I have been in survival mode for some time now. I know it. I know why. I’m tired of feeling hurt. And not just the big moments, the everyday, small nicks are just as bad because they are never ending. Put the moments together and I am tired of having my heart feel raw and bruised.
Survival mode allows me to get up each morning. Allows me to put on a small smile, make my daughter’s lunch, and even enjoy a walk. I can function pretty well in survival mode. I have written some good poetry, played basketball with my daughters last night. I have been happy.
But see survival mode is a hollow chocolate bunny. You know the kind. Candy eyes, big ears, maybe even holding a candy carrot. You know it is going to taste good. Thinking about biting into solid chocolate. But instead the ears crumble between your teeth. There is a soft echo as bits of chocolate fall into the body, landing in the space where the feet are.
The chocolate is still good. But there is a sense of sadness, of disappointment, finding out that there is more air than chocolate to the bunny. The experience is shallow. Over quickly, too, because you are hungry for the full experience of eating chocolate. But wanting the joy in knowing there would be more later. But there isn’t when it is hollow.
Survival mode is a hollow chocolate bunny. Yes, it works. But it can not compete with the delight of taking a full bite of life.
It is all Connected 
I’m sorry you’ve been hurt so much that you had to shut down, Jamey. Sometimes, survival mode can give us a break from overwhelming feelings … for a while. But at some point, we have to find our way out, again, because hollow chocolate bunnies do not provide a lot of nourishment. I hope you can take heart to feel your way through, one breath at a time, so you can taste the full sweetness of life, again.
Much Love!
Thank you, blogging and writing is one way to find the way back. And being honest in that writing can allow others to connect. I always appreciate your insight and words!
Same here. Writing (honestly, as you said) helps a lot to get it all digested, as does the connection with Nature.
With the crazy weather (temps in the negative) I am missing my walks, for sure. 🙂
Chocolate is my “go-to” solution when things seem overwhelming, but God is my first stop. I know He answers prayer and He created chocolate.
Yes, he did make chocolate 🙂
“A full bite of life.” Well put, Jamey!
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment!