For all the things I get wrong in this life as a dad, the one thing I think we do well is eat dinner together as a family. We don’t always have seven course meals, or always have the TV off, but we eat dinner together almost every single night.
The dinner table helps build our family. It is a place to reinforce manners, discuss the day’s events or goals of tomorrow and most importantly; it is where we build family memories. So many of our inside jokes have happen at the table. I could share a couple, but you just wouldn’t get them.
It was a small thing, but having the leaf in the table made last night’s dinner special. It was a milestone because expanding the table allowed us all to sit together, as a family.
I have been working too long with technology. As I consider deeper aspects of life, computer metaphors come to mind. I have been working with my own default settings.
What I really mean is our basic response to life. In coach talk it is like muscle memory for sports but for life it is those response we do without thinking. And honestly, most of the time those responses are negative. We get home from work and we want to relax but life challenges us with something and we become snippy. Or we see that person, a colleague or student, we just don’t get along with and we start thinking some negative thoughts about them. A default setting kicks in.
I am working on mine. To be honest, I am trying to make my default settings reflect love. Not the Care Bear, “let’s all hug” type, but the basic strong and understanding love that allows me to build strong bonds with people in this life.
As a parent I get to test this new setting out every night right now. My youngest daughter is getting out of her bed at least three times a night. She makes her way into our room, sometimes crying, sometimes silently until she asks for me. Any parent will agree this is one of the toughest parts of parenting. Being awaken when you are finally sleeping well. I have not always handled this well; especially on the third or fourth or firth time she finds her way to our room. My default setting has been negative.
But I am working on that. I breathe in, checking my attitude, and hold my little girl as she drinks some milk. I gently put her back into bed, cover her and check on her sister to see if she needs her blanket adjusted. In a few minutes I am back under the blankets, still hoping that that was the last trip of the night, but knowing that I didn’t snap at her, or infuse the situation with a negative vibe.
It is not easy resetting the default. Like a computer or iPad, you have to go into the settings and adjust things. But if you do spend that time making the adjustments, the computer or iPad ends up working so much better for you.
So it is in life. Spending time working on our default settings can make this day work so much better for us.
Last week I had a great opportunity to conduct a workshop with Central Community College professors.
My oldest son went to the driving range with me on Saturday and my second son was my caddy on my last round of golf.
My wife and I took our two little girls grocery shopping with us on Thursday and we took the three oldest kids back-to-school shopping on Friday.
Some days at work I spend the whole day on one project, and yes sometimes it feels like I am playing with a new toy.
What do all these examples have in common? Time.
The professors commented that they never got the time to actually work on things. Something I also hear from teachers at workshops.
As a dad and husband, nothing says “I love you” like spending time with family.
As I have mentioned before, my job gives me time to explore new tools to use in my classes or to show to other educators.
Time.
Time is used differently in school, especially high school. It is separated into chunks by the ringing of a bell. And every teacher has had that bell interrupt a great lesson.
Everyday life makes us feel frazzled at times. I can feel exhausted at the end of a day when I don’t actually get much done. The worst part is that my attitude can then affect the rest of the family in a negative way, and if I’m not careful it becomes a habit for the household.
Time.
Life takes time. Learning takes time. People need our time (especially those we care about the most). We all get 24 hours in a day. But do we use those hours for the best? Time for our students to think? Time to share a joke at the dinner table? Or to just sit with the person you love and watch the sky fade to night, happy with how you spent the time given to you?
I’ve been reading a few different books and one idea that has come through is that everyone is going through a struggle. It might be small or life changing but everyone we meet is dealing with something. And that struggle will change. So, I wanted to send a small message to you today. I’ll let the song speak for me.
On the fourth of July the three older kids had spent the previous night with their aunt and uncle. My wife and I had the two little ones and we met at a small community pool near the in-laws. It was a good afternoon. The pool allowed us to hold the little girls as we went down the curvy slide. Yep, I think we had to go down that slide at least a hundred times.
On the way out of town we stopped to get something to drink and a snack as we headed to the in-laws for the rest of the fourth of July. My wife and I still had the two little ones, so I ran in to get the stuff. My wife had asked for a Pepsi and something salty. I wandered around the trail mix and peanuts, and then saw on the bottom shelf of the chip sections, Funyuns. One bag left.
As I carried the stuff to her window she broke out in a huge smile. As we drove to the in-laws we all enjoyed the bag of Funyuns. The little girls would ask for “nother one Mom” as they chomped on the one in their hand. The airy onion-like rings were perfect.
Both my wife and I love Funyuns, but it is not a snack we buy often. It is such a different snack that we usually opt for something more traditional when we are shopping. Why? As I stood in the aisle looking at the bag I debated if I should grab them. Even though I knew my wife and I enjoy them, it was still a risk. But the risk was stepping out of the safety of a routine.
Funyuns themselves are just different. The taste is not quite onion. The texture is fun, and the shape is supposed to be round, but you never get too many perfect round ones. They are different. And that is good.
Life just gets into routines. We feel safe in that routine, and sometimes we sacrifice what we like for safety. Be it from ordering the same dish at a restaurant, to squelching that impulse to be spontaneous because we do not know the outcome. Ironically, we know we would enjoy a different dish. We feel that spontaneous desire for a reason. So, I challenge you today to go ahead and buy that bag of Funyuns. Because I bet you will be like my girls and you will want “nother one.”
For all the things I get wrong in this life as a dad, the one thing I think we do well is eat dinner together as a family. We don’t always have seven course meals, or always have the TV off, but we eat dinner together almost every single night.
It is all Connected 