Category Archives: Family

January 16, 2014 · 8:36 am

Never Faltered

I will be honest; I have wanted to write about this for a while.  There is a gentleman in our church who has impacted my life and my family through the simplest thing.  He loved his wife.

For years, by chance, we sat behind him and his wife.  His wife’s hearing was bad and he would spend the service helping her find the song in the hymnal or repeat what the Father had said, “He said there was going to be donuts after the service.” Not once did I hear an attitude of frustration leak into his voice.  During the winter he would help her with her coat.  They would hold hands during the service.

We attend a catholic church, and he would shake all of my children’s hands during the moment when the congregation would offer each other the sign of peace (shaking hands and repeating, “Peace be with you.”).  Through the years we would run into them at the supper market. He would always spend a moment and a smile with us.  They were married for 50 plus years.

He lost his wife a little over a year ago.  And he now attends Saturday night services. He still stops to talk and smile with us when we attend Saturday services, too.  I haven’t had the courage (but I plan on telling him the next time I see him) to share with him how his everyday love for his wife was a real example for me as a husband and person.  His love for his wife was visible and constant.  At different times I reflect on his example as a reminder that the strongest way to build my marriage and life is in how I love everyday.

Our lives are living examples for everyone around us.  Or everyday practices mean more in the long run than a single grand moment. Not that single moments don’t make an impact.  But his example was so true, so powerful because it never faltered.  This world can pull and push and drag us with different influences.  We can spend our days being pushed and pulled and dragged through this life.  Or we can stand strong in our lives.  Loving those that matter most to us every single day.

To gently whisper, “Page 87, dear.” Place our hand on her shoulder, pull her close, and sing as if we are the only two people in the church.

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January 15, 2014 · 10:40 am

Tech is Awesome

Sometimes it is the simplest moments that bring the greatest joy.  My second son and I jammed out to Aloe Blacc’s, “The Man,” on the way to basketball practice last night.

On the way home I thought about how technology allowed our moment to be so cool.  First, my son and I jam out all the time.  But last night just highlighted what an awesome time we are living in.

My son asked me if I had heard the new Aloe Blacc song. I asked which one and he said, “the I’m the man song.”  I said I hadn’t heard the whole song, but knew of the song because of the Kevin Garnett Beats commercial.  Now, this is when technology kicked in to foster a great father and son moment.

Our minivan has Bluetooth for our phones. So, quickly we looked up the song on Grooveshark website. Switched the radio to broadcast my phone and soon we were bobbing our heads while we sang, “Go ahead tell everybody. I’m the man. I’m the man.  I’m the man.”

You might be thinking, there is nothing special about the technology.  That is true.  In fact my son and I may have jammed out to another song.  But ten years ago, this wouldn’t have happened.  We take for granted what technology does for us everyday.  How awesome it is right now… I think Neil Pasricha would agree with me.

Have an awesome day!

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December 31, 2013 · 9:55 pm

Happy New Year, 2014.

I was chatting with my five and four year-old daughters a few minutes ago as a part of our normal good night routine.  After the teeth are brushed and the books are read, I lay on the floor talking with my daughters.  My five year-old asked if they drank from a bottle would they be babies again.  I said no, you don’t get to go backwards.

The girls moved on to asking when we would get to go to the hotel again.  Over Thanksgiving we got to stay in a hotel with a pool.  The girls still talk about it.  I said that yes, we would get to stay in a hotel again.  My five year-old let out her trademark, “Yeesss!”

And there it is… the heartache and the joy of life.  You can’t go back, but there is so much to look forward to.

As 2013 comes to a close and look forward to 2014, we all take this moment to gather our thoughts about the past year.  There is nothing I can write that will change anything that has happen in 2013.  As I found the YouTube video above, I was flooded with emotion for Mr. Monter, who passed away this year. Our paths had diverged a few years ago, but the time we spent working together was important to my development as a teacher and a person.  But it is not just Mr. Monter that I miss.  I miss my family and my friends.  I know that my life will not mean much to the grand scheme of life, but the relationships I have make the world of difference right now.

Yes, I have made my New Year resolutions.  One of them is centered on building stronger relationships with people who matter the most to me.

But 2014 will be here tomorrow, in fact in about three hours, and that means opportunities.   Chances to fulfill dreams.  Maybe because I am now in my forties, I have a different sense of the importance of each day.   I want to make each day feel like how my five year-old would say, “Yeesss!”

Happy New Year!

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December 19, 2013 · 10:43 am

Happy Birthday

Courtesy of Flickr user Bitterjug

The candles were lit.  My daughter looked around at everyone standing by her.  A smile creeping on her face.

“Everyone ready?” I ask.

The kids all shake their heads yes and we all break out in song, “Happy birthday…”

And my daughter bursts out in joyful laughter.

Yesterday was my third daughter’s birthday.  She turned four.  It was a busy day for our family.  Wednesday is CCD, my wife attended a funeral during the day, my oldest son has a different schedule because of finals, and we went out to eat for my daughter’s birthday.  All day my little girl kept asking if it was, “Happy Birthday Time.”  I thought she meant if she could open presents.  She received one of her presents in the morning and opened her other present after dinner, but she kept asking about the Happy Birthday Time while the older kids were at CCD.  I told her we would have cake when the kids got back and that she had opened all her presents.  But she kept asking.  I didn’t get it until I saw her eyes explode with joy as we sang “Happy Birthday” to her.

It wasn’t the presents, or the cake; it was that moment when she was the center of our attention.  Where we expressed our love for her in a simple song.  She laughed the whole time.  She couldn’t blow out her candles because of her laughter.  This was the third moment in the last couple of weeks that has highlighted the importance of our actions (and words) in building up (or tearing down) another person.

Example number two happened last weekend as I was getting groceries.  I want to preface the example with the knowledge that as a parent I have had bad days and I hope this situation for the mother was just one of those days.

I was shopping for groceries alone as we tried to get the little ones some rest.  As I turned into an aisle I noticed a boy about nine years old sitting at one of the booths the store has for eating from the deli.  Didn’t think too much of it and continued up the aisle.

“Can I shop with you now, mom?”  I knew it was the boy.

“Does it look like I’m at the end of the store?” an annoyed and exasperated voice responded.

“Please, can I shop with you?” His voice pleaded. As a dad the part that makes me feel ashamed when I lose my temper is how much my kids still just want my love and attention.

The mom’s voice softens a little, “OK, but no more issues.”

As life has it, I crossed paths with this mother and son in every aisle for the rest of my time in the store. And yes, they even ended up behind me in the checkout aisle.

ToolsThe mother’s voice might have softened at first, but soon I heard her bark at her son… in every aisle.  The situation brought up a dark time in my life.  In junior high my mother had a live-in boyfriend that would put me down whenever he could.  But the worst was when I would have to help him with projects.  He was an outstanding handyman.  He could fix any problem in the house.  He built some incredible cabinets and other things for my mom.  Even though I was “the worst #### kid ever” I always had to help.  I could not do anything right. It was a very dark two years of my life. Even today, I have a hard time doing handyman things around the house.

Back to the store. I tried to smile and just make a positive interaction with the two.  But, it was the same situation in each aisle.  The mom’s voice covering the child in negativity.  And the boy doing everything he could to make her happy.

The third situation has challenged my own patience, as our littlest one has not gotten a consistent schedule through the night or morning.  It is not fun changing diapers at two in the morning, or knowing that the family will be running late because the little one is up earlier than normal. That means I have to feed her before I can get into my morning routine.

But, no matter the time, my little girl lights up with a smile when I place her on the changing table.  Whether it is two in the morning, or when I try to get a couple of sips of coffee before I feed her.  I have created a new habit of kissing her on the forehead whenever I pick her up in the middle of the night. It helps me remember to keep my frustration at bay.

Every child, heck, in all honesty everybody wants to know they are loved, that they are the center of your attention.  Even if it is for just one song.

I hope you have a “Happy Birthday” kind of day.

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December 2, 2013 · 9:30 am

With Your Eyes

The kids ran outside, ready to stretch their legs from the five hour trip home.  I took a deep breath, stretched my arms high trying to touch the warm sun.  I turned to look at all the bags sitting in the trunk and thought it was nice to be home.  I grabbed a few bags and headed inside to dump them off.

The boys were shooting hoops.  My three year-old was trying to dribble a basketball.  I could hear my other two daughters on the playset. I grabbed a couple more bags when my daughter asked me to watch her dribble the basketball.  I took a quick look and said some dad cliché like, “Nice job” or something like that.  My three year-old wasn’t having it.

“No, dad. With your eyes.”

I set the bags back down in the trunk and walk over to her.  She dribbles a few times, then passes the ball to me telling me it was my turn.  We take turns dribbling.  I shoot a few balls with the boys (never making a single shot… I blamed it on the trip but I might just be getting old).  I watch my daughter dribble a few more moments then tell her I am going to get the bags into the house.  She says OK but that I need to come back.  I tell her I will.

“No, dad. With your eyes.”

Recently I had my psychology class take a Social Intelligence test based on identifying emotions displayed through people’s eyes. There are 36 photos; only two students got a score above thirty.  Most scored in the teens.

Police say that no one saw the gunman waving his gun before the September San Francisco shooting because everyone was looking at their phones. (CNN Article Link)

It’s not just technology that can “blind” us from the wonder of the world, or the love of a child.  If our eyes are the window to our soul, that means our soul is expressed through what our eyes see and what we do with our view of the world around us. I hope the day finds you wide-eyed and awake…

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October 9, 2013 · 10:42 am

Blueberry Muffins: The Next Generation

Ready to bakeFor those who have not read much of my blogs, blueberry muffins are a Sunday morning tradition in our home.  They represent the change that any family goes through, but also shows the strength of tradition that binds a family together.  And now the next generation is in on the making of blueberry muffins.

Lately, I have been the one making the blueberry muffins on Sunday morning (teenagers do sleep in).  For the last couple of weeks I have had two little helpers.  My four and three year-old daughters have been helping me make the muffins.

I set the girls on the kitchen island with the ingredients and bowls between them.

“I’ll break the eggs. You put them in the bowl. OK, dad?”

And each daughter gets to break an egg for the muffins, and they get to break a couple for the scrambled eggs we have added to our Sunday breakfast.  The girls giggle as a little bit of the egg gets on their hands.  They rush to the bathroom to wash.  I have to wait for them.  They don’t want to miss helping at any point.

“Alright, keep the spoon in the bowl,” I say as I hold the glass bowl for my three year-old to mix the batter.

She smiles as she speeds up the spoon, creeping up the edge.  I tilt the bowl as best I can to her frantic motions.

“Very nice. Time for the blueberries.”

“Do we need that net thing?”

I reply that we do. The girls marvel at how the water turns purple.

The three of us get Sunday morning breakfast ready for the family.  At such a busy time in life, I know this routine is a way to be a dad.  We make a small mess and it takes twice as long to get breakfast done, but for 20 minutes nothing matters except us.  Every morning this week my two daughters have asked if we were having blueberry muffins.  I tell them no, but on Sunday we will.  Like we do every Sunday.

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September 19, 2013 · 10:20 am

What happens when a connected teacher loses the connection?

A normal hurdle in our connected lives is home Internet service.  For the last three days our Internet has been down.  And life has been different.

First, we have been spending more time together in the living room.  The older kids still had their mobile devices, but mostly to listen to music or to read.  My oldest daughter has been spending time working on her first graphic novel, the boys have been taking turns holding their new sister, and the two other girls have been running sprints to the front door.

Mom and dad have been intertwined into the activities.  I am the official starter for the sprints. The girls line up next to me and I say, “Go, Go, Go!”  Mom will make sure the boys hold their sister’s head right.  And we all check the newest panel in our daughter’s project.

The disconnect has allowed us a chance to reconnect during this busy time.

But being disconnected has its drawbacks.

First semester is the time I teach the Eng. 101 class.  The students use Moodle to turn in everything.  In the best circumstances, I am always just a little behind in grading.  The students write almost everyday.  I am now days behind in just that class.  I have work to do to just get caught up.

My other classes use Schoology, and I have kept up through the app on my phone.

Photo by former student Angelica.

Photo by former student Angelica.

But when the rest of our world stays connected, we have a digital mountain to climb when we reconnect with them.  We have emails to read and respond to, tweets and status updates to respond to, and for teachers, piles of digital papers to grade.

We might have come to the point that we cannot function well without being connected.  And that idea is for another blog.

A technician is headed to our house this morning to fix the problem.  And I will be back to grading papers late into the night. And tweeting during my breaks, of course.

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August 13, 2013 · 9:44 am

A Quick Post for Today

It is a Tuesday morning in August.  I am not at the Blue Moon coffee shop.  My oldest son started junior high this morning.  My sixth child should be born in a few weeks.  I have a few minutes between school meetings, and my shoes are wet from this morning’s QB and receiver practice.

Life is a crazy trip.  I wish I could articulate something profound or bring to light something new for this blog, but I can’t.  What I am learning from this new experience is that fear knows no age limit.  And in some ways, at my age, it seems harder to over come.

I think part of it is concern for the stability of my family.  My goals and aspirations for raising my kids and building a life with my wife is a factor in my decisions.  When I make a major change, the family makes a major change.  And that concern of making the right decision is almost crippling.

But that is what fear does to us. It freezes us.  Decisions feel so permanent because they do set our feet for the next step.  But life has shown me that every path has junctions and new paths are always options.

Age does not eliminate fear.  Life will always have choices, no matter how routine it feels.  So…

Made with PicLits.com

Made with PicLits.com

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May 28, 2013 · 9:49 am

Change

How does the saying go? “The only thing that doesn’t change is that change happens.”  Or something along those lines. Life right now has got me reeling.  Feeling bombarded with change but no clear path through the chaos.

And this is the moment when it can all fall apart.  Everything crashing down like a juggler who missed a catch and now the bowling pins are ricocheting off the floor.  Or this is the moment when the world will stand amazed at the show, watching as the flow of the juggler’s hands move the objects through the air in a synchronized dance.

We all have been at this moment.

I’ve learned a few things about how to get through this moment, even though I know my insights are nothing new, I will share.

1. You have to start with something. The biggest stumbling block is inactivity.  Letting the overwhelming feelings keep you frozen.  Starting with something, however small the task, gets you in a different mind set.  It gets you feeling like you can handle the change.

2. Ask for help. I don’t do this well, I will confess.  It is a mix of pride and trust that keeps me from asking for help before I get too overwhelmed.  But life is a team sport.  In fact, I have learned that helping others creates the strongest bonds. We open our hearts when we ask for help, and when we do things for others.

3. There is a path. No matter how lost we feel, there is a way through the maze.  Change is just one of those huge junctions that leave you wondering which way to go.  We may hit dead ends, make a ton of left turns, but there is a path.  We just can’t see the whole maze.

Maze

So, I am in the middle of change.  I would like to take this time to pay tribute to Mr. Gary Monter, who passed away last week.  He was my principal at Centura and was a friend that helped me find my way in the past.  I miss you.  But I have the foundation you helped me build as a teacher and person to continue finding my way through this maze.

Music was a keystone of our friendship.  “Hold On,” by Alabama Shakes, was the last music suggestion Mr. Monter sent to me.  It is a fitting way to end this post.

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May 16, 2013 · 10:01 am

Trust Your Foundation

My youngest daughter, in fact all my children, continue to show me life lessons.  Every morning my two youngest daughters get a breakfast bag to take with them in the car.

BreakfastAs the girls get their hair done, shoes on, they start eating their breakfast.  This morning we were rolling with our normal routine when my youngest daughter placed her bag on the edge of the side table spilling her breakfast.

I took a few seconds to collect myself so that I wouldn’t just have a knee jerk reaction. I looked at the ceiling, took a breath, and prepared to clean up the mess.  As I turned back to my daughter I was surprised to see her simply picking up her breakfast.  I bent down and helped her pick up the spilled cereal and Pop-tarts.

Honestly, I was prepared to ask her to help or even do it myself.  But there she was handling the situation.  Something we, as parents, have tried to instill in all our children.  As we cleaned up together, I thought to myself how I didn’t trust my own parenting.  I was, again, quick to think that I would have to handle the situation.  But my little girl proved me wrong.

Trust.  What a tricky concept.  Especially in this situation.  To trust myself.  To trust the foundation we have been building for our children.  My oldest son will be a seventh grader next year.  The teen years will be in full force in our home.  I know I will make mistakes.  I know my son will make mistakes.  But this morning my youngest daughter showed me that it is not just trusting others, but having the courage to trust the foundation I build.

I will be honest, that is a scary thought because as a parent we want to have a sense of control. Just like the old adage “If you want it done right, do it yourself.”  But the problem is that we can’t live another person’s life, even if it is our children’s lives (or our students).  We have to trust we have built a strong foundation and let them show we can trust them to stand on that foundation.

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