Tag Archives: family

July 31, 2023 · 7:25 pm

That’s a Wrap!

Thirty-one blog posts! In a row! 

There were only a few days that I didn’t have a clear idea to write about, but I got rolling once my playlist started and my pen or fingers started writing. 

These monthly challenges have forced me to pay attention to my everyday routine. Sometimes my routine was thrown for a loop at the beginning of the month as I figured out when to complete that month’s challenge. But by doing that, I had to take inventory of how I spend my time. On a deeper level, was I spending time doing things that correlated to what I say is important to me?

For example, you may notice most of my posts are done in the evening. After dinner, after spending the day with family. Yes, I have my coffee next to me as I write. What you don’t know is that I took my walk earlier. Today we spent the afternoon buying school supplies. I had a doctor appointment this morning. Recorded the next episode of The Creative Moment with my son. 

I spent my day as a dad and husband. That’s important to me. 

As life often does, this idea of living life as close to one’s central beliefs has been a part of different conversations with different people over the last couple of days. My best friend’s new job allows him to travel but mostly work from home. My dad is dealing with the tough decision of what to do next in life. My daughter can’t wait for college to start, to finally start focusing her time chasing her dream of being a film director.

I don’t know if I will keep my streak alive of blogging everyday, but if you check the Archive menu, you will see I have been blogging for a long time. So, that won’t stop anytime soon. But I have some other aspects of life I have been wrestling with. How can I live out in my daily routine the things that are important to me? That’s a topic for another blog post.

What I do know, from doing these challenges, is that living is an active endeavor. You have to have an open heart, be cognitive of your actions, and step into your day – even if it is a routine part of the day. We all are given a life, we are responsible for how we live it.

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July 30, 2023 · 8:23 pm

Blueberry Muffins and Time

It is Sunday and faithful readers, you know we had blueberry muffins for breakfast. But this morning I got to travel forward in time, at least a little bit. At breakfast there were only my three youngest daughters with my wife and I. This will be our normal Sunday morning crew in a few weeks.

Today we held an open house for my in-laws’ home. Below are two pictures of the tree in their front yard. The winter picture is from 2011. The other picture was taken today.

The connection? Time.

More specifically, how time changes everything. There are good changes. There are regrets and heartbreak with some of the changes. 

We all know the cost of time. I don’t think we live our lives with that knowledge, though. If we did, our daily life would be drastically different. We would love without fear. We would dance more. We would eat cereal at midnight and our desserts first at restaurants.

But time is a tricky one to catch, because what happens is that we look up one day and a dozen blueberry muffins will be too much for just my wife and I. Time changes everything, even if we don’t see it.

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July 28, 2023 · 7:54 pm

A Blog Post about Nothing

So, yeah. It took to the 28th day of the challenge to get to a blog post about nothing.

Now, it was a normal day for me. A day filled with running errands. Car was serviced; why does the cabin filter always need changed? 

Got some groceries, which I love to do. I don’t understand how people just order online and then sit in their car waiting. How do you find an impulse buy? How do you know there is a new Pop-tart flavor? Or better, a new flavor of chips!

We made our famous Pizza Bake. Really easy dinner. Ground some hamburger, add pizza sauce. Use a crescent sheet on the bottom of a 9×13 casserole pan. Now here you can add any pizza stuff you want. We usually use pepperoni on half. Then place the hamburger over the whole bottom. Sprinkle grated cheese over the top, then cover with another crescent sheet. Bake until top is golden brown (about 14 minutes at 400).

We have almost 10 pizza recipes… and we still order out for pizza. 

I did not get my walk in today. That is the only negative.

So, I could say nothing happened. But really, life happened. 

My youngest daughter and I sang the song Whoomp! (There it is) in the car this evening.

I talked with both my boys by text this afternoon.

My second daughter and I ran to the library.

My third daughter still has my computer. She is working on a personal art project.

And it reached 102 degrees today.

This blog post is about nothing, nothing but life.

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July 26, 2023 · 7:24 pm

I am Sad

Grief is an interesting monster. One that feels comfortable in the dark or the sunlight. It can rise up to stand as tall as a giant but be light on its feet. Moving so fast you can’t hold on to it, yet still in grief’s shadow. Or the monster can shrink down to sit in your hand, but be so heavy that you have to use both hands to hold it. Its weight making your knees bend, taking all your energy just to stay upright.

I am sad.

I am sad because of the passing of my mom. And I know part of the lingering feeling is that we will have the memorial for her in September, when all the family can be there. A milestone in the grieving process has not happened.

But there have been other milestones that have fed the monster. She passed away just a few days from her birthday and a few weeks before my parents’ 52 anniversary. Life moments that should have been celebrations. 

I am sad. 

I am sad because death is the end of the story. Even while my mom was in the hospital, there was hope, there was the idea of tomorrow. So many things that were possible with tomorrow. There isn’t now. There is no tomorrow. There is no today. I used to send pictures to “Mom and Dad” on my phone. Now, I send them to just “Dad”. 

That’s why I am sad.

The monster attacks without warning. I never know the monster’s size or its intent. I only know that I am sad.

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July 15, 2023 · 9:43 am

A Post for the Old Man and his Garden

The first poem in my book, April 2020, is “To the Old Man Gardening During the Pandemic”. The poem chronicles my encounter with an older gentleman as he was gardening. I was on a walk, which I did a lot during the lockdown. This man’s house has a big backyard with a variety of flora. I had seen him out in his garden over the years. Of course, the poem (and book) are centered on life during the pandemic.

Flash forward to now. Even with the craziness of the summer, I have been walking on a regular basis. I had noticed that I had not seen the gentleman out in his garden, even though it still looked good. Yesterday I found out why.

He’s gone.

I do not know what happened to him. For once I was too shy to ask the person out front of the house closing up a moving trailer. The backyard had one of those little kid cars (the blue one with a red hood), a hot tube, and other toys that meant that a young family had moved into the house.

He was gone.

I stood at the yield sign at the T-junction where most of his flowers are trying not to cry. This summer has been filled with drastic moments that changed my life. Some joyful and exciting (my oldest son starting his career). Others have cracked my spirit. And standing next to the flowers this gentleman spent so much time caring for pushed my heart to the edge. 

I wondered what the new family would do with the backyard. I envied the children, they will love the space (the house sits on two lots). But what will they do with the trellis? Will they keep the roses? His home and garden was becoming a home for a new family.

The old man gardening during the pandemic is gone. But I remember him. And his garden.

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July 14, 2023 · 7:30 pm

Let’s Not Talk about the Weather

Yesterday’s post shared an anecdote that showed how important small talk is, how talking about the weather can build a connection… I also shared how I am not good at small talk because I would rather talk about deeper aspects of life… I’m sharing a song below as part of this introduction, “Here I Go Again” by Casting Crowns

This song was written by Mark Hall after he loss a friend to suicide. Mark knew he was struggling, yet, they never really talked about it. Mark shared the story at a concert almost 20 years ago. (It was the first concert I took my oldest son to; he is the fan of Casting Crowns.)

“Here I Go Again” shares the real struggle we have in talking about deep and important issues in our lives. Like in the song, “But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words / What am I so afraid of?” I wonder keeps us from really diving into issues that really make a difference in our lives. Why don’t we tell people we love them more? Like everyday! Why don’t we discuss the hardships we face chasing our dreams? What are we hiding from? What are we afraid of?

There is no clear and easy answer to this because each person has their own fears, their own histories. And we do have deep conversations with friends, but not very often. We do tell people we love them, just not enough. I understand the role trust plays in conversations, and I don’t trust many people at all, but I’m not afraid to talk about deep or interesting things.

I don’t know how to conquer your fear, or anyone’s. But I believe we need to move beyond the weather in our conversations. Build strong bonds instead of quick social connections. Tell people we love them more, hug them more. Our lives are complex and deep experiences, we should share that. You never know who you’ll connect with or what you will learn.

I’m laughing as I write this because I had a memory from decades ago when I asked my brother-in-law, who is a farmer, if he ever thought about where his crops go in this world, who might eat his corn.

He looked at me and said, “Cows eat my corn, this is a feed crop. Not a human crop.” 

You don’t learn if you don’t ask!

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July 12, 2023 · 7:56 pm

Bruised Fingers

A moment of truth here, I am not very good at lawn care or maintaining our landscaping. Our lawn is a mess. I spent three hours pulling weeds and trimming our plants. I have two fingers with bruises beneath the fingernails. Yes, it hurts to type this post tonight.

At one time our lawn was fine. Then for five summers we traveled with our second son as he played AAU basketball. Since this April we have traveled home to see my mom (she passed away in June) or been helping with the transition of my in-laws to assisted living or moving our first son to his new town. Add that we do not have underground sprinklers. Combine that with the simple fact that I do not have the foundational knowledge of lawn care and you get my lawn. And bruised fingers.

As the sun heated my back this afternoon I thought about one of my dadisms, “Do the small things and big things don’t happen.” If we spend a little time working on the small things, spending the time taking care of routine activities, bigger issues don’t usually happen. 

My fingers prove that point. The landscaping looks good. The lawn? Not yet, but I am working on that tomorrow.

Now, for the twist, I am happy with my lawn. Its condition shows that I was spending time holding my mom’s hands, feeding her ice chips, getting to see her days before she passed away.

The lawn shows that I spent time traveling every summer to see my son play basketball. I learned a hard lesson during that time (blog post about that lesson), but I wouldn’t exchange the memories with my son and wife for a green lawn.

I will be working on getting my lawn back, I mean we have games of capture the flag to play. But, if you drive by my house, remember that my lawn looks the way it does because of the choices I’ve made to spend my time on other aspects of my life. I’ve got bruised fingers and a full heart to prove it.

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July 11, 2023 · 6:49 pm

Horses

My youngest daughter said I should write about horses.

So, this post will be about horses.

I’m scared of horses.

For decades, the family would meet in South Dakota for Thanksgiving. My aunt and uncle had horses. The tradition didn’t change when I had my own family, but we did have to get hotel rooms as my family grew.  We have so many pictures of my children riding the horses. Sometimes bundled up in coats with the sun shining. But not a single picture of me on a horse.

When I was a senior in high school I tried riding one of the horses. My uncle guided the horse around the front fence line, which had recently been repaired. The horse spotted some rope left on the ground, wrapped up and looking like a snake. The horse reacted by rearing up. I was spooked, too, and fell off.

I know, not the coolest story, not even that big of a serious reaction. But for someone who spent much of his life in big cities; I was shook. And I have never been on a horse since.

Their presence is strong. I don’t have the confidence to match their energy. My kids just laugh and wave as they enjoy riding horses when they can. I just smile and wave back.

And now some words from my guest blogger, my youngest daughter (9 years old):

One time we went to Wisconsin and this one place you could ride horses in a carriage when my dad said that we were gonna go one day I was blasted with energy and joy so we went I ran to the line and when they were getting ready we pet the horses I ran to every horse petting them over and over again I also got to flick a switch on the ride, we rode in between the canyons and when we got back we went into the shop and that’s when I met my best friend canyon, shes a horse stuffed animal, horses are truly beautiful and kind.

Hope you enjoyed our post about horses.

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July 3, 2023 · 5:07 pm

More Time For

Do you get frustrated when you have to wait for a train? What happens when a second train comes across on the other set of tracks?

We have a double set of tracks we have to deal with on our most convenient route from our neighborhood. And yep, have had the situation where a second train comes speeding the other way as the first train passes by the crossbars.

I’ve had to take a deep breath to keep the frustration from spilling into the air of the car. 

But I haven’t gone through that routine in a while, my third daughter changed my perspective on the moment. And now, I enjoy being stopped by a train because it means more time…for music!

About two years ago we were headed home from school. As we approached the railroad crossing the red lights started blinking and the crossbars slowly came down. By chance a song my girls liked (I don’t remember what it was) was playing on the radio. They were singing as they still do, and my third daughter noticed the crossbars coming down. In flow with the song she said,”Yes! More time to listen to music!”

I had just taken that first frustrated breath, but held it for a second, then just let it go and sang with my daughters. When we are stopped by a train now, I sometimes say, “Oh, more time to listen to music!” If there is a good song on, I turn it up and we sing.

This morning I saw five, five cars run red lights. Three of them at our major intersections. (Where, yes, most of the accidents happen in our town.)

I wonder where people are going in such a hurry. On the street with the railroad tracks, you see people turn around and find a different route when a train comes. Honestly, most trains are through the intersection before you can get to the overpass route.

My daughter reminded me that we are in control of our response to time. How we decided to respond to small moments. How we spend, even a few minutes, watching a train go by. We will be singing to the radio.

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July 2, 2023 · 11:40 am

Blueberry Muffins and Twitter Spaces

For my regular readers, you know the importance of the tradition of making blueberry muffins this morning. We had bacon and scrambled eggs, as is the norm now. We had left over tortillas so I made a breakfast burrito. So, good!

I had to miss a Twitter Space started by one of the members of the writing group I am a part of on Twitter because of breakfast.

Why did I mention that? Because this post is about the power of traditions or routines, both in the real world and the digital world.

Again, if you read my blog on even a semi-regular basis, you know about our family tradition on Sunday morning. How important it is for us to spend time together. My second son who lives in town usually still makes it to Sunday breakfast. It keeps our family bond strong.

The writing group I belong to has a routine of starting spaces, especially in the mornings. In fact many times they are in a space before I have even had a cup of coffee. During the school year, I find time to stop in to listen or chat before the school day starts but not on a consistent basis. 

Honestly, their morning routine is no different than my father-in-law meeting with his buddies to drink coffee at the local McDs. It’s just in digital form.

Recently, a handful of the group has been able to meet in real life. They have traveled to see each other, went to open mics, or had ice cream together. I am a little jealous and feel a little bit like an outsider in the group. Not because of anything the group has done, but I share my feelings to reinforce the power of routines or traditions.

Almost every morning the group starts a space. In fact, if a member needs to talk they will start a space at any time and people will join to talk with that person. They have a routine in the morning that connects them. That has built such strong friendships that they are connecting in real life. Relationships are strengthened by shared experiences, shared routines, shared traditions.

It doesn’t matter if it is in real life or in a digital space. It doesn’t have to be every day. My best friend and I have a tradition of making CDs or playlists of our top 20 songs… that year, the last decade, or even of all time. Just depends on when we decide to make the list. (Yes, we will make CD mixes and mail them to each other.)

Traditions or routines are one of the elements to the quality of our lives. Whether it is a personal routine, for me taking a walk each day (lots of writing ideas come to me), or a Twitter Space every morning that allows the members to build friendships by sharing successes or hardships. These purposeful moments bring us joy, help us through tough days, and create meaning to our everyday life.

If life seems shallow or lacking in connections, I challenge you to evaluate your routines. What traditions do you wish you had? What connections do you want to make? There just might be a Twitter Space dedicated to that…

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