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Category Archives: Family
Your Own
We have a hard rule in our house; you can’t say you dislike anything until you have tried it. Yes, it helps us to get the kids to eat their vegetables at dinner (there are some vegetables that are not served in our house, but it is because we have at least tried them), but the rule stands also for other issues. From Justin Beiber to reading The Chronicles of Narnia. We don’t let the kids just spat out other peoples’ opinions. Or to just dismiss something without at least knowing something about it so that they can form their own opinion.
This approach isn’t always easy, even as elementary students the playground conversation can get negative and degrading. I am amazed at times with the negative opinions my children express at the dinner table and the range of topics these opinions cover, from songs about Barney the Dinosaur (not happy songs!) to political issues. With just a couple of questions, I discover that the opinion comes from the playground. My wife and I then lead the discussion for them to express what they know of the topic. We help them to formulate what their opinion is based off what they actually know. Other times, sadly, we have to simply say, no that is not appropriate. Usually with songs they learn, but it still expresses an opinion.
As a dad, this saddens me in a number of ways. I actually enjoy helping them learn about the world. To discuss issues, to question them and yes, sometimes I over analyze things (did you know how many different themes are present in Disney’s Beauty and The Beast?). But when did this all become so negative? What is wrong with liking something? Why do we have to fight so hard to have our own ideas?
Why is our first reaction to something negative? As an English teacher this attitude is almost a cliché.
Courtesy of Flickr user piper caldwell
“I hate reading.”
“I hate poetry.”
“I hate English.”
I have no problem when a student says they dislike a poem, after they have read it. In fact, it means the poem actually affected them and gives me something to discuss with them.
What sadness me the most, and not just for my kids but for my students too, is the lost opportunities because of this attitude. The depth of our life is not created by others’ attitudes but through our experiences. And those experiences have to be both positive and negative. Those opposites give us the parameters to build our own views. To make this life our own.
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Snowy Day
The snow cancelled basketball. The girls stayed in pajamas. I shoveled the driveway. It was one of those relaxing snowy Saturdays when you eat too much, we made sugar cookies, and you get the chance to spend serious family time. We had a great moment at the dinner table where we all were laughing so hard we were crying.
We read stories; a few of us took naps (yes, I was one of them). But technology allowed us to do some creative things.
My oldest son wrote a song, “There ain’t room for both of us” as a Christmas gift for his grandparents.
He is learning to play the clarinet. If you remember a past blog (“Miles Davis: So What”) you will recognize the similarities of the beginning of his song.
This day gave my other son the chance to make his first Lego movie, “ARC Troopers: Ambushed”
I helped with technical parts, but he was the director and producer. He had the script done, a staging map for the Lego men, and ideas for the sound effects.
These projects are not earth shattering, but allowed my sons to pursue things they are interested in or working on. This day gave us the opportunity to build memories that we can experience for along time.
I can’t wait for the next snow day…
Filed under Family, Life, Technology
Where does the Learning go?
Photo courtesy of Centura student Angelica
What do your students do with their homework once you have handed it back?
Photo courtesy of Centura student Angelica
I battle with this issue even today, in some ways even more now that I do not have a classroom to even display some of the work my students would do. What do my students do with their homework? There are times that a worksheet is a great tool for a lesson, and I expect those worksheets to end up in the recycle box. I might have used them as a note taking activity. Then using the worksheets, have a class discussion. As a teacher I try to build assignments that intertwine or build on each other. In the English Composition class, the students wrote two speed essays that are to be building blocks for their persuasive essay. But are my students already condition to see their school work as disposable, and worse, unimportant?
Photo courtesy of Centura student Angelica
This morning I checked my kids’ homework, the same worksheets they have been doing all year. My second son has a 100-math problem worksheet; he gets it right every day. When can he do something else? My second son also gets a ring of flash cards to study every couple of weeks. When the unit is over, he hands that ring of cards back in. Supposedly, never to interact with those words again (there is an app for that).
My second son has been participating in gymnastics this year. We started him with the beginners, a 45-minute session. He is a typical boy, knees and elbows always bruised or healing from a scrape. He jumps, he tumbles, he would live in a jungle gym if he could. Halfway through the first six-week session the gymnastics teachers asked us if they could move him to the next level. He had progressed quickly through the basics. If you have ever coached a sport, this is how it works.
Start with the basics; build on the basics to improve performance and expectations. The basics are never forgotten; they are reinforced in different ways throughout a practice. Both the coach and the athletes also develop their expectations of performance as skills improve. Then comes game time, the reason for the basics. The time to express the skills and expectations. The really interesting part is that no matter if the game was a victory or loss, there will be a practice. There will be adjustments, basics will be reinforced, and expectations set for the next game.
This morning I checked my second son’s 100-math problem worksheet. He got it right again…
Photo courtesy of Centura student Angelica
Miles Davis: So What
My oldest son is learning to play the clarinet, and seems to be doing well. He makes sure he practices every day. Of course he learned to play a part of the Star Wars theme, which he likes to share every day.
So, I thought I would introduce him to Miles Davis. To expand his musical interest. To reveal to him some of the great artists, to show him how incredible music can be. To show him the deeper part of music.
It didn’t go well. Not that he didn’t listen with me, but he wasn’t much interested. I tried to get him to let the music speak to him, to feel the emotion behind it. He just wanted to be somewhere else.
I was disappointed. Over the last month I have been sharing movies with the boys that I watched when I was growing up. Both boys like some of my 80s music. I thought exposing him to Miles Davis was going to be a great moment. Why wasn’t it?
I started to wonder about all the times I tried something like this in the classroom. Sometimes it worked, other lessons failed. Why? I just assumed my son would like Miles Davis because he was learning to play an instrument. My son has no background knowledge about Miles Davis, hasn’t even heard him before. What did I expect? That he would just understand how great Miles Davis was.
As an English teacher I have fallen into that same trap, especially with literature. That my students will just get how awesome a book or poem is. I don’t want them to miss the opportunity to be moved by the literature, just like I wanted my son to feel the beauty behind Miles Davis’ music. Ironically, I become the barrier of that moment. Not in sharing the music, but by being the source of the selection. And worse, like with my son, not creating an opportunity to spark their interest, or to provide a real foundation to what they will be reading or listening to.
I want to share the great works of this life with my students, with my sons. But more importantly, I want them to decide what is great on their terms. To search out their own deeper moments. That is when real learning happens. And I want to be there, as a dad and as a teacher.
Connections
The picture is my youngest daughter with an iPad. She will turn two in late December. I recently made folders on the iPad, and with out any instruction, she figured out where her favorite apps were. She enjoys drawing and animal apps, the ones that make the animal noises. And yes, we have set her down in front of the iPad when we need a minute or two to finish dinner. But as soon as I grab a book, or flop down on the floor, she will ignore the iPad to interact with me. But will that always be the case?
A few weeks ago the boys had their first basketball practice. The whole elementary basketball league met at the high school for this practice. There were some high school boys helping, and a few other boys that may have been there to help but were goofing around at an open basket.
Two of the boys were on the basketball team and were dressed in practice gear. The third boy was dressed in jeans and a too-large polo shirt. They were shooting crazy shots, doing alley-oops, just being teenagers. Burning off energy and having a fun time. Honestly, I was watching them with a touch of jealousy as they jumped to see if they could touch the rim. I remembered those younger days when my friends and I would do the same thing. Some milestones of adolescence do not change; other aspects seem to be changing.
The three of them were lost in the moment, simply being friends, simply having fun. Then a cell phone went off. The boy in the jeans immediately grabbed his phone to send a quick text. That changed everything, the simplest yet powerful connection of that moment was gone. One of the boys went off to help a group, the boy in the jeans and the other boy tried to continue to play, but the cell phone was now the most important thing.
Technology had become the focus. At one point the boy in the jeans was throwing an alley-oop passes to the other one. The boy had the ball in his hands when his phone went off again. Ball in one hand, he pulls out the phone to check the text message. Without even looking at his friend, he simply rolls the basketball toward the basket. His attention now fully on the phone. His friend grabbed the ball and walked off. It saddened me.
I love technology, but this life is about people, about relationships. Technology allows us even greater opportunities to connect with friends and family. It gives us a chance to make connects with people we normally would never had been able to before. But at this time when the definition of Friend is “click accept.” That a text message on the phone has to be answered right now, no matter what is happening. We need to make the focus on the connection to people, not on the means of making the connection.
Filed under Family, Life, Technology
Turning 40 “Life”
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This morning was a reminder of one of the aspects of life I’ve learned. It started as one of those mornings. Trash and recycling need to be put out on the curb. Lunches needed to be made. Diapers to daycare. Movies to return. My oldest son overslept. My youngest daughter didn’t want to be put down. It was time for me to start my commute and I was nowhere close to pouring my coffee into my travel mug.
I multi-task, carrying the last of the recycling, diapers under on arm, movies clutched in a few fingers to put in my wife’s car. Both garage doors opening is an appropriate sound track to the morning, arrrrgrarrrarrr, clunk-clunk.
It is about 6:20 in the morning, dark, and my breath can be seen as the cold tickles my forearms. It takes three trips to get the trash and recycling to the curb. The constellation Orion is above the southern horizon. Mars is shining bright toward the east. Beautiful. I take a few minutes to star gaze (I don’t know why, but stargazing is special for me).
In those few minutes the stars reminded me that life is beautiful. No matter what is going on in life, “nothing dims these stars.” I know that life can be hard. I know even in good times there can be a grimy feeling to life. Diamonds can collect filth on them. But the shine is still there; the diamond will sparkle (like a star) with a little cleaning.
Minutes later as I was getting into my car, my sons came out to get into the minivan. “Did you guys see the stars?” I asked. We go out to the drive way and we stargaze together for a minute. For a moment life hits me, in a single moment I feel the beauty of life so true that it almost crushes my heart. There I stood with my two sons, in front of our new home, on the driveway that we play basketball. Life can be hard. I know this. There is pain and disappointment, tragedy that can also crush a heart.
It takes work, it takes time, but no matter how filthy a diamond becomes, it still has its shine. “Nothing dims these stars.”
“Dad, there is a new Clone Wars on tonight!” Both boys head to the minivan chatting excitedly about the show tonight. I smile. Everyone has their own set of stars. What allows you to know that life is beautiful?
Turning 40 “Love”
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The most important lesson I’ve learned was best said in the above quote, “Love is the only rational act.” At first it seems like a basic feel good quote, but it is deeper than that. Love is the only RATIONAL act. Love has a strong image link to the heart and emotions, but Morrie connected it to our head and thinking. Put simply Love produces positive results, it works. It makes sense as a founding principal for our lives.
My kids respond to Love better than to me yelling. The waitress who is having a rough day responds better to an understanding comment from me. A smile trumps a frown in the classroom. I feel energized when I am involved in activities I love. Love works.
Living out this idea is not easy with the everyday stress we experience. But I’ve noticed that a negative reaction may solve a problem right then, but causes more issues later. While living out Love takes patience and even at times makes the current issue tough to get through, the long-term benefits are positive. It takes real strength, an intentional spirit, and an open heart, but living out the idea of Love makes all the difference. It is the rational thing to do that leads to an emotional filled life.
Bonus, because I love music I made a small playlist of songs that reveal an aspect of this idea. Enjoy.
Where I am Today (Turning 40 post)
As I count down to my fortieth birthday, I feel like I need to write the expected “What I’ve Learned” blog post. So, over the next three weeks I will share a series of things I’ve discovered in my first forty years of life. But first, I’m going to start with where I am right now.
As I write this I am working from home, actually I’m at the Blue Moon having a Cinnamon Roll Latte. I am in my third month with a new job. To be honest, I am still adjusting. Not just to the new job, but to what I left behind to take this opportunity. My family is strong, and in fact doing well because of my new job.
I am a few pounds over weight, got an app to help me stay motivated with that. I thought that sometime I would actually feel like an adult, but I don’t. I sing in the hallways at work, tell bad jokes, and release a Woohoo! in every conversation I have. I feel insecure, doubt barrages me all the time. I miss my friends. And I feel like a failure with all the goals I haven’t achieved.
Sometimes my family breaks my heart with the most beautiful moments. The way my girls say “I love you, daddy.” Watching my son shine on stage. The beauty of my wife’s smile.
I don’t know why, but approaching this birthday has been a challenge. I think I have more questions then answers, but I hope to share with you a few insights over the next couple of weeks. Next Turning 40 post, “Why the past matters.”
Change / Fate (A Turning 40 Post)
“Closer to the Edge” 30 Seconds to Mars
Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free?
The birth of a song, the death of a dream
Closer to the edge
This never ending story
Paid for with pride and fate
We all fall short of glory
Lost in ourselves
No, I’m not saying I’m sorry
One day maybe we’ll meet again
No, I’m not saying I’m sorry
One day maybe we’ll meet again
My students will not be surprised at my analysis of this song and its connection to life. This song has been my summer song, not only because me and my second son dance to it in the kitchen, but it just hits a vibe with my life. The line about the birth of a song but connected with a death of a dream reveals the cost of change. Changes in our life hold both constructive and destructive powers.
Many people forget the lines “I shall be telling this with a sigh / Somewhere ages and ages hence:” from Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Not Taken”. The rest of the poem deals with choosing the path less traveled, but these lines are ambiguous about the true benefit of that choice.
As my fortieth birthday approaches, I look back at all the roads I traveled. And the ones I didn’t. I have to wonder how I got here, did I make the right choices? Was there truly any other paths to follow? The question of Fate has no easy answer, I love when we cover the book The Natural and dissect the theme of fate presented in the story. I try to let the students work with their own views of this complex idea. Because I can not answer them, I can only live closer to the edge where the choices are to be made, knowing that each choice will open one door and close another.
As the video asks, Are you ready? I say bring on the next 40 years…
It is all Connected 