We have a hard rule in our house; you can’t say you dislike anything until you have tried it. Yes, it helps us to get the kids to eat their vegetables at dinner (there are some vegetables that are not served in our house, but it is because we have at least tried them), but the rule stands also for other issues. From Justin Beiber to reading The Chronicles of Narnia. We don’t let the kids just spat out other peoples’ opinions. Or to just dismiss something without at least knowing something about it so that they can form their own opinion.
This approach isn’t always easy, even as elementary students the playground conversation can get negative and degrading. I am amazed at times with the negative opinions my children express at the dinner table and the range of topics these opinions cover, from songs about Barney the Dinosaur (not happy songs!) to political issues. With just a couple of questions, I discover that the opinion comes from the playground. My wife and I then lead the discussion for them to express what they know of the topic. We help them to formulate what their opinion is based off what they actually know. Other times, sadly, we have to simply say, no that is not appropriate. Usually with songs they learn, but it still expresses an opinion.
As a dad, this saddens me in a number of ways. I actually enjoy helping them learn about the world. To discuss issues, to question them and yes, sometimes I over analyze things (did you know how many different themes are present in Disney’s Beauty and The Beast?). But when did this all become so negative? What is wrong with liking something? Why do we have to fight so hard to have our own ideas?
Why is our first reaction to something negative? As an English teacher this attitude is almost a cliché.
Courtesy of Flickr user piper caldwell
“I hate reading.”
“I hate poetry.”
“I hate English.”
I have no problem when a student says they dislike a poem, after they have read it. In fact, it means the poem actually affected them and gives me something to discuss with them.
What sadness me the most, and not just for my kids but for my students too, is the lost opportunities because of this attitude. The depth of our life is not created by others’ attitudes but through our experiences. And those experiences have to be both positive and negative. Those opposites give us the parameters to build our own views. To make this life our own.
The snow cancelled basketball. The girls stayed in pajamas. I shoveled the driveway. It was one of those relaxing snowy Saturdays when you eat too much, we made sugar cookies, and you get the chance to spend serious family time. We had a great moment at the dinner table where we all were laughing so hard we were crying.
We read stories; a few of us took naps (yes, I was one of them). But technology allowed us to do some creative things.
My oldest son wrote a song, “There ain’t room for both of us” as a Christmas gift for his grandparents.
He is learning to play the clarinet. If you remember a past blog (“Miles Davis: So What”) you will recognize the similarities of the beginning of his song.
This day gave my other son the chance to make his first Lego movie, “ARC Troopers: Ambushed”
I helped with technical parts, but he was the director and producer. He had the script done, a staging map for the Lego men, and ideas for the sound effects.
These projects are not earth shattering, but allowed my sons to pursue things they are interested in or working on. This day gave us the opportunity to build memories that we can experience for along time.
My oldest son is learning to play the clarinet, and seems to be doing well. He makes sure he practices every day. Of course he learned to play a part of the Star Wars theme, which he likes to share every day.
So, I thought I would introduce him to Miles Davis. To expand his musical interest. To reveal to him some of the great artists, to show him how incredible music can be. To show him the deeper part of music.
It didn’t go well. Not that he didn’t listen with me, but he wasn’t much interested. I tried to get him to let the music speak to him, to feel the emotion behind it. He just wanted to be somewhere else.
I was disappointed. Over the last month I have been sharing movies with the boys that I watched when I was growing up. Both boys like some of my 80s music. I thought exposing him to Miles Davis was going to be a great moment. Why wasn’t it?
I started to wonder about all the times I tried something like this in the classroom. Sometimes it worked, other lessons failed. Why? I just assumed my son would like Miles Davis because he was learning to play an instrument. My son has no background knowledge about Miles Davis, hasn’t even heard him before. What did I expect? That he would just understand how great Miles Davis was.
As an English teacher I have fallen into that same trap, especially with literature. That my students will just get how awesome a book or poem is. I don’t want them to miss the opportunity to be moved by the literature, just like I wanted my son to feel the beauty behind Miles Davis’ music. Ironically, I become the barrier of that moment. Not in sharing the music, but by being the source of the selection. And worse, like with my son, not creating an opportunity to spark their interest, or to provide a real foundation to what they will be reading or listening to.
I want to share the great works of this life with my students, with my sons. But more importantly, I want them to decide what is great on their terms. To search out their own deeper moments. That is when real learning happens. And I want to be there, as a dad and as a teacher.
The most important lesson I’ve learned was best said in the above quote, “Love is the only rational act.” At first it seems like a basic feel good quote, but it is deeper than that. Love is the only RATIONAL act. Love has a strong image link to the heart and emotions, but Morrie connected it to our head and thinking. Put simply Love produces positive results, it works. It makes sense as a founding principal for our lives.
My kids respond to Love better than to me yelling. The waitress who is having a rough day responds better to an understanding comment from me. A smile trumps a frown in the classroom. I feel energized when I am involved in activities I love. Love works.
Living out this idea is not easy with the everyday stress we experience. But I’ve noticed that a negative reaction may solve a problem right then, but causes more issues later. While living out Love takes patience and even at times makes the current issue tough to get through, the long-term benefits are positive. It takes real strength, an intentional spirit, and an open heart, but living out the idea of Love makes all the difference. It is the rational thing to do that leads to an emotional filled life.
Bonus, because I love music I made a small playlist of songs that reveal an aspect of this idea. Enjoy.
“Closer to the Edge” 30 Seconds to Mars Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free?
The birth of a song, the death of a dream
Closer to the edge
This never ending story
Paid for with pride and fate
We all fall short of glory
Lost in ourselves
No, I’m not saying I’m sorry
One day maybe we’ll meet again
No, I’m not saying I’m sorry
One day maybe we’ll meet again
My students will not be surprised at my analysis of this song and its connection to life. This song has been my summer song, not only because me and my second son dance to it in the kitchen, but it just hits a vibe with my life. The line about the birth of a song but connected with a death of a dream reveals the cost of change. Changes in our life hold both constructive and destructive powers.
Many people forget the lines “I shall be telling this with a sigh / Somewhere ages and ages hence:” from Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Not Taken”. The rest of the poem deals with choosing the path less traveled, but these lines are ambiguous about the true benefit of that choice.
As my fortieth birthday approaches, I look back at all the roads I traveled. And the ones I didn’t. I have to wonder how I got here, did I make the right choices? Was there truly any other paths to follow? The question of Fate has no easy answer, I love when we cover the book The Natural and dissect the theme of fate presented in the story. I try to let the students work with their own views of this complex idea. Because I can not answer them, I can only live closer to the edge where the choices are to be made, knowing that each choice will open one door and close another.
As the video asks, Are you ready? I say bring on the next 40 years…
It is all Connected 