling at you to fight through the pain as you ran down and backs?  Me, too. Now remember how good it felt 30 minutes later after a good workout? Still tired, but feeling strong? Yeah, me, too. We practice more than we played.  Why? To build strength. But even during a game, we were tired.  We had to fight through the pain to make the next play. We had to perform, even when we were tired.

In our everyday life we don’t have as many big moments (like a game on Friday night), but they do happen. And sometimes those moments are life and death battles, like my friends who are fighting cancer and other health problems. How do we build the strength to fight when those big moments come? We live our everyday life. We become tired because of it. We build strength from that state of tiredness.

I am tired.
And I’m feeling stronger because of it.

This is dedicated to my friends and family who are battling right now. You are stronger than you know. You are loved more than I can express.

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September 17, 2015 · 2:07 pm

We Can’t Always See

truck

I had a small moment of road rage yesterday. I was following this cement truck when it came to a stop at an intersection. No turn signal, right or left. The traffic was flowing on our left. As we sat there for a few seconds I figured the truck was turning left. I will admit to being hypersensitive to things like turn signals because my son has his learning permit and I notice everything lately regarding traffic issues.

The traffic cleared on the left. I waited for the truck to turn, but instead a purple mini-van that was in front of the truck turned left.  I didn’t even see the mini-van until that moment. The cement truck then continued forward with me following along. I smirked at myself. I was quick to judge without seeing the whole picture. I then started to think about my college class.

For this first time in 14 years, I teach a lecture class on campus.  I have a mix of high school students, freshman, and non-traditional students. The non-traditional group is a mix of students.  I have students who are parents. Students that are trying college again. Students that have incredible stories. They amaze me with their dedication.

As I often do, I connected my small moment of road rage that was based on my bad judgment and the way we sometimes view others. We can’t always see the road the way they do.

The driver of the cement truck saw the purple mini-van. I did not. I was wrong to react the way I did (even if it was mostly in my head). We don’t see the road people have traveled to get to a certain point. But we will make a judgment (even if it is just in our head) that is misguided.

There is no easy solution to handling snap judgments, except maybe to realize we are all traveling a path.  And that the view of the journey is unique to our perspective. To be honest enough to recognize that we can be wrong. We can’t always see the factors influencing another driver but we are all sharing the road together.

 

 

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September 11, 2015 · 12:51 pm

A Spark

From a Spark

I was a boy scout in elementary school in Minneapolis, Minn. We went camping once every month. Yes, even in January. We had to plan our meals, decide on job duties, plan a route for hiking, not to mention build a fire. To build a fire properly takes the right environment.  A clean level spot. A ring of dirt or stones was advised in my day.  You will need the correct wood, tinder, kindling and fuel wood. There are a number of ways to arrange the wood. I usually used the lean-to arrangement. But most importantly you need a spark. Nothing works without a spark.

Everyday I see articles and inspirational photos about finding your passion. The messages from these post are great. But they set an expectation of going from nothing to a full fledge fire. It doesn’t work that way. You have to have a spark. And once that spark is alive, it must be nurtured or else it will be extinguished before it can ignite a fire.

I have seen this human spark start a change in people but falter before it could make a lasting effect on their life. I have seen it in the classroom. I have heard it in colleagues voices. There are things that start a spark in all of us. But instead of fostering that spark to a raging fire, the spark flares up for a day or maybe a week and is gone. Until something ignites the spark and the cycle continues.

There are some things I learned as a boy scout that might get that spark to catch fire. I wish I could guarantee you will find your passion and life becomes one of those inspirational photos, but I spent enough time trying to get a fire going in the winters of Minnesota to know that nothing is guaranteed. But I hope I can share some ideas with you to make a positive difference in your life. Let’s see if we can get that spark to a fire.

Work and Patience

The first aspect is patience and work. You can build the perfect lean-to, have dry, combustible tinder and the first spark doesn’t catch. Maybe it was the wind. Maybe it burned the tinder too fast.  Maybe it started to rain. There are too many external factors to name that have the power to extinguish a spark. Same holds true in our life. I love to write, and I have so many ideas (sparks), but life just gets in the way.

If the first spark doesn’t catch, you try again. And again. And again. Even when a spark catches the tinder you have to work at keeping it burning until it catches the kindling. I remember huddled down around the small flame, hands spread out like bird wings trying to protect the flame from the wind. Sometimes gently blowing onto the flame so it would catch another twig on fire. It takes patience and work to get that spark to a level that it is ready for fuel wood.

Whatever sparks your heart, if you are not willing to work at it, you will never reach that level of passion in your life. You have to work and you have to have patience. You have to make time to work at that spark.

The Right Fuel

Once that spark has become a fire, it needs the right fuel. You would think any wood would work for a fire, but no. Each type of wood has their own properties for factors like heat, smoke, and coaling. Some are better for cooking, while others create a great campfire mood with intense flames and sparks.

There is not an easy answer for what fuel you need to make your spark into a fire. Factors to consider regarding this include time, finances, a mentor, and schooling. The hurdle for many people at this stage is the What now? question. No campfire keeps burning without someone looking after it. Nobody succeeds alone. Take the time and be honest in considering what or who you need to succeed. What will it take to keep the fire burning? Then collect the right fuel to keep your goals going.

The Fire is Out

Someone might be thinking, ‘I had the passion, in fact things were going well, but I still failed. The fire is out.’  I understand.  Believe me I know the feeling. But don’t just throw away this post just yet.

Every morning we would start our breakfast fire from the coals left over from the night before. It would take a little work and patience but in no time we were cooking eggs and bacon. The embers of our failures can be the “spark” to new adventures, new goals. Those new goals still need work and patience. They will need the right fuel. But you can take those coals from a past spark to start a new fire.
Share with me how your spark became a fire.

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August 28, 2015 · 10:08 am

What Else Is There?

The locker room was quiet.  There was the hum of the showers, freshman who hadn’t played a minute but instinctively knew to be out of the way. The varsity players in different stages of removing their equipment. Our quarterback sat against the wall, still in full gear except for his helmet that sat between his feet. There was no conversation.

We had lost our fourth straight game. The season had started so well, 3-0. But now, it all seemed to be falling apart. Nobody knew why.

One of our best players was sitting on top of the equipment cart. He was tired. His hair was matted down with sweat. You could see the outlines of the helmet’s interior pads in his hair. He had run all over the field as our middle linebacker, taking down players with crushing hits. But now his shoulders slumped as he laid back against the wall. He had played a helluva a game.

“Coach, could you help get the tape off?” He slightly lifted a foot that was wrapped in athletic tape.

“Yeah, I can.” I grabbed a bucket and flipped it over to sit on. I snagged a pair of tape scissors from the medical bag and started in on removing the tape job from his left foot.

I was almost done removing the tape from his first ankle when I heard him sob. It was one big inhale and rumbling exhale that almost made me drop the scissors.

“Nothing seems to work. I’m trying my best… trying to keep the team up… trying to make the play… I don’t know what to do anymore,” he said as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

There are so many different moments in sports. There are moments of victory. There are moments of defeat. Moments of courage. Moments of glory. And once and awhile there are honest moments that move past the playing field to our everyday life. I felt that I needed to handle the opportunity with care.

I didn’t have the answers to everything going on during the season. It was a rough time for lots of people and for different reasons.

As I removed the last segment of tape on his ankle and switched to his right foot I thought about trying to be inspirational – some kind of Remember the Titans speech. The scissors made a soft ripping noise as I cut through the tape. I decided to be honest and direct…the moment called for it.

“What else is there?” I said and made eye contact with him.  He stared back, unsure of what I said. I continued, “What else is there besides doing your best everyday? Really? You can quit, you can throw in the towel. You can be average. No one really talks about that side of things, but it’s true.”

I pulled strands of tape free, placed the scissors in a way that would not cut his socks and continued, “So, tell me, what else is there?”

He shrugs, I know he is thinking about it, his eyes have that distant look, like he is seeing a deeper level of his life.

“In this life, on that field, in the classroom, you have a choice. You can fail. You can be average. Or you can give your best, everyday. I wish I could guarantee it would make everything better. That we would win a game. But I can’t. Life does not work that way.” I cut through the last of the tape. “What I do know, is that you can’t even hope to win without your best effort. You can’t remove the hurdles in this life, you can only choose how you attack them.”

He nodded his head. I collected the scraps of pre-wrap and tape off the floor and dumped them into the trash. He jumped down off the equipment cart. “Thanks, coach,” he said as he headed to his locker.

“Anytime,” I said as I put the scissors away.

Coach

 

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July 9, 2015 · 1:03 pm

Road Work

roadworkI know that I am using a road metaphor for another blog post. The “Road Closed” post was about the way life can alter our paths. This post will address the idea of work, of breaking new ground, of doing what it takes to get to where you want to be.

I have officially been on the job for a week. This morning I was touring the CCC Hastings campus to get a better understanding of where faculty were located.  The campus has a number of construction projects going, one of them is the street pictured above.  To be honest I stood there for a few minutes thinking about everything that has happen in just a few months.  Life has not been easy.  Yet, my work has started to create a path for me.

It has been hard work.

But that has been the key.  It will be the key to any success I have in the future. The only way my second novel will be published is for me to work.  The only way I can help CCC faculty is to do the work to strengthen my skills in certain areas. The only way my family will thrive is because I work at being a better father and husband.
If you log onto to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or any social media platform you will find inspirational content.  Photos with inspirational quotes. Videos of people doing amazing things.  We need that inspiration.  I need it. But lost in all that feel good content is the simple fact that nothing happens until you work, until you tear up the ground and build your path to your success.

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June 22, 2015 · 10:31 pm

Road Closed

RoadClosedLife doesn’t always give us a sign like the one above. Life will provide us with events that make us feel like we cannot go any further down a certain path. That everything has changed. That the road is closed. Yet, any road closing will have an alternate route, sometimes just a city block, other times it can be miles. But after sometime we are back on our familiar path heading for our destination. Don’t let a change in your path keep you from reaching your goals. Even though alternate routes usually take longer, they can have beautiful scenery. And you will make it to your destination, just maybe not as you planned.

 

 

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