Tag Archives: frustration

Silent Radio Day

I spent most of my day with a dead radio. Not because it was stolen like in the song, but I’ll get to why I couldn’t use the radio in a minute.  Driving in silence allowed me time to think about the crazy day I was involved in, and also some of the more abstract aspects of this life (just like the song). Warning, this blog post will be all over the place and take some time… just like life.

First, let’s begin with how the day ended. Besides me writing about it, the girls stayed up a little later than normal so they could play Super Soccer with their oldest brother because he was heading back to college tomorrow.

The living room was filled with laughter, and outbursts of “Kick it!, Kick it, NOW!” Both games went to a shootout, and big brother lost both games. His sisters were excited.

I sat with my youngest daughter in the kitchen as they played.  We had snack and played Would You Rather. I was asked if I would rather die by drowning or be killed by a giraffe. It was a rough game, but we added to the laughter.

I soaked up the moment and felt grateful for our home.  The day did not start so smoothly.

My wife had an early, 6:15 a.m., appointment for a few medical procedures. I took the day off because she would be put under anesthesia for the procedures. We were ready to head to the surgery center at 5:45. My son was going to handle dropping off everyone at school, then he would go to work. I would be able to pick up my four daughters from school at the end of the day.

I go to start the van to warm it up… van is dead. No lights on the dashboard when I turn the key… nothing. 

I grab the keys to my son’s car and take my wife to the surgery center. I drop her off to head back to the house. I have enough time to try to jump the van before the girls need to get to school. 

Did I mention it was only like 4 degrees outside this morning?

I get the jumper cables attached, start my son’s car and let it charge for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes… nothing. The van is still dead. I unhook the cables, it’s time to get the girls to school. I take them. There isn’t room for my son, so he stays home. I’ll be back to get him to work on time.

By this time, I am consciously making sure I keep my frustration under control. It’s not that I can’t feel frustrated, but I can’t let the frustration take over to cause the morning routine to be filled with negativity from me. The girls are already worried about mom, their schedule has changed, and they understand that dad is improvising because the van is dead.

I finally got back to the hospital. My wife was in the surgery room. The receptionist explains to me how the TV board will keep me updated. I watch as my wife’s patient number changes color (each color is a different step in the procedure). After a while, I was escorted back to the recovery room. Everything went well and we headed home.

I decided to try jumping the van one more time. It’s not as cold, I am not hurried, and there is more light. I make sure I get a good connection on both batteries (which isn’t easy to do with new cars, there are so many things connected to the terminals). Success, the van starts after 5 minutes.

Here is where I spend time with no radio. We have an XM radio. When the battery dies or is changed, you have to enter a code to use any part of the radio, even to play a CD. (Which we do have, the van is about 8 years old). We have the code written down, which I would find later. One of my daughters would get the honor of activating the radio! But that is later in the day after I pick them up from school.

As I run errands, I am alone with my thoughts. And my thoughts got deep when I learn about the death of someone.

We have been in the market for a new car, but it is hard to find a car that matches our needs and our price range. We had been working with a sales person Dewayne for a few months. He helped us when we replaced a car that hit a deer. I had last spoken to him in person in August about our car situation and what inventory the dealership was expecting. As you do with people, we talked about personal things. He let me know he would be taking some time off because he was having heart surgery to clear a blockage in an artery, but I should contact him in December. 

Well, I didn’t call in December. I called today. The receptionist was taken aback when I asked for Dewayne. She informed me that Dewayne had passed away the first day he was home from the surgery.

The first day home.

Dewayne was not a close friend, yet our lives intersected. And was supposed to continue to intersect. He was helping me find a vehicle. We had shared stories and talked about how the pandemic was causing havoc in all different aspects of life. Dewayne had a wife and kids. He had a big laugh. 

It’s a cliche, not to take life for granted. But honestly, maybe it should become our code to live our life by. What would we change if we treated today like the only day we have? No matter if it starts out with a dead battery, or your coffee order getting mixed up (yeah, that happened too). How would we treat people? How would we treat the people we love if today was the last day we would see them?

When you read this, it will be today. And today is the only day that matters, so decide how you will live it.


Filed under Family, Life


mo·ti·va·tion [moh-tuh-vey-shuhn] noun

  1. the act or an instance of motivating,  or providing with a reason to act in a certain way (dictionary.com)

During a conversation with a colleague, the idea of motivation in the classroom came about.  This discussion coincides with some ideas I have been thinking about regarding how we reach our students.  So, I am going to try to express a complicated web of ideas with the center being motivation.

As a teacher I have been frustrated.  I have stood in front of my room looking out on my students’ faces talking to myself, “How do they not see how great this book, or poem, or lesson, is?”  Sometimes, as teachers, we take for granted that everyone knows how powerful learning is.  But if we look at popular culture, it will remind you that they don’t.

Idea one: The Mountain

Let’s use a metaphor for a second. If we view education as a mountain, we understand that to see the spectacular view from the top we must climb.  And that climb is hard at times.  Even an expert mountain climber (or a well educated person) needs a hand to get to the top.

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Sometimes we need to remember that our students haven’t made this climb before.  Sometimes we have to reach out to them and show them the way to the mountaintop.  The view is incredible; they just don’t know it yet.

Idea Two: Practice

What if the classroom was more like practice?  Take a second to think back to what practice was like for you. How many times did the whistle blow?  How many times did coach go off on some kind of motivational rant?  Sometimes coach got on your case, other times a “nice job” was all it took to keep you going.  You were pushed, you were challenged, sometimes you were down right dog-tired yet felt great.

What does a typical classroom look, sound, feel like?  I understand the difference in the environments, but why can’t we match the energy of practice to a classroom?  The techniques and tools are different, but not what motivates a person.  In an interview on Focus on the Family for his book, coach Joe Gibbs stated that a good coach finds what works with his athletes to motivate them, be it a challenge or a simple comment like “good job.”

Everybody needs motivation; I found it as a coach when we successfully performed on the field.  As a teacher I found it in the light-bulb moment.  We all need motivation, a helping hand.  Not because we don’t know of the importance of our jobs, but because sometimes the climb is just hard.  And we forget what the view is.

Courtesy of Flickr user rbbaird

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What does golf, starting a new lawn, having five children, and learning have in common? Frustration.

My life right now is filled with all kinds of different frustrations:

I have five children, the youngest only months away from being two… (If you are a parent that is all I need to say)

We are trying to get a yard started for our new home. Our dirt is clay based, we don’t have underground sprinklers, and we are on our second attempt of seeding. Every 30 minutes you can hear me say, “Be back, got to change the water.”

This month I started my new position and there are so many things that are different that I get overwhelmed with the changes.

Then there is golf…

Yesterday was my day to play golf in the morning. Almost every Tuesday and Wednesday I play nine holes in the morning. This week I was especially excited to get a round in because I had a good practice session last Saturday. I thought I had my swing for my irons figured out. I played the back nine and started well for me, a 5 on the par 4 tenth hole. As any golfer knows without reason things got worse.

A quick side note, I take one of my older boys with me when I play. They like to get a Gatorade and tend the flag for me. But when frustration hits, they remind me to watch my outbursts. Which was a challenge Tuesday morning.

Hole 14 par 5… I score an 8 (never once in the fairway).

Hole 15 par 4… I score a 7 (Water ball)

Hole 16 par 4 … I score an 8 (Walk off the green feeling so frustrated that I would love to throw a club)

So, I walk to the 17th hole frustrated…
Frustration is a powerful emotion. But part of its power is an illusion. When we get flooded with frustration it feels so wide and deep. It seems to filter into every aspect of that moment. Thinking, feeling, we can even feel that fate is against us. It feels like we are treading water in the middle of the ocean. But if we would put our feet down, we would see that frustration isn’t deep, that is its illusion. We can go deeper than the frustration. When we do, then we truly learn.

My son is watching me as I pull out a 5-iron for this hole. I wonder what I look like through his eyes. Does it look like I am drowning?

As a teacher and a coach I see students fight against frustration. I see them splashing around trying to find the beach. To get away from frustration. There are the excuses of not knowing what to do. Or the quiet giving up. Each student has their own way of dealing with frustration. But if we can get them to put their feet down, or even better to dive down through the frustration, the outcome will be powerful. More powerful than frustration, any frustration they will encounter in school or life.

My son stands quietly next to my golf bag. I mentally try to put my feet down, concentrating on what I worked on during practice. I swing. Not perfect, the ball starts at the flag, but then hooks. The ball lands about 20 feet from the green on an up-slope. I have to get the chip up in the air but soft because the green rolls away. I continue to think about the chip instead of the frustration, to set my feet down. My chip comes up nicely off the grass, soft and high. The frustration starts to drain away. I do two-putt for a bogey. But I am happy with that hole.

The last hole is a par 5. My son starts to talk again as we walk to the next tee box. He can feel that my frustration is fading, but it is nagging at me as I think about my drive. I haven’t hit a good drive all day, but I mentally set my feet down, trying to get past the negative voice trying to scratch at my mental state.

I slow down my swing, focus on the fundamentals, and send the ball straight down the center. Not long, about 200 yards. Second shot lands just off the right side of the fairway, but a solid hit. My third shot lands just in front of the green. I chip and two-putt. Bogey, yes. But I walk of the course feeling that I played those last two holes like I can.

Everybody feels frustrated, in all kinds of situations, but we can learn and improve when that frustration hits. It is a powerful emotion, but part of the power is an illusion. Frustration is not that deep; just below it is the opportunity to improve.

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