We finally got out of the house today. It was late morning, we had our traditional Sunday morning breakfast, but we were running low on milk and other supplies because we stayed home for two and a half days as another snow storm hit our area.
During the last three days, I adventured out a handful of times to clear a path on the driveway. I battled new drifts each time. And of course had to deal with the pile of snow the plows leave at the end of the driveway every time they clear our cul-de-sac.
It was cold! No, we do not own a snow blower, so I cleared the driveway (four times) with a shovel. Besides taking a lot of time, it was peaceful work. Scoop, fling, repeat. I watched the drifts fall and found my way to the street. Of course I had to repeat the process because of the storm, but it was good work.
After muffins this morning, I had to tackle a new drift. The wind had died down during the night and this drift was a piece of cake compared to the first round. I had our driveway cleared in less than 20 minutes.
But what struck me this morning was how fast a new routine was developed. Of course the storm lasted for two days, but in fact I have the routine of clearing the driveway whenever there is a storm. And I scoop, fling and repeat.
Routines get a bad rap sometimes. I understand that, especially when a routine feels never ending. I was tired of seeing new drifts form on the driveway, yet as I cleared the snow I saw the street get closer. Some routines are never ending… washing dishes, laundry, just life in general can feel mundane.
But, if we hold to that thought, the routine will feel heavy and joyless. I enjoyed shoveling the snow. I enjoy making muffins every Sunday, and tonight I washed dishes while listening to music. I stopped to dance to one of my favorite songs, “Remind Me” by Tom Grennan. My daughters laughed, my wife gave me ‘the look’ but I was enjoying the moment. (Of course I was wearing headphones and I can’t sing very well!)
Because without the routines, what would happen to our everyday life? If I don’t shovel the driveway, we are running out of food. Let alone the dishes or laundry. Routines are small moments that help make life run smoothly, but more importantly, opportunities to feel everyday joy.
In 2021 Kevin Garnett wrote a cool book, KG: A to Z: An Uncensored Encyclopedia of Life, Basketball, and Everything in Between. Instead of a traditional narrative structure, KG told his story by creating a personalized encyclopedia. The reader could look up a topic or word to read his insight or his story connected to that word like an encyclopedia. It was a cool book to read.
The past 10 months have been challenging. My perspective has been challenged on many different levels. Certain words or ideas have been the focus of some of those challenges. I thought it would be useful to use the same organization KG did for his book for this blog post. So, here is my Life Encyclopedia.
Art: The expression of the heart. See also, music, poetry, writing.
Blogging: See writing.
Death: The natural end of our time here. Everybody knows that death awaits for us all. Yet, we do not actually live like we know this truth. We waste time on petty issues, or involved with our screens in some mindless activity. We tend to live like tomorrow will always be there, so we feel like we can let today slide. I wonder what life would look like if we actually lived like we knew our time here ends.
Dreams: I debated on whether to use ‘dreams’ or ‘goals’ for this section. I decided on ‘dreams’ for two reasons. First, it sounds more poetic. Second, I feel that a dream can be accomplished, but even then a dream can still pull at your heart. And chasing our dreams should be part of our everyday existence. The pursuit of making our dreams a reality is what fills our spirit. Makes the hard days easier to endure. Our dreams are our purpose for being here. Some dreams change, some become reality, while we chase others our whole life. That is the beauty of having a dream.
Family: This is the most complex life topic I’ve been dealing with over the last year. Family has been a central issue all of my life. From living separately with both biological parents, to walking away from most of my bloodline, that allowed me to start my own family.
There is the crutch of the idea of family. As a dad I have a saying (OK, I have a handful of sayings), “Family gets your best behavior.” The heart of this is to remind everyone that the most important people should not be treated better than strangers. Yes, there are disagreements and challenges to work through, but they are handled with love. Our home is the safest place in this world for everyone.
I never felt safe or truly loved growing up. I knew that, at different times, that alcohol and other people mattered more than me. Even as I’ve learned more about who my biological father was after his passing, I still wonder why I didn’t matter. Why their son was not worth their time or love.
Blood doesn’t define family. I mattered to Wayne and Janine (for new readers, Janine is my mom that passed away last summer). I found a home that was filled with love that showed me what a family could be like. No, it wasn’t perfect. This household isn’t perfect, but the foundation is love and acceptance. That is how a family is built.
Friends: Yes, a friend can be seen as family, but I think real friendship is its own unique relationship that allows it to be a separate component of life. I don’t have a lot of real friends. Oh, I have many friends and acquaintances, but honestly, I have one best friend. We have been friends since junior high. Yes, we have had some rough spots, and yes, it was over a girl, but what makes our friendship strong is knowing that we have each other’s back. We share our dreams and hardships. Even though we are miles apart, we do fun things, like right now we are sharing our top 100 songs of all time, but doing it one day at a time. We have been there for the big moments; we both were each other’s best man for our weddings. A friend is part of your foundation that brings a different kind of joy and support.
Learn: The act of becoming who you are through different means; such as reading, living, questioning and other experiences.
Life: This moment right now, which is a mix of the past, dreams for the future, and the current emotion to create a unique experience for all of us.
Love: The center of life.
Music: One of the many artistic elements that build bridges between people. For me it is a sanctuary. I always had the radio to accompany me when I changed houses, changed parents, changed my life. There is nothing like sharing a song with someone, finding common ground in lyrics and music.
Poetry: The way I understand this life. The artist way I can make sense of my emotions while processing the questions I have about how life unfolds. By writing poetry I understand myself more. By studying the art form I become better at writing, but also thinking, which allows me to come to terms with both the joys and sorrows of this life. Poetry also allows me to build connections with other people, other artists, other poets. I do not trust many people, but I trust poetry.
Real: My word for this year. This might be the hardest word for me because I do not show the real me to too many people besides in my poetry and other writings. The reason for this blog post is me trying to live by my word. At the moment I am skeptical that I can live up to it in this world that is quick to destroy anyone that tries to be real.
Writing: Poetry is my first love, but I wrote my first short story in fifth grade. I have been blogging for decades now. Writing, in all forms, gives me a sense of being. In a way it allows me to be the real me. Writing is like praying for me, even at this moment I have my “Writing” playlist going, I am pondering questions of the past, considering a few future opportunities I have and feeling some strong emotions that encompass a broad range – I am living.
The house is quiet. I have just finished grading essays. I have my headphones on and my ‘Just Some Good Songs’ playlist on random. The Christmas tree is glowing, it is the only light in the house (besides the glow of my computer screen).
And I am at a loss for words but feel the need to write. So, not sure where this post will go but I’m enjoying the way the keys feel as they rebound against my finger tips. I am awake because my mind is running trying to figure out how to express the depth of my emotions lately. How to share the anger and disappointment I feel. How it feels like the world is out to prove that Hate wins, that people don’t really care about anyone but themselves, and that anything I do is kindle for the bonfire of apathy I see in the hallways.
And then there are the Christmas lights. Red, Green, Blue and White points of joy that seem to sing a Christmas carol that I can’t quite recognize, yet soothes my soul.
I make it through each day because my family needs me. But there are moments when I feel like all my joints are held together with masking tape and the next step will cause me to fall apart like a Lego tower. But I take the step anyway, and the tape holds.
And the Christmas lights continue to shine. And I will fall asleep soon with a hint of a Christmas carol playing in the background of my dreams.
But for now, I’m writing. For now I am hoping these words matter to someone besides me…
I needed something to change my mood today. So I decided to write a music based blog post. Two of my favorite things. Plus it has been about six months since my last music based post. It was time to share some music with you.
First song up is “Never be a Right Time” by Tom Grennan. Right now, my second daughter and I jam out to this song in the car. This is one of the wonderful aspects of life, sharing a song with someone. A song that both of you light up to when those first notes start. Right now, this is ours.
Second song is a personal classic. My best friend and I are creating our top 100 songs of all time. We are having a hard time deciding on what format the final list should be presented in because we both have songs that are not available on streaming services. We have the cassettes or CDs copies of the songs, but to burn CDs for the final 100 songs would take some time. Now, YouTube does have some of the songs… but not all of them… but it does have one of the songs I want on my list… from 1987 Saga, “Only Time Will Tell”!
The third track is a song my daughter introduced me to, and it just makes me feel good when I hear it. And that’s what this post is about. Lily Mae Harrington, “TGTBT”.
And the last track for this post is not as ‘happy’ but that is OK. My mom and I would share music with each other over the years. One artist we both love is Teitur. When I visited my dad this summer, he was playing music in the living room. As we got settled he asked if I remembered how mom and I loved Teitur. He then switched the music to his first album (which I had given my mom as a Christmas gift).
I could tell he had been listening to music to help with the pain of losing his wife, his best friend. Music is one way we build connections with people. Music takes us back to moments in our lives. Music helps us in so many ways… Here is “Rough Around the Edges” by Teitur. (Yes, in my top 100 of all time!)
So, yeah. It took to the 28th day of the challenge to get to a blog post about nothing.
Now, it was a normal day for me. A day filled with running errands. Car was serviced; why does the cabin filter always need changed?
Got some groceries, which I love to do. I don’t understand how people just order online and then sit in their car waiting. How do you find an impulse buy? How do you know there is a new Pop-tart flavor? Or better, a new flavor of chips!
We made our famous Pizza Bake. Really easy dinner. Ground some hamburger, add pizza sauce. Use a crescent sheet on the bottom of a 9×13 casserole pan. Now here you can add any pizza stuff you want. We usually use pepperoni on half. Then place the hamburger over the whole bottom. Sprinkle grated cheese over the top, then cover with another crescent sheet. Bake until top is golden brown (about 14 minutes at 400).
We have almost 10 pizza recipes… and we still order out for pizza.
I did not get my walk in today. That is the only negative.
So, I could say nothing happened. But really, life happened.
My youngest daughter and I sang the song Whoomp! (There it is) in the car this evening.
I talked with both my boys by text this afternoon.
My second daughter and I ran to the library.
My third daughter still has my computer. She is working on a personal art project.
And it reached 102 degrees today.
This blog post is about nothing, nothing but life.
Seriously, this may be the most organic blog post ever. As I write these words, I do not know where my thoughts will take this blog. You have been warned.
I am sitting in my chair, rolling with my “Deep Thought” playlist and Pearl Jam’s song, “Just Breathe” is playing. I am trying some new coffee, which isn’t too bad. And I am lost.
Ohhh, “Bad Man’s Song” by Tears for Fears just started playing. Love this song! You should check it out.
OK, back to being lost. Besides on what to write for this blog post, I am feeling adrift at the moment. Part of that feeling stems from visiting my dad back home. The energy in the house was missing my mom’s gentleness. Her soft laugh. There was an undertow in the house as if life was trying to find a way to fill the emptiness in the house, but it didn’t know what to fill it with.
Life continues going no matter what happens to us as people. My mom died just a few days before her 69th birthday. Earlier this month was my parents 52nd anniversary. My dad has major holidays coming up. But even harder milestones will be the first University of Wyoming football game, then the start of basketball season. Let alone, drinking coffee alone each morning.
This life is an amazing gift but comes with responsibilities that challenge our very being. The first is that we are responsible for the quality of our happiness. Even when others try to destroy us, tear us down. Even when the randomness of life breaks us. We are still responsible for every breath we take. It is a heavy load to carry, especially if we run from it. Which I fear too many people do in so many different ways.
But to move through hardships, you have to move into them. And that means feeling the pain, screaming at God, crying when a song moves you to. I had never hugged my dad as he cried before until this visit. The moment needed to be felt, instead of running away from it.
We then drank coffee together in the kitchen. Yes, there was still an emptiness in the room, but we helped life fill it with love and the pictures he showed me of last fall when they went hiking. There was my mom smiling on a bridge in her University of Wyoming gear.
I’ll end with a song that played while I was writing… (Seriously it did!)
Because of last month’s challenge, I decided to share with you three favorite albums. So, this ended up being a challenge because I have rediscovered the beauty of listening to a full album. Add the factor of soundtracks and compilations. Add that I have hundreds of CDs, yes I still buy them… and I have some that are not on Spotify or other streaming services. By no means is this a top 10 kind of list. These are just three of my favorite albums.
Blind to Reason by Grayson Hugh, is an album I listen to a lot, even after 35 years. The album was released in 1988. I might have been one of the few teenagers to have bought the CD back in 1988, but I loved the song “Talk It Over” when I first heard it. Even now the album leaves me feeling good about life.
She by Harry Connick Jr. is a musical trip. There are songs that make you smile while you bob your head, while others challenge your mind and spirit. “Honestly Now (Safety is Just Danger … Out of Place)” is one of my favorite songs from the album.
Fear of a Black Planetby Public Enemy is a masterpiece of an album. I know fans will argue with me about this, but the themes of the songs and the musical production of this album hits on every song. I have a hard time just listening to the album straight through because I will hit repeat on songs like “Brothers Gonna Work It Out” and “Welcome to the Terrordome”.
This post was so hard to write. There are so many great albums. I shared 3 from my physical collection that numbers close to 700 CDs (I won’t talk about the cassettes). Let me know if you own or listen to these albums in the comment section.
Do you get frustrated when you have to wait for a train? What happens when a second train comes across on the other set of tracks?
We have a double set of tracks we have to deal with on our most convenient route from our neighborhood. And yep, have had the situation where a second train comes speeding the other way as the first train passes by the crossbars.
I’ve had to take a deep breath to keep the frustration from spilling into the air of the car.
But I haven’t gone through that routine in a while, my third daughter changed my perspective on the moment. And now, I enjoy being stopped by a train because it means more time…for music!
About two years ago we were headed home from school. As we approached the railroad crossing the red lights started blinking and the crossbars slowly came down. By chance a song my girls liked (I don’t remember what it was) was playing on the radio. They were singing as they still do, and my third daughter noticed the crossbars coming down. In flow with the song she said,”Yes! More time to listen to music!”
I had just taken that first frustrated breath, but held it for a second, then just let it go and sang with my daughters. When we are stopped by a train now, I sometimes say, “Oh, more time to listen to music!” If there is a good song on, I turn it up and we sing.
This morning I saw five, five cars run red lights. Three of them at our major intersections. (Where, yes, most of the accidents happen in our town.)
I wonder where people are going in such a hurry. On the street with the railroad tracks, you see people turn around and find a different route when a train comes. Honestly, most trains are through the intersection before you can get to the overpass route.
My daughter reminded me that we are in control of our response to time. How we decided to respond to small moments. How we spend, even a few minutes, watching a train go by. We will be singing to the radio.
Life has been busy, to say the least. There are some heavy moments going on, and sometimes you just need a soundtrack to get through the days. Honestly, I like writing these types of post. Music is an important element in my life, has been since I was about seven years old. I had a basement bedroom and I played the radio all the time to help with my fear of the dark.
Life
But now I have a fear of time. Of losing important people. The first song is from one of my mom’s favorite bands, Simply Red. The song is in honor of her as she deals with some serious health issues.
Memories
The second song has a little bit of a story. My wife and I did a quick visit home to see my mom a couple of weeks ago. We listened to some of the music we use to listen to when we were younger making road trips. One of the albums was Jo Dee Messina’s first album with the song, “Heads Carolina, Tails California”. On the way home I was channel surfing the radio and Cole Swindell’s song, “She Had Me At Heads Carolina” came on. We had never heard the song (or artist) before. But it made us smile:
Defeat
I have adventured out of my comfort zone with my poetry. I participated in a slam poetry contest where the winner would represent the state of Nebraska at Nationals this summer. I worked on my poems and my delivery for months. Felt like I had a real chance at winning. I didn’t make finals… I haven’t felt the pain of defeat like that in a long time. I know that I improved in different aspects of my poetry, for that I am grateful. But maybe it’s just everything combined, I feel like I won’t ever achieve my writing goals. “Born and Raised” by John Mayer reflects this emotion…
Makes me dance and sing
Now, life still has joy and wonderment to it. This next song has been my jam for awhile now, “Remind Me” by Tom Grennan just makes me dance… and my daughters hate it when it comes on my playlist when I am washing the dishes because I have to stop to sing and dance to the song (and maybe to tickle them or get them to dance with me). This is also the first song I used for my podcast For Love of Lyrics.
Last Words
Life, when fully lived, is an adventure filled with days that hurt the heart from joy and sadness. But there is only so much time we are given. We spend too much time on things and people that don’t really add value or depth to our hearts. Yes, I have regrets, but I also still have big dreams for the time I have left. I try to add something to everyone’s life that I get to be a part of… and I am trying to simply love more… so this last song, “Where the Heart Is” by Haevn is my little bit of inspiration for your day!
First a warning, this blog post will ramble because it was written by me… it is centered around the idea of what Artificial Intelligence’s (AI) effect is on our society.
The spark for this post centers around a number of articles about ChatGPT and its ability to write essays for students. One article used the example of a literary criticism essay covering the works of Emily Dickinson’s work. ChatGPT did a fine job, but of course it did.
Honestly, there are only so many ways to write a literary criticism over a single poem. I actually use poetry to introduce the literary criticism essay. We discuss a number of poems, breakdown how elements like similes, personification, even rhyming is used in the poems. Then the students write their essays. At the heart of a literary criticism is the idea of teaching the reader something about the poem.
So, many of the students’ essays read about the same. The introductions and conclusions are different, yet the body of the essays center around what anyone can learn if they analyzed the poem themselves.
I’m not especially worried about ChatGPT writing essays, or even its own poetry. AI will never be able to write a narrative essay, at least not a real one. A narrative essay is about the meaning of a moment for the writer.
AI doesn’t deal with the complexity of living. It will never be hungry. Or feel the joy of a great meal. AI will never open an unexpected present that fills their heart. Or deal with the bad mood of a loved one.
I do worry about us giving our lives over to technology in general.
I see too many students just consuming their screens. At the moment it is TikTok. They watch all these people doing different things, while they just sit there. I actually encourage students to make their own videos (yes, I’ve been in a few).
Also, the idea of just letting technology tell us what we should listen to or watch next; from products on Amazon to a playlist Spotify thinks we would like. Yes, we do tend to enjoy certain genres of music, but there is so much of our human experience connected to media that an algorithm can never give us a perfect recommendation.
As an example, I will listen to a song or watch a movie that I do not like because someone I care about likes the movie or song. I usually find something interesting from the media, even if it doesn’t get saved to a playlist.
Yet, we can just let technology live for us… that is what I am afraid of. What’s so funny is how we keep advancing technology to be more human. We marvel at how close we can get AI to write like Edgar Allen Poe, yet here we are trying to be human but addicted to the technology.
What I know for sure is that AI will never enjoy the tradition of making blueberry muffins for breakfast every Sunday morning. And that I will always write my own stuff.
It is all Connected 