It is Tuesday. Like many Tuesdays last year, I dropped off the little ones at daycare. I checked homework and goofed off with my three older kids at school. I’m now at the Blue Moon Coffee shop drinking a coffee and writing this blog post. Last week I started with my CCC class and with the ESU 10’s TECHS class. It is a different year, but not much has changed.
Yet, life is very different. My oldest son is 12 and stands one inch shorter than me. My littlest girl will be three in December and she is as independent as a forty year-old. I don’t know if I will ever figure out this dad thing.
I am still trying to find my place in the second part of my job, tech integration for teachers and schools. But I am exploring really cool tools that I am using in my classes and love sharing with teachers.
I have started a creative writing blog, “Creative Corner,” to keep my aspiration to write a book going. My 365-photo challenge is almost over.
It is life. The sun is reflecting off the glass storefront, I am about to get a refill on my coffee, and I have shared a moment with you. I know I will have a few bad days. I know I will fail in some way. I know that the routine of life will make weeks fly by.
It is life.
I may be sitting at the same table next year thinking that not much is had changed. But that everything was different and I will smile, as I am now, wondering what this next year will bring.
Lesson one: People have to have their own timetable to accomplish a goal.
On her way
My girls and I took a walk today. It was to our stop sign. I can walk to it and back in under 5 minutes. On our walk today it took thirty minutes. I walked. The girls all took a different vehicle. My youngest in our leg powered toy car. Second daughter on the Dora big wheel. And my oldest daughter on her training wheeled bike. I kept trying to get the girls to turn around, but they were determined to get to the stop sign and back.
My youngest daughter’s little legs just kept going, with a few curb checks that I would help her off of. The toy car has no steering. My second daughter is just learning how to peddle; she would get a few revolutions of the wheel before she would ask for a little push. Of course there were birds, and cars, and bugs, and new houses to talk about. “They worken,” my youngest would point out as we sat in front of one of the new houses being built.
Yes, sandals on the wrong foot.
After the seventh time trying to get the girls to turn around I just settled in for the walk. My oldest daughter actually adventured to the next stop sign, waving all the way back to us, proud as can be riding on her own. I thought that the girls would tire out, and I would have to push them back, but their little legs never ran out of energy. They were focused on the walk, unconcerned about how long it took. They were going to do this and they did.
But I had to have patience to let them do it on their own. I could have hurried them, pushed them, made them feel my impatience and ruin the 30 minutes we had together.
I didn’t start out so well with the lesson my boys had for me later in the day.
Lesson two: We can’t take for granted people will “just know” how to do something.
Later in the day the boys got to mow the lawn. Both of them have mowed the lawn before but not for about two years. First, I like to mow the lawn. So, mowing the lawn has not been a part of their normal chore routine. Second, I don’t remember the first time I had to mow a lawn.
I went over the pointers of running the mower, and hit the grass around the house and outside edge of the lawn. I though this would help them start on their route of mowing. Sadly, I wasn’t patient right away. The boys took turns, but both of them mowed the same way– crazily.
Rounded corners, lines of tall grass, mowing the short length of the yard 12 times instead of turning the mower and hitting the grass in two passes. I bet I did the same thing once, but I can’t remember. I’ve been mowing so long that it is just second nature to mow in an efficient way. Before I totally lost my cool, I caught the lesson. The boys didn’t know how to mow a lawn quickly and efficiently. It was my job to show them. Most importantly to do it without making them feel bad. All the grass was cut, even if it took extra passes. But by keeping my cool the boys finished the job on a positive note. Even laughing at the rows of long grass they had made.
Today my kids reminded me about the importance of patience in two separate ways. My girls showed me that people need their own pace to accomplish their goals. I was truly amazed at their strength and attitude. My boys reminded me that everyone has that first time with learning. The important part for me was not making that crucial moment negative. To be patient with them as they learn.
Saturday was the first day of our club championship. This was the third year I have played in it. The past two years I finished last. I was determined not to finish in last place this year. All summer my scores ranged in the high 40s and low 50s for 9 holes. I got my first new driver, ever. My game was doing OK. I was excited to play this year.
Well, the first nine was a disaster. I shot a 61. My inconsistent play got me into trouble on a couple of holes, scoring a 10 and a 12. I improved on the back nine, but not much. I shot a 57 for a first day score of 118. Last place.
I headed home feeling pretty low. I had hit some nice shots and even had a par. But I was again in last place. I had another day to play I told myself. Sunday would be better.
Sunday was a new opportunity. I had three pars, hit some incredible putts and made some nice shots. But I shot a 61 on the front nine and a 58 on the back nine. 119. One shot worse then Saturday. Last place again.
At that moment, I wanted to quit. I had been playing for 20 years and had improved very little. I practice. Especially the last couple of years I have had a practice session almost every week. Maybe I’m just not good at golf and am wasting my time.
As I drove home today, it hit me how much I sounded like a student. I started to remember students who would say the same thing in my class when presented with new material, or a deeper concept. I remember one student who would balk at anything creative. They would state that they weren’t creative, and it was too hard. Or the times working through rough drafts of essays and hearing time and time again, that the student wasn’t a good writer. I would do my best to break through the mindset, but I don’t know if I actually did get through for some of the students.
What really got me this weekend was the way I felt about myself. How my students might also feel about themselves. I know that my self worth is not measured by my handicap, but that didn’t change the way I felt as I drove home. Last place. Everything felt like last place. How do my students feel about themselves when they struggle, when they say “I’m not good at this.”? Are they experiencing that same irrational, but ever present connection to their self-worth? I bet they are, and keeping that in mind could help generate a new approach when a student wants to quit.
For all the things I get wrong in this life as a dad, the one thing I think we do well is eat dinner together as a family. We don’t always have seven course meals, or always have the TV off, but we eat dinner together almost every single night.
The dinner table helps build our family. It is a place to reinforce manners, discuss the day’s events or goals of tomorrow and most importantly; it is where we build family memories. So many of our inside jokes have happen at the table. I could share a couple, but you just wouldn’t get them.
It was a small thing, but having the leaf in the table made last night’s dinner special. It was a milestone because expanding the table allowed us all to sit together, as a family.
I have been working too long with technology. As I consider deeper aspects of life, computer metaphors come to mind. I have been working with my own default settings.
What I really mean is our basic response to life. In coach talk it is like muscle memory for sports but for life it is those response we do without thinking. And honestly, most of the time those responses are negative. We get home from work and we want to relax but life challenges us with something and we become snippy. Or we see that person, a colleague or student, we just don’t get along with and we start thinking some negative thoughts about them. A default setting kicks in.
I am working on mine. To be honest, I am trying to make my default settings reflect love. Not the Care Bear, “let’s all hug” type, but the basic strong and understanding love that allows me to build strong bonds with people in this life.
As a parent I get to test this new setting out every night right now. My youngest daughter is getting out of her bed at least three times a night. She makes her way into our room, sometimes crying, sometimes silently until she asks for me. Any parent will agree this is one of the toughest parts of parenting. Being awaken when you are finally sleeping well. I have not always handled this well; especially on the third or fourth or firth time she finds her way to our room. My default setting has been negative.
But I am working on that. I breathe in, checking my attitude, and hold my little girl as she drinks some milk. I gently put her back into bed, cover her and check on her sister to see if she needs her blanket adjusted. In a few minutes I am back under the blankets, still hoping that that was the last trip of the night, but knowing that I didn’t snap at her, or infuse the situation with a negative vibe.
It is not easy resetting the default. Like a computer or iPad, you have to go into the settings and adjust things. But if you do spend that time making the adjustments, the computer or iPad ends up working so much better for you.
So it is in life. Spending time working on our default settings can make this day work so much better for us.
Last week I had a great opportunity to conduct a workshop with Central Community College professors.
My oldest son went to the driving range with me on Saturday and my second son was my caddy on my last round of golf.
My wife and I took our two little girls grocery shopping with us on Thursday and we took the three oldest kids back-to-school shopping on Friday.
Some days at work I spend the whole day on one project, and yes sometimes it feels like I am playing with a new toy.
What do all these examples have in common? Time.
The professors commented that they never got the time to actually work on things. Something I also hear from teachers at workshops.
As a dad and husband, nothing says “I love you” like spending time with family.
As I have mentioned before, my job gives me time to explore new tools to use in my classes or to show to other educators.
Time.
Time is used differently in school, especially high school. It is separated into chunks by the ringing of a bell. And every teacher has had that bell interrupt a great lesson.
Everyday life makes us feel frazzled at times. I can feel exhausted at the end of a day when I don’t actually get much done. The worst part is that my attitude can then affect the rest of the family in a negative way, and if I’m not careful it becomes a habit for the household.
Time.
Life takes time. Learning takes time. People need our time (especially those we care about the most). We all get 24 hours in a day. But do we use those hours for the best? Time for our students to think? Time to share a joke at the dinner table? Or to just sit with the person you love and watch the sky fade to night, happy with how you spent the time given to you?
I’ve been reading a few different books and one idea that has come through is that everyone is going through a struggle. It might be small or life changing but everyone we meet is dealing with something. And that struggle will change. So, I wanted to send a small message to you today. I’ll let the song speak for me.
On the fourth of July the three older kids had spent the previous night with their aunt and uncle. My wife and I had the two little ones and we met at a small community pool near the in-laws. It was a good afternoon. The pool allowed us to hold the little girls as we went down the curvy slide. Yep, I think we had to go down that slide at least a hundred times.
On the way out of town we stopped to get something to drink and a snack as we headed to the in-laws for the rest of the fourth of July. My wife and I still had the two little ones, so I ran in to get the stuff. My wife had asked for a Pepsi and something salty. I wandered around the trail mix and peanuts, and then saw on the bottom shelf of the chip sections, Funyuns. One bag left.
As I carried the stuff to her window she broke out in a huge smile. As we drove to the in-laws we all enjoyed the bag of Funyuns. The little girls would ask for “nother one Mom” as they chomped on the one in their hand. The airy onion-like rings were perfect.
Both my wife and I love Funyuns, but it is not a snack we buy often. It is such a different snack that we usually opt for something more traditional when we are shopping. Why? As I stood in the aisle looking at the bag I debated if I should grab them. Even though I knew my wife and I enjoy them, it was still a risk. But the risk was stepping out of the safety of a routine.
Funyuns themselves are just different. The taste is not quite onion. The texture is fun, and the shape is supposed to be round, but you never get too many perfect round ones. They are different. And that is good.
Life just gets into routines. We feel safe in that routine, and sometimes we sacrifice what we like for safety. Be it from ordering the same dish at a restaurant, to squelching that impulse to be spontaneous because we do not know the outcome. Ironically, we know we would enjoy a different dish. We feel that spontaneous desire for a reason. So, I challenge you today to go ahead and buy that bag of Funyuns. Because I bet you will be like my girls and you will want “nother one.”
Reading the book Too Big To Know, by David Weinberger, was one of those moments that helped me see something I already knew in a slightly different light and that sparked a whole new train of thought. I love these moments.
The book is a look at how the Internet is changing the view of knowledge. I highly recommend the book, but I want to discuss the most obvious point from the book. Abundance.
Courtesy of Cornell University Library from Flickr
As David Weinberger points out, we have had an abundance of information for a long time. Have you read every book in your local library? Have you read every book you have bought or downloaded? Neither have I. What the Internet does is make that abundance faster and in different forms: articles, videos, apps, music, and opinions.
School is out for the summer, so I’m going to approach this idea from a dad perspective. Through this example I hope to express how abundance can be a great thing for learning.
Question, what does “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” the 2012 Eastern Conference Finals, Yoda, and a Tom Brady rookie card have in common? Answer: My sons and how they come to find interest in things.
My two sons are 11 and 9 right now. And because of the abundance of the Internet and technology, I have been having a blast sharing my interest with them. One example is music. Right now my oldest son is into Harry Connick Jr. and 80’s music, while my other son is listening to the songs “Good Life” (One Republic) and “Believe” (Cher). They use Grooveshark to create playlists to dance to, or to have as background music as they play animal tag with their sisters.
My oldest son’s interest in 80’s music comes from the video game series, Just Dance. His interest in Harry Connick Jr. comes from the movie, Dolphin Tale, which Harry Connick Jr. has a role in. I have some of his CDs, but my son has been checking out other CDs from the library.
When my second son bought his iPod, I put some music on it he might like. The music on his iPod has grown from his own interest and suggestions from me. One of our favorite songs is “Closer To the Edge” by 30 Seconds to Mars.
We cheered on the Celtics (I am a Kevin Garnett fan) in the Eastern Conference Finals together because of trading cards and the NBA 2K11 video game. My second son’s favorite basketball player is Shawn Kemp, who he has only seen play on YouTube videos and the video game. He does have a few of Shawn Kemp’s trading cards.
We watched the Super Bowl because they have a Tom Brady rookie card. I’m a Minnesota Vikings Fan, last season was a tough one.
They don’t like everything I share with them, but what is incredible is the ability to share aspects of my life with them. And to share the original content, not just a story. My music collection is not unpacked yet, so I use Grooveshark to share a song they might like. Then if my second son wants the song we can buy it from iTunes. When my oldest son got the part of Winthrop in TheMusic Man last September he used YouTube to study the role.
The abundance we have can be a powerful aspect to our lives. Yes, there are some negatives, but that is for another blog post. My sons’ and I are building strong connections because we can share and experience life in a completely different way than before. History is important and powerful. Shawn Kemp is my son’s favorite player. He has never seen him “play.” But he knows a lot about him, plus he understands the history of the Oklahoma City Thunder (who he is cheering for in the finals because they use to be the Super Sonics) because of his interest.
When embraced, this abundance we have can allow us to naturally learn anything that interest us. It can build connections; between people, between today and yesterday, and even between who we were and who we can be, because it allows us to explore and investigate life in ways we couldn’t before. It gives me an opportunity to be a better dad, to be able to enrich my children’s life with more than just stories. I can share my history sometimes in its true form today.
I remember when “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” was a hit in 1984 and have shared stories from that time in my life with my boys. Today, the song is just as important because it makes us excited when it is one of the songs for the dance battle on Just Dance 2 (yes, I have won on that song a couple of times).
A Pic Collage of Interest
P.S. My second son made the collage this morning at home while I am at work. Connectedness, but that benefit of technology is another blog post.
Saturday morning I was working on cleaning the kitchen, getting recycling organized, cleaning counters, stuff like that. The house was in full child mode, the older three were downstairs doing something that made a thud every few minutes. The two youngest girls were in the recliners, movie on but their attention on the books in their laps. My wife was getting ready for the day.
I had started on the clean dishes in the dishwasher when my second son said, “Dad, I hit my nightlight and now all the lights downstairs don’t work.”
What?, I thought. And I felt the knee-jerk reaction of parental frustration start forming in my head with the words already on my lips. I don’t know why, but sometimes life gives us a moment to learn from, and I gave myself a few moments to think by saying, “OK, what happened?” in a calmer tone. Just under the frustration a thought had pushed through, if I wanted my son to continue to talk to me when things happened, when he might have made a mistake, then I had better pay attention to how I handled this situation.
By bumping his nightlight he threw the breaker for that part of the basement. Not a big issue, I switched the breaker back on and changed the light bulb in his nightlight. Problem solved. But I haven’t always handled simple situations with calm; too many times that knee-jerk frustration sets the tone for that moment. I realize I need to change that habit. If my son has a problem and he gets negative responses from me every time, even before I have figured out what is going on, then he will simply stop coming to me for help. I don’t want that to happen.
We teach people who we are by our habit of response. And they will act accordingly. As I thought about how we influence students I thought of one of the most patient and strong colleagues I have worked with, Mrs. Moss at Centura. Every morning she was helping students with math problems. Every morning! They knew she would be there for them, they could ask their questions and know she would help them. Mrs. Moss’ habit was to smile and say, “Let’s look at that problem.”
I hope to be as good of a teacher and parent as Mrs. Moss, to create a habit of response that lights the way to a positive reaction to the situation instead of a knee-jerk negative comment.
It is all Connected 