Category Archives: Life

February 7, 2016 · 5:23 pm

Blueberry Muffin Success

It is Sunday morning. I am making blueberry muffins for the family. Big mixing bowl, muffin mix, two eggs, ¾ cup of milk (not water), and ¼ cup of oil. Blueberries are drained and waiting. It is a familiar routine. It is a foundation of our family. A simple thing that helps keep the family and me from getting lost in the turmoil of life.

This morning I am still reeling from the feelings of doubt and uncertainty. I had a number of opportunities that I felt qualified for, but wasn’t even given a chance to prove myself. No interviews, sessions not accepted for conferences. I know that there are so many factors involved in the process of selecting candidates for a position, but, honestly, rejection hurts. You wonder why. You wonder what didn’t they see in you.

These questions fill my head as I get all the ingredients mixed and fill the muffin cups. The oven beeps that it is heated to 410 degrees. I place the pan in the oven and set the timer for 18 minutes. I grab my coffee cup (I make my coffee before the muffins) and sit at the table thinking.

Success is a tricky concept. It can be measured by money, titles, or objects if that is your definition. But what if you just want to do your best, to help people be better, to raise a strong family? What if your idea of success is happiness? How is that measured?

Part of the way we measure that type of success is from our jobs, from the impact we make in our field of expertise. Those are hard to measure and sometimes the most challenging aspect of success because of change. A new boss, chasing a goal, or a decision made by administration. Things change and sometimes we don’t know why. Life doesn’t always go our way and we don’t know why. That is why doubt can bring you down, you can’t argue against it when there is no easy measurement to counter its voice.

6294522979_685f90e4bc_zThe timer goes off. The muffins have a golden hue mixed with dots of blue. They smell warm and tasty. The family gathers around the table. Glasses are filled with orange juice and milk. Butter is applied to the muffins for those who want it. There is chatter, request for more drink, and even laughter.

Sometimes success is measured not by money or a job, but by a dozen blueberry muffins every Sunday morning.

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February 2, 2016 · 2:14 pm

We Need Libraries

Last week I read, “School Libraries Are Under Attack,” by Debra Kachel and was saddened by the stats provided in the article, “In 1991, there were 176 certified librarians in Philadelphia Public Schools. Today there are 10.” Debra Kachel provides even more devastating statistics that reveal too many schools are losing their libraries. I couldn’t help but to remember how important libraries were to my intellectual and personal growth.

In college I spent at least one night a week in the library. I miss looking through the microfilm and microfiche files. I used to read the New York Times from the 1800s. I got hooked reading it when I was writing an essay for my History of Psychology class. Even when I wasn’t doing research, the library was the place to study. Trying to study in my dorm room was nearly impossible. But at the library I could take up a whole table with my books, pens, and notebooks. It wasn’t all academic though, maybe it was the environment, or the question, “What are you studying?” when my friends saw me, but some of the deepest conversations with friends happened at the library. I was never kicked out, but I remember a number of times my friends and I would be asked to keep it down. Sometimes the conversation was based on class material, but so many times our talks developed into life questions we were struggling with. It was safe to explore our doubts and fears below the halogen lights and surrounded by shelves of ideas as the outside world became dark..

heartofschoolAs a freshman I was introduced to my favorite book of all time, Catcher in the Rye. I remember walking into the library and asking our librarian, Bill Fagan, if I could check out the book. He stood behind the counter, looking down on me, and then said, “I think you can handle it.” The librarian is the identity of a library. The article, “School Cuts Have Decimated Librarians”  reinforces this idea,  “She (Bernadette Kearney, a librarian) knows who likes to read graphic novels and who’s a fan of biographies. She tailors her collection to teachers’ projects, and she is forever coming up with reasons – Harry Potter quizzo at lunchtime, anyone? – to make the library not just a place to study, but the heart of the school.” For the next four years I would discuss the next book I should read with Mr. Fagan.  Sometimes he would have a book waiting on the counter for me.  He would do this for everyone that used the library.

Besides helping me achieve my academic goals, to introducing me to a life changing book, a library saved my life.

During my junior high years my friends and I would play Dungeons and Dragons in a conference room at the Converse County Library on Saturdays. We unpacked our dice, decided on the adventure book, updated our character sheets and spent the afternoon being heroes. I don’t think my friends knew that the library was my second home.  That when we were done conquering a dragon and they went home, I would sit and read until the library closed, like I did almost every night.

My house was actually just across the street from the library. I ate breakfast, took out the trash, and would wait for my favorite song to play on the radio so I could record it onto a tape in that house for a year, but I lived at the library. My mother and her boyfriend lived at the house. This post is not about what happened, but to be honest the library was my safe haven.  I don’t remember the ladies who worked there (I am sorry for that), but I was safe there.  They suggested books for me to read, would let me ramble through the aisle, randomly picking a book to read in my favorite chair, which somehow was always open for me. I see my local library fulfilling the same role for others.

On most Saturdays you can find my family at the Hastings Public Library. There are a variety of people on any given Saturday. Kids playing Minecraft on the computers, someone filling out tax forms, another person getting copies, and a group of men, paper in hands, talking about the weather. The library is the heartbeat of a town, of a school, of a society. I don’t like to think about what that future might look like. Neither does Debra Kachel, teacher for the School Library and Information Technologies Program at Mansfield University (qtd. in “School Cuts Have Decimated Librarians”), “We are soon going to have an entire generation of school students who have gone kindergarten through high school and who have not known what a school library is, and have not had access to those resources to learn,” Kachel said. “I find that unconscionable.”

We need libraries, now more than ever.

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January 20, 2016 · 11:38 am

Winter Driving

It is January, that means winter driving. That means snow ruts.

Winter Ruts

Last weekend was one of those times when we were running around town all day. Groceries, Speech Meet, kids visiting friends, it felt like I was in the car more than in my house. Even the main roads were still a mess and as I navigated the snow ruts I got to thinking.

When a storm hits, ruts actually help navigate your path. The ruts give a clear path to drive in. It is the safest path to follow during the storm and right after the storm. But then something happens to that safety.

As time goes on the winter ruts become dangerous in two ways. When the storm passes and the sun starts to shine again, ruts become filled with slush that then becomes ice as the days progress. Trying to stop for a light or stop sign becomes dangerous because the ruts are filled with ice. You have to move outside the rut to gain grip on the tires so that you can stop.

The other way that ruts become a hazard is when the ruts become so deep you scrape the undercarriage of your car. Sometimes the snow storms come one after another, building up the snow on the ground and roads. Again, the winter ruts help at the beginning, but soon the ruts are so deep you can’t get out of them.  You have to alter your route because you can’t turn on a secondary street because you can’t get out of the rut.

Last Saturday I thought about this as I ran all over town. And as so often happens I thought about how the ruts of life work the same way.

Ruts are helpful to show us the way, specially in our personal storms. But after time, ruts become dangerous. They can keep us doing the same thing for so long we can’t get out of the ruts without a drastic change in course. Or our life becomes filled with issues that won’t allow us to stop, unless we make a drastic change in course. Even more, the ruts of life are not so easy to see, but so safe to travel.

 

Navigating winter roads is tricky.

Navigating life is even more complicated.

 

I wish you safe travels.

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January 8, 2016 · 9:46 am

Life Without a Phone

iphoneI know this is going to shock you… I have been without my iPhone for two weeks. It finally died during Christmas break. I have a replacement phone on the way, but it is back-ordered. I’ve learned a few things about how a smartphone impacts our daily life.

Emerson

Created at PicLit.com

First, life goes on. Honestly. in some ways, it has been good not to have my phone… or maybe I should say apps. Some readers may have noticed that I have not been as active on Twitter lately. Especially with sharing my typography photos I make with Typic. Which I also share those photos on iTagged and Instagram. I do miss taking photos and not just for the creative things I do with them.

I could not take a photo of any of my children during the break. No smiling faces as they opened presents. No fun shots as the family let our new guinea pig, Kota, play in the living room.  Even worse, no chance to share those photos with Grandma and grandpa in Wyoming. I also couldn’t send text messages to other friends and family just to say hello. Let alone communicate with my wife to handle our busy everyday life. Who’s picking up who? Can I stop and get milk?

But life goes on.

I am more connected with the people around me. I’m not checking my Twitter notifications while my daughters take a bath.  I’m playing or talking to them as they make bubble beards. I am getting projects completed in half the time at work. I notice how people are feeling through their eyes. And honestly, right now, I feel more relaxed.  I feel free, not connected to my phone.

This feeling is interesting because when my phone first died I was stressed. I couldn’t check in on one of my favorite games, Puzzle and Dragons. Puzzle and Dragons uses a simple psychology reinforcement of tracking how many days you have played total and how many days in a row. Before my phone died, I had played for over 600 days. My streak was 496 days. Now, I don’t spend hours a day playing Puzzle and Dragons. But as you can see, I was connected to it.I won’t even discuss how many worlds I have lost in Minecraft Pocket Edition. TheTop

 

 

 

I can’t calculate  how much time I spent with Twitter alone. Add all the time I listen to my music, checking Flipboard, researching new apps and just texting friends, and you can see that I was connected to the phone.

There are a number of studies about our addictive behavior with technology, this is a true concern for our development as people and a culture. These last two weeks have been an interesting case study of how connected my life is to my phone. Without my phone I am more connected with the people around me.  I’m more connected to what is going on in my life right now. But without my phone my connections with people and interest is affected. Connecting with my family in other states, friends and colleagues on Twitter, and even communicating with my family to make our daily life run smoothly has been lost.  I miss taking photos and playing Puzzle and Dragons. I miss creating typography pictures.

I learned I can live without a smartphone and when I get my replacement to make sure I disconnect from the phone to connect with the people around me. The past two weeks have reinforced that technology should enhance our lives, not control them.

But the most interesting thing I learned is that I don’t want to live without a smartphone. And that idea is for another post, I think the mailman has just pulled up…

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January 2, 2016 · 7:53 pm

2015 Reflection

Another year has started and it always give us a chance to reflect. To consider what we have learned and how we can do things better.

What I learned from 2015

I’m not sure I can articulate the lesson I learned from 2015 in a way that clearly shows the depth of the concept, but I will try.

No one really cares if I succeed. Or fail, for that matter. That doesn’t mean it is a bad thing, but understanding the concept helps set my perspective and expectations. I have discovered that the number of people truly concerned with your success is few. There are a number of reasons for this. First, people are striving for their goals, living their own lives, fighting their own battles.  In most cases they just don’t have the time or energy to spend helping you achieve your goals.  The second aspect is that finding someone or being in a situation that someone else will help you achieve your goals is rare. There will be people who care for you and support you, but to have a relationship with someone who is working with you to achieve your dreams is rare. Being in a situation or job where everyone is working for the same goal is also just as rare. Again, it  doesn’t mean there are not good jobs or situations, but when everyone is aligned with a meaningful vision it is life changing.

It hurts, and it sounds jaded, but I know that most people don’t care if I succeed (or fail). Understanding this lesson has had an impact on how I will strive to achieve my personal goals. It has changed my expectations of others. I will not expect them to spend time or energy on my goals. It doesn’t mean I won’t ask for help or seek their support. But I won’t be delusional that others are going to sacrifice for my goals. The other change is that I will appreciate those rare people and situations that help me reach greatness. One way to do that is to help others, when I can, to reach their goals.

Happy New Year. I hope you achieve greatness in 2016.

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December 17, 2015 · 10:53 am

Base Level

NoSpeedLimit

Theme from a past year for the Centura track team.

As a track coach I had my athletes set goals before every meet. There were three levels. Great, Good, and OK. Their goals could be a time, distance, or even a specific aspect like not hitting any hurdles. When considering their goals, the athletes had to think about how the week of practice went, how they had performed in past meets, how their health was at the moment, and other life issues that could affect their performance.

Next step was to set their expectations and write out their goals at the three levels mentioned above.

Great

This goal was to be set at a realistic level, but also knowing that it would take a high level of performance to achieve. Everything would have to go right for them to achieve it.

Good

This was the performance they should expect. A little background knowledge needed here. My athletes knew the training schedule for the whole season.  They also knew that the goal of the training schedule was to have them performing at their best at the district meet to give them a shot at qualifying for the state meet. So, some weeks of practice were difficult and the athletes should expect a different time or distance during those weeks.

OK

Even though this level seems OK, this level was the most important level for them to set. This was the base level they would accept for themselves.  They would not allow themselves to perform any lower than this goal. The reason for this level was to help them handle the rough spots in athletics and life. They might have had their boyfriend break up with them. They might have gotten grounded. They might have been fighting a cold.  Instead of letting the rough spot ruin the track meet, I asked my athletes to set a base level.  Anything worse is just not an option. A rough spot can take away a whole track meet for an athlete if they don’t have a level of expectation for themselves.

But so many times in life we let a rough spot steal away a moment from our lives. We have bad days, but letting that negative moment take away everything else is worse. I don’t expect you or even myself to set goals every day, but creating a habit of considering how life has been going, being realistic, and fostering a level of expectation from yourself that you will not fall below, will allow you to be ready to experience something great.

At the end of the track meet my athletes had to share how their day went with me or their event coach. (I had a place on the goal sheet for coaches to initial.) In all they years I coached, there were a few times an athlete performed below their OK goal. But I never had an athlete perform below their OK level twice. What I miss the most this year is seeing the joy the athletes experience when they performed at their Great level. So many times they shared how they had a rough week but were not going to let the circumstance get to them and that mindset lead to a Great performance.

What is your base level?

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December 1, 2015 · 11:39 am

Poem

I get lost sometimes, really I do

The noise and commotion of life

Drowns out the simplest direction

 

To love each other

 

I find myself walking in circles

Even if it is just in my head

Wondering why it gets so dark

 

To see the path

 

I would ask a friend

But everyone seems like a stranger

Busy going nowhere

 

To help me find my way

 

So I stand here or there

Trying to hear, trying to see

But others just knock me down

 

To  the ground

 

I get lost sometimes, really I do

But through the noise and commotion

I try to follow the simplest direction

 

To love…

 

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November 19, 2015 · 10:21 am

Time to Give Up

I am going to go against the grain today. I am going to ask a hard question. And I ask you to not jump on the inspirational bandwagon.

When do you know it is time to

I can predict your answers… at least the first ones that flood your mind. Don’t give up. Follow your heart or dreams. Stay the course. We can’t forget the Thomas Edison quote, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

But I ask you to think about this question for a minute.  To consider some ideas before answering the question about giving up.

The first concept to consider is Passion.

Jon Acuff in his book Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters brings up an interesting question regarding this idea. Does your dream get you up early? Here is his blog post on the idea.

If you don’t have the passion to actually go after something, then it is time to let the dream go. There is no use in working on a dream with minimal effort. It is a waste of your time.  Spend that time on something else.

Another concept to consider is the Cost.

Achieving anything has a cost to it. In the example above the cost is time (and sleep). But don’t take time lightly. We can not do everything. If we spend time on something, that means something or someone is not getting that time. And Time is not the only cost. There is also the cost of money, energy, and relationships to highlight a few.  If you are not willing to pay the cost of achieving a dream, then it is time to give up.

The hardest concept is Failure.

If you are not making progress on your goal, it might be time to give up. This is a tricky concept because we all do hit a wall, which I discuss at Stop Doing Nothing blog. Failure alone is not a sign you need to give up on a goal. And I can’t give you a time table to follow so that after six years you should quit. I do believe failure tells us that something is wrong. It could be timing, our approach, or a simply a bad day. But it can also be the wrong dream. If nothing is working. Failure is all you are experiencing. It might be time to let the dream goal.

When do you know it is time to give up?

If your goal doesn’t drive you.  If you are not willing to pay the cost of achieving your goal. If you are experiencing nothing but failure. If all three of these concepts ring true. Then it is OK to give up on a dream because you can go accomplish another goal that has been waiting for you to achieve.

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October 1, 2015 · 9:12 am

I am Tired

I am tired.

I turn 44 tomorrow. I have six kids. I spent the last two days with my youngest daughter as she started on her medicine for an ear infection. My oldest son is active in school, plus he is taking his driver’s license test tomorrow. My second son is enjoying junior high. He is always on the go. My oldest daughter has actually started on her first serious “story.” I am still on a learning curve at work. Life is busy (and the house is a mess).

I am tired.

I know that my life is not as stressful as others. In fact I know it is not as stressful as some of my closest friends that are battling cancer and other health issues. Their life struggles are more serious than mine. I know that they are tired, too.

I am tired.

Many of you that have stopped by to read this are tired.

But that is OK. In fact it is a good thing to be tired. It means you are in the middle of living. That you are spending your time and energy on the little things that build our life. I understand that being overly tired or stressed has negative effects on us. I also know that we need a break from stress to recharge.  But that’s not what I’m talking about.  When we actually live our lives than we are going to be tired. And that’s a good thing.

I’m going to use football for a second (you are free to use any activity you were involved in during school). Remember practice?  Remember being tired? Remember coach yelling at you to fight through the pain as you ran down and backs?  Me, too. Now remember how good it felt 30 minutes later after a good workout? Still tired, but feeling strong? Yeah, me, too. We practice more than we played.  Why? To build strength. But even during a game, we were tired.  We had to fight through the pain to make the next play. We had to perform, even when we were tired.

In our everyday life we don’t have as many big moments (like a game on Friday night), but they do happen. And sometimes those moments are life and death battles, like my friends who are fighting cancer and other health problems. How do we build the strength to fight when those big moments come? We live our everyday life. We become tired because of it. We build strength from that state of tiredness.

I am tired.
And I’m feeling stronger because of it.

This is dedicated to my friends and family who are battling right now. You are stronger than you know. You are loved more than I can express.

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September 17, 2015 · 2:07 pm

We Can’t Always See

truck

I had a small moment of road rage yesterday. I was following this cement truck when it came to a stop at an intersection. No turn signal, right or left. The traffic was flowing on our left. As we sat there for a few seconds I figured the truck was turning left. I will admit to being hypersensitive to things like turn signals because my son has his learning permit and I notice everything lately regarding traffic issues.

The traffic cleared on the left. I waited for the truck to turn, but instead a purple mini-van that was in front of the truck turned left.  I didn’t even see the mini-van until that moment. The cement truck then continued forward with me following along. I smirked at myself. I was quick to judge without seeing the whole picture. I then started to think about my college class.

For this first time in 14 years, I teach a lecture class on campus.  I have a mix of high school students, freshman, and non-traditional students. The non-traditional group is a mix of students.  I have students who are parents. Students that are trying college again. Students that have incredible stories. They amaze me with their dedication.

As I often do, I connected my small moment of road rage that was based on my bad judgment and the way we sometimes view others. We can’t always see the road the way they do.

The driver of the cement truck saw the purple mini-van. I did not. I was wrong to react the way I did (even if it was mostly in my head). We don’t see the road people have traveled to get to a certain point. But we will make a judgment (even if it is just in our head) that is misguided.

There is no easy solution to handling snap judgments, except maybe to realize we are all traveling a path.  And that the view of the journey is unique to our perspective. To be honest enough to recognize that we can be wrong. We can’t always see the factors influencing another driver but we are all sharing the road together.

 

 

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