Tag Archives: golf

And then there is Golf

Tools of the Game

Saturday was the first day of our club championship.  This was the third year I have played in it.  The past two years I finished last.  I was determined not to finish in last place this year.  All summer my scores ranged in the high 40s and low 50s for 9 holes.  I got my first new driver, ever.  My game was doing OK.  I was excited to play this year.

Well, the first nine was a disaster. I shot a 61.  My inconsistent play got me into trouble on a couple of holes, scoring a 10 and a 12.  I improved on the back nine, but not much. I shot a 57 for a first day score of 118.  Last place.

I headed home feeling pretty low.  I had hit some nice shots and even had a par.  But I was again in last place.  I had another day to play I told myself. Sunday would be better.

Sunday was a new opportunity.  I had three pars, hit some incredible putts and made some nice shots.  But I shot a 61 on the front nine and a 58 on the back nine. 119. One shot worse then Saturday. Last place again.

At that moment, I wanted to quit.  I had been playing for 20 years and had improved very little. I practice.  Especially the last couple of years I have had a practice session almost every week.  Maybe I’m just not good at golf and am wasting my time.

As I drove home today, it hit me how much I sounded like a student.  I started to remember students who would say the same thing in my class when presented with new material, or a deeper concept.  I remember one student who would balk at anything creative.  They would state that they weren’t creative, and it was too hard.  Or the times working through rough drafts of essays and hearing time and time again, that the student wasn’t a good writer.  I would do my best to break through the mindset, but I don’t know if I actually did get through for some of the students.

What really got me this weekend was the way I felt about myself.  How my students might also feel about themselves.  I know that my self worth is not measured by my handicap, but that didn’t change the way I felt as I drove home. Last place.  Everything felt like last place.  How do my students feel about themselves when they struggle, when they say “I’m not good at this.”?  Are they experiencing that same irrational, but ever present connection to their self-worth?   I bet they are, and keeping that in mind could help generate a new approach when a student wants to quit.

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Frustrated?

What does golf, starting a new lawn, having five children, and learning have in common? Frustration.

My life right now is filled with all kinds of different frustrations:

I have five children, the youngest only months away from being two… (If you are a parent that is all I need to say)

We are trying to get a yard started for our new home. Our dirt is clay based, we don’t have underground sprinklers, and we are on our second attempt of seeding. Every 30 minutes you can hear me say, “Be back, got to change the water.”

This month I started my new position and there are so many things that are different that I get overwhelmed with the changes.

Then there is golf…

Yesterday was my day to play golf in the morning. Almost every Tuesday and Wednesday I play nine holes in the morning. This week I was especially excited to get a round in because I had a good practice session last Saturday. I thought I had my swing for my irons figured out. I played the back nine and started well for me, a 5 on the par 4 tenth hole. As any golfer knows without reason things got worse.

A quick side note, I take one of my older boys with me when I play. They like to get a Gatorade and tend the flag for me. But when frustration hits, they remind me to watch my outbursts. Which was a challenge Tuesday morning.

Hole 14 par 5… I score an 8 (never once in the fairway).

Hole 15 par 4… I score a 7 (Water ball)

Hole 16 par 4 … I score an 8 (Walk off the green feeling so frustrated that I would love to throw a club)

So, I walk to the 17th hole frustrated…
Frustration is a powerful emotion. But part of its power is an illusion. When we get flooded with frustration it feels so wide and deep. It seems to filter into every aspect of that moment. Thinking, feeling, we can even feel that fate is against us. It feels like we are treading water in the middle of the ocean. But if we would put our feet down, we would see that frustration isn’t deep, that is its illusion. We can go deeper than the frustration. When we do, then we truly learn.

My son is watching me as I pull out a 5-iron for this hole. I wonder what I look like through his eyes. Does it look like I am drowning?

As a teacher and a coach I see students fight against frustration. I see them splashing around trying to find the beach. To get away from frustration. There are the excuses of not knowing what to do. Or the quiet giving up. Each student has their own way of dealing with frustration. But if we can get them to put their feet down, or even better to dive down through the frustration, the outcome will be powerful. More powerful than frustration, any frustration they will encounter in school or life.

My son stands quietly next to my golf bag. I mentally try to put my feet down, concentrating on what I worked on during practice. I swing. Not perfect, the ball starts at the flag, but then hooks. The ball lands about 20 feet from the green on an up-slope. I have to get the chip up in the air but soft because the green rolls away. I continue to think about the chip instead of the frustration, to set my feet down. My chip comes up nicely off the grass, soft and high. The frustration starts to drain away. I do two-putt for a bogey. But I am happy with that hole.

The last hole is a par 5. My son starts to talk again as we walk to the next tee box. He can feel that my frustration is fading, but it is nagging at me as I think about my drive. I haven’t hit a good drive all day, but I mentally set my feet down, trying to get past the negative voice trying to scratch at my mental state.

I slow down my swing, focus on the fundamentals, and send the ball straight down the center. Not long, about 200 yards. Second shot lands just off the right side of the fairway, but a solid hit. My third shot lands just in front of the green. I chip and two-putt. Bogey, yes. But I walk of the course feeling that I played those last two holes like I can.

Everybody feels frustrated, in all kinds of situations, but we can learn and improve when that frustration hits. It is a powerful emotion, but part of the power is an illusion. Frustration is not that deep; just below it is the opportunity to improve.

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