Category Archives: Family

October 7, 2023 · 8:01 pm

A Simple Sentence

I have had a small phrase tumbling in my head for a few weeks. I’ve wanted to write about it the day I heard it, but life has been pretty busy, and I think it wanted me to experience some dots connected to the phrase before I wrote about it.

This post will center more on the phrase and the thoughts I have about it in our lives. The moments I experienced (the dots) may be mentioned, but sometimes the lessons are for me, not the blog.

At church, a couple of weeks ago, during the sermon, Father said a simple sentence that just woke me up. It was one of those moments when a truth hits hard because you hear it in a new way or from someone different. If you are a constant reader of my blog you might be surprised why this phrase hit me so hard because you’ve read posts that align with what Father said… 

He said, “We are free to love.”

I’m not even sure what the homily was about, my mind and heart just took off with understanding and agreement. Then questions on why we don’t live this…

Let that sit for a moment. Feel the liberating sense of joy bubbling deep inside your chest. Knowing that you can smile, tell someone to have a good day. You can dance to your favorite song. Hug your kids. Hug your parents. Write a poem (or a blog post). Walk under the stars and let the knowledge that you are standing under a million stars. That you were given this moment to love… to love life, to love others, to love yourself.

Why don’t we live this way?

In answering this question let me share just a little bit about one of the dots life gave me, my mother’s memorial. It was a graveside ceremony that my dad presided over. I read two poems at different times during the ceremony. When my dad brought up the moment I became part of the family, I broke down a little. See, my parents did not have to include me. My siblings did not have to include me. It’s a long story, but they chose to love me as a son, as a brother, as family.

The first part of why we don’t live with the ‘freedom to love’ is choice. Now I’ve written about this in a number of past posts. But there is something different about the mindset to the idea  of ‘the freedom to love.’ The choice to love is more of a gift of ourselves than a responsibility we check off of our to do list. And I love giving gifts!

But giving a gift has its risks, which is also why we don’t live such joyful lives. REJECTION and all the complicated emotions and pain that come from someone rejecting our gift, in this case our love.

Not going to sugar coat this. It hurts. It can break us when we love someone with every space available in our hearts, and they walk away.

I don’t have a magical potion that will take that pain away. I’ve been there, I still deal with the effects of some devastating moments. What I know is that giving my love to people that accept my gift is one way to heal. I also know love may be the only thing that grows the more you give it away. we are free to love as much as we want.

We are free.

We are free to love.

To love others, to love life, to love ourselves.

I hope you accept this blog as my gift to you, with love.

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September 3, 2023 · 10:46 pm

What Death has Taught Me

Which song should I play as an intro? “Live Like You Were Dying” by Tim McGraw? How about Kris Allen’s “Live Like We’re Dying”? I’ve got some more songs that didn’t make the radio but have the same message. 

And I agree with the message. But death is not a pop song. A life isn’t 3 minutes and 20 seconds long. The death of my mom this summer and the death of my wife’s mom yesterday morning has taught me some hard lessons that you won’t find in any lyrics because there are some tough things to process.

The hardest lesson is the reality that death brings the end of a life. That’s it. One moment they are in this world, there is a chance, a hope, possibility to talk, to eat breakfast. After the last breath, that is all gone. As I stated in an earlier post, there is not even a today for that person, for us. Their story has ended.

Even as a poet I can’t describe the empty space in life that death makes when someone has passed. When I went home to visit my dad this summer I felt it in the house. Yesterday, we visited my father-in-law and I felt that same emptiness in the house. They are just gone. 

I know there are memories, pictures, and the effects of the relationship built with someone. But the physical reality of them not here challenges my heart. There are no hugs, no laughter, no opportunity to share moments with them. There is a silent emptiness that reminds me that they were here. 

Both my mom’s and my mother-in-law’s death destroyed them physically. Which in turn took away a part of who they were as people. My mom couldn’t read her mystery books or take walks. My wife’s mother hardly moved, she was in and out of consciousness. The fear in my mom’s eyes haunts me. My mother-in-law’s painful mumbles echo in my head. 

Part of who we are is connected to the condition of our bodies. When the body starts to deteriorate, so does our ability to be who we are. I had never held my mom’s hands so much as I did the months leading up to her death. At times that was the only way to say I was there. To say I love you. 

Death is not a final scene with soft music playing in the background. It is a harsh reality that challenges everyone. 

Then there is life, which continues, even as I mourn the loss of two mothers, two wives, two grandmas. Two stories that have ended. Yet, the sun rises each morning. Orion appears in the night sky. Other stories are being told all around me.

I don’t want to live like I’m dying. I want to live so that when the time comes for my story to end, my loved ones can close the book and say, “that was a good story.”

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July 31, 2023 · 7:25 pm

That’s a Wrap!

Thirty-one blog posts! In a row! 

There were only a few days that I didn’t have a clear idea to write about, but I got rolling once my playlist started and my pen or fingers started writing. 

These monthly challenges have forced me to pay attention to my everyday routine. Sometimes my routine was thrown for a loop at the beginning of the month as I figured out when to complete that month’s challenge. But by doing that, I had to take inventory of how I spend my time. On a deeper level, was I spending time doing things that correlated to what I say is important to me?

For example, you may notice most of my posts are done in the evening. After dinner, after spending the day with family. Yes, I have my coffee next to me as I write. What you don’t know is that I took my walk earlier. Today we spent the afternoon buying school supplies. I had a doctor appointment this morning. Recorded the next episode of The Creative Moment with my son. 

I spent my day as a dad and husband. That’s important to me. 

As life often does, this idea of living life as close to one’s central beliefs has been a part of different conversations with different people over the last couple of days. My best friend’s new job allows him to travel but mostly work from home. My dad is dealing with the tough decision of what to do next in life. My daughter can’t wait for college to start, to finally start focusing her time chasing her dream of being a film director.

I don’t know if I will keep my streak alive of blogging everyday, but if you check the Archive menu, you will see I have been blogging for a long time. So, that won’t stop anytime soon. But I have some other aspects of life I have been wrestling with. How can I live out in my daily routine the things that are important to me? That’s a topic for another blog post.

What I do know, from doing these challenges, is that living is an active endeavor. You have to have an open heart, be cognitive of your actions, and step into your day – even if it is a routine part of the day. We all are given a life, we are responsible for how we live it.

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July 30, 2023 · 8:23 pm

Blueberry Muffins and Time

It is Sunday and faithful readers, you know we had blueberry muffins for breakfast. But this morning I got to travel forward in time, at least a little bit. At breakfast there were only my three youngest daughters with my wife and I. This will be our normal Sunday morning crew in a few weeks.

Today we held an open house for my in-laws’ home. Below are two pictures of the tree in their front yard. The winter picture is from 2011. The other picture was taken today.

The connection? Time.

More specifically, how time changes everything. There are good changes. There are regrets and heartbreak with some of the changes. 

We all know the cost of time. I don’t think we live our lives with that knowledge, though. If we did, our daily life would be drastically different. We would love without fear. We would dance more. We would eat cereal at midnight and our desserts first at restaurants.

But time is a tricky one to catch, because what happens is that we look up one day and a dozen blueberry muffins will be too much for just my wife and I. Time changes everything, even if we don’t see it.

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July 29, 2023 · 8:08 pm

Curious over Coffee

I finally had to use one of the WordPress prompts for today’s blog. The prompt was “What are you curious about?”. 

As I normally do, I brewed a cup of coffee to sip on as I sit here writing this. This is a routine for me. Whether it is poetry, stories, or blog posts, I usually have a cup of coffee next to me. I love when I get the chance to go to the Blue Moon to write for a while. I usually get a Bizarre Orange Encounter latte when I write.

But I will also have coffee when I am reading. When I know that I will have 30 minutes or more minutes to just read, a coffee cup sits next to me. 

I remember reading (from somewhere) that coffee houses were important places during the American Revolution. I have attended open mics and slam poetry events at coffee shops.

When my parents would visit us, my mom and I always had an evening coffee. I have had long conversations with friends over coffee, some of those moments were at the Blue Moon. I got engaged at the Blue Moon (even had wedding pictures taken there).

During our high school days, when I slept over at my best friend’s house, we had scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. Yes, we thought we were cool drinking coffee in high school. This was the 80s before everyone was drinking some form of coffee. It was still seen as an adult thing to do.

It is interesting how coffee is an aspect of my creative and personal life. I enjoy trying new blends. When visiting new places I try to visit local coffee shops.

And I will always remember how my mom would hold her cup with both hands as we talked about life. Life is good when you have a good cup of coffee, especially if you are sharing it with someone.

Daily writing prompt
What are you curious about?
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July 28, 2023 · 7:54 pm

A Blog Post about Nothing

So, yeah. It took to the 28th day of the challenge to get to a blog post about nothing.

Now, it was a normal day for me. A day filled with running errands. Car was serviced; why does the cabin filter always need changed? 

Got some groceries, which I love to do. I don’t understand how people just order online and then sit in their car waiting. How do you find an impulse buy? How do you know there is a new Pop-tart flavor? Or better, a new flavor of chips!

We made our famous Pizza Bake. Really easy dinner. Ground some hamburger, add pizza sauce. Use a crescent sheet on the bottom of a 9×13 casserole pan. Now here you can add any pizza stuff you want. We usually use pepperoni on half. Then place the hamburger over the whole bottom. Sprinkle grated cheese over the top, then cover with another crescent sheet. Bake until top is golden brown (about 14 minutes at 400).

We have almost 10 pizza recipes… and we still order out for pizza. 

I did not get my walk in today. That is the only negative.

So, I could say nothing happened. But really, life happened. 

My youngest daughter and I sang the song Whoomp! (There it is) in the car this evening.

I talked with both my boys by text this afternoon.

My second daughter and I ran to the library.

My third daughter still has my computer. She is working on a personal art project.

And it reached 102 degrees today.

This blog post is about nothing, nothing but life.

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July 26, 2023 · 7:24 pm

I am Sad

Grief is an interesting monster. One that feels comfortable in the dark or the sunlight. It can rise up to stand as tall as a giant but be light on its feet. Moving so fast you can’t hold on to it, yet still in grief’s shadow. Or the monster can shrink down to sit in your hand, but be so heavy that you have to use both hands to hold it. Its weight making your knees bend, taking all your energy just to stay upright.

I am sad.

I am sad because of the passing of my mom. And I know part of the lingering feeling is that we will have the memorial for her in September, when all the family can be there. A milestone in the grieving process has not happened.

But there have been other milestones that have fed the monster. She passed away just a few days from her birthday and a few weeks before my parents’ 52 anniversary. Life moments that should have been celebrations. 

I am sad. 

I am sad because death is the end of the story. Even while my mom was in the hospital, there was hope, there was the idea of tomorrow. So many things that were possible with tomorrow. There isn’t now. There is no tomorrow. There is no today. I used to send pictures to “Mom and Dad” on my phone. Now, I send them to just “Dad”. 

That’s why I am sad.

The monster attacks without warning. I never know the monster’s size or its intent. I only know that I am sad.

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July 23, 2023 · 4:54 pm

Passing a Flame

My daughters like to light our candles. We have a new candle that came with a small batch of matches in a cool little jar that has a striking surface on the bottom. They have to be quick to pass the flame from the match to the candle wick. I think that is part of the fun for them. Being quick to pass the flame before it burns the match and their fingers.

This morning, I had a thought as the altar boy used a taper to light the candles before church; that our social interactions are like passing a flame. 

There are two types of flames. One that ignites a person’s spirit so it illuminates their life.

These flames can be

  • a smile.
  • a hug.
  • saying, “I Love You”.
  • checking in on someone by text.

Any number of positive interactions is passing a flame that lights up a person.

The other flame is meant to burn a person, to destroy.

These flames can be

  • rolling your eyes.
  • a snide comment under your breath.
  • a mean comment on social media.
  • ignoring someone.

Any number of negative interactions meant to burn someone.

When we strike the match, we decide what kind of flame we will pass to another person. Are we trying to make life brighter or trying to burn down someone’s heart? 

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July 22, 2023 · 7:31 pm

Sunshine and Storms

While we were in Wyoming we got rained on while the sun was shining.

The family was leaving the hotel. We stepped out onto the sidewalk under bright sunshine, then we were hit with big drops of rain. Enough to get us wet, but not soaked. My three daughters, who have never been to Wyoming, darted to the car laughing.

They had never seen a sunshower before; where wind carries rain from miles away. For a moment we were caught in a storm while the sun was shining.

I laughed as my girls clamored about what had just happened. But as I started the car, hitting the wipers, I thought the moment was a perfect metaphor for the day, for life in general. At any moment rain can appear, a storm, even if the sky stays clear and sunny.

There is a moment in the book Tuesdays With Morrie that captures this idea. Morrie is leaving the hospital after being diagnosed with ALS and the sun is shining. He shares how he was angry at the day for being so beautiful while he was facing devastating news. How could the world be so wonderful while he was dying?

I understand Morrie better after these last six months with my mom’s battle with cancer and her death. As my wife and I made quick trips to see her, I would feel the tension between the beautiful skies and the fear and worry of my mom’s health. On one trip my wife and I went downtown to get a coffee. It was a beautiful day. The baristas were wonderful. The coffee good. My wife and I sat enjoying a mint brownie. But we talked about what the future could be like without my mom in it, what would dad do, and when we should bring the kids to say goodbye.

Sunshine and storms. Smiles and tears. Wonder and fear. A life. 

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July 20, 2023 · 8:47 pm

Keys

Today we were finishing up cleaning the in-laws’ house. In the garage hung about 50 different keys. They hung on different keychains. Only a few were labeled. It was my job to test all the keys on all the doors and padlocks.

Some keys I didn’t have to try because they were old car keys. The head of the key would have the brand stamped on it, so I knew I didn’t need to test them. But other keys were so worn that it was hard to know what kind of key it was.

Out of all those keys I found 6 that worked in a door or a padlock.

Some keys fit in every door, but would not unlock any of them. Other keys didn’t fit any door or lock. I sat there looking at the pile of keys that no longer worked and wondered about which door, which car, what part of life did these keys fit into. Why were the keys still hanging on nails in the garage?

What keys do we need in this life and what keys do we hang on to even though they are no longer needed?

We all have keys that unlock memories, unlocks our joy, and there are doors we try to hide the keys for so that no one can open that door. And then we have doors we keep trying to pry open because we lost or just don’t have the key. We shake the doorknob, slam our shoulder into the door. But it doesn’t budge… I hate it when a goal is sitting on the other side of that door.

I had to test keys today for my in-laws, but recognize that I need to work on my own keys in my life.

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