Happy New Year… a few days late but the year is still young.
The lines, “As I playback now, the tape of the year / Its not where I thought we’d be, still not where I feared” from the song above, “3 Days Till Next Year” by Keith Ward, is fitting for how I am feeling today.
Just like many people, there were too many things that I didn’t do. Too many things that I took for granted because I was worried or simply complained about life not going the way I wanted.
January 1 gives all of us a symbolic moment to “replay the tape,” but what matters more is what we will do today. And it is not the big things that we should focus on but as the song says, “Remember that friend, that you meant to call.” We let too many small moments pass by, too many letters or emails not sent, smiles kept hidden and then wonder why the past year feels just like the last; filled with regrets.
Life is going to happen. Whether I complain or accomplish a new goal. January 1, 2014, will allow me another moment to replay the tape. I am striving to have that tape filled with friendships, great moments, and new adventures. But most importantly, not matter what struggles life might have in store for me, to have a year filled with joy and love.
Did you ever feel like nobody listened to you? Or that what you were doing didn’t really matter? Or that you just felt tired of fighting the system? Yeah, I’m having that kind of bad day.
Now there are all kinds of factors in play; I am overly tired (little one is still getting up at least once during the night), it is the end of the semester and didn’t go as planned, and little things just don’t seem to be going my way. We all have had these bad days. But it’s important to know one thing.
No matter what job you have or what you’re trying to accomplish, you always have hurdles. Days where it just doesn’t go right. Sometimes these bad days make you feel like giving up. But it is in the habit of dealing with these days that matters.
There is a famous quote by Wayne Gretzky that says you miss every shot you don’t take. There’s a ton of other inspirational quotes that I could use here. But it’s not about the quotes (plus I embedded a good speech remix below done by Vulture from Coach Taylor of the TV show Friday Night Lights ).
It’s about recognizing the importance of what you’re doing. Of moving toward whatever goal that you have set. Bad days are tough. But see them as those intense training days of life. We learn more, improve more, become stronger on those days that we are tested. Bad days are those days; use it to strengthen your foundation.
Goals get accomplished because you work through the bad days. And you keep in mind what you are doing. Because it matters. It matters to you. And it matters to the people around you. Your students, your family, and your coworkers. So if you’re having a bad day. I hope you turn it around by remembering that what you’re doing right now matters.
My oldest son turned 12 in August. As a dad I worry about bullying. About the mind field that schools can be. Last night at dinner my oldest daughter, who is in second grade, shared how she lost a friend during recess. Second Grade! And we are dealing with friendship drama.
I know that friendships have cycles to them. That growing up is not easy. Discovering our talents, strengthen our beliefs, dealing with peer pressure. These are things we deal with throughout our lives. But how did it get so deadly?
What can I do about it? What can anyone truly do about it?
The first step is the most important. Create a classroom environment that is safe. We can’t change “the world” but we can change our world. As a dad, as a teacher, I can only be a buffer against the cruelty of the world. I am the role model of behavior, of strength, of what it means to be a person of character. No one will ever be perfect, but as a dad and an educator I have an important job beyond the books or the paycheck: to show by living out the greatest aspects of this life. It’s not easy, and I have failed too many times. But no child, no son or daughter, no person deserves to be treated so bad that life has no meaning anymore.
The second step is education about digital citizenship. For all that technology can do to enhance our lives, it brings out the darker side of society to our screens just as easily. What was once written in the bathroom stall is now broadcasted on Facebook. Thousands on YouTube now view a humiliating stunt at lunch. A mistake is not forgotten in this digital age. Digital citizenship needs to start in elementary school right along with sharing and fair play.
The third step is to make a stand in some way before things get bad. Our stories, our expertise, our smiles can be a catalyst for a student. Last night I finished the book, “Season of Life,” a part of the story is about Joe Ehrmann’s program called Building Men for Others and it’s effect on the Gilman football program. It is about the “why” of life. And as a dad and a teacher (and when I was a coach) I have the blessing to share that why with my family and my students. We all do. We all should because without a deeper foundation the cruelty of life can crush any of us.
What does it mean if I only had two people wish me happy birthday on social media?
In the overall scheme of things, it doesn’t mean much. I could have written a post to notify everyone that it was my birthday and received the traditional responses. But I didn’t. And therefore there was no stream of birthday wishes on Facebook or Twitter.
So, why am I writing about it if it didn’t matter?… Because it is a chance to explore social media’s connection with human relationships.
Birthday Cookie
My family sang “Happy Birthday” to me as we shared birthday cookies from Eileen’s. I got cards from my parents and friends, and laughed with my best friend about getting “old” and the irony of our age getting closer to our golf scores for 9 holes on the phone. I also got to host a workshop I designed for creative apps in the classroom.
The two birthday wishes I got via social media made me feel good, especially as the day wore on and nobody else wrote anything to me. Of course, it got me thinking about what social media is and what we expect from it.
First, what did I expect from my social media connections? Some of my connections are with people I consider friends; others are people I know I would be good friends with if we worked together or lived in the same area. Even more connections are surface relationships made through social media because we are interested in the same things or working in the same field. Then there is connections, especially on Twitter, that are purely one sided. I follow bands, athletes, and/or other powerful people that do not even know I exist, even if I do reply to one of their tweets.
What do these connections mean for me, for anyone? It lets us be heard.
That is a powerful motivator (as expressed in the above movie clip from 12 Angry Men). We now can all be quoted. But that single aspect can lead us to believe that social media is more than it is. I see (or read) many people who use social media as the main facet of living. The worst example is reading as a marriage disintegrated into divorce through Facebook updates. Comments left on social media is not living. Yet we can find ourselves sitting in front of a screen waiting for something to happen, most of the time just a response to our post… a reinforcement of our existence.
At this time in our society we are working through these social issues. Finding that balance between our life in front of a screen and the life we have in front of our eyes. The hard part is both affect our hearts.
The only answer I have at the moment is that I believe that social media, even just technology should be approached with the idea of enhancing our lives. Allowing us to feel, share, or express our lives on deeper levels than we could not do without it. From sending pictures of the grand-kids to the grandparents as we play in the park, to sharing lesson plan ideas with a teacher in Georgia. Social media and technology allows us to experience and share life with close friends and family, but even more powerful is the ability to make connections that enrich our lives. But we need to remember that life happens away from the screen and that there is a person behind the avatar.
It is Tuesday. Like many Tuesdays last year, I dropped off the little ones at daycare. I checked homework and goofed off with my three older kids at school. I’m now at the Blue Moon Coffee shop drinking a coffee and writing this blog post. Last week I started with my CCC class and with the ESU 10’s TECHS class. It is a different year, but not much has changed.
Yet, life is very different. My oldest son is 12 and stands one inch shorter than me. My littlest girl will be three in December and she is as independent as a forty year-old. I don’t know if I will ever figure out this dad thing.
I am still trying to find my place in the second part of my job, tech integration for teachers and schools. But I am exploring really cool tools that I am using in my classes and love sharing with teachers.
I have started a creative writing blog, “Creative Corner,” to keep my aspiration to write a book going. My 365-photo challenge is almost over.
It is life. The sun is reflecting off the glass storefront, I am about to get a refill on my coffee, and I have shared a moment with you. I know I will have a few bad days. I know I will fail in some way. I know that the routine of life will make weeks fly by.
It is life.
I may be sitting at the same table next year thinking that not much is had changed. But that everything was different and I will smile, as I am now, wondering what this next year will bring.
Lesson one: People have to have their own timetable to accomplish a goal.
On her way
My girls and I took a walk today. It was to our stop sign. I can walk to it and back in under 5 minutes. On our walk today it took thirty minutes. I walked. The girls all took a different vehicle. My youngest in our leg powered toy car. Second daughter on the Dora big wheel. And my oldest daughter on her training wheeled bike. I kept trying to get the girls to turn around, but they were determined to get to the stop sign and back.
My youngest daughter’s little legs just kept going, with a few curb checks that I would help her off of. The toy car has no steering. My second daughter is just learning how to peddle; she would get a few revolutions of the wheel before she would ask for a little push. Of course there were birds, and cars, and bugs, and new houses to talk about. “They worken,” my youngest would point out as we sat in front of one of the new houses being built.
Yes, sandals on the wrong foot.
After the seventh time trying to get the girls to turn around I just settled in for the walk. My oldest daughter actually adventured to the next stop sign, waving all the way back to us, proud as can be riding on her own. I thought that the girls would tire out, and I would have to push them back, but their little legs never ran out of energy. They were focused on the walk, unconcerned about how long it took. They were going to do this and they did.
But I had to have patience to let them do it on their own. I could have hurried them, pushed them, made them feel my impatience and ruin the 30 minutes we had together.
I didn’t start out so well with the lesson my boys had for me later in the day.
Lesson two: We can’t take for granted people will “just know” how to do something.
Later in the day the boys got to mow the lawn. Both of them have mowed the lawn before but not for about two years. First, I like to mow the lawn. So, mowing the lawn has not been a part of their normal chore routine. Second, I don’t remember the first time I had to mow a lawn.
I went over the pointers of running the mower, and hit the grass around the house and outside edge of the lawn. I though this would help them start on their route of mowing. Sadly, I wasn’t patient right away. The boys took turns, but both of them mowed the same way– crazily.
Rounded corners, lines of tall grass, mowing the short length of the yard 12 times instead of turning the mower and hitting the grass in two passes. I bet I did the same thing once, but I can’t remember. I’ve been mowing so long that it is just second nature to mow in an efficient way. Before I totally lost my cool, I caught the lesson. The boys didn’t know how to mow a lawn quickly and efficiently. It was my job to show them. Most importantly to do it without making them feel bad. All the grass was cut, even if it took extra passes. But by keeping my cool the boys finished the job on a positive note. Even laughing at the rows of long grass they had made.
Today my kids reminded me about the importance of patience in two separate ways. My girls showed me that people need their own pace to accomplish their goals. I was truly amazed at their strength and attitude. My boys reminded me that everyone has that first time with learning. The important part for me was not making that crucial moment negative. To be patient with them as they learn.
I have been working too long with technology. As I consider deeper aspects of life, computer metaphors come to mind. I have been working with my own default settings.
What I really mean is our basic response to life. In coach talk it is like muscle memory for sports but for life it is those response we do without thinking. And honestly, most of the time those responses are negative. We get home from work and we want to relax but life challenges us with something and we become snippy. Or we see that person, a colleague or student, we just don’t get along with and we start thinking some negative thoughts about them. A default setting kicks in.
I am working on mine. To be honest, I am trying to make my default settings reflect love. Not the Care Bear, “let’s all hug” type, but the basic strong and understanding love that allows me to build strong bonds with people in this life.
As a parent I get to test this new setting out every night right now. My youngest daughter is getting out of her bed at least three times a night. She makes her way into our room, sometimes crying, sometimes silently until she asks for me. Any parent will agree this is one of the toughest parts of parenting. Being awaken when you are finally sleeping well. I have not always handled this well; especially on the third or fourth or firth time she finds her way to our room. My default setting has been negative.
But I am working on that. I breathe in, checking my attitude, and hold my little girl as she drinks some milk. I gently put her back into bed, cover her and check on her sister to see if she needs her blanket adjusted. In a few minutes I am back under the blankets, still hoping that that was the last trip of the night, but knowing that I didn’t snap at her, or infuse the situation with a negative vibe.
It is not easy resetting the default. Like a computer or iPad, you have to go into the settings and adjust things. But if you do spend that time making the adjustments, the computer or iPad ends up working so much better for you.
So it is in life. Spending time working on our default settings can make this day work so much better for us.
Last week I had a great opportunity to conduct a workshop with Central Community College professors.
My oldest son went to the driving range with me on Saturday and my second son was my caddy on my last round of golf.
My wife and I took our two little girls grocery shopping with us on Thursday and we took the three oldest kids back-to-school shopping on Friday.
Some days at work I spend the whole day on one project, and yes sometimes it feels like I am playing with a new toy.
What do all these examples have in common? Time.
The professors commented that they never got the time to actually work on things. Something I also hear from teachers at workshops.
As a dad and husband, nothing says “I love you” like spending time with family.
As I have mentioned before, my job gives me time to explore new tools to use in my classes or to show to other educators.
Time.
Time is used differently in school, especially high school. It is separated into chunks by the ringing of a bell. And every teacher has had that bell interrupt a great lesson.
Everyday life makes us feel frazzled at times. I can feel exhausted at the end of a day when I don’t actually get much done. The worst part is that my attitude can then affect the rest of the family in a negative way, and if I’m not careful it becomes a habit for the household.
Time.
Life takes time. Learning takes time. People need our time (especially those we care about the most). We all get 24 hours in a day. But do we use those hours for the best? Time for our students to think? Time to share a joke at the dinner table? Or to just sit with the person you love and watch the sky fade to night, happy with how you spent the time given to you?
On the fourth of July the three older kids had spent the previous night with their aunt and uncle. My wife and I had the two little ones and we met at a small community pool near the in-laws. It was a good afternoon. The pool allowed us to hold the little girls as we went down the curvy slide. Yep, I think we had to go down that slide at least a hundred times.
On the way out of town we stopped to get something to drink and a snack as we headed to the in-laws for the rest of the fourth of July. My wife and I still had the two little ones, so I ran in to get the stuff. My wife had asked for a Pepsi and something salty. I wandered around the trail mix and peanuts, and then saw on the bottom shelf of the chip sections, Funyuns. One bag left.
As I carried the stuff to her window she broke out in a huge smile. As we drove to the in-laws we all enjoyed the bag of Funyuns. The little girls would ask for “nother one Mom” as they chomped on the one in their hand. The airy onion-like rings were perfect.
Both my wife and I love Funyuns, but it is not a snack we buy often. It is such a different snack that we usually opt for something more traditional when we are shopping. Why? As I stood in the aisle looking at the bag I debated if I should grab them. Even though I knew my wife and I enjoy them, it was still a risk. But the risk was stepping out of the safety of a routine.
Funyuns themselves are just different. The taste is not quite onion. The texture is fun, and the shape is supposed to be round, but you never get too many perfect round ones. They are different. And that is good.
Life just gets into routines. We feel safe in that routine, and sometimes we sacrifice what we like for safety. Be it from ordering the same dish at a restaurant, to squelching that impulse to be spontaneous because we do not know the outcome. Ironically, we know we would enjoy a different dish. We feel that spontaneous desire for a reason. So, I challenge you today to go ahead and buy that bag of Funyuns. Because I bet you will be like my girls and you will want “nother one.”
Reading the book Too Big To Know, by David Weinberger, was one of those moments that helped me see something I already knew in a slightly different light and that sparked a whole new train of thought. I love these moments.
The book is a look at how the Internet is changing the view of knowledge. I highly recommend the book, but I want to discuss the most obvious point from the book. Abundance.
Courtesy of Cornell University Library from Flickr
As David Weinberger points out, we have had an abundance of information for a long time. Have you read every book in your local library? Have you read every book you have bought or downloaded? Neither have I. What the Internet does is make that abundance faster and in different forms: articles, videos, apps, music, and opinions.
School is out for the summer, so I’m going to approach this idea from a dad perspective. Through this example I hope to express how abundance can be a great thing for learning.
Question, what does “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” the 2012 Eastern Conference Finals, Yoda, and a Tom Brady rookie card have in common? Answer: My sons and how they come to find interest in things.
My two sons are 11 and 9 right now. And because of the abundance of the Internet and technology, I have been having a blast sharing my interest with them. One example is music. Right now my oldest son is into Harry Connick Jr. and 80’s music, while my other son is listening to the songs “Good Life” (One Republic) and “Believe” (Cher). They use Grooveshark to create playlists to dance to, or to have as background music as they play animal tag with their sisters.
My oldest son’s interest in 80’s music comes from the video game series, Just Dance. His interest in Harry Connick Jr. comes from the movie, Dolphin Tale, which Harry Connick Jr. has a role in. I have some of his CDs, but my son has been checking out other CDs from the library.
When my second son bought his iPod, I put some music on it he might like. The music on his iPod has grown from his own interest and suggestions from me. One of our favorite songs is “Closer To the Edge” by 30 Seconds to Mars.
We cheered on the Celtics (I am a Kevin Garnett fan) in the Eastern Conference Finals together because of trading cards and the NBA 2K11 video game. My second son’s favorite basketball player is Shawn Kemp, who he has only seen play on YouTube videos and the video game. He does have a few of Shawn Kemp’s trading cards.
We watched the Super Bowl because they have a Tom Brady rookie card. I’m a Minnesota Vikings Fan, last season was a tough one.
They don’t like everything I share with them, but what is incredible is the ability to share aspects of my life with them. And to share the original content, not just a story. My music collection is not unpacked yet, so I use Grooveshark to share a song they might like. Then if my second son wants the song we can buy it from iTunes. When my oldest son got the part of Winthrop in TheMusic Man last September he used YouTube to study the role.
The abundance we have can be a powerful aspect to our lives. Yes, there are some negatives, but that is for another blog post. My sons’ and I are building strong connections because we can share and experience life in a completely different way than before. History is important and powerful. Shawn Kemp is my son’s favorite player. He has never seen him “play.” But he knows a lot about him, plus he understands the history of the Oklahoma City Thunder (who he is cheering for in the finals because they use to be the Super Sonics) because of his interest.
When embraced, this abundance we have can allow us to naturally learn anything that interest us. It can build connections; between people, between today and yesterday, and even between who we were and who we can be, because it allows us to explore and investigate life in ways we couldn’t before. It gives me an opportunity to be a better dad, to be able to enrich my children’s life with more than just stories. I can share my history sometimes in its true form today.
I remember when “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” was a hit in 1984 and have shared stories from that time in my life with my boys. Today, the song is just as important because it makes us excited when it is one of the songs for the dance battle on Just Dance 2 (yes, I have won on that song a couple of times).
A Pic Collage of Interest
P.S. My second son made the collage this morning at home while I am at work. Connectedness, but that benefit of technology is another blog post.
It is all Connected 