I just spent almost two hours on the road thinking about how to write this post. I was traveling back from Lincoln where I competed in a poetry slam. The winner represents the state of Nebraska at the Blackberry/ Peach national slam this summer.
I got last.
That means the judges scored my poem and my performance the lowest out of all the competitors.
Last.
I’ve been working on my delivery, my pauses, my speed and pronunciation of words, especially throughout the whole poem. To speak clearly at the end as I do at the beginning.
I got last.
And right now, when adding other poetic endeavors, I quit.
I have been writing poetry since junior high. I have self published six books of poetry, participated in the April Poem a Day for five years. I have been sharing my works during The Jam, a weekly poetry / spoken word / music space on X for at least 80 some episodes. I have notebooks, post-it notes, and other scrap paper with rough drafts of poems.
Right now, I don’t care.
The frustration and heartache of trying to be a poet is too much. My confidence is shaken. My chest hurts. This feeling sucks. It seems that I deal with more negative aspects of chasing this dream than positive moments. My tank is empty.
So, today, I quit.
Now, tomorrow?
Well, that is a different poem.
It is all Connected 
Sometimes life just sucks, right?
But I simply HAD to comment and acknowledge this :
”So, today, I quit.
Now, tomorrow?
Well, that is a different poem.”
I absolutely love this! I’ll be high-fiving my mirror for you 😉
Thank you!
My word for the year is REAL. And anyone who has a dream has days like I had. But the other side of it is that those dreams are there for a reason, and we chase them. That’s the beauty of living. High-five back!
I’m so sorry your outstandingly powerful poetry did not fit into the concept of the judges of that poetry slam, Jamey.
While I feel your heartache, I feel even more sorry for them, as it is their loss to not have picked up on the beauty presented to them.
You do you, Jamey. Your light is needed and wanted exactly as you are.
Absorb the impact, feel the pain, and grow stronger from it. – For the time being, I’ll wipe the notepads off the table and place a cup of coffee along with a big box of tissues, there, instead, while sitting opposite you, holding the space.
Much Love ❤
Thank you… and yes, part of the disappointment was only giving one poem. I was hyped to perform two poems. To be in front of that mic and the audience to share your heart is powerful… I will say the crowd did seem disappointment in the judges scores.
I will feel the pain and try again. But my word for the year is real, so I wanted to be true to what happened and how I felt.
Thank you for your kind words!
It’s good you give it space.
This way it doesn’t sit and spread more poison.
Your vulnerability and truthfulness are what makes your writing real and special. I see and appreciate both.
Thank you… It is hard to be that way at times, but you do it too. Your three positives and truth of the moments you live. That’s why we vibe 🙂
Now you actually made me cry.
Unfortunately, most juried competitions are very subjective. Don’t be discouraged. I write poetry sometimes too, but I don’t follow any rules. I just speak from my heart. I don’t consider myself a poet, but I find it gratifying to put words together in this way. If you are happy with your own work, that is all that really matters. Keep writing.
Thank you. I have had three of my kids do Speech in high school, so I know how crazy it can be to have a performance in the hands of a judge… I think being a speech parent is harder than a sports parent. 🙂 You are right, at the end of the day there is joy in writing.
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Hooray for tomorrow. 😊
Yes, a new day brings new opportunities. A chance to try again.
I love your stuff, mate, so don’t quit on me. No-one knows I write poetry other than my girlfriend, ‘cos I couldn’t take the “What the f**k is all this about?” from my friends and family. You’ve got the talent, and the balls to get that talent out there.
Thank you! Sorry that friends and family don’t appreciate your poetry… you bring together such unique images and tones… I am a fan of your work and thankful you share it! The hard part of writing is it makes you feel defeated, then hits you with an idea and you have to write… Here’s to both of us following the muse!
Most definitely, and thank you 🙂 Yeah, I’ve given up for a day or two in the past, and then I see or feel something that resonates and BOOM, I’m staring at the wall cramming words into my phone and thinking, How the hell can I NOT write when I feel like this!? And yes, let’s follow the muse and see where she takes us today 🙂